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Sunday, January 23, 2022

Bob and Larry (and what the goat saw)

Once upon a time two guys, Bob and Larry, were walking through a forest and they came across this HUGE hole in the ground. They pondered the possibility of just how deep the hole might be. 

Bob said to Larry, “Larry, I bet we just need to throw a rock down in the hole and then we will know how deep it is.” So Bob threw a rock in the hole. They waited and waited, and never heard a blasted thing. Larry said, “Bob, we need a bigger rock!” 

So Larry went and found a bigger rock, it was almost as big as Bob. Larry hucked the rock in the hole and they waited. They waited some more, still not a blasted thing. Then Bob broke the silence by exclaiming, “We need something BIGGER!” 

He went walking through the forest and came back with an old railroad tie, hoisted it above his head and threw it in the hole. They waited and waited, then out of no where this goat came running through the forest. The goat was moving so fast Bob and Larry barely got a glimpse of it as it flew up in the air and jumped down the hole. 

Bob turned to Larry and said, “That is just about the strangest thing I’ve ever seen .” Bob and Larry sat and pondered the speed of the goat for a couple of minutes and then along came farmer Randy. Randy asked Bob and Larry (with a thick Montana accent), “Have y’all seen a goat around here?” Bob and Larry glanced at each other and then retold the story of the goat running through the forest and jumping into the hole. 

Randy, looking confused (as Montana ranchers named Randy usually are), responded (again with a thick Montana accent), “That couldn’t have been my goat… he was chained to a railroad tie.”



1. Do not run screaming from the room. This is rude.

2. If you must back away, do so slowly and with discretion.

3. Do not assume she/he is attracted to you.

4. Do not assume he/she is not attracted to you.

5. Do not assume that you are not attracted to her/him.

6. Do not expect him/her to be as excited about meeting a straight person as you may be about meeting a queer person.

7. Do not immediately start talking about your boy/girlfriend or husband/wife in order to make it clear that you are straight.

8. Do not ask them how they got that way. Instead, ask yourself how you got the way you are.

9. Do not assume they are dying to talk about being gay.

10. Do not expect them to refrain from talking about being gay.

11. Do not trivialize their experience by assuming it is a bedroom issue. They are gay twenty-four hours a day.

The Fart Button

 Press it. You know you want to!

Now isn't THAT annoying!

Saturday, January 22, 2022


I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truckload when I'm gone.


THESE ARE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One rose and a teddy bear

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,

But Only God keeps You Going! 

Talented Tongue


Talented Tongue

How to ship a hippo

You'll need:

1,000-gallon tank per hippo
1,000 gallons of water
1-pound sedative
Soothing hippo music
2 Aspirin (for you)

How to pack:

1. Fill your tank with 800 gallons of water. Start yesterday. Remember, a medium-sized hippo takes up at least 200 gallons. (Just out of curiosity, why do you have a hippo, anyway?)

2. Apply sedative. Take two Aspirin.

3. Hold it, hold it - put the hippo in the tank, first. Start with soothing hippo music, followed by a large winch and crane.

4. Now go relax in a hot bath before the forklift arrives.

WAIVER: We in no way advocate moving a hippo or any animal without the express advice and consent of your local vet or zoo keeper.

Friday, January 21, 2022

Cool Graffiti


Cool Graffitti

The Scratch and Sniff Web Page

Pretty cool! I don't know how it works, but it does!

Click here.

R.I.P. Louie Anderson (1953 - 2022)

Louie Anderson, known for his award-winning role in "Baskets," has died after being diagnosed with cancer. He was 68.

Louie Anderson

Anderson died at a hospital in Las Vegas of complications from cancer, said Glenn Schwartz, his longtime publicist. Anderson had a type of non-Hodgkins lymphoma, Schwartz said in a previous Tuesday statement.

Why would someone throw away a perfectly good horse?


Why would someone throw away a perfectly good horse?

R.I.P. Michael Lee Aday (Meat Loaf) (1947 - 2022)

Meat Loaf, the heavyweight rock superstar loved by millions for his “Bat Out of Hell” album and for such theatrical, dark-hearted anthems as “Paradise by the Dashboard Light,” “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad,” and “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That),” has died. He was 74.

Meat Loaf - Michael Lee Aday
Michael Lee Aday, better known as Meat Loaf, was an American singer and actor. He was noted for his powerful, wide-ranging voice and theatrical live shows. His Bat Out of Hell trilogy—Bat Out of Hell, Bat Out of Hell II: Back into Hell, and Bat Out of Hell III: The Monster Is Loose—has sold more than 65 million albums worldwide.

"Paradise By The Dashboard Light" - Meat Loaf

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Three parrots down the chute...

 Three Parrots down the chute...

Mother knows best


Dear Tide: 

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product! Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.Hefty Bags

Bank Robbery

I don't know if it's true or not but it's good for a laugh! This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2,1999: 

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING

Baby born with 28 year old sperm
Baby born with 28 year-old sperm

Wednesday, January 19, 2022

You Know your in SO-CAL* when...

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible. 

2. You make over $250,000 and still can't afford a house. 

3. You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English.  

4. Your child's 3rd grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, & is named Breeze.   

5. You can't remember...is pot illegal? 

6. You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. 

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian.

8. You also know which Brentwood restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

9. A really great parking space can move you to tears. 

10. A low speed pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast. 

11. Gas cost 75 cents per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. 

12. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice. 

13. A woman gets on the bus with live poultry. You don't even notice.  

14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney. 

15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. 

16. The gym is packed at 3 pm ....on a work day. 

17. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into BDSM, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag. 

18. It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH 99". 

19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class. 

20. Your paperboy has a two-picture deal. 

21. The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific nine-car Freeway pileup, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe laying on the shoulder. 

22. The weatherman talks about the weather in other parts of the country, as if we really care. 

23. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers. 

24. It's sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour or two early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. 

25. You AND your dog have therapists. 

*Southern California

A BLOND CALLS 911 ......

on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 

"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cries. 

The dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." 

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard," he says. "She got in the back seat by mistake."

Games for dumb blondes of either sex


Games for blondes

Games for blondes

Games for blondes

Games for blondes`

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Never tickle the Pillsbury Dough-Boy...

Never Tickle The Pillsbury Dough-Boy...

Click above, either works

Recently Unearthed E-Mail Reveals What Life Was Like In 1995

Found email

KNOXVILLE, TN—A 1995 e-mail extracted from the hard drive of a recently unearthed Compaq desktop PC offers a tantalizing glimpse into the day-to-day life of a primitive Internet society, said the archaeologists responsible for its discovery. 

"We're very excited by this find, because only by understanding our e-mail past can we hope to understand our e-mail present and future," said Northwestern University archaeology professor Lane Caspari, who has been leading the dig through the equipment storage area of a Knoxville-area credit union since late April, on Tuesday. 

"The discovery also sheds new light on the 1990s—an era we know very little about." Written by a "scully666@compuserve.com" and addressed to a "makincopeez@prodigy.net," the writer expresses the ancient equivalent of boredom, asks the receiver about his or her status in their primeval office environment, then refers to the act of sending the e-mail itself. 

"Nothing going on," begins the e-mail. "What's up with you? Are you going to Mike's b-day thing on Friday? I'm thinking about it. I might go, but I'm not sure yet." The e-mail continues, "Let me know if you get this e-mail twice. I'm still trying to learn the system. I think the managers know when we're on the Net, so I'll stay away from the web surfing and check my e-mail only once a day." 

The e-mail is signed only "K." It contains no subject line. "It shows that these forgotten people of the '90s had many of the same concerns as modern man, such as b-days, and slow periods at work," Caspari said. "The presence of the archaic slang verbalization 'what's up' appears to indicate that they cared about the immediate welfare of others in their closely knit community, much as we do today."


 Click here for Daffy-Nitions!

Click above for some Daffy-Nitions.

Sunday, January 16, 2022

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

 Mickey Mouse snickering

A farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home?"

"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

"Well, is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she went to town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Jeffrey? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Jeffrey getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”

The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Jeffrey." 


Did you hear about the brawl at the post office?

The stamps got licked by the postmaster. 


A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis.

The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.

The man said, "Cure it, I want to prolong it!"   


Three unwritten Rules for Life:


2. _______________________________



My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker.

Then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

Have you heard of the dyslexic cow who attained enlightenment?

It kept on repeating OOOOMMM!  


Somebody told me that echoes repeat everything back...

Where have I heard that before? 


I went to the doctor to see if he can help me to stop smoking .

He suggested that every time I felt like smoking I should reach for a chocolate bar.

It didn't work, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the chocolate bar to light. 


Mo: What were the best sporting events you’ve ever attended?

Joe: Well, years ago I went to an Indiana-Michigan basketball game. Indiana was coached by the iconic Bobby Knight.

Mo: Wow!

Joe: And recently, I went to an Ohio State-Michigan football game. Ohio State was coached by the up-and-coming Ryan Day.

Mo: Wow again! What were those games like?

Joe: They were like Knight and Day! 


A southern grandmother went with the family to visit Niagara falls.

She decided to order ten hot dogs from the restaurant for the extended family.

When her number was called she was given tea and a hot dog.

She told the lady that she had ordered ten hot dogs.

The lady said, that's what we gave you, tea and a hot dog.  


I never actually lose weight anymore.

Apparently, I just loan it out and it comes back with interest.

And lately, I have been getting great rates of return!