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Sunday, May 31, 2020

Rules to Enter Saskatchewan

Applies to each person as they enter Saskatchewan.

Learn &remember: West Coast and Ontario-types pay particular attention!

1. Pull your droopy pants up.
You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. They are cattle &oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Hwy #1 goes east and west, Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat pickerel. You really want sushi &caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and dill.
Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Vancouver call that stuff you eat... It AINT REAL STEW!! Stew was born and bred in Saskatchewan.... and real stew never met a zuchini!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. Curling and bowling is as important here as the Canuckss and the Senators, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Universities? Try University of Saskatchewan, University of Regina or SIAST. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. Percentage wise - We have more folks in the Army, Navy, and Air Force, than any other province, so "Don't Mess with Saskatchewan" If you do, it will get you whipped by the best.

17. Always remember what a great Prime Minister once said:

"Saskatchewan can make it without the Quebec, but Quebec can't make it without Saskatchewan."

Hear! Hear! For Saskatchewan!!!

Pretty Sneaky - The Border Crossing

The Border Crossing Click here

A Short movie. Click above.

Use 'Back' to return to 'OZ'

PRIDE FLAGS: A GUIDE

The Wizard is a "B"

The length of your pinky will tell you a lot about your personality. Reveal below:

You may not believe how the length of your pinky finger can describe your personality and what type of person you are. According to renowned palmists everywhere, the length of your pinky can actually show you the type of person you are and the personality traits you have. I am 'B'. What's yours and was it accurate? Be honest with yourself.

There are three main types of people, Type A, Type B, and Type C. Take a close look at your pinky, choose the type you are, and read on to find out more about your personality based on the length of your little finger!

Pinky shape A

– You have an incredible heart and are always ready to help those in need.
– You hate lies, dishonesty, and insincerity because it goes against everything you believe.
– You keep your feelings well and do not open strangers so easily.
– You are sometimes stronger and more open-minded than you really are. However, when you approach someone and trust them, you become much more open and expressive.
– Your eyes are very expressive and you wear your heart on the sleeve.
– You do not like stupid people and sometimes you can be strange and arrogant.
– You are a very hard worker and will always finish every task put upon you, even the ones that are boring and unfulfilling.

Pinky shape B
– You remain calm and collected in the midst of chaos and disorder.
– You do not easily approach new people. You are a little shy and reserved at first.
– Your soul is very subtle, although you don’t always show this.
– You are a devoted and faithful partner in your romantic relationships. You always give your loved one 100% of your love and devotion and think about them constantly.
– When you focus on something, you are always busy keeping it to the end.
– You are well-known for your ability to keep secrets. You’ll even be foolish if you know the truth to protect someone else’s feelings.
– You are very afraid of being hurt. You can pretend that you do not need anyone, but you still dream of finding your soulmate.

Pinky shape C
– You never hold grudges against those who have wronged you.
– You are often described as an easy-going person and get along well with everyone.
– You remain respectful of the opinions of others, even if you do not agree with them.
– You do not like any surprises. You feel very uncomfortable when you do not know what will happen.
– You try to keep your worries and problems as close to you as possible. This can disrupt your partner’s relationship because they often do not know what’s bothering you.
– You are a straight-shooter and like to tell it like it is. You don’t sugar-coat your words and prefer the company of those who do the same. You want to be around those you consider honest and authentic.
– You want to be with those who think you are honest and genuine.
– You have an ego that can be dominant and you can get angry quickly when you argue. However, you are also the first one to apologize after the discussion is over.

STAIRWAYS TO SOMEWHERE

by Loring G

(I climb these stairs nearly every day on my walks by the Elbow River.)

Stairways are human passageways from lower to upper levels. They enable us to climb to great elevations by taking a series of small steps. We can climb stairways to our upper chambers, to rooftops, to the top of towers, to the brilliant rotating beacons of lighthouses, and to viewpoints over magnificent vistas.

Stairways are a metaphor for our progress in life. We climb many types of staircases as we grow, mature, and develop. We set goals, then work to achieve them in our careers, relationships, and adventures. We dream and build castles in the sky, then climb upwards to inhabit them.

Just as we can climb up stairs, we can also go down. Down to cellars, into caves and mines, down from our bedrooms, and off rooftops when storms blow in. Descending can be good if it’s intentional and beneficial. But it can be bad if we fall, if we give up, or if we are pushed. It’s tragic when we get lost or stuck in the depths of darkness and find it difficult to climb upwards towards the glowing light. When possible, we need to find reasons and strength to get back up and keep climbing. When we can’t get up, let us call out, grasp the railings, reach out for candles and flashlights, reach out for caring hearts and helping hands. We can then climb together. With help from around us and above us, we can scale the stairways of our lives and reach the top.

This!

Saturday, May 30, 2020

HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU IN 5 LANGUAGES

English - I Love You

French - Je T'aime

Italian - Ti Amo

Chinese - Wo Ai Nin

Saskatchewan - Nice ass, get in the truck

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!

Maybe They're "Feeling Lucky"??

maybe they're feeling lucky?

"My Way" by Andre Rieu

A renowned Dutch violinist, conductor and composer and his orchestra did a tribute to Frank Sinatra with My Way, on his Stradivarius violin at Radio City Music Hall –

Hope you enjoy this lovely and moving piece of music. My partner and I saw him in ToonTown. Awesome talent!

Giggles, Gaffaws and Groaners...

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.


Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...



A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door. The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!".

"Of course I heard you", the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!"



One day a boy asked his grandpa "grandpa make a frog sound"

The grandfather asked why?

The boy said, "Grandma says when you croak we are going to Hawaii”

HYUK!

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."



The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."



Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire.

Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper."

Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said:

"First Question: Which tire was flat?"

HYUK!

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

Ships

Friday, May 29, 2020

The law of the wild - this sure puts humanity to shame !!

The Law Of The Wild says kill only when you are hungry

Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these amazing pictures on safari in Kenya's Masai Mara in October last year, said he was astounded by what he saw:

"These three brothers (cheetahs) have been living together since they left their mother at about 18 months old,' he said. 'On the morning we saw them, they seemed not to be hungry, walking quickly but stopping sometimes to play together. 'At one point, they met a group of impala who ran away. But one youngster was not quick enough and the brothers caught it easily'."

These extraordinary scenes followed.

Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these amazing pictures on safari in Kenya's Masai Mara
Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these amazing pictures on safari in Kenya's Masai Mara
Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these amazing pictures on safari in Kenya's Masai Mara
Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these amazing pictures on safari in Kenya's Masai Mara

and then they just walked away without hurting him..........

Funny break-ups (Expletives!)

The Car

Pissed Off

Lost Dog

Poor Scott Kelly

Roosevelt the border collie

Roosevelt the border collie has a new deal (on wheels...)

Roosevelt

Roosevelt

Roosevelt

Roosevelt

Roosevelt

Roosevelt

Roosevelt

Roosevelt

Roosevelt

Roosevelt

Roosevelt
*Thanks, Dwight

King of Spain!

Amazing Talent

Click above to view

Misophonia

Thursday, May 28, 2020

Cleaning Hunk

Cleaning Hunk

Click above

Grading Papers

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.




1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AN ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

Looking in

I was feeling a little nosey, so I thought I would look in on you and see if you are sitting at your computer...

Yup, there you are!


Have a Great Day!

Tick Warning

Reasons to take COVID-19 seriously

Let's say you woke up with a terrible cough, a fever, and severe body aches. Immediately, you rush to the doctor and unfortunately, you’re diagnosed with COVID-19. For the last two weeks, you’ve been unaware that you were infected and you’ve ignored "the rules." You've gotten together with some close friends for pizza, had a few people over, even visited a park and a beach. You figured, “I don’t feel sick. I have the right to keep living my normal life. No one can tell me what to do."

With your diagnosis, you spend the next few days at home on the couch, feeling pretty crappy; but then you’re well again because you’re young, healthy and strong. Lucky you. But your best friend caught it from you during a visit to your house, and because she didn't know she was contagious, she visited her 82-year-old grandfather, who uses oxygen tanks daily to help him breathe because he has COPD and heart failure. Now, he’s dead.

Your co-worker, who has asthma, caught it too, during your little pizza get-together. Now, he’s in the ICU, and he's spread it to a few others in his family, too--but they won't know that for another couple of weeks yet.

The cashier at the restaurant where you picked up the pizza carried the infection home to his wife, who has MS, which makes her immunosuppressed. She’s not as lucky as you, so she’s admitted to the hospital because she’s having trouble breathing. She may need to be placed in a medically-induced coma and intubated; she may not get to say goodbye to her loved ones. She may die surrounded by machines, with no family at her bedside.

All because you couldn't stand the inconvenience of a mask; of staying home; of changing your familiar routines for just a little while. Because you have the right, above all others rights, to continue living your normal life and no one, I mean no one, has the right to tell you what to do.

#SocialDistancing = It’s not about YOU!
#WearAMask = It's not about YOU!
#StayHome = It's not about YOU!
#GetTested = It's not about YOU!

Written by Anonymous.

The Plague

by Jessi Lee McCumbers, facebook