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Saturday, April 30, 2005

17 Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See...

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.

Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

The proctologist called...they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have any film.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

If you can read this..I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!!

And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To See:

Welcome to Canada...now speak English, or French, or Scottish, or Ukrainian, or Hebrew, or German, or Dutch, or.. well... You get the picture...

*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Thursday, April 28, 2005



*Thanks, Rimsky

What those words in your performance review really mean...

What those words in your performance review really mean... *Thanks, Andy

God Bless George ..

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." 

George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George. 

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

*Thanks, Vil

Speedo - The next generation...

Speedo - The next generation...
Click on the picture for the larger version you can use as wallpaper.

*Thanks, Daryn

Churches in Las Vegas

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to process these offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks. Didn't see it comin' did ya?

*Thanks, Andy

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Burning Drugs

Burning Drugs - click here

Click above for funny clip. (wmv - ~512 KB)

Use your 'BACK' button to return to 'OZ'

*Thanks, Daryn

The Perfect Dog!

The perfect dog

Marriage is...

Marriage is... *Thanks, Andy!


The home of The Brave

Click above. Use your back button to return to 'OZ'

Fairy Tale

Fairy Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex with whomever she pleased....

she did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many boyfriends, saved more money, had all the hot water to herself, never had pubic hairs under the toilet seat lid, watched girlie movies, never had football on, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up your ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked good in sweat pants and shirt, and burped, swore, & farted all the time.


*Thanks, Andy!

One-Question IQ Test

Mute Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day...... There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself? Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer... Arrow Blind man He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses" If you got this wrong - please turn off your computer and call it a day. I've got mine shutting down right now.

*Thanks, Ken

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Quiz Me!

At the end of this, you are asked a question. Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it. Just say the first thing that pops into your mind.

This is kind of spooky!

Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one. You do not need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind. You'll be surprised. Handle each calculation separately...

How much is . .
15 + 6
3 + 56
89 + 2
12 + 53
75 + 2
25 + 52
63 + 32
I know! Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over..
Come on, one more..
123 + 5


MS Word - New Version

Word For Blondes

Little Johnny

Little Johnny and his classmates are supposed
to draw a picture on the board

James returned to his seat
the teacher called on Ernie next

Ernie returned to his seat
Now it was Suzy's turn

Suzy returned to her seat
Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board

Jerry returned to his seat
Kim was called to the board

Kim returned to her seat

About this time little Johnny began
waving his arm hysterically.
Little Johnny was well known for
being dirty-minded, so the
teacher was reluctant to
call on him for anything.
But as the teacher looked
at the picture on the chalkboard,
she thought that there was no
way that little Johnny could
possibly do anything to make
this picture dirty.

So she called on little Johnny, and he ran to the chalkboard...

Little Johnny had done it again!

How To Sell A Toothbrush

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!" Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

The Drunk, The Priest, and The Pope

A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of booze was sticking out of his coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked. "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

*Thanks, Daryn!

Stress Management

Just in case you're having a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended by one of the latest psychological texts. ...and it really works. 

1. Picture yourself near a stream. 

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. 

3. No one but you knows your secret place. 

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world." 

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 

6. The water is crystal clear. 

7. Even though your eyes are closed, you can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater. 

8. See, you're smiling already.

*Thanks, Daryn!

Monday, April 25, 2005

Evil Sesame Street

Evil Sesame Street

Weird, Wired News

Drunk broke into flat to cook pork chops A New York state man has been arrested for breaking into an apartment and cooking pork chops while drunk. The 37-year-old, of Glen Falls, New York state, has been charged with burglary and criminal mischief, reports the Post Star. The resident of the apartment came home in the early hours of the morning to find the man in his bathroom. Pork chops were cooking on the stove and a smoke alarm had been ripped down from the kitchen ceiling. The intruder had apparently lived in the apartment building in the past. The resident knew him, but only by his first name. Glens Falls Police Captain Kevin Conine said the man was drunk when officers arrived to arrest him. 

Drink driver blamed Shania Twain A drink driver escaped conviction in Canada because he believed Shania Twain was helping him to drive. Matt Brownlee was arrested after police spotted a pickup truck speeding along a busy street in downtown Ottawa. The 33-year-old told psychiatrists that he believed the country singer was helping him drive, reports CBC News. A judge ruled Brownlee was not criminally responsible because he suffers from delusions that female celebrities communicate with him telepathically. He could now be detained in hospital, released under supervision or given an absolute discharge. 

Smoking Is Bad for You Still More Reasons Not to Smoke, Beyond What the Surgeon General Told You: In February, the cigarette of a 46-year-old woman in Parkersburg, W.Va., accidentally set fire to her long hair, and she later died at the West Penn Burn Center in Pittsburgh, Pa. Also in February, Dennis Crouch, 53, who had earlier chased his wife with a knife during an argument in Daytona Beach, Fla., resisted police when they arrived, provoking one officer to fire her Taser, which struck a cigarette lighter in Crouch's shirt pocket, setting fire to his upper body. (His burns weren't serious.) 

Man dies after plummeting into large hole that opened beneath his home ALTA, California (AP) - It was like a scene from a horror film: A 27-year-old man plummeted into a gaping hole that suddenly opened beneath a house, trapping him beneath foundation rubble and killing him. Authorities say the home, built in the 1980s, may have been sitting atop a decades-old underground mine. Recent rains could have softened the ground under the home, in an isolated area near Lake Alta. "It's unbelievable," Placer County Sheriff's Department spokeswoman Dena Erwin said. "From the front of the house, it's absolutely normal. Then, in the middle of the house, is this enormous hole." The victim was awake and on the ground floor about 9:30 p.m. Friday when the concrete foundation near the kitchen gave way, sending him plunging into to the ground, Erwin said. Rescuers had trouble reaching him because the ground began to shift, creating an unsafe situation for work crews. Authorities returned to the home Sunday to try and remove the man's body, though geologists were still testing the house's soundness. The man's identity hadn't been positively established.

You Kicked My Dog


You Kicked My DOG!

Click above. Requires flash. Use your back button to return to 'OZ'

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Some Interesting Facts


 In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

Star In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?)

Star Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

Star The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than "going blind!")

Star There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world, that even comes close to this?)

Star In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

Star Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

Star In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the First time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

Star In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

Star In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

Star Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for this stuff?)

Star Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

Star The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue...(Hummm.... I won't touch THAT one!)

Star The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...? -- did the govt. pay for this research??)

Star Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez.)

Star Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that, too.)

And, the best for last.....

Star Turtles can breathe through their butts. (Do you think they have bad breath?)


*Thanks, Auntie 'M'

Very Punny!


A Marine Biologist discovered that he could prolong the life of dolphins almost indefinitely if they were fed on certain rare species of sea-gull. Naturally he decided to feed his own dolphins on this diet. Unfortunately, he began to run out of supplies from the coast and had to start obtaining his seagulls from an inland lake. This necessitated crossing a national park filled with sleeping lions. He carefully moved around the lions on tip-toe so as not to wake them ... However a park ranger came along and arrested him for transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises. 

The King's Pizza 

One day (just before Christmas, probably), Good King Wenceslas decided that he was fed up with the food at the palace, so he phoned up his local Italian restaurant for a takeaway pizza. "Certainly, your Majesty" says the Manager, "Would you like your usual"? "Yes please," replied the King, "same as always - deep pan, crisp and even" 

The Poor Shepherd

There once was a poor shepherd named Yorgi. The only food he had to sustain himself on was the milk he got from the sheep, and it tasted so bad that he could barely drink it. As a result, Yorgi became thin and sickly. One day, he met his friend Vladimir. Vladimir was a poor shepherd like himself, but he was hearty and healthy. Vladimir told him that he had to live on sheep's milk too, but he let him on a secret: a witch in a nearby village taught him a magic spell that makes sheep's milk taste as sweet as the richest cream. Yorgi begged Vladimir to teach him the spell, which his friend did willingly. Sure enough, Yorgi's sheep produced the most delicious milk he ever tasted. Yorgi loved it so much, that he drank it by the liter. He milked his sheep so much that they cried out in pain. Yorgi realized that he couldn't make his sheep suffer like that, so he reversed the spell and resigned himself to drinking normal sheep's milk. Now, there's no ewes crying over spelled milk. 

Revenge of the Kangaroos 

There are reports of a new problem in Australia. Some of the kangaroos have developed a thirst for revenge against the traffic that keeps knocking them down. Drivers have reported that they'll pass a herd of roos that are hopping along peacefully, but as soon as they've passed them, the roos suddenly change direction, and veer right towards the vehicle. The driver then has to drive as quickly as possible to escape the rampaging marsupials. Drivers are being urged to keep an eye on their veer-roo mirror at all times. 

Sherlock Holmes and the Mysterious Painting 

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were doing their usual investigative business one day, when they uncovered an amazing painting. At first glance, it looked like a picture of normal oak tree, in the middle of a wilderness, but if you looked closer, you could see that it was a very surreal painting: The tree's trunk was actually made of fire, and it's branches were made of ice, clouds and earth. "What is it?" asked Watson in awe. "It's an element tree, my dear Watson," said Holmes. 

Cheese on the Moon 

A group of astronauts are on the moon. They've been mining the surface, and have discovered that it really is made of cheese. One particular area of cheese that they're quite interested in is a large vein of brie, and they've already been there twice, and collected samples to be returned to mission control. All of a sudden, the radio crackles into life: "Mission control to cheese-base-one - we need you to get a third load of that brie!" But the astronauts are unhappy with the idea. They try to come up with all sorts of excuses why they shouldn't dig any more... "It'll spoil the environment if we take too much. We don't want to leave this place looking bad. "After all - have you ever seen such a site in your life as brie mined thrice?" 

And now 10 Short ones: 

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. 

3. Two Inuit sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. 

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."  

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication. 

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." 

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal. 

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. 

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him -- oh, man, this is so bad, it's good -- a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. 



Basketball Star

Kotex Classic

Click above for this heartwarming story! (wmv - ~3.1MB)

Use your 'BACK' button to return to 'OZ'

*Thanks, Dad!

Dancing Jesus


The Missing Joke from McDonald's Junior Chicken Sandwich commercial

"Have you heard the one about the chicken and the walrus?" 

"Un-huh." (Pause) "You gonna tell me?" 

"No. It's not that funny." 

Q: What do you think a cross between a chicken and a walrus would look like? A: I don't know, but I bet it tastes like chicken. Mc Walrus (Does that mean that it's really a McWalrus?)

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Heart Attack!

You are invited!

This is a PowerPoint presentation. Click on the heart.

If you don't have PowerPoint, you can download the free viewer here.

Purple Haze

Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things just don’t seem the same
Actin’ funny, but I don’t know why
’scuse me while I kiss the sky
Purple haze all around
Don’t know if I’m comin’ up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
What ever it is, that girl put a spell on me
Help me
Help me
Oh, no, no

Purple Haze

Izzat U-G-L-Y? Or izzit jes me?

On This Day

April 23

0303 - Perseus was arrested, tortured, and put to death.

1348 - The first English order of knighthood was founded. It was the Order of the Garter.

1500 - Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal.

1521 - The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain.

1759 - The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the Antilies from France.

1789 - U.S. President George Washington moved into Franklin House, New York. It was the first executive mansion.

1789 - "Courier De Boston" was published for the first time. It was the first Roman Catholic magazine in the U.S.

1826 - Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces.

1861 - Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith.

1872 - Charlotte E. Ray became the first black woman lawyer.

1895 - Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the Liaodong peninsula to China.

1896 - The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen was demonstrated in New York City.

1900 - The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill-Billie".

1908 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt signed an act creating the U.S. Army Reserve.

1915 - The A.C.A. became the National Advisory Council on Aeronautics (NACA).

1920 - The Turkish Grand National Assembly had its first meeting in Ankara.

1921 - Charles Paddock set a record time in the 300-meter track event when he posted a time of 33.2 seconds.

1924 - The U.S. Senate passed the Soldiers Bonus Bill.

1940 - About 200 people died in a dance-hall fire in Natchez, MS.

1945 - The Soviet Army fought its way into Berlin.

1948 - Johnny Longden became the first race jockey to ride 3,000 career winners.

1950 - Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to Mao and the communists.

1951 - The Associated Press began use of the new service of teletype setting.

1954 - Hank Aaron of the Milwaukee Braves hit his first major-league home run on this day.

1963 - Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds got his first hit in the major leagues.

1964 - Ken Johnson of the Houston Astros threw the first no-hitter for a loss. The game was lost 1-0 to the Cincinnati Reds due to two errors.

1967 - The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia.

1968 - The Methodist Church and the Evangelical United Brethren Church merged to form the United Methodist Church.

1969 - Sirhan Sirhan was sentenced to death for killing U.S. Senator Robert Kennedy. The sentence was later reduced to life in prison.

1971 - The Soyuz 10 was launched.

1985 - The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing its 99-year-old secret formula. New Coke was not successful, which resulted in the resumption of selling the original version.

1985 - The U.S. House rejected $14 million in aid to Nicaragua.

1987 - An apartment complex being built in Bridgeport, Connecticut collapsed. 28 construction workers were killed.

1988 - A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on flights that were under two hours.

1988 - Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus".

1989 - It was reported that 277 had been killed in the most recent rebel attack in Afghanistan.

1989 - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar played his last regular season game in the NBA.

1996 - A New York civil-court jury ordered Bernhard Goetz to pay $43 million to Darrell Cabey. Cabey was paralyzed when he was shot in subway car in 1984.

1996 - An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City.

1997 - An infertility doctor in California announced that a 63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman to give birth.

1998 - James Earl Ray died, at age 70, while serving a life sentence for the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray had confessed to the crime and then later insisted he had been framed.

1999 - In Washington, DC, the heads of state and government of the 19 NATO nations celebrated the organization's 50th anniversary.

2003 - U.S. President Bush signed legislation that authorized the design change of the 5-cent coin (nickel) for release in 2004. It was the first change to the coin in 65 years. The change, to commemorate the 200th annivesary of the Louisiana Purchase, was planned to run for only two years before returning to the previous design.

Parking Solution

Parkade in Germany... German Parkade German Parkade Just make sure your schedule is not the same as the other 500 users!

*Thanks, Ken

A Cheap Bar!!!!

Four retired guys, two from Manitoba and two from Alberta are walking down a street in Phoenix. They turn a corner and see a sign that says,  "Old Timer's Bar" "ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!"

They look at each other, and then go in. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you. What'll it be, Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the 4 men each asked for a martini.

In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." They can't believe their good luck. 

They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis and order another round. 

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. 

They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. 

Finally one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?" 

"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime: wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

"Wow!! That's quite a story," says one of the men. 

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. 

One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're seniors from Saskatchewan. They're waiting for happy hour."

Friday, April 22, 2005

Camilla Queen

Some Interesting Facts

Did you know ..........

Stars It is impossible to lick your elbow.

Stars A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.

Stars A shrimp's heart is in their head.

Stars People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heartstops for a mili-second.

Stars In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones).

Stars It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

Stars A pregnant goldfish is called a twit

Stars Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pastaswastikas.

Stars In average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.

Stars More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Stars Rats and horses can't vomit.

Stars The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

Stars If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. if you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

Stars Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

Stars Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

Stars If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

Stars In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

Stars The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Stars Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

Stars A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Stars 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

Stars In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.

Stars Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Stars Cat's urine glows under a black-light.

Stars Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Stars Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.