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Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Punny, Very punny!

Bad animal puns

March : Lion? Lamb? or Grumpy Cat?

I came across this today. I enjoyed it and am passing this on to you. Check out his blog!

by Woofie, bananawolf.wordpress.com

What the heck happened to February?

Almost gone?

And really, not a major snow event?

Yes, we had that “pseudo tornado” on Saturday, and 70 degrees, but I can’t consider this a normal month, in Pennsylvania.

Oh, not that I am complaining.

But it just doesn’t seem quite right.

Usually, by now, I am ready for warm weather, flowers and March madness, but this year, I am confused.

The predictions for the East Coast this past winter: Temps about normal, but with frequent storms.



The coughing and sneezing in the office today was out of control

Is this a reflection on the topsy turvey weather we have had?

Do germs thrive in this environment?

Or do I work with a bunch of diseased people?


Anyway, I missed the Oscars last night.

Today, it’s the talk of the tabloids.

What a hoot.

But I really had not seen any of those films, so I watched Columbo and Murder She Wrote, instead.

March could be an awakening.

It is very unpredictable.

I think that is why I like it.

Besides, St Patty’s day is in March.

One of my favorite holidays.

So, we carry on, my wayward daughters and sons.

Tomorrow: the last day of February, 2017.

If we wake up to another day, let’s make the most of it.

Life is a mystery and a miracle.

While we are still here, let’s give it hell.

Live, love and laugh.



The Wizard's note. TG we don't get too many tornados here.

Brave Celebs Who Lived to Tell the Tales of Their Awkward Phases

Years before JT brought sexy back, he was warding off bullies who picked up on him, making jabs at his "terrible acne and weird hair." He recalls: "When you're a kid I think you try so hard to fit in and when you get older you realize that fitting in isn't really the thing that's more interesting … I would not be here if I would have listened to the kids who told me I was a terrible singer and I was a sissy … Be different."

read more at msn.com

COMMENTARY: The Truth About Trust

by Michael Josephson, WhatWillMatter.com

Everyone seems to understand the importance of trust. No one seems to doubt the vital role that it plays in personal relationships, business, and politics. We want to trust the people in our lives and we want them to trust us.

Trust is so hard to earn and so easy to lose. So why do so many trust seekers resort to short-sighted, seemingly instinctive, self-aggrandizing, or self-protective strategies that are bound to damage or destroy this precious asset?

Public figures are especially vulnerable, as there are battalions of self-serving finger-pointers and paid professionals who benefit from digging up dirt to dishonor them. Like the rest of us, it’s likely that these celebrities have done or been accused of doing things that, if made public, could damage their reputations.

Perhaps no group is more at risk than politicians who explicitly ask us to trust them. History has proven over and over again how futile and self-defeating it is for a person in the media’s cross hairs to try to protect an uncomfortable truth with a bodyguard of lies and obfuscations.

Herman Cain, an intelligent, dynamic man whose unexpected soaring popularity as candidate for the Republican presidential nomination was based largely on the image he projected as a straight-talker, is the most recent victim of this foolish strategy.

Instead of confronting directly and honestly the facts surrounding allegations of improper conduct, he discredited himself with unsustainable denials and unpersuasive verbal hair splitting.

However damaging the underlying allegations are, insincere, implausible and unbelievable claims and explanations only make things worse — much worse. When will politicians (and the rest of us) learn the simple maxim: When you are in a hole, stop digging?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that Character Counts.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Things You Didn't Know - That You Didn't Know

Just reward
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.

He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house......... and left it there all night.

Praise the Lord!
There was a preacher that was trying to sell his horse. A potential buyer comes to the church building for a test ride.

"Before you start" the preacher says," you should know that this horse only responds to church talk since he has always just been around me. "All you need to know is 2 commands. 'Go' is "Praise the Lord" and when you want him to 'Stop' say, "Amen."

So the man decides to buy the horse and is soon on his way. Once he gets on the horse, he says, "Praise the Lord," and the horse starts to trot.

The man thought this was just wonderful but after awhile he wanted to go a little faster. So once again, he says to the horse, "Praise the Lord," and the horse starts to really gallop now.

Suddenly there is a cliff right in front of the horse and the man yells out, "Amen!!!" The horse stops just at the edge of the cliff.

Whew!! The man wipes the sweat from his brow and says: "Praise the Lord!"

The advantage of age.
The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject.

After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies.

About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.

This time he received a response of eighty percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen minutes and repeated his question.

With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

"Miss. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Miss. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-three."

"Miss. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to ninety-three and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady teetered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: "It's easy. I just outlived them all!"

Swedish survival tip
Sven and Olie went hunting deep into the woods. The sun was setting when they suddenly realized they were lost.

Sven: "Olie! Vhat should ve do? Ve are lost!!"

Olie: "Sven, don't panic! I tink if ve shoot tree times into da air, someone vill come.

So they each shot three times into the air. After waiting an hour,

Sven said, "Olie! I don't tink it worked! Nobody has come to rescue us!"

Olie replied, "Sven, don't worry, ve vill try again. Shoot tree more times in da air." So they shot into the air again.

After another hour, Sven said, "Olie, I don't tink it's vorking! I tink ve vill die out here!"

Olie replied, "Sven, don't give up! Ve vill shoot in da air again, okay?" At which Sven replied, "Olie, I can't! I haf no more arrows!"

A woman's logic
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

Straight talk
Albert walks in to his doctor's office for his yearly physical exam as he has done the same time every year that the can remember. The doctor takes him through all of the motions, does the normal tests and then leaves to get the results. After about 15 minutes the doctor returns with a very sad look on his face.

"Well Doc, what kind of shape am I in this time?" Albert asks.

"Albert, I don't know what to say. The news is bad. Really bad." says the doctor.

"What is it Doc?" asks Albert. "I hate to have to give you such bad news. I can't find the words to tell you. I really don't know what to say."

Albert, being a strong man who appreciates straight talk, tells the doctor, "Ok, don't beat around the bush. Tell me what you know. I can take it".

"Well", says the doctor, "let me put it this way. I think that you should go to Arkansas and visit the hot springs there for a nice relaxing mud bath. Spend some time soaking in the mud."

"Oh, so I need to relax a little bit, eh? Will that cure me Doc?" asks Albert. "No Albert, it won't cure you. And it won't help you relax. But it will help you get used to being covered in dirt."

Ya gotta admit.... the little guy has cojones...

Ya gotta admit.... the little guy has cojones...
Click here to take "The Cajones Test!

My score = 40/100

My test score reveals that I've got major cojones when the situation calls for it - but at other times I prefer to play it safe. Perhaps there are certain things I will do, despite the risk involved, because they are important to I or the possible pay off makes them worth it. Or maybe certain consequences of such chancy behavior just don't scare me - we all have different fears. Some people, for example, are terrified of spiders but wouldn't hesitate to fling their bodies out of an air-borne plane. Whatever in my case, I carefully weigh the possible benefits against the risks before I make any hasty decisions.


I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4- year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you headache the next morning."

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn...and into the hole he gooooes."

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. Mama, look what I found", the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"








































Sunday, February 26, 2017

100% Real Space Facts

100% Real Space Facts

Toronto polar bear coming to Winnipeg

FACEBOOK / THE TORONTO ZOO  Juno the polar bear, as seen at the Toronto Zoo.
Juno the polar bear, as seen at the Toronto Zoo.
Juno, a 15-month-old female polar bear from the Toronto Zoo, is coming to Winnipeg's Assiniboine Park Zoo on March 1.

Juno will be coming to Winnipeg to socialize with other polar bears closer to her age and size.

Juno's arrival in Winnipeg will be like a visit from family; Juno is the younger sister of Hudson and Humphrey, who both lived in Assiniboine Park Zoo's Journey to Churchill exhibit before moving back to the Toronto Zoo last October. Both Hudson and Humphrey were born at the Toronto Zoo.

Juno was born at the Toronto Zoo on Nov. 11, 2015. She was the only survivor in a litter of two but was raised by zoo staff when her mother couldn’t produce milk.

Juno will be quarantined in Winnipeg for the standard 30 days and then live in the Leatherdale International Polar Bear Conservation Centre. She will eventually be introduced to Nanuq and Siku, two polar bear cubs already living there.

"We're excited because with the facility we have and the bears we have, we have the opportunity to provide Juno with some socialization with some bears her own age and similar size," said Johanna Soto, the Assiniboine Park Zoo's curator of animal care and behavioural husbandry.

"Because she was the only surviving cub in a litter of two, she was closely monitored and cared for by the Toronto staff in the early stages of her life and so didn't have that sibling. Being with our bears will help her learn how to communicate with bears, in body language and vocal signals."

Soto said interacting with other polar bears is important to their well-being to help give them the best possible life in captivity.

"What we have found with the bears we have now, and we've introduced different bears to each other, they really do appear to enjoy each other's company. We find that after the initial introduction, they give other signals while they're introducing themselves to each other, usually we find between 24 and 48 hours later, they're playing together."

Jeff Young, the supervisor of wildlife care — Americas at the Toronto Zoo, said Winnipeg was the perfect place for Juno because of Nanuq and Siku.

"We're just not in a position right now where we have a bear of comparable size to introduce her to and they (Assiniboine Park Zoo staff) have done numerous introductions with the bears they've received," Young said. "We're partners with them and we think it's a wonderful opportunity for Juno and Assiniboine (Zoo)."

--more at TheWinnipegFreePress.com

Earth Hour is just under a month away!

Earth Hour is just under a month away!

Earth Hour is just under a month away!

World's Fugliest Buildings...

From TheTelegraph

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...."
Aldar headquarters building in Abu Dhabi
Aldar headquarters building in Abu Dhabi.
Designed by MZ Architects and opened in 2010.
This coin-shaped building is the world's first circular skyscraper.
Click above to see them all at The Telegraph (The Wizard kinda likes this one.)

Saturday, February 25, 2017


1.. My partner and I broke up over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; --I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard --Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Let your smile change the world but don't let the world change your smile
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Longevity Test

This is pretty interesting. Watch the age prediction on the top left of the screen change as you answer the various questions.

How long do you think that you will live? I am gone at 69.

Click below:

The Longevity Test

My Lover, David Cassidy...

here is a link for a pdf of this story

The Wizard's note: RIP David. (This was written long before he died)

My Lover, David Cassidy...

Ah, David Cassidy.  My thoughts of him have again risen up in my mind. Here is my story. Before this story, I had not told anyone about David, except for my priest and my best friend. (Neither of those turned out well) and not my therapist from later in my life and certainly not my parents. No one else.
David Cassidy
I met David Cassidy in 1971. I was 9. He was 21 I think, but to me he was ageless. I found him so entirely good looking that I went to bed dreaming about him. Dreaming of when we would meet. Of when he'd be mine. And he was mine. One evening when I went to go to bed, he was there. He was in my bed. I joined him. It was amazing.

I collected Partridge Family collector cards, but truly fawned over ones featuring my David. I was afraid at school that someone would find out about my crush on David. Strange to note, that I was the only one with 1000's of Partridge Family collector cards. Everyone had hockey, football etc ones...
David Cassidy collector card
I mean, isn't he gorgeous???
It is true that I brought the cards to school in addition to some hockey cards... I mean I had to be prepared in case someone 'caught' me with my David Cassidy cards...

I didn't know that what I felt was a love for him, and if they found out others would pounce on that.
David Cassidy

And some did find out. Calling me a fag, a pussy, a girly boy, when they found out about David. I went home tormented by my love for David, again finding solace in my bed, David beside me. He liked to sleep on the right hand side of my bed. I didn't mind, as long as he was with me when I fell asleep and there again the following night.

When I was feeling exceptionally bad, David would look into my eyes and sing to me. My favourite song was "I think I love you"

I was sleeping and right in the middle of a good dream
Like all at once I wake up from something that keeps knocking at my brain
Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed screaming out the words I dread
I think I love you (I think I love you)

This morning I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to deal with and so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it to myself and never talk about it
And did not go and shout it when you walked into the room
I think I love you (I think I love you)

I think I love you so what am I so afraid of
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for

I think I love you isn't that what life is made of
Though it worries me to say that I never felt this way

I don't know what I'm up against
I don't know what it's all about
I got so much to think about

Hey, I think I love you so what am I so afraid of
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for

I think I love you isn't that what life is made of
Though it worries me to say I never felt this way

Believe me you really don't have to worry
I only wanna make you happy and if you say "hey go away" I will
But I think better still I'd better stay around and love you
Do you think I have a case let me ask you to your face
Do you think you love me?

I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you
I think I love you
and he was singing it to me!

Listening to David's heavenly voice, always would make me feel better. Coupled with the warmth of his body next to mine, I would usually fall asleep quickly. When I awoke in the morning, as usual, David was gone. He was still on my mind though. I could hear him playing the guitar and singing to me throughout most of the day. He helped me feel normal, he helped me feel better about my feelings towards other boys. He helped me be more comfortable with myself. While at the same time, my after telling my priest in the confessional, the priest was making me ashamed of those feelings. Penance and penance, no communion until I ceased with these feelings and David, and relieving myself, (Really was David doing that most nights!) So after Sunday mass, David and I would speak about why the church was wrong about it's stance on same-sex attraction. God made me. God makes no mistakes. I am not a mistake.

David sang to me on many occasions, the following song, "Could it be forever" was one of my favourites...

Could it be forever
Or is my mind just rambling on?
Touched you once, kissed you once
Now I feel like you're mine

Well, I feel like you're mine
And seeing your face
I'm not wrong to have these feelings
Well, I feel like you're mine
Never known a time before
That's had so many meanings

Could it be forever
Or am I just wasting time?
Don't think so 'cause you're lettin' me know
You make me feel like you're mine

Well, I feel like you're mine
And I can't remember when the feelings have been stronger
And all I know is I can't let go of you
I wanna be with you just a little while longer

All my feelings come together
All I fear is here
Never known when I felt better
'Cause I know this won't disappear

But could it be forever
Or is my mind just rambling on?
Maybe it is - If it is
I'll never leave you alone

Well, I feel like you're mine
And seeing your face
I'm not wrong to have these feelings
Well, I feel like you're mine
Never known a time before
That's had so many meanings

Feel like you're mine, feel like you're mine
Could it be forever?
Feel like you're mine, feel like you're mine
Could it be forever?

All I know's I want you so
Could it be forever?
Feel like you're mine, feel like you're mine
Could it be forever?

About 11 years old, my relationship with David changed. We became closer and closer. No longer was I satisfied with just holding him. I wanted more. One night, I took David's hand and put it on my lap. I felt his warm hand down there, and I felt a weird feeling as David slowly caressed me. I felt shivers. My body pulsed with a wonderful feeling and then I felt wet. I was embarrassed. David said not to be. I found myself longing for his touch. Almost every night, David brought me so much pleasure. He seemed to have 'the touch' so to speak. I started to experiment carefully with other boys my age (and with my best friend.... He used to peeve me when we'd have some fun together, then he wouldn't talk to me for days... I KNOW he liked it. We both did.)

I told my best friend about David when I was 12. He was like 10. In any case, He laughed at me when I told him about my nightly escapades with David. I told him details about what we did. indeed. What we did... He 'accidentally' told some of his friends. One of them had a brother in grade 12 at the collegiate. Not long after that, while I was walking one evening by my school, I was ambushed by 6 grade 12 guys. They pulled me into the field and knocked me to the ground and started kicking me. Each blow hurt more than the last. They kicked me over and over. Shouting at me, "Fucking faggot, your a faggot, a god damn queer! We should kill you!" (and many other names) It seemed to go on for ever. I zoned out and when I woke up, I had a bloody nose and hurt all over. I was missing a shoe. I slowly got up and saw it. I walked to it and everything hurt so much. I sat on a large boulder and caught my breath, and walked to my friend's house to get cleaned up. I had a small cut on my face and a bloody nose, but the bruises and scrapes were under my clothes, so that was good at least.

When I got home I went straight to my room. Still had tears in my eyes.... I hurt all over. David was sitting on my bed, smiling at me. I shouted "Get out! It's all your fault!" I heard my mother say "Are you alright?" I answered her, and said I was fine (I wasn't). David left. I went to bed, in my clothes, just in case Mom or Dad came in to check on me.  The morning after this, I could barely move and yet I still had to go to school. I wondered who knew what happened to me. Did they care? Would they kick the shit out of me too? I wanted to die. This was the first time that this thought entered my mind. It would come home to roost several more times in my life. Back then I didn't know anything about 'the closet', I just figured all guys do this, so why was I being singled out and tormented for it. I didn't sleep well at all for the next few days. Partially due to the pain from the giant bruises on my back and legs. Gawd it hurt. This was just one of several beatings I received in my early teens.

A few days later, David was again sitting on my bed. I apologised to him. David looked at me and beckoned me over. He hugged me as we sat on the end of the bed together. Seemed like a long time, but I am not sure how long it was. I had forgiven David, and he supported me. We returned to the routine of sleeping together. He was my solace for a few more years. I had made it through what I thought was the worst of the pain and torment -- keeping David and me secret. My friend asked me if 'David' was still at my place. I knew he didn't believe my story, and that he secretly wanted to make sure that I was back to being normal again, what ever that is. He later killed himself. I wonder if he was gay. He never told me and I would never find out.

So sad to say that he was the first of many of my 'partners' that would end their own lives. Was I responsible for that? Gawd, I hope not. So there were 3 of them no longer living. A 'good' record if you compare the number of partners I had vs those 3 who died by their own hand. This doesn't make me feel less guilty.

David stayed with me until I was 15. I wanted him back, my heart ached so. But he never did return and I actually never heard from him again. Funny how he didn't age. He looked like the same sensual and svelte man that he was when we first met.

By now you must be thinking that David wasn't really there, that he was in my imagination... Well truth be told, I had conversations with David. And they were two way. He spoke with me and I with him. He was not an imaginary friend, he was part of me. Without him, I am positive I would have killed myself. He helped me through quite a few bad days. The only thing I regretted about David, was he told me that 'He understanded', when I told of my many sexual partners I had during my early teens. If he would have gotten mad at me or called me a slut, I am not sure I would have been so promiscuous with the boys. But I don't think I would be different today if he had, as I was born this way.


Friday, February 24, 2017

Stupid Pick-Up Lines

If I could rearrange the alphabet... I'd bang you in the restroom
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.

2. (Lick finger and wipe on his shirt)... Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

3. Nice ass... what time does it open?

4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

7. I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Cocked Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

9. Wanna play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me.

10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

13. You might not be the best-looking guy here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

14. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

15. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

16. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

17. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Easy Bottom?

19. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

20. My name is Mark... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

21. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

22. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

23. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

24. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anywhere you want to.

25. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

26. If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

27. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?

28. Dude, I'm an American Express lover... you shouldn't go home without me.

29. Do you sleep on your stomach? No...? Can I ???

30. Do you wash your jeans in Windex? ...because I can see myself in them.

Two Stories to make you think - when you have a spare moment


Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic.

He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was his lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time. To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but also Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was also large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.

Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him. Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had the best of everything: clothes, cars and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no
object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong.

Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name and a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface" Capone, clean up his tarnished name and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified.

Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he would ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion and a poem clipped from a magazine.

The poem read:

The clock of life is wound but once
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop
At late or early hour.

Now is the only time you own.
Live, love, toil with a will.
Place no faith in time.
For the clock may soon be still.


World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.

One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold, a squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their way toward the American fleet.

The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger.

There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.

Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault.

He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly.

Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.

Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had in fact destroyed five enemy aircraft.

This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor. A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.

So the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's Memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.


Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son.

Beer Cannon game

...Original German sound track...

Just aim the beer canon towards the open mouths of the folks who stand and click the mouse.

Put the circle right on the mouths, and don't forget that German cows like beer too.

Have fun!

Click here to play

Click above to play!

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Refugees are welcome in Canada...

Refugees are welcome in Canada...click here to apply
Click above to apply

Best Ever Leadership Posters

Best Ever Leadership Posters
Click here to go to WhatWillMatter.com and get them

BEWARE: LEGO Batman movie promotes gay adoption

From Lifesite - Pro-family news

February 21, 2017 (LifeSiteNews) — Yesterday, I caught the new LEGO Batman movie and boy did it disappoint!

It was chock full of pro-gay propaganda. Think the sexual innuendo of the Flintstones minus the real humor. It seemed the creators were so anxious to subtly indoctrinate the little ones into the gender ideology that making it humorous came as a distant second thought.

I think Michael Hamilton over at PJ Media had it right when he summarized the movie with “orphan adoption by two dads, homoerotic attraction, and penis jokes.” He writes:

“Gender identity, gender roles, and gender neutrality are all over the story board like so many LEGOs,” he said. “These topics hide in plain sight, because they are the foundation. Few parents and fewer kids will question any of it, because there’s a way to interpret all of it as technically innocent. That’s what makes these messages subliminal (and potentially powerful). LEGO Batman makes them seem plain as vanilla and American as apple pie.”

Hamilton continues:

For example, two men adopting a son together sounds like a dream come true to Richard, the orphan Bruce Wayne adopts without telling him he’s Batman. That’s why, when Richard hesitates to board a bat vehicle without Bruce-Dad’s permission, Batman tells him he and Bruce-Dad share custody of him. Richard doesn’t need Bruce-Dad’s permission; he has Bat-Dads!

This solution thrills Richard, who unblinkingly climbs aboard (and later becomes Robin). The bubbly young man is tickled as he spells it out for viewers: Yesterday, he didn’t have a dad, and now he has two dads! Viewers may laugh, because they know it’s a farce: Bruce-Dad and Bat-Dad are one. Richard doesn’t learn the truth until the end, when Bat-Dad pulls off his mask to reveal Bruce-Dad’s face and tells Richard to call him “Dads.”

Funny, right?

The Wizard's take:

Funny? No. Real? Of course. To think that this film has any gay propaganda is plain ludicrous. The fact that Bruce has an alter-ego is straight from DC Comics. To make people think that if a child has 2 dad's, there is something immoral there. I would rather have 2 dad's as loving parents than live in a house with straight parents where there is no love. The fact that Bruce takes in Richard is a retelling of the original Batman concept. I can assure you there is no gay propaganda here. In fact, what is gay propaganda? I think you (the writer) thinks that any time same-sex anything enters the picture it's gay propaganda. Huffin puff! Pure crapaloza!

I can say pretty much that any time straight people are in a movie, adopting a child etc, then I can say, "That's heterosexual propaganda!". Ridiculous, right? Get with the new millennium! I call bullshit!

--The Wizard
Dick Grayson thanks Batman

Sarah's Cats Present:

Sarah's Cats Present: food makes cats sick

Alexander The Great

Alexander The Great
On his deathbed Alexander summoned his generals and told them his three ultimate wishes:

1. The best doctors should carry his coffin;
2. The wealth he had accumulated (money, gold, precious stones) should be scattered along the way to his burial;
3. His hands should be left hanging outside the coffin for all to see.

Surprised by these unusual requests, one of his generals asked Alexander to explain.

Here is what he said:

1. I want the best doctors to carry my coffin to demonstrate that in the face of death, even the best doctors in the world have no power to heal;
2. I want the road to be covered with my treasure so that everybody sees that the wealth acquired on earth, stays on earth.
3. I want my hands to swing in the wind so that people understand that we come to this world empty-handed and we leave empty-handed after the most precious treasure of all is exhausted - Time.

Time is our most precious treasure because it is limited. We can produce more wealth, but we cannot produce more time.
When we give someone our time, we actually give a portion of our life that we will never take back. Our time is our life!
The best present you can give your family and friends is your time.

May you have the wisdom to give it.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

How Well Do You Know Disney?

Do you recall the names of all Three Little Pigs?

Fiddler, Piper, and Practical are the three porcine brothers in Disney's 1933 animated short "The Three Little Pigs." Fiddler and Piper are named for their preferred instruments, and Practical is the pig with foresight and a bunch of bricks.

Cuckoo Clock

PoohCoo Clock
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the pinche cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh shit,", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."


Warning!!! Bathing suits could be a major contributor to drowning deaths! In fact, informal research shows that IN 99.99999% of drowning deaths, the victims were invariably wearing a bathing suits or some other equally inappropriate article of clothing! Where as people who feign the bathing suit, swimming naturally as God intended (so called skinny dippers) tended to tempt this ill fate of accidental drowning is virtually undocumented anywhere!

It is no great stretch of the imagination that people who risk the bathing suit also probably make many other equally stupid, life threatening further contributing to the loss of life. But the bathing suit, or some other articles of clothing alone or in combination seem to be the greatest common denominator among all drowning deaths, so be warned. With a government so avowed to serve and protect us from even out own stupidity such that almost no freedom remains sacred - this researcher is amazed that there is no government department nor program to save us from the peril of the bathing suit. No doubt the textile/fashion lobby is perhaps even more powerful that government itself and would do anything to thwart such an initiative. Yet any other product that accounts for or is so closely associated with so many deaths annually would immediately come under VERY strict scrutiny! At the very least, a WARNING Label for gosh sakes in EVERY bathing suits!!

"WARNING: Besides unsightly tan lines this product has (at the very least) been shown to be closely associated with drowning deaths!! Any attempt to try to swim in this thing could result in immediate death!"

At least, we need and deserve a Federal Law that prohibits 'swimming while impaired" by a bathing suit. Fine, if you want to wear one on the beach - BUT NOT IN THE WATER!

Pee for Two and Two for Pee...

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Building, Repairing and Burning Bridges

The quality of your life will be dramatically affected by the quality of your relationships.

“Some bridges need to be built; some should be repaired; some should be crossed. And some should be burned. Relationships are important, Save them when you can; leave them when you must.”
--Michael Josephson, WhatWillMatter.com

Iridescent Cube

Iridescent Cube - by Pi-Slices
by Pi-Slices (@phlp), ello

The Queen - Long to reign over us – Some of the best pictures of Queen Elizabeth II

various photos from around the internet
The Queen - Long to reign over us – Some of the best pictures of Queen Elizabeth II
The Queen - Long to reign over us – Some of the best pictures of Queen Elizabeth II
The Queen - Long to reign over us – Some of the best pictures of Queen Elizabeth II
The Queen - Long to reign over us – Some of the best pictures of Queen Elizabeth II
The Queen - Long to reign over us – Some of the best pictures of Queen Elizabeth II
The Queen - Long to reign over us – Some of the best pictures of Queen Elizabeth II

Earth Hour 60 - Coming soon to a city near you!

It's so very easy to take part. Join us at 8:30pm on 25 March to celebrate our amazing planet. It only takes an hour. Saturday March 25th, 2017 Learn more about Earth Hour 60+

It's so very easy to take part. Join us at 8:30pm on 25 March to celebrate our amazing planet. It only takes an hour. Saturday March 25th, 2017
Learn more about Earth Hour 60+ here

Monday, February 20, 2017


In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament. "Sir," she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters:

WW, WA , PP and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water.

When this stopped he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies room was more than a restroom.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button."

"The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

Road Rage


Down Arrow

Road Rage

Ever had one of these days?

Click here.

Dogs Don't Use PC's because...

Dog on a pc
Can't stick their heads out of Windows

Fetch command not available on all platforms

Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side

No way to "mark" every website they visit in the normal manner

Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail"

Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating

Involuntary tail wagging a giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com

Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee

Can't stand that stupid Chuckwagon Screen Saver

No emoticon that signifies tail-wagging

Waiting for the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb

Three words: "Carpal Paw Syndrome"

Cause dogs ain't Geeks! Now, cats, on the other hand...

Barking in next cube keeps activating voice recognition software

SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test

FTP connection signals sound too much like a doorbell

Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.masters.leg

Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms

Software "Bells" aren't bad, but the "Whistles" are distracting

Sunday, February 19, 2017


Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure ... go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = ... and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

I'm not yelling = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

Rose Coloured Glasses

So, you say I see the world through Rose coloured glasses?
Perhaps, I should look at it through Green.....
green for all the jealousy that occurs when people are envious of another's accomplishments.
Or maybe red.....yeah! Red.....
to see all the anger people have and express and hurt others with.
Or maybe Black.....
black so I can hide behind this colour and choose not to see at all.
No I think I'd like Yellow.....
yellow to amplify the sun's rays on the beauty that nature provides.
Or just maybe rose. I think rose is a nice colour.
like a child with rosey cheeks from the cool breath of winter,
or a baby with rosey cheeks who's just awakened from a long nap.
rose is a nice colour, it's simple.
And a rose is a most beautiful thing on this earth to see.
So why do you not look
through Rose Coloured Glasses?
Could it be you're afraid to see the
beauty of your world.

--Tina Thurston 1998.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Chinese Zodiac predictions for 2017

 click here to go to MSN
Click above to go to MSN

Quiz Me! - Marvellous Movies!

all about Movies
Answers are below. Grab yer pencils!

1. Not even an Oscar could be included in a list of things money can't buy: Whose Oscar, won for playing a glamorous Southern belle, sold in 1994 for more than $500,000?
Katharine Hepburn
Vivien Leigh
Renee Jones
Annette Funicello

#2. For which 2007 musical film did John Travolta get in touch with his feminine side, in order to play the voluptuous Edna Turnblad?
Moulin Rouge!
Saturday Night Fever

#3. What is a movie preview?
cartoon shown before a movie
another version of a movie
the making of a movie
trailer shown of a movie feature

#4. Which Ridley Scott film includes the memorable quote, 'Are you not entertained?', issued by the lead character to the baying crowd?
Kingdom of Heaven
American Gangster

#5. In the 1990 film 'Pretty Woman', Vivian (Julia Roberts) sends an item of food flying in an upmarket restaurant whilst exclaiming "slippery little suckers!" What is it she is eating and 'throws' at a nearby waiter?
L'escargot (snails)
Frog's legs

#6. In the 2012/13 release movie 'Lincoln', who plays Abe?
Hugh Grant
Nicolas Cage
Daniel Day-Lewis
Billy Bob Thornton

#7. What is the ursine named character portrayed by James Gandolfini in the film, "Get Shorty"?

#8. For what role did 80 year old Jessica Tandy receive a Best Actress Oscar?
Lydia Brenner in "The Birds"
Alma Finley in "Cocoon"
Daisy Werthan in "Driving Miss Daisy"
Beryl Peoples in "Nobody's Fool"

#9. The movie "Apocalypse Now" deals with the effects that war can have on people. However which war did the film's events cover?
American Civil War
World War 2
Vietnam War
World War 1

#10. In Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," which of the seven dwarfs wore glasses?



1. Not even an Oscar could be included in a list of things money can't buy: Whose Oscar, won for playing a glamorous Southern belle, sold in 1994 for more than $500,000?

Answer: Vivien Leigh
The Best Actress Oscar that Leigh won for playing Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone With The Wind" (1939) sold for $563,000 at Sotheby's in New York. She also won an Oscar for "A Streetcar Named Desire" (1951).

2. For which 2007 musical film did John Travolta get in touch with his feminine side, in order to play the voluptuous Edna Turnblad?

Answer: Hairspray
John Travolta donned a wig and a dress in order to play the role of Edna Turnblad, in the 2007 remake of the musical film, "Hairspray". The plot of the film revolves around Tracy Turnblad, an overweight high school student who dreams of dancing on "The Corny Collins Show". After catching the eye of Corny Collins himself, Tracy's dream of dancing on television comes true. There are, however, plenty of ups and downs for her to overcome along the way.

Although renowned for spending a great deal of time deliberating over film scripts, Travolta made his mind up about "Hairspray" pretty quickly. As he told the "New York Times", he didn't want "it to be 'John Travolta plays Edna.' That's not interesting. It had to be something" which he "could go all the way with, disappear in".

3. What is a movie preview?

Answer: trailer shown of a movie feature
Previews are usually shown before a movie is released. Previews are shown before other movies at the theater or on video rentals prior to the film release.

4. Which Ridley Scott film includes the memorable quote, 'Are you not entertained?', issued by the lead character to the baying crowd?

Answer: Gladiator
After putting a rival gladiator to the sword, a bitter and frustrated Maximus demands of the crowd, 'Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?'. In response, the fervent masses chant, 'Spaniard, Spaniard'.

5. In the 1990 film 'Pretty Woman', Vivian (Julia Roberts) sends an item of food flying in an upmarket restaurant whilst exclaiming "slippery little suckers!" What is it she is eating and 'throws' at a nearby waiter?

Answer: L'escargot (snails)
The waiter deftly replies that "it happens all the time" - unlikely! Vivian also proceeds to requesting ketchup with her meal and etiquette lessons in which cutlery to use, much to the amusement of her 'date', Edward (Richard Gere).

6. In the 2012/13 release movie 'Lincoln', who plays Abe?

Answer: Daniel Day-Lewis
Hugh Grant played the British PM in 'Love Actually'. Billy Bob Thornton played the visiting US President in the same film. Nicolas Cage had nothing to do with any of them, but he can do a serious role!

7. What is the ursine named character portrayed by James Gandolfini in the film, "Get Shorty"?

Answer: Bear
James Gandolfini sadly passed away on June 19th, 2013. He was a prolific actor in films and television. Gandolfini played the character of Bear in the film, "Get Shorty". However, he is more well known for his portrayal of the ruthless mobster, Tony Soprano.
Gandolfini's role as Bear in "Get Shorty" is not that much of a departure from his other gangster-related roles. Bear is both a stuntman and a reluctant gangster/enforcer, hence the character fit in well with the film's comedy/crime theme.

8. For what role did 80 year old Jessica Tandy receive a Best Actress Oscar?

Answer: Daisy Werthan in "Driving Miss Daisy"
Gregory Peck handed Miss Tandy her Oscar at the 62nd Academy Award Ceremony in 1990. Miss Tandy won for her role as Daisy Werthan in "Driving Miss Daisy". Her speech began with "I never expected in a million years that I would be in this position. It's a miracle."

9. The movie "Apocalypse Now" deals with the effects that war can have on people. However which war did the film's events cover?

Answer: Vietnam War
"Apocalypse Now" was released in 1979, and was directed by Francis Coppola. The lead hero was Martin Sheen as Captain Benjamin L Willard. During the Vietnam War, in the year 1969, he got assigned the top secret mission of terminating (which actually meant killing) the rogue Colonel Kurtz, by his superiors. Colonel Kurtz, played by Marlon Brando, had gone insane and had installed himself as the god of the natives in the jungles of the neighboring country of Cambodia. Colonel Kurtz was primarily guilty of the murder of four South Vietnamese Intelligence agents. The film shows us Captain Willard's triumph over Colonel Kurtz and also the gruesome realities of war along the way.
"Apocalypse Now" was nominated at the 52nd Academy Awards for Best Picture in 1980.
Also in 2001, Mr Francis Coppola released "Apocalypse Now Redux", which had an additional 49 minutes that were cut from the original film due to budgetary constraints.

10. In Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," which of the seven dwarfs wore glasses?

Answer: Doc
Voiced by Roy Atwell in the 1937 animated feature. Even though the Disney people describe him as "often losing his train of thought and bumbling around," Doc was the self-proclaimed leader of the seven Dwarfs.