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Thursday, September 30, 2021

Bimbo - Jim Reeves (1953)

BIMBO ~ Jim Reeves  (1953)  Abbott #148 - (1957) RCA - Victor Lp # - 

"Bimbo" was originally recorded in 1953 on Abbott #148, this recording, however,  was taken from a 1957 Jim Reeves album and is most likely, just a re-release of the original 1953 recording.

How to offend four groups of geeks with one photo

 

How to offend four groups of geeks with one photo

LAW & ORDER RETURNS!

#LawAndOrder #LawAndOrderSeason21 #LawAndOrderRevival

Quotes by Neil Pert

Words Of Wisdom

Neil Pert

Rush drummer Neil Peart was more than a beast behind the kit. He was also a voracious reader and a prolific writer. He’s the author of seven non-fiction books which were mostly about his travels on the road and he collaborated with science fiction author Kevin J. Anderson for his fiction works which included a novelization of the band’s 2012 album Clockwork Angels.

Here are some of Neil Peart’s most unforgettable quotes about life:


10. “Excitement is found along the road, not at the end.”

9. “Adventures suck when you’re having them.”

8. “From the point of ignition. To the final drive. The point of the journey is not to arrive.”

7. “The measure of a life is a measure of love and respect, so hard to earn so easily burned.”

6. “With people, too, you constantly think, ‘If I’m nice to people and treat them well, they’ll appreciate it and behave better.’ They won’t, but it’s still not a bad way to live.”

5. “Without knowing it, I had identified a subtle but important part of the healing process. There would be no peace for me, no life for me, until I learned to forgive life for what it had done to me, forgive others for still being alive, and eventually, forgive myself for being alive.”

4. “Quick to judge, quick to anger, slow to understand. Ignorance and prejudice and fear walk hand in hand.”

3. “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”

2. “The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”

1. “We’re only immortal for a limited time.”

National Day for Truth and Reconciliation

National Day for Truth and Reconciliation

September 30, 2021 marks the first National Day for Truth and Reconciliation.

The day honours the lost children and Survivors of residential schools, their families and communities. Public commemoration of the tragic and painful history and ongoing impacts of residential schools is a vital component of the reconciliation process.

Both the National Day for Truth and Reconciliation and Orange Shirt Day take place on September 30.

Orange Shirt Day is an Indigenous-led grassroots commemorative day that honours the children who survived residential schools and remembers those who did not. This day relates to the experience of Phyllis Webstad, a Northern Secwepemc (Shuswap) from the Stswecem'c Xgat'tem First Nation, on her first day of school, where she arrived dressed in a new orange shirt, which was taken from her. It is now a symbol of the stripping away of culture, freedom and self-esteem experienced by Indigenous children over generations.

On September 30, we encourage all Canadians to wear orange to raise awareness of the very tragic legacy of residential schools, and to honour the thousands of Survivors.

Click here for more information.

The Wizard wearing an orange shirt to support National Day for Truth and Reconciliation Day

 A rare photo of The Wizard of 'OZ'

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

R.I.P. Tommy Kirk (1941 - 2021)

Tommy Kirk

Tommy Kirk, the child actor of Old Yeller and The Shaggy Dog, has died. He was 79.

His death was announced by his friend and child actor Paul Petersen on Facebook where he wrote, "TOMMY KIRK 9/28/2021."

"My friend of many decades, Tommy Kirk, was found dead last night.  You will surely recall his string of Disney movies; 'Shaggy Dog. Ol' Yeller,' etc.," Petersen wrote. "Tommy was intensely private.  He lived alone in Las Vegas, close to his friend…and 'Ol Yeller' co-star, Bev Washburn…and it was she who called me this morning."

Tommy Kirk (Old Yeller)

Perfection Exists!

 

Perfection exists!

Perfection exists!

Perfection exists!

Perfection exists!

Perfection exists!

Perfection exists!

A Lifetime Gamer

 

A Lifetime Gamer
It can become an addiction - like alcohol

Bullying...

 

Bullying...

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Electile Dysfunction

 

Electile Dysfunction

Haha! - The Smart car

Is it just me or is it humorous and funny watching people drive these Smart cars around?

Adam Driver in a Smart car in the film, "The Dead Don't Die"

This is a still scene from The Dead Don't Die, and that's Adam Driver in the car. Could be that its so funny having Kylo Ren zooming around in a Smart car? (Adam Driver is so tall and I think he looks quite comical in this car)

The Eye of God - Hubble

 This photo is a very rare one, taken by NASA. This kind of event occurs once in 3000 years.


The Eye of GOD
This is a picture NASA took in  2006 with the Hubble telescope. It is called "The Eye of God".

Monday, September 27, 2021

The Space Shuttle Throughout History

NASA's shuttle program was marked by stunning developments and devastating loss. With its current fleet retired, here is a look back at some of the more notable missions.


1981 -- Columbia
Columbia

Columbia becomes the first shuttle to go into orbit, launching on April 12, 1981, for a two-day mission.

The objective of the mission is to "demonstrate safe launch into orbit and safe return of the orbiter and crew," says a summary of the flight on NASA's website. It is also used to "verify the combined performance of the entire shuttle vehicle - orbiter, solid rocket boosters and external tank."


All systems test successfully, NASA says.

The second shuttle mission occurs seven months later.


1984 - Challenger
Garneau

Canadian Astronaut Marc Garneau became the first Canadian in space when he flies aboard the space shuttle Challenger in 1984.

1986 -- Challenger
Challenger

On Jan. 28, 1986, many gather around their TV sets to watch the launch of Challenger. Aboard is the first teacher to go into space, Christa McAuliffe.

Just 73 seconds after liftoff, a series of structures fail on the shuttle, causing it to explode. The flaw that brings down Challenger is a poorly designed seal in the shuttle's solid rocket booster.
Challenger dead
The shuttle program is suspended pending an investigation. In 1988, Discovery is the first spaceflight attempt after the Challenger accident.

1990 -- Discovery
Hubble Telescope

The Hubble Space Telescope is taken to space aboard Discovery on April 24, 1990. It is deployed in a 610 kilometre orbit.

Hubble revolutionized astronomy with its pictures of the universe. But it has recently been beset by problems. In late June, its main camera stopped working, and it will need new batteries and gyroscopes if it is to keep working beyond next year.

1995 -- Atlantis
Atlantis

On June 27, 1995, Atlantis blasts off for what is the 100th U.S. human space launch conducted from Cape Canaveral, Fla.

Other firsts on this flight include the inaugural docking of a space shuttle to the Russian Space Station Mir, on June 29. When linked, Atlantis and Mir form the largest spacecraft ever in orbit. The two crews switch spacecraft for an on-orbit changeout of shuttle crew.

Atlantis undocks from Mir on July 4 in a separation sequence described by shuttle Commander Robert Gibson as a "cosmic" ballet. The spacecraft lands back on Earth on July 7.

1998 -- Endeavour/Discovery
Backdropped against the blue and white Earth, and sporting a readily visible new addition in the form of the Canadarm2. The ISS was photographed following separation from the space shuttle Endeavour. (image: NASA Marshall Space Flight Center)

On Dec. 4, 1998, Endeavour launches into space for a 12-day mission aimed at starting the assembly of the International Space Station.

Just two months earlier, Discovery takes U.S. Sen. John Glenn into orbit. At 77, Glenn is the oldest person to go into space. During the nine-day mission, he participates in studies on the effects of weightlessness on aging.

In 1962, Glenn became the first American to orbit the Earth aboard Mercury.

1999 -- Columbia
Eileen Collins and Crew of 1999 Columbia

Eileen Collins becomes the first female shuttle commander as the leader of the Columbia crew on its July 1999 mission. Just four days long, it is the shortest mission since 1990.

One of the main goals of the mission is to place the Chandra X-Ray Observatory in orbit.

The flight is almost aborted after Columbia leaks more than 4,000 pounds of hydrogen fuel during takeoff. The problem causes one of the main engines to shut off prematurely, but Columbia still makes it into space.

2001 -- Endeavour
Chris Hadfield, first Canadian is space

In April of 2001, Chris Hadfield makes history as the first Canadian astronaut to walk in space. During the eight-day mission, he helps install the new Canadarm2 on the International Space Station.

The 17.6-metre robotic arm is essential to the continued construction of the space station.

Hadfield isn't the first Canadian to go to the ISS. Julie Payette visits in 1999, followed by Marc Garneau in 2000.

2001 -- Endeavour
Endeavour

On Dec. 5, 2001, Endeavour becomes the first shuttle to go into space following the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks in New York City and Washington.

On board are 6,000 small U.S. flags that are to be distributed to the families of the victims after the shuttle returns to Earth. Other items on board include the U.S. flag found on the World Trade Center site after the attacks, and a U.S. Marine Corps Colours flag from the Pentagon.

The shuttle also carries photographs of the firefighters lost in the attacks.

2003 -- Columbia
Columbia debris

Columbia lifts off on Jan. 16, 2003 with seven astronauts on board, including the first Israeli astronaut. After a 16-day mission, it is scheduled to land on Feb. 1, but instead breaks apart over Texas during re-entry.

A piece of foam that had broken off from the ship's fuel tank during liftoff does extensive damage to the shuttle's wing. NASA does not realize the extent of the damage to the shuttle's heat shield until Columbia disintegrates 16 minutes before touchdown.

2005 -- Discovery
Discovery

Discovery, which launches on July 26, 2005, is the first spaceflight attempt following the Columbia disaster.

Between the two flights, NASA engineers had redesigned the external fuel tank, to cut down on falling debris. Managers were then surprised when a piece of foam broke off of Discovery. It doesn't do any major damage but NASA is forced to ground the shuttle fleet and make more modifications.

Four landing opportunities are waved off at Kennedy Space Center due to poor weather conditions. Discovery eventually touches down at Edwards Air Force Base in California on the night of Aug. 9.

*CTV News

Microsoft Patents "Ones and Zeroes"

 Bill Gates

REDMOND, WA—In what Board as Founder and Technology Advisor, Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.

With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones—the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs—unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant. 

"Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975," Gates told reporters. "For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek compensation for the use of our numerals." 

A number of major Silicon Valley players, including Apple Computer, Google and Facebook, said they will challenge the Microsoft patent as monopolistic and anti-competitive, claiming that the 10-cent-per-digit licensing fee would bankrupt them instantly.

(An example the binary equivalent of the word "ripoff" is 01010010 01101001 01110000 01101111 01100110 01100110, so that works out to  48 1's and 0's totaling $4.80)

--s-a-t-i-r-e, people! (from The Onion, updated)

Ask The Wizard (Bits and Bytes)

The Wunnerfull Wizard of 'OZ'

Dear Wizard of 'OZ',

How many times larger is 1GB than 64 Megabytes?

Signed,

Vince

 

 

Dear In-Vince-Able,

Well, 1024 bytes is equal to 1KB
1024 KB is equal to 1 MB
1024 MB is equal to 1 GB
...
so... 1024MB / 64MB = 655.36% larger

Hope this helps

Yrs,

The Wizard

Note: Vince clarified: 1024 / 64 = 16 In other words a 1GB SD card can hold 16 times the information that a 64 MB SD card can hold...

Sunday, September 26, 2021

The Bikini (a look back at 60 years)

 Turned 68 in 2021, a look back on this famous garment

Itsy-Bitsy_teenie_weenie_yellow-polka-dot-bikini

Click Above.

Gays and Lesbians more likely to be Millionaires

 animated dollar sign

A 2016 study shows gays and lesbians are more likely to have a net worth in excess of $1 million compared to the average American adult.

There's been a lot of debate over the true spending power of LGBT people and many theories have been proposed as to why gays and lesbians have more discretionary income than straights. After all, most adult LGBT people don't have the same financial obligations as our heterosexual counterparts, such as children. For LGBT people that do have children, greater spending power is only a myth as reported in the news story about gay minority parents having less income than heterosexual parents. However, a 2016 Financial Planner LA study sheds new light on the wallet size of all gays. 

Click here to read the article.

Game of LIFE



Boy is that wrong.... at least according to me!
HYUK!

What users hate most about Web sites

Too many sites are low on usability and high on annoyance 

Bad Website

Click here to view 'The World's Worst Website Mistakes'. Let's hope that you don't find 'OZ' this anoying!

Users have a short fuse when they are browsing the Web, according to Theresa Cunnington, senior usability consultant with services firm iFocus.

"It doesn't matter how cool a Web site looks, if users find it impractical they will head to your competitor's site, which is only a click away," Cunnington said.

"Flash animations are an obvious, yet stellar, example of what users hate in a Web site; the skip intro button is the most used button on the Internet.

"Users hate flash because it's a barrier to the site."

Cunnington describes Flash as a classic example of "Jurassic Park Design," that is, designing what you 'can,' rather than what you 'should.'

She said Web sites are constantly torn between form and function and as technology changes, new variants on old issues stand out, and new problems emerge.

Head of Comunet's Web site design, Damien Coyle believes design is crucial for an effective Web site.

"You need to represent your corporate image, which should reflect company ideals," Coyle said.

"Not everyone is going to access your site so you need only address the target audience."

The top five Web site quirks that users hate the most, according to iFocus are:

1. Invasive advertising: Cunnington says users widely despise ads that cover content, ads that flash wildly and ads that chew broadband.

2. Re-inventing the wheel: people do not want to have to learn how to use a site before they can browse it, Cunnington said.

3. 'Leap of faith' links: that means disclosing information on content and file size.

4. Attention-deficit Web sites: "Users have a special hatred of flashing icons and banners, because they draw the eye away from what is important and hinder their progress," Cunnington said.

5. War and Peace length: "A common mistake in Web design is to just [convert] a brochure to the Web. But the Web is its own medium, and communication has to change to reach users. Users are known to read 25 percent slower on the screen than on paper, read fewer words and don't like long pages which require scrolling down," she said.

Another problem is site blindness. "We are now seeing right-column blindness, where users do not see information and links down the right hand side of the screen. This occurs because the right hand column has become known for advertising," Cunnington said.

*By Sandra Rossi, Computerworld Today (Australia)

Saturday, September 25, 2021

Poking Fun at Forwarders...

Thanks to all . . .



I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.



I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.


Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.


I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.


I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.


And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.


I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.


I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.


I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.


I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.


I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.


I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.


Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.


Thank you too for all the endless advice "Andy Rooney" has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.


And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.



Oh, and don't forget this one either!


I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousins beautician...



Have a wonderful day!
I hate it when I don't forward an email and die the next day!

Ask The Wizard (Ink Cartridges)

 The Wunnerfull Wizard of 'OZ'

Dear Wizard of 'OZ',

I find that new inkjet cartridges are so expensive. How do the generic and refilled ones measure up?

Signed,

Running On Empty


Dear Running

Following are a few printer/cartridge buying tips that might help you save a few bucks. I'm skeptical about refill kits, but I also think that, for some people, they might be worth a look.

Business users - buy genuine. It's a business expense so get over it.

Printing out photos? Stick with genuine cartridges. Since you're going to be paying for the paper you want quality output that will last!

If you think your printer isn't going to have a huge workload, then:

- buying a cheap printer might be for you. Yes, you'll be faced with more expensive cartridges but chances are that you'll only need to buy one or two a year

- know the costs before you buy - find out how much consumables are going to cost before you buy a printer

- try refilled cartridges or refill kits, especially if you don't need high-quality output. If you are going to go down the "refill yourself" path, then refill them before they hit empty as you seem to get better results

- change cartridges yearly because they do deteriorate with age (the ink dries out and clogs the print head)

If your printer is going to be worked hard, then:

- be wary of buying a cheap printer as running costs could be high

- know the costs before you buy - find out how much consumables are going to cost before you buy a printer

Why not experiment with refilled cartridges or refill kits? If you print a lot of document that quickly end up in the trash or the shredder, and quality doesn't matter an awful lot, then you can get to a point where you can have one set of genuine cartridges for best output and another set (refilled) for the rest.

If your current printer takes cartridges that are expensive, then you might be able to save money by buying a new printer.

Hope this helps.

Yrs,

The Wizard

Happy Couple

 

Old Couple in Bed
Husband:  Oh, come on.

Wife:  Leave me alone!

Husband:  It won't take long.

Wife:  I won't be able to sleep afterwards.

Husband:  I can't sleep without it.

Wife:  Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?

Husband:  Because I'm Hot.

Wife:  You get hot at the darndest times.

Husband:  If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.

Wife:  If you love me you'd be more considerate.

Husband:  You don't love me anymore.

Wife:  Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.

Husband:  Please...come on.

Wife:  All right, I'll do it.

Husband:  What's the matter? Need a flashlight?

Wife:  I can't find it.

Husband:  Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!

Wife:  There! Are you satisfied?

Husband:  Oh, yes.

Wife:  Is it up far enough?

Husband:  Oh, that's good.

Wife:  Now go to bed and from now on when you want the window open, do it yourself!

Friday, September 24, 2021

Canada's Two Michaels Finally Released From Chinese Prison

Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor

Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor were released under a side deal to the agreement that saw U.S. prosecutors resolve criminal charges against Huawei executive Meng Wanzhou.

The file has been “very active” in recent weeks, with the Canadian government operating “very closely with the Americans” on this, said one official, who was not authorized to speak on the record.

It is understood that the U.S. government’s deal with Meng included a quid pro quo that covered the two Michaels. 

Make Magnetic Poetry!

Note: The Wizard and 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow does not make any money if you  decide to purchase from this site. I just think it's cool.

Online Magnetic Poetry!

Click above

*Thanks to David J. Bauman for the Link! Visit His website

Believe it or not, these are real 911 Calls!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1, what is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table, and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before, and I'm sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1, what is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

*Thanks, Ken

Believe it or not.... not everyone uses "911" for emergency numbers...

World Emergency Numbers

37 New Emojis Approved For Use

37 new emojis approved

 

Governing emojis body The Unicode Consortium has announced its finalized list of new emojis, set to hit devices “sometime next year.”  

While it’s always a challenge to pick new emoji from among the thousands of submissions, the latest batch of new emoticons as shown off by Emojipedia includes some real bangers like the biting lip emoji, the new person with crown emoji, and my personal favorite—the melting face emoji—which probably accurately describes how a lot of North Americans are feeling after surviving the hottest ever summer on record this year.

This makes sense to me!!

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, start out dead and get it out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. 

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and finally you finish off as an orgasm. 

I rest my case.

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

Apparently to start a zoo you need at least two pandas, a grizzly, and three polars...

It's the bear minimum. 

HYUK!


My boss calls me "the computer"...

Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes. 

HYUK!

Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar. Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."

The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"

Hook yells, "Shove it up yer stars and stripes, ya flag waving boy scout!"

America turns to Crunch, "Why's he suddenly so irate?"

Crunch says, "Well, that's what happens when you take the P out of a pirate." 

HYUK!

"You're beautiful and I love you!" I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff.

My echo replied, "I just want to be friends!"  

HYUK!

I’m not interested in any diet plan...

Unless of course it lets me use rollover calories! 

HYUK!

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They're both Paris-sites! 

HYUK!

Father is giving his son some life advice.

Father: “If you want to be a good man, you must be honest and cautious in life.”

Son: “And what does that mean?”

Father: “You must fulfill everything you’ve promised.”

Son: “And cautious?”

Father: “Never make any promises.” 

HYUK!

I had some words for my wife...

She had some paragraphs for me! 

HYUK!

As a way to compensate for their absence, a group of golfing buddies decided to all pitch in twenty bucks and one with the best golf score would take their wife dancing and dinner. The wives liked this idea since it was more than they had before.

Fred's wife was especially wanting him to win and the moment he returned after golfing she excitedly asked, "Are we having a special dinner tonight Fred?"

"Yes we are my dear, how does Peking Duck sound?"

She said, "That sounds great."

Fred replied, "Good, while driving over the pond on the 7th hole, I accidentally hit one. All we need now is the recipe."

HYUK!

Life hack...

You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wife’s birthday.  

HYUK!

Who's the genius that decided to call it "Emotional baggage"...

.... and not "griefcase." 

HYUK!

My teenage son asked me if I ever fell in love with a high school teacher.

"In fact, I did. She was gorgeous! I couldn't take my eyes off of her... I dreamt of a life together with her day and night."

"Wow! What happened with that, dad?" he excitedly asked.

"Your mom moved you to another school."  

clapping