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Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Costly Irish Funeral

Paddy Died. His Will provided £40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Colleen turned to her oldest and dearest friend. "Ah well, Paddy would be pleased," she said.

"You're right," replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

"So go on, how much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Colleen.. "Forty thousand."

"Aw No!" Mary exclaimed, "I mean, it was very grand, but £40,000?!!!"

Colleen answered, "The funeral was £6,500. I donated £500 to church.

The whiskey, wine and snacks were another £500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."

Mary computed quickly.

"For the love of God Colleen, £32,500 for a Memorial Stone? How big is it?"

Big Ring!

The Fisherman

Bored?

2020 - The Apocalypse

Meanwhile in Canada

Relax, mom.

Relax. Just stay home. Except if you need to work. There's no childcare though. Why would you risk it? Don't worry about money, your health is more important than your groceries. You can defer mortgage payments. But you shouldn't because it's not a good financial choice. You should stay home, though. Unless you're essential, we need you to work. How could you put your kids at risk though? You should stay home. But keep paying your bills.

Relax. You can just order groceries. Except if you can't, then go out to get them. Not often though. Don't go out much. Except it takes 5 stores to find bread. Don't forget to wash everything you buy. Just eat what you have at home. But also use this time to do lots of cooking with new recipes. Don't overeat though, be healthy.

Relax. Take vitamins. Keep up the immune system with lots of vegetables. But you shouldn't go out for vegetables, just stock up on pantry and non perishables. Only the healthy ones though. It's okay, we are all stressed, treat yourself to some junk food. Not too much. You need to be healthy and fit in your jeans.

Relax. Get exercise, it will help. Drink more water. Just have a glass of wine. Go for walks. Take naps. Keep a schedule. Work from home. But spend more time with your kids. Use this time to get in shape. Don't stress over it though. Be easy on yourself. Accomplish something new.

Relax. Don't touch anything. Disinfect everything. Use this time to clean the house. Stop touching your face. Scrub every surface all day. Ensure your toddler practices social distancing. Don't worry them, though. Wash your hands for 20 seconds. And again. And now all the kids, too. And again. Why did you even bring them outside? Keep them home. Except you'll need food. Remember all those new recipes you have time to try.

Relax. Make sure your kids have a schedule. But don't worry, let them be kids. You can homeschool. You don't need to homeschool, you're trying too hard, they'll be fine if they don't learn. They still need to graduate this year though so make sure they keep up with school work. It will be fine, don't push them. Let them enjoy home life. Teach them life lessons. And common core. They'll remember the good times, so don't worry them and create positive memories.

Relax. Don't watch the news. Make sure you're informed. Keep off social media. Stay connected. Try and focus on the positive. But be sure you know how serious it is. Don't worry needlessly. Don't take it too lightly. Don't let the kids see your fear. Don't bottle things up.

Relax. Don't hoard. Do you have enough supplies for your family? What if they get sick, do you have medicine? What if you have to isolate, will you be able to feed the kids for two weeks? Don't worry about it, though, just focus on now. But be prepared, otherwise you're just being irresponsible.

Relax. Is that a cough? Does your kid feel hot? Is the tightness in your chest anxiety or the virus? Just breathe. But don't be irresponsible. Stay home if you feel sick. That's not sickness that's your fear. Don't let your kids outside. Don't leave them home if you go out. Give them fresh air. Keep them home.

Relax. Someone else has it worse. You can't complain. Learn meditation. Learn a new language. Learn to relax.

But not too much, because these are scary times.

It's easy.

It will be fine.

Relax.

Monday, March 30, 2020

History - someone's point of view...

Tinian Island, Pacific Ocean.

It's a small island, less than 40 square miles, a flat green dot in the vastness of Pacific blue.

Fly over it and you notice a slash across its north end of uninhabited bush, a long thin line that looks like an overgrown dirt runway. If you didn't know what it was, you wouldn't give it a second glance out your airplane window.

Tinian Island from a plane
Tinian Island from a plane

On the ground, you see the runway isn't dirt but tarmac and crushed limestone, abandoned with weeds sticking out of it. Yet this is arguably the most historical airstrip on earth. This is where World War II was won. This is Runway Able:

Runway Able

On July 24, 1944, 30,000 US Marines landed on the beaches of Tinian.... Eight days later, over 8,000 of the 8,800 Japanese soldiers on the island were dead (vs. 328 Marines), and four months later the Seabees had built the busiest airfield of WWII - dubbed North Field - enabling B-29 Superfortresses to launch air attacks on the Philippines, Okinawa, and mainland Japan.

Late in the afternoon of August 5, 1945, a B-29 was maneuvered over a bomb loading pit, then after lengthy preparations, taxied to the east end of North Field's main runway, Runway Able, and at 2:45am in the early morning darkness of August 6, took off.

The B-29 was piloted by Col. Paul Tibbets of the US Army Air Force, who had named the plane after his mother, Enola Gay. The crew named the bomb they were carrying Little Boy. 6 hours later at 8:15am, Japan time, the first atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima.

Three days later, in the pre-dawn hours of August 9, a B-29 named Bockscar (a pun on "boxcar" after its flight commander Capt. Fred Bock), piloted by Major Charles Sweeney took off from Runway Able. Finding its primary target of Kokura obscured by clouds, Sweeney proceeded to the secondary target of Nagasaki, over which, at 11:01am, bombardier Kermit Beahan released the atomic bomb dubbed Fat Man.

Here is "Atomic Bomb Pit #1" where Little Boy was loaded onto Enola Gay:

Atomic Bomb Pit #1

There are pictures displayed in the pit, now glass-enclosed. This one shows Little Boy being hoisted into Enola Gay's bomb bay.

Little Boy loaded into The Enola Gay

And here on the other side of ramp is "Atomic Bomb Pit #2" where Fat Man was loaded onto Bockscar.

Atomic Bomb Pit #2

Fat Man

The commemorative plaque records that 16 hours after the nuking of Nagasaki, "On August 10, 1945 at 0300, the Japanese Emperor, without his cabinet's consent, decided to end the Pacific War."

Take a good look at these pictures. This is where World War II ended with total victory of America over Japan. I was there all alone. There were no other visitors and no one lives anywhere near for miles. Visiting the Bomb Pits, walking along deserted Runway Able in solitude, was a moment of extraordinarily powerful solemnity.

It was a moment of deep reflection. Most people, when they think of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, reflect on the numbers of lives killed in the nuclear blasts - at least 70,000 and 50,000 respectively.


cliff on the nearby island of Saipan"Suicide cliff" on the nearby island of Saipan

Saipan is less than a mile north of Tinian.... The month before the Marines took Tinian, on June 15, 1944, 71,000 Marines landed on Saipan.... They faced 31,000 Japanese soldiers determined not to surrender.

Japan had colonized Saipan after World War I and turned the island into a giant sugar cane plantation. By the time of the Marine invasion, in addition to the 31,000 entrenched soldiers, some 25,000 Japanese settlers were living on Saipan, plus thousands more Okinawans, Koreans, and native islanders brutalized as slaves to cut the sugar cane.

There were also one or two thousand Korean "comfort women" (kanjiin Japanese), abducted young women from Japan's colony of Korea to service the Japanese soldiers as sex slaves. (See The Comfort Women: Japan's Brutal Regime of Enforced Prostitution in the Second World War, by George Hicks.)

Within a week of their landing, the Marines set up a civilian prisoner encampment that quickly attracted a couple thousand Japanese and others wanting US food and protection. When word of this reached Emperor Hirohito - who contrary to the myth was in full charge of the war- he became alarmed that radio interviews of the well-treated prisoners broadcast to Japan would subvert his people's will to fight.

As meticulously documented by historian Herbert Bix in "Hirohito and the Making of Modern Japan", the Emperor issued an order for all Japanese civilians on Saipan to commit suicide. The order included the promise that, although the civilians were of low caste, their suicide would grant them a status in heaven equal to those honored soldiers who died in combat for their Emperor.

And that is why the precipice in the picture above is known as Suicide Cliff, off which over 20,000 Japanese civilians jumped to their deaths to comply with their fascist emperor's desire - mothers flinging their babies off the cliff first or in their arms as they jumped.

Anyone reluctant or refused, such as the Okinawan or Korean slaves, were shoved off at gunpoint by the Japanese soldiers. Then the soldiers themselves proceeded to hurl themselves into the ocean to drown off a sea cliff afterwards called Banzai Cliff. Of the 31,000 Japanese soldiers on Saipan, the Marines killed 25,000, 5,000 jumped off Banzai Cliff, and only the remaining thousand were taken prisoners.

Map


Oh, yes...Guinness lists Saipan as having the best, most equitable, weather in the world. And the beaches? Well, take a look:

Beach on Saipan

Yay for Trump!

The Optimist Creed

The Optimist

Promise Yourself
To be SO STRONG that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something
in them.

To look at the
sunny side of everything and make your
optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to

expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the
GREATER ACHIEVEMENTS of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance AT ALL TIMES and give every living
creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have
NO TIME to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for
fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

5 Passengers

There's a plane with 5 passengers on board: Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Pope Francis, Angela Merkel, and a 10-year-old schoolboy.

The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Trump says: "I need one. I’m the smartest man in the world and am needed to make America great again." He takes one and jumps.

Johnson says, "I’m needed to sort out Britain." He takes one and jumps.

The Pope says, "I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church." He takes one and jumps.

Merkel says to the 10-year old boy: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting." The 10-year-old replies: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left. The smartest man in the world took my school bag.”'

Bill Gates is so wise.

Bill Gate’s beautifully articulated views ....
What is the Corona/ Covid-19 Virus Really Teaching us?

I’m a strong believer that there is a spiritual purpose behind everything that happens, whether that is what we perceive as being good or being bad.
As I meditate upon this, I want to share with you what I feel the Corona/ Covid-19 virus is really doing to us:

- It is reminding us that we are all equal, regardless of our culture, religion, occupation, financial situation or how famous we are. This disease treats us all equally, perhaps we should to. If you don’t believe me, just ask Tom Hanks.

- It is reminding us that we are all connected and something that affects one person has an effect on another. It is reminding us that the false borders that we have put up have little value as this virus does not need a passport. It is reminding us, by oppressing us for a short time, of those in this world whose whole life is spent in oppression.

- It is reminding us of how precious our health is and how we have moved to neglect it through eating nutrient poor manufactured food and drinking water that is contaminated with chemicals upon chemicals. If we don’t look after our health, we will, of course, get sick.

- It is reminding us of the shortness of life and of what is most important for us to do, which is to help each other, especially those who are old or sick. Our purpose is not to buy toilet roll.

- It is reminding us of how materialistic our society has become and how, when in times of difficulty, we remember that it’s the essentials that we need (food, water, medicine) as opposed to the luxuries that we sometimes unnecessarily give value to.

- It is reminding us of how important our family and home life is and how much we have neglected this. It is forcing us back into our houses so we can rebuild them into our home and to strengthen our family unit.

- It is reminding us that our true work is not our job, that is what we do, not what we were created to do.
Our true work is to look after each other, to protect each other and to be of benefit to one another.

- It is reminding us to keep our egos in check. It is reminding us that no matter how great we think we are or how great others think we are, a virus can bring our world to a standstill.

- It is reminding us that the power of freewill is in our hands. We can choose to cooperate and help each other, to share, to give, to help and to support each other or we can choose to be selfish, to hoard, to look after only our self. Indeed, it is difficulties that bring out our true colors.

- It is reminding us that we can be patient, or we can panic. We can either understand that this type of situation has happened many times before in history and will pass, or we can panic and see it as the end of the world and, consequently, cause ourselves more harm than good.

- It is reminding us that this can either be an end or a new beginning. This can be a time of reflection and understanding, where we learn from our mistakes, or it can be the start of a cycle which will continue until we finally learn the lesson we are meant to.

- It is reminding us that this Earth is sick. It is reminding us that we need to look at the rate of deforestation just as urgently as we look at the speed at which toilet rolls are disappearing off of shelves. We are sick because our home is sick.

- It is reminding us that after every difficulty, there is always ease. Life is cyclical, and this is just a phase in this great cycle. We do not need to panic; this too shall pass.

What hereas many see the Corona/ Covid-19 virus as a great disaster, I prefer to see it as a great corrector. It is sent to remind us of the important lessons that we seem to have forgotten and it is up to us if we will learn them or not.

Take care of your little family. All of a sudden I am seeing my kids again. We have time for each other

From The USA...

As the President has military vehicles to our border...
"I think I'll slip across the border illegally where the healthcare is worse and the President thinks people's lives are dispensable," said no Canadian ever! 

Sunday, March 29, 2020

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Floating around facebook...

Imagine if 10 years ago you were approached by a time traveler and he was like "look, I don't have much time to explain, all I can tell you is that the year 2020 is going to be an absolute circus. You know Donald Trump, the star of the apprentice? Well he's the president of the United States and at the beginning of 2020 he gets into a Twitter beef with Iran that almost starts world war 3.

Australia catches on fire and a woman tries to save it by selling pictures of her boobs. Kobe Bryant passes away in a helicopter crash. Half the world is devasted, the other half just makes messed up memes. A little time passes and just when the world starts recovering from the loss of Kobe some dude in China eats a raw bat and starts a global pandemic that specifically kills maw maw's and paw paws.

Everyone loses their minds. 40% of the population thinks it's the end of the world another 40% thinks it's all fake and 20% blames the whole thing on cell phone towers and Tom Hanks kids. The one thing everyone seems to agree on is that the only way to survive is by hoarding toilet paper. Grocery stores are ransacked and Charmin ultra soft essentially replaces the dollar as the United States official currency.

Eventually as hysteria grows, world governments are forced to shut the entire planet down and lock everyone in their houses and the only person that can keep the people from completely flipping out and starting a huge riot is a gun toting, mullet sporting, homosexual, Oklahoma man with a meth addiction and 180 pet tigers...

oh and Carol totally "killed her husband"

This is a Texting Scam. Do Not Click on the links!

Looks legit - but it is not!

Smile!! Could be worse...

In the age of Coronavirus, remember to practice Safe Sax!

The Blonde on the plane

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.

THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.

THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

Saturday, March 28, 2020

BEAUTIFUL FLORAL CARPET

This beautiful "carpet" is created every year in the Grand Palace in Brussels. It's made entirely with fresh flowers - begonias. What a breathtaking sight! Isn't it wonderful that there is so much beauty in this world and the computer enables all to enjoy it.

BRUSSELS IN BLOOM
Brussells in bloom

Brussells in bloom

Brussells in bloom
How's that for a flower garden??

How to decide whom to marry...

boy with cat

1.-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO G ET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8
(isn't she a treasure)

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the Favorite is...

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Wise Words

Be Wise

Be Wise!Inferiority

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

- Eleanor Roosevelt -

Be Wise!Stay safe in a thunderstorm

1. Be aware that lightning can follow electrical wires and phone lines.

2. If you can hear thunder, you are within striking distance.

3. If you are driving during a thunderstorm, you should stay in your car with the windows closed

4. You shouldn’t take a shower, wash dishes or do laundry.

5. If you are swimming or boating when a storm starts, head for shore immediately.

Be Wise!Cranking Down the Volume

Playing your tunes more softly during rush hour traffic might decrease your tension in the car. Cranking up the volume of your music may increase your tension while driving. A recent study showed that college students listening to three different amplitudes of music were more likely to have higher heart rates the higher the volume went and vice versa for lowering the volume. Hence, softly played music may sooth the savage beast during rush hour madness.


Be Wise!VALUE IS IN THE BELIEVING

Paper money, like virtue, has value only so long as people believe that it does.


Be Wise!Down And Up...Up And Down...

If you try to look down at people from up where you are.

They will look up at you and see nothing but someone going down!

- Julie Sullivan -

Be Wise!Nothing Is Everything

The fact that money isn’t everything is irrelevant, because nothing else is everything either, but money isn’t really a bad first step on the way towards everything.

KFC Love Gays (with John Goodman)

KFC's Colonel Sanders wants us to know that,
unlike Chick-Fil-A, he loves the gays.

Guess the movie*

*No answers provided, sorry! I'm doing this too!

I just can't cut this board...

It's staring at me!

Friday, March 27, 2020

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock

Who Wrote "Precious Lord?"

Did you know that Tommy Dorsey wrote this song? I surely didn't. What a wonderful story of how God CAN heal the brokenhearted! Beautiful, isn't it?

THE BIRTH OF THE HYMN "PRECIOUS LORD"

Back in 1932, I was a fairly new husband. My wife, Nettie and I were living in a little apartment on Chicago's south side. One hot August afternoon I had to go to St. Louis where I was to be the featured soloist at a large revival meeting. I didn't want to go; Nettie was in the last month of pregnancy with our first child, but a lot of people were expecting me in St. Louis. I kissed Nettie goodbye, clattered downstairs to our Model A and, in a fresh Lake Michigan breeze, chugged out of Chicago on Route 66.

However, outside the city, I discovered that in my anxiety at leaving, I had forgotten my music case. I wheeled around and headed back.

I found Nettie sleeping peacefully. I hesitated by her bed; something was strongly telling me to stay But eager to get on my way, and not wanting to disturb Nettie, I shrugged off the feeling and quietly slipped out of the room with my music.

The next night, in the steaming St. Louis heat, the crowd called on me to sing again and again. When I finally sat down, a messenger boy ran up with a Western Union Telegram. I ripped open the envelope.... Pasted on the yellow sheet were the words: YOUR WIFE JUST DIED.

People were happily singing and clapping around me, but I could hardly keep from crying out. I rushed to a phone and called home. All I could hear on the other end was "Nettie is dead Nettie is dead.'"

When I got back, I learned that Nettie had given birth to a boy. I swung between grief and joy. Yet that same night, the baby died. I buried Nettie and our little boy together, in the same casket. Then I fell apart. For days I closeted myself. I felt that God had done me an injustice. I didn't want to serve Him anymore or write gospel songs I just wanted to go back to that jazz world I once knew so well. But then, as I hunched alone in that dark apartment those first sad days, I thought back to the afternoon I went to St. Louis. Something kept telling me to stay with Nettie. Was that something God? Oh, if I had paid more attention to Him that day, I would have stayed and been with Nettie when she died.

From that moment on I vowed to listen more closely to Him. But still I was lost in grief. Everyone was kind to me, especially one friend. The following Saturday evening he took me up to Maloney's Poro College , a neighborhood music school. It was quiet; the late evening sun crept through the curtained windows.

I sat down at the piano, and my hands began to browse over the keys. Something happened to me then. I felt at peace. I felt as though I could reach out and touch God. I found myself playing a melody. Once in my head they just seemed to fall into place: 'Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on, let me stand, I am tired, I am weak, I am worn, through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light, take my hand, precious Lord, lead me home.'

The Lord gave me these words and melody, He also healed my spirit. I learned that when we are in our deepest grief, when we feel farthest from God, this is when He is closest, and when we are most open to His restoring power.

And so I go on living for God willingly and joyfully, until that day comes when He will take me and gently lead me home.

- - - -Tommy Dorsey

For those too young to know who he is, Tommy Dorsey was a well-known band leader in the 1930's and 40's.


Worth the reading, wasn't it? Think on the message for a while.

Thought you might like to share this. . . . . I just did.

Awesome - The Homerlator

The Homerlator

The Homosexual Zebra

The Homosexual Zebra The homosexual zebra is a brightly coloured rainbow tint. He can be seen roaming the Serengeti in search of a suitable same-sex mate. Zebra's mate for life but the homosexual zebra is sometimes the exception. This has to do with the prevailing laws in the coutry they reside in. You will see him courting his prospective mate in the late daylight hours, just before sunset. This is do to the innate want of not spending the night alone.

The courtship of the homosexual zebra is quite flamboyant: He will walk with a swish type gate - accentuating his colourful rump. He will swish his tail in a provocative manner. He will do a double take and see if his mark is checking him out. He will blink quickly - so the mark is aware of his interest and will bat his huge eyelashes at the mark.

He will lift his right front hoof and and tap it in such a way that the prospective can see and hear it - thus signifying a wanton need of sexual release. If the mark repeats the same moves - he is telling the aggressor that he is also interested in taking the courtship further.

The two zebras will now trot happily towards each other, and the pursuer will turn his brightly coloured backside to the other, and then will do an about face and immediately bite the other to show him that he is indeed the more powerful - thus determining what will transpire later in the sexual act itself.

If successful, the two homosexual zebra's will move to a well shaded, quiet area, where they can be alone. Homosexual zebra sex can be quite rough - often ending up with one or both requiring some downtime to rest - however, it is not unexpected that they will have some kind of sex, several times over the next several hours.

They will sleep beside each other until morning - at which time, the originator - will kick the other in the butt signifying the end of the encounter.

Homosexual zebra's rarely mate for life, they seem to prefer a "swinging" single lifestyle, with the excitement that that brings. This is in part that they are unable to be seen trotting in public together, without repercussion.

The homosexual zebra has been seen marching in Pride Parades in North America, but sadly, in it's homeland of the Serengeti, Homosexuals are still charged with a crime and thusly have driven the majority of homosexual zebra's to Hide their true colours, to evade detection.

It is my hope, that we will progress as a society that one day soon, the homosexual zebra and indeed, all zebras, homosexual and straight, will be able to peacefully co-exist together, free from the oppression that countries thrust upon them. After all, they are both striped, they both love, it's simply a question of who they love.

It's Official!

In Life there are always contingecies

Following is a story. “But at the end you must tell me what it means in the comments.” In life there are always contingencies. Please comment...

In the long ago time there was a beautiful Nubian woman. She not only was beautiful but she had the most incredible ruby robe and necklace. The other women of the village were very jealous of her beauty and talent. Since they made fun of her and refused to socialize many days she was lonely and sad. Friday all the women brought their clothes to the river to wash. As usual the others made fun of her and ignored her. This Friday something was different. Although she was not late she heard all the women laughing and splashing in the river.

When the beautiful Nubian woman reached the river the others turned to her and said, “Join us, join us for we are very sorry for treating you so mean.” “Please, Oh Please!” Wanting so much to be liked and accepted she readily took off her robe and jumped into the river. As she looked about she noticed none of the women wore their necklaces. So she asked,” What have you all done with your beautiful necklaces?” “Oh, they said, we came out early to the river and did a very solemn ceremony and offered our necklaces to the gods and goddess of the river. We asked for forgiveness for being mean.”

The young Nubian woman was so touched by this she too wanted to be part of the ceremony so she thought and said a beautiful prayer then threw her necklace into the river. As soon as the necklace sunk out of sight all the women began to splash her and shout, “Oh you stupid stupid girl. How could you believe that we would throw our beautiful necklaces into the river?” They splashed and covered her with mud as they laughed. The Nubian woman began to cry. All the other women climbed out of the river dug up the necklaces they had hidden in the river bed picked up their clothes and walked away.

The Nubian woman dived and dived into the river searching for her necklace, her face red with shame and hurt. As sunset came she was exhausted and did not care about her life any longer. She dove deep into the bottom of the river. The bottom was muddy and covered in slime. When her vision cleared she saw a hidious lump of a creature all covered with sores oozing pus and blood. A high pitched cackling voice came from the lump demanding, “Lick my sores.” The voice repeated the demand as the Nubian woman stood shaking with fright. Slowly the woman bent down and picked up the creature’s hand and began to lick the sore. As soon as she did this the creature transformed to the goddess of the river.

Thump Thump Thump the river bed shook, earth trembling and mud spun about blocking all vision. “Hide my child, I will protect you.” The Nubian woman hid beneath the robes of the goddess just in time. A huge ugly beast came up demanding to know where was the fresh blood he smelled. The goddess told him that a beautiful young woman had just swam down the river and if he moved quickly he could catch her, so off he went.

The young woman came out of hiding and the goddess told her she must leave immediately. As the young woman turned to leave the goddess of the river handed her an incredible necklace of pearls and diamonds. More beautiful than any she had ever seen. The young woman swam up to the top of the river and looked back to find a robe of the finest cloth. She put on the robe and picked up her basket of clothes.

Now as happens in stories time differs and for the people of the village a week had gone by and it was again Friday and the women were coming to the river to wash their clothes. They were shocked to see the young woman and then demanded to know where she got such a beautiful necklace and robe.

Being the honest, good and kind woman she was she pointed to the river and said the goddess of the river …. but before she could finish the women were diving into the water. She shouted BUT WAIT! BUT WAIT! only no one heard or listened.

As the women of the village reached the muddy bottom of the river they too saw the creature covered in sores oozing pus. The creature asked the women to “Lick her sores” but they cringed back, ooo no, yuck, disgusting and other derogatory declarations. They were so busy making fun of the creature and calling her names they did not hear the THUMP THUMP THUMP of the river bed as the demon came upon them and gobbled them up.

So now I shall ask all of you to tell me what your heard and what you think the story was about.

Thursday, March 26, 2020

Gay Singers

Not sure if this is interesting to you, I found it fascinating how many great singers happen to be gay (and out!)

Ivri Lider
Lance Bass
Ricky Martin
Clay Aiken
Adam Lambert
Boy George
Tom Goss
Jeffery Straker

to name a few.

Here is one of my favourites:


Ivri LiderIt’s [was] a big year for openly gay Israeli pop star Ivri Lider. His first U.S. single, "Jesse," was released, exposing the singer to an entirely new fanbase and the music video has been in constant rotation on Logo (AfterElton.com’s parent company) ever since. He also performed a song in The Bubble, for which the singer also composed the score. If that weren’t enough, he was also selected as one of Out Magazine’s "Out 100" last month.

Gay blog Hunk du Jour scored an interview with the singer, in which he talks a bit about his upcoming Hebrew and English language albums and his ongoing professional relationship with director Eytan Fox. The singer addresses the fairly liberal attitude towards LGBT people in his native country and how things have changed since he first publicly came out in 2002:

I can definitely say there has been a shift. I think famous people coming out is an extremely important thing that helps to change lots of peoples' views. It also helps a lot of young people who are dealing with their sexuality and the feelings of being isolated and alone in the world. With regard to Israel, or at least Tel Aviv, you could probably call it one of the gayest cities in the world. For most people here, it's just not an issue.

The singer has also apparently found love since the last time we mentioned him on this blog:

I have a boyfriend for over a year now. His name is Mike Phifer and we met in New York. He moved to Israel nine months ago and now we live together here in Tel Aviv. I suppose I want the same thing everyone else wants in a man, someone who's smart, kind, cuddly, and really great in bed.

It’s definitely nice to see someone who’s managed to find worldwide success while making no apologies for being an out and proud gay man. Here’s hoping that Lider’s success continues when his new albums drop later this year. A U.S. tour is planned to begin sometime in March, before the album’s release.

You can watch the video for "Jesse" below:



*AfterElton.com

Quotes of the Day


Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.
—Spanish proverb

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
— Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw), American humorist (1818-1885)

A promise made is a debt unpaid.
— Robert W. Service, American poet (1874-1958), in The Cremation of Sam McGee, 1907

We must not promise what we ought not, lest we be called on to perform what we cannot.
— Abraham Lincoln, 16th American president (1809-1865)

The truth is not always the same as the majority decision.
— Pope John Paul II (Karol Wojtyla), religious leader (b. 1920)

I have not observed mens honesty to increase with their riches.
— Thomas Jefferson, Founding Father and third U.S. president (1743-1826), in a letter to Jeremiah Moor, 1800

Honesty is not a policy, it is a state of mind.
— Eugene LHote, philosopher

Don't tell your friends their social faults; they will cure the fault and never forgive you.
— Logan Pearsall Smith, American writer (1865-1946)

Frankness invites frankness.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, public philosopher and poet (1803-1882)

An overdose of praise is like 10 lumps of sugar in coffee; only a very few people can swallow it.
— Emily Post, American etiquette authority and author (1873-1960)

The pursuit of truth will set you free — even if you never catch up with it.
— Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938)

Advertising is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.
— Edgar A. Shoaff

All advertising, whether it lies in the field of business or of politics, will carry success by continuity and regular uniformity of application.
— Adolf Hitler, dictator of Germany's Third Reich (1889-1945)

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, youve got it made.
— Jean Giraudoux, French dramatist (1882-1944)

Regardless of the moral issue, dishonesty in advertising has proved very unprofitable.
— Leo Burnett, American advertising pioneer (1891-1971)

When all else fails, tell the truth.
— Donald T. Regan, American business executive, Treasury Secretary, chief of staff for President Ronald Reagan (1918-2003)

A lie has speed, but truth has endurance.
— Edgar J. Mohn

If you add to the truth, you subtract from it.
— The Talmud

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth.
— Jewish proverb

Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.
— Elvis Presley, American rock 'n' roll icon (1935-1977)

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie — deliberate, contrived, and dishonest — but the myth — persistent, persuasive and realistic.
— John F. Kennedy, 20th-century American president (from the Yale Commencement address, 1962)

A belief is not true because it is useful.
— Henri Amiel, Swiss writer (1821-1881)

Believe nothing merely because you have been told it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings — that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.
— Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama), Indian philosopher and founder of Buddhism (c. 563-c. 483 B.C.)

*From The Josephson Institute of Ethics

Makes you feel pretty bright.....

I have been a Travel Agent for thirty Years. Here is why we're in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

2. I got a call from a candidate'sstaffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts."Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response....(click).

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!"

4. I got a call from a law maker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map."

5. An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.

Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked,"Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is very rude!"

After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!"

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa."Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and everytime they have accepted my American Express!"

12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, I told her "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said.

Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in!!

This Little Piggy...

Any hunters in your group? WHAT A PORKER!!!

The fellow in the pictures is Larry Earley, He lives about 30 miles from Orlando, in the very rural community near Okahumpka, just off the Florida turnpike in Lake County Florida. He has 20 acres of land and on it, a few cows and horses. Mostly it's pasture land that is fenced with woods surrounding him.


He is neighbored by a larger cattle ranch. His neighbor has complained for several years that wild hogs had been raiding his cattle feeders and salt licks. Last month he saw what he though was a cow in his pond and went to see if it was stuck in the mud and would have to be pulled out. When he got close enough to realize it was hog, the thing made a charge at him. He had driven his truck down to the pond and carries a pistol in it (as any Florida redneck would, and I say that with genuine affection). He got his handgun and when it came at him again, he shot it twice and killed it.

Wild hogs in Florida usually run from 100-400 pounds with a 400 pounder being a monster. Because this one had been feasting on grain for several years it had grown to mamoth size. When Bob took it to the processor it weighed in at over 1100 pounds!



The meat has no wild taste, as it was grain fed and the Larry is quite the hero. He has fed many fireman and provided the homeless shelter in downtown Orlando with a couple of meals.

*Wizard's note: True story

The Workout

The Doctor told me I should start an exercise program. Not wanting to harm this old body,
I've devised the following:

Beat around the bush
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper

Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make Mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head

Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Run around in circles

Toot my own horn
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire

Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge

Pick up the pieces.

Kneel in prayer
Bow my head in thanksgiving
Uplift my hands in praise
Hug someone and encourage them

What a Workout!!

Rest At Last!!