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Tuesday, December 31, 2019

New Year's Resolutions...

Happy New Year
My New Year Solutions – Anonymous

My New Year Solutions, Not Resolutions
This year I want to be a monkey
Jumping from tree to tree
Next year I can be a donkey
Braying from sky to sea.

Every year I want to change
And experience something new
I wish I am something strange
Like the disappearing dew.

I want to feel the life of a lion king
Sitting inside its majestic skin
Turning into a peacock I will sing
And be a cuckoopea Siamese twin

Why can’t I be a bubble?
Blow away and disappear
Instead of getting into trouble
Making resolutions every year.

New Year Resolution

Bugs Underneath
– Steve Turner

New Year Resolution
It was January the 1st
I turned over a new leaf
It was clean on the top side
But had bugs underneath.

On New Year’s Day
-Kenn Nesbitt

On New Year’s Day a year ago,
I started off the year
by making resolutions
that were probably severe.

I said I’d save my money,
as this seemed so very wise.
I vowed I would improve my health.
I swore I’d exercise.

I stated I would do my homework
every single day.
I’d brush my teeth religiously
to ward off tooth decay.

I’d eat my fruits and vegetables
and keep my bedroom clean.
I’d treat my sister kindly
though she’s often very mean.

My resolutions lasted me
about a half a day.
I promised I would keep them
but I broke them anyway.

So now I’m fat and penniless.
My homework’s overdue.
My sister’s mad. My teeth are bad.
My room is messy too.

And yet I think I may have found
the best of all solutions,
and this year I’ve resolved
to not make ANY resolutions.

Happy New Year from The Wizard of 'OZ'

What's new, pussycat?

but I wanted a mouse


Click on the picture. Larger in a new window, suitable for printing and distribution

Happy New Year!

New Year's Dinner 
As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.

Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.

"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."

Attainable New Year's Resolutions 
This year, I resolve to...

- Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

- Stop exercising. Waste of time.

- Read less. Makes you think.

- Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

- Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

- Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.

- Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.

- Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

- Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

- Not have eight children at once.

- Get in a whole NEW rut!

- Start being superstitious.

- Personal goal: bring back disco.

- Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings.

- Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.

- Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.

- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.

- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

- Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.

- Not eat cloned meat.

- Create loose ends.

- Get more toys.

- Get further in debt.

- Not believe politicians.

- Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

- Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.

- Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

- Stay off the International Space Station.

- Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.

- Associate with even worse business clients.

- Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.

- Wait around for opportunity.

- Focus on the faults of others.

- Mope about my faults.

- Never make New Year's resolutions again.


The Little New Year

by Ellen Robena Field

One cold morning Maurice awoke from his dreams and sat up in bed and listened. He thought he heard a knock at his window; but though the moon was shining brightly, Jack Frost had been so busily at work that Maurice could not see through the thickly painted panes. So he crept sleepily out of bed, and opened the window, and whispered: "Who is there?"

"I am," replied a tinkling voice. "I am the little New Year, ho! ho! And I've promised to bring a blessing to everyone. But I am such a little fellow I need somebody to help me distribute them. Won't you please come out and help?"

"Oh, it's so cold!" said Maurice; "I'd rather go back to my warm bed; " and he shivered as Jack Frost, who was passing, tickled him under the chin with one of the frosty paint brushes.

"Never mind the cold," urged the New Year; "please help me."

So Maurice hurried into his clothes, and was soon out in the yard. There he found a rosy-cheeked boy a little smaller than himself, pulling a large cart which seemed to be loaded with good things. On one side of this cart was painted the word "Love," and on the other "Kindness." As soon as the New Year saw Maurice he said, "Now please take hold and help me pull;" and down the driveway and up the hill they travelled until they came to an old shanty.

"Here is where I make my first call," said the New Year. Maurice looked wonderingly at him. "Why, nobody lives here but an old man who works for us; and he hasn't any children!" "He needs my help," said the New Year; "for grown people like to be thought of just as much as children do. You shovel out a path to his door, while I unload some of my blessings; and the little hands went busily at work, piling up warm clothing, wood, and a new year's dinner, the New Year singing as he worked:

"Oh, I am the little New Year; ho! ho! Here I come tripping it over the snow, Shaking my bells with a merry din; So open your door and let me in."

Old Joe, hearing some noise outside, came to the door, and when he saw all the nice gifts the tears ran down his cheeks for gladness; and as he carried them into the house, he whispered: "The dear Lord has been here tonight."

"Where am we going now?" asked Maurice, as they ran down the hill. "To take some flowers to a poor sick girl," answered the New Year.

Soon they came to a small white house, where the New Year stopped. "Why, Bessie lives here," said Maurice. "I didn't know she was sick." "See," said the New Year, "this window is open a little; let us throw this bunch of pinks into the room. They will please her when she wakes, and will make her happy for several days."

Then they hurried to other places, leaving some blessing behind them.

"What a wonderful cart you have," said Maurice; "though you have taken so much out, it never seems to get empty." "You are right, Maurice, there is never any end to love and kindness. As long as I find people to love and be kind to, my cart is full of blessings for them; and it will never grow empty until I can no longer find people to help. If you will go with me every day and help me scatter my blessings, you will see how happy you will be all the long year."

"A happy New Year!" called some one; and Maurice found himself in bed, and his sister standing in the doorway smiling at him. "Have you had a pleasant dream, dear?" she asked.

"Why, where is the little New Year?" said Maurice; "he was just here with me."

"Come into Mamma's room and see what he has brought you," answered his sister. There in a snowy white cradle he found a tiny baby brother, the gift of the New.Year. How happy Maurice was then! But he did not forget his dream. Old Joe and Bessie had their gifts, too, and Maurice tried so hard to be helpful that he made all his friends glad because the happy New Year had come.

Monday, December 30, 2019

Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied," Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.

If he can cash it, he can spend it."

"Address the ball? I can't even see the ball!"

Address the ball? I can't even see the ball!

The Law of Physics States it's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard. A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are. That's why I get so many calls to play with friends. A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse). It takes longer to learn good golf than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs, and fart if you are performing brain surgery.

World's Best Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased..... She did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many boyfriends, saved more money, had all the hot water to herself, never had pubic hairs under the toilet seat lid, She watched chick flicks, never had football on, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked good in sweat pants and shirt, and burped, swore, and farted all the time.


Twelve Reasons to Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

DuckMarriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

DuckI saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

DuckHow come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America?

DuckA good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

DuckI signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

DuckWhen I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

DuckDon't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

DuckWouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

DuckWhy is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

DuckWouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.

DuckWhy do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Looking Forward

May this new year find you
healthier and happier,
peaceful, content, satisfied,
looking forward
to fresh, revitalizing interests,
a variety of pleasures,
interesting new people,
material and personal successes
to make this new year
the best one yet.
Happy New Year!

By Joanna Fuchs

New Year's Resolutions for the Family Pet

•Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

•Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

•I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

•Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

•Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

•Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

•Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.

•Always scoot before licking.

•Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

•Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

•January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...

•I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

Sunday, December 29, 2019

Job Opportunity: How About an Exciting Career....?

Let's have no more naysaying about the lack of job opportunities!!!

Job Opportunity: How About an Exciting Career as a Professional Fart Smeller?


There are sooooo many ways to say it...

A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
Auditioning the hand puppet
Badgering the witness
Beating the fu*k out of your best friend
Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
Beating the snot outta Rotney
Beating the snotty end of my fu*k stick
Blueball baseball
Calling down for more Mayo
Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
Caping the crusader
Cheating on your other hand
Checking the plumbing
Choking the bald guy 'til he pukes
Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
Committing mass spermicide
Decongesting the weasel
Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
Evicting the testicular squatters
Firing the presidential staff
Fishing for zipper trout
Five-finger discount
Flogging your dumber brother
Foreplay with Fistina
Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
Freeing the hostages
Freeing Willy
Getting your palm red
Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter
Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
Giving the seamen shore leave
Giving yourself a helping hand
Giving yourself a low five
Having a play date with your little friend
Having a puppet show in your pants
Having a staff meeting
Hitchhiking under the Big Top
Launching the morning missile
Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
Making special sauce with frank and beans
Making the bald guy cry
Making the Cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
Making the llama spit
Manhandling your man-handle
Milking the bull
Million sperm march
My sex life! (Okay, that one's more sad than funny)
One-handed workout
Opening up a bottle of Squirt
Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
Playing the stand-up organ
Playing with Yoosef
Polishing the family jewels
Polishing the hot rod
Polishing the purple people pleaser
Practicing for the Big Game
Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
Rapid one arm pull-ups
Releasing the Olympic Doves
Riding the Great White Knuckler
Romancing the bone
Roughing the passer
Roughing up the suspect
Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
Running in single-user mode
Running off a batch by hand
Sanding the obelisk
Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
Shaking the hand of the self-employed
Shooting tadpoles at the moon
Shooting the pump action porridge gun
Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
Spackling the ceiling
Spending some quality time with yourself
Spilling my children on my belly
Spit-polishing the purple helmet
Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
Swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber
Taking little Elvis to Graceland
Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
Target practice with the yogurt gun
Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
Tenderizing the tube steak
Test-firing the meat missile
Testing the hand cream dispenser
Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
Tube sock tango
White-water wristing
Zygote spraying


Too bad it's true...

Can You Find Spongebob?






Scroll down to see the nude Santa!


For crying out loud! Act your age! There is no Santa!

Sometimes I just can’t believe you…

Santa's a Canadian

Saturday, December 28, 2019

I went to a party

I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming,
Mom Something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put "Mommy 's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had, I'd still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom

I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, "I love you, Mom!"

So I love you and good-bye.

Click here to go to the MADD homepage


A Christmas tree always has wood. Even small ones give satisfaction.

A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.

A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.

A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.

A Christmas tree has cute balls. (Ok, so some men do ;-)

A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.

You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.

You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.

Press Release: Christmas Downsizing for 2020

Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

1. The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

2. The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

3. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.

4. The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

5. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

6. The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

7. The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

8. As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

9. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

10. Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.

11. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

12. We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

Striptease in the Street..!!!

Brother Leo

An old legend tells of a French monastery that was well-known throughout Europe because of the extraordinary leadership of a man known only as Brother Leo.

Several monks began a pilgrimage to visit Brother Leo to learn from him. Almost immediately, the monks began to bicker as to who should do various chores. On the third day they met another monk who was also going to the monastery.

This monk never complained or shirked a duty. Whenever the others would fight over a chore, he would gracefully volunteer to do it himself. By the last day, the other monks were following his example, and everyone worked together smoothly.

When they reached the monastery and asked to see Brother Leo, the man who greeted them laughed. "But our brother is among you!" pointing to the fellow who had joined them late in the trip.

Today, many people seek leadership positions not so much for what they can do for others, but for what the position can do for them: status, connections, perks, or future advantages. As a result, they do service primarily as an investment, a way to build an impressive résumé.

The parable about Brother Leo teaches another model of leadership, where leaders are more preoccupied with serving than being followed, with giving than getting, with doing than demanding. It’s leadership based on example, not command. It’s called servant leadership.

Can you imagine how much better things would be if more politicians, educators, and business executives saw themselves as servant leaders?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

*Character Counts

New Years Eve One Liners

New Year's Resolutions
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

My New Years resolution is 1080p

I'm getting drunk just thinking about tomorrow night.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.

I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!

If 2019 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.

I'll remember 2019 like it was yesterday

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they'd get a Bloody Mary.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Years Eve. DIGNITY is not one of them.

I'm planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2020.

Just heard that in 2020 there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it’s called alcohol.

My New Years Resolution is to break my New Years Resolutions....That way I succeed at something!

Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn’t drinking enough of it.

I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.

There have been many times in 2019, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you....today I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2020!

The 'down low' on hormone levels

Friday, December 27, 2019

Whale or Mermaid?

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Do share if you care.

6 Ways Straight People Benefit From Gay Rights

by Josh A. Goodman, Counseling psychology Ph.D. student

Earlier this week I came across a critique of College Humor's popular "Gay Men Will Marry Your Girlfriends" video, which pointed out that the video reinforces stereotypes about gay men and straight men to make its point in favor of same-sex marriage. It's true: The clip portrays all gay men as bodybuilding, fashionable, Pinkberry-loving dancers, and all straight men as unsophisticated, out-of-touch slobs. For all its stereotyping shortcomings, though, College Humor's video has a point: Straight people benefit from gay rights. It's not a major reason to support LGBT rights (such rights stand on their own merits); it's just a fact. (But if it swayed somebody on the fence, though, I'd be OK with that.) Here are six reasons, based on facts, not stereotypes, that straight people will benefit from acceptance and equal rights for LGBT people:

1) LGBT people are your friends, family members, co-workers and neighbors.

Oppression hurts. Because of homophobic attitudes, which are supported through government discrimination, LGBT people are more likely than straight people to experience hate crimes, become depressed and commit suicide. That suffering doesn't just affect LGBT people themselves but touches everybody they know.

for 2 -6 click here.


dinosaurs don't put on the moves

Colo-rectal Surgeon Sing-a-long

Start by downloading the song by clicking here. It is a .wav file, so if it doesn't open your default music player, save it to your disk and then open it from there.
Start singing when the song starts!

We praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine

Respect the colorectal surgeon
It's a calling few would crave
Lift up your hands and join us
Let's all do the finger wave

When it comes to spreading joy
There are many techniques
Some spread joy to the world
And others just spread cheeks
Some may think the cardiologist
Is their best friend
But the colorectal surgeon knows...
He'll get you in the end!

Why the colorectal surgeon?
It's one of those mysterious things.
Is it because in that profession
There are always openings?

When I first met a colorectal surgeon
He did not quite understand;
I said, "Hey nice to meet you
But do you mind? We don't shake hands."

He sailed right through medical school
Because he was a whiz
Oh but he never thought of psychology
Though he read passages
A doctor he wanted to be
For golf he loved to play
But this is not quite what he meant...
By eighteen holes a day!

Praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving away in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don't shine!

*Been told it's by Bowser and Blue

A Totally Pawesome Manger scene

a totally pawesome manger scene
Totally Pawesome!

Bohemian Rhapsody on Boomwhackers!

Thursday, December 26, 2019

Ever seen a bird fish?

Chinese High Speed Trains

Chinese Railway System

Do we still doubt that China is heading towards becoming a Mega super power in a decade or two ?

The train speed is 350 km/hr


Snappy Answer...

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it. No other excuses whatsoever!"

Choke the chickenA smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."