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Thursday, January 31, 2013

A stupid question deserves an appropriate answer....


I was in Costco buying a large bag of Purina for my Labrador retriever and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

TOILET RESTAURANT IN TAIWAN

Actor Jim Nabors of 'Andy Griffith Show' marries male partner; says he 'just wanted it legal'


From The Montreal GazzetteBY OSKAR GARCIA, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS, 


Jim Nabors and his long-time partner Stan Cadwallader

HONOLULU, Hawaii - Actor Jim Nabors says marrying his longtime male partner doesn't change anything about their relationship — he just wanted it to be formally acknowledged.

The 82-year-old actor best known as Gomer Pyle in "The Andy Griffith Show" told The Associated Press on Wednesday that he just wanted the marriage to be legal.

Nabors married 64-year-old Stan Cadwallader in Seattle on Jan. 15. Nabors says they have been partners for 38 years.

Nabors says they flew from Honolulu just for the short ceremony and were married in a hotel room by a judge friend who drove up from Olympia, Washington.

Nabors says he's not an activist but feels strongly that everyone should be able to choose who they spend their life with.

News of Nabors' marriage was first reported by Hawaii News Now.

The couple met in 1975 when Cadwallader was a Honolulu firefighter.

"I'm 82 and he's in his 60s and so we've been together for 38 years and I'm not ashamed of people knowing, it's just that it was such a personal thing, I didn't tell anybody," Nabors said. "I'm very happy that I've had a partner of 38 years and I feel very blessed. And, what can I tell you, I'm just very happy."

Nabors said he's been open about his homosexuality to co-workers and friends but never acknowledged it to the media before. He doesn't plan to get involved in the issue politically.

"I'm not a debater. And everybody has their own opinion about this and actually I'm not an activist, so I've never gotten involved in any of this," Nabors told Hawaii News Now.

Nabors became an instant success when he joined "The Andy Griffith Show" in spring 1963. The character of Gomer Pyle — the unworldly, lovable gas pumper who would exclaim "Gollllll-ly!" — proved so popular that in 1964 CBS starred him in "Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C."

In the spinoff, which lasted five seasons, Gomer left his hometown of Mayberry to become a Marine recruit. His innocence confounded his sergeant, the irascible Frank Sutton.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Scottish drinking song



WILD GORILLA ENCOUNTER

A tourist camp in Africa -- you can tell that the guy was stunned by his experience.

This is a great video of the Silverback Gorilla and family coming into camp for a visit. Quite an unusual experience.

Not sure I could have stayed that calm.

I think I found Your 2nd grade class photo .....

class photo moon

I'm 99% sure that's you in the back row?

At The Bar...


I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my mate, "That'll be us in ten years.


two old guys at a bar




He said, "That's a mirror, you Idiot "

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Test for smart people


Try not cheating!!



There are only nine questions.


This is a quiz for people who know everything!


I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions.


They are straight questions with straight answers..





1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3 Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'




slinky answer dog


Answers To Quiz: 

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls .. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry. 

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. 

6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle... 

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

Colgate's ingenious advertising campaign



Colgate have created a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss, but before I explain to you the main detail of these images, I will let you appreciate them quietly...

Colgate's ingenious advertising campaign
Click on any picture to see a larger version

Colgate's ingenious advertising campaign

Colgate's ingenious advertising campaign


Surfing Bulldog - Tillman



Resurrection

The children were all squeezed gathered in the front pew one Sunday morning, eagerly anticipating the Children's Sermon. The minister began by asking them, "Does anyone know what the resurrection is?

"One little boy innocently blurted out, "I'm not real sure, but I do know that if you have a resurrection that lasts longer than four hours, you have to see a doctor."

It took about ten minutes for the congregation to stop laughing and settle down enough to continue with the service.

Monday, January 28, 2013

The Declaration - We need to declare BULLS#!T





ON THE WAY SOCIETY FAILS TO SUPPORT MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE THE COST TO YOUTH IS STAGGERING.

Join the cause. Read about others struggles with Mental Health and why we need to band together to stop the BullS#!T

Bulls#!t
Click above to help stop the BULLS#!T

Click here to go to callbs.ca






ON THE WAY SOCIETY FAILS TO SUPPORT MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE THE COST TO YOUTH IS STAGGERING.

Join the cause. Read about others struggles with Mental Health and why we need to band together to stop the BullS#!T


Click above to help stop the BULLS#!T

Click here to go to callbs.ca

The 'Ha Ha Downspout'....


This is the COOLEST gutter downspout I have ever seen…


cool downspout
Looking at the size of what he's holding...

Welcome to 'OZ' s Newest Recommended Site!


Well here we have a very unique site, now recommended by The Wizard of 'OZ'. The site is Deerhorn Shamanic Services!

The owner, Trent Deerhorn is someone I am proud to count among my friends.

What is shamanism? Let Trent tell you:

"Shamanism is a way of being at one with our world, nature and the Universe. It is universal and does not exclusively belong to any one race. We are all a part of the Rainbow Race. We are all indigenous to this Earth. As such, Shamanism is the birthright of each and every one of us."

Trent Deerhorn

Whether you are looking for specific details about the services I offer, upcoming Workshops or just general information about Shamanism, I think you will find something for everyone. If you have any questions or would like further information you can request more info by using his Contact link.

Lots of free stuff there, including the Flight Newsletter. Click below to visit his site. Tell him 'OZ' sent ya!

Welcome Trent!

Click above to visit his site. Tell him 'OZ' sent ya!

http://deerhornshamanic.com/

Reflections can say a lot!

Click on the picture. Reflections of a Storm Trooper

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Another Mad Cow Found in Alberta Canada...


DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK! CONTAINS MULTIPLE INSTANCES OF THE "F" WORD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!



Click here

Click above. (Flash Movie) You will have to use the 'BACK' button on your browser to return to 'OZ'...

Ever had one of those days?

Sounds Good to Me



Are you sure you are ready for this?


By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning! I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please pass this post on to those you feel are in need of inner peace!

Damien Walters - Champion of Parkour


Saturday, January 26, 2013

What do you think caused your heterosexuality? ;-)

1.What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and how did you decide that you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?

4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

6. Heterosexuals have histories of failure in gay relationships. Do you think you may have turned to heterosexuality in fear of rejection?

7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn't prefer it?

8. If your heterosexuality is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients heterosexual?

9. With whom have you discussed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?

10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do people feel compelled to seduce others into your sexual orientation?

11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems they would face?

12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?

13. Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your heterosexuality? Can't you just be what you are and keep it quiet?

14. How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive heterosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, natural, God-given homosexual potential?

15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted sex roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?

16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience or deep emotional rapport with a person of the opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and temperamental differences between you are so vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually, or vice-versa?

17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

19. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace of overpopulation?

20. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you want to. Have you ever tried therapy?

21. A disproportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients, and other irresponsible or anti-social types are heterosexual. Why would you want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?

22. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust other of their own sex? Is that what makes them heterosexual?

23. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?

24. Why do you make a point of attributing heterosexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your own heterosexuality?

25. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counselor to be objective and unbiased? Don't you fear that s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?

The Love Doctor


The Love Doctor Dear Love Doctor,

My mom told me that boys have pens and girls have Virginias. Is that true?

Signed,

Mom doesn't lie


Dear Mom,

No. And at age 40, it's time that you moved out of your parents house! Get real.

The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

Ever wanted to know Mountainese?


Hi Youins!

If you have a bit of time, check out this link:

www.realcountrylife.com/dictionary.html 

Very funny.... found it trying to find the original of “get a lickin”.

Awesomly punny!


fanta-sea
Full size by clicking on it!

Friday, January 25, 2013

Funny Auto-Corrects - McDonald's n' more

Funny McDonald's auto-correct

funny autocorrect

funny autocorrect

funny autocorrect

funny autocorrect

funny autocorrect

Colour Overlay



Colour TV was widely available by the late 1960s but was prohibitively expensive. Enter the TV colour screen—a coloured plastic sheet placed over the TV screen to simulate colour  The $1 overlay was separated into four bands: The top was blue-tinted, the next orange, then yellow, then red. The strips were supposed to blend together to create the illusion of colour  but all they did was make faces look orange and grass look red.

tags: trivia

Does a horse have a lap?

A baby horse on its mom's lap

Some pictures just don't need captions.

There is nothing like Mom's lap no matter who you are. This is precious!

This is a newborn offspring of Taskin, a Gypsy Stallion owned by Villa Vanners of Oregon.

These pictures were taken immediately after his birth on last April 6. The mare laid down, and then he trotted around and crawled right up into her lap.

baby horse in mother's lap

baby horse in mother's lap

baby horse in mother's lap

baby horse in mother's lap

baby horse in mother's lap

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Mama and her Bible


Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said "I had a big house built for Mama".

The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house "

The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."

The fourth said "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."


The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

"Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway"

Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good Thanks."

"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."

"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you."

LOLIGAGGLES








*Thanks, Gary