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Sunday, January 31, 2010

Haiti: 360°

Here are some videos of Haiti’s earthquake that allow you to pan 360 degrees while the video plays! Very good (and sad)! **Uses a lot of CPU power!***

Click on the photo below:

Haiti: 360° - Click here
Use your mouse to click and drag around the video to change the view. You can also zoom in and out. Pause and explore at any time by pressing the play/pause button under the video to stop and look around. The video below was shot on Monday, January 18, at 9:52 a.m. EST in Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

*Thanks, Erwin

All together now – “aaaaaaaawwwwwwww” :-)

How to Lick a Bowl:

How to Lick a Bowl
How to Lick a Bowl
How to Lick a Bowl
How to Lick a Bowl
*Thanks, Bright Eyes


Maurice was driving down a country road when his car got stuck in a large, muddy hole.

He was unable to free the car himself so he called to a farmer who was standing idly by a team of oxen in a nearby field.

When the farmer offered to pull the car out of the mud for $100, Maurice readily accepted. Using the oxen, the farmer pulled the car out very quickly.

He said to Maurice, “You know, that was the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”

Maurice paid him the money and said, “If you’re always pulling cars out of the mud during the day, do you have to plow your fields at night?”

“No,” the farmer replied. “Night is when I put water in that hole.”

World Wide Telescope

This is an awesome program from Microsoft Research. Below you will find a item from makeuseof.com describing what they call one of the 5 best MS products. It comes as an installed client program for Windows users but they also offer a browser version for MAC or Windows use. If you don't want to install it you can download the web client.

WorldWide Telescope minimum system requirements (For PC):

* Microsoft® XP SP2 (minimum), Windows® Vista® (recommended)
* PC with Intel Core 2 Duo processor with 2 gigahertz (GHz) or faster, recommended
* 1 gigabyte (GB) of RAM; 2 GB RAM recommended
* 3D accelerated card with 128 megabytes (MB) RAM; discrete graphics card with dedicated 256-MB VRAM recommended for higher performance
* 1 GB of available hard disk space; 10 GB recommended for off-line features and higher performance browsing
* XGA (1024 x 768) or higher resolution monitor
* Microsoft Mouse or compatible pointing and scrolling device
* Microsoft® DirectX® version 9.0c and .NET Framework 2.0
* Required for some features; Internet connection at 56 Kbps or higher.

I use it on a P4 3.0 GHz, with 4 GB RAM with 512 MB PCI-Express Video with hi-speed extreme thru a cable provider.

Big file for dialup users.

Click below to read about it and you can download it there:

World Wide Telescope - Click here


#3: World Wide Telescope

Microsoft WorldWide Telescope (WWT) brings terabytes of imagery from the best ground telescopes and the Hubble Space Telescope to your desktop. It seamlessly combines the data from these multiple sources into a rich immersive world that you can explore from your home. Use the native Windows client for all features, or the web client for a smaller subset. Guided tours from experts are a great way to introduce the stars and galaxies to youngsters. Exploration is possible not only in the visible light spectrum, but also in non-visible wavelengths such as x-ray and infrared.

The user interface and imagery use Photosynth technology and is said to be significantly better than Google Sky.

*Thanks, Gary

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Nepal to legalize gay marriage, offer weddings on Mt. Everest

By Ruth Schneider, 365gay.com

Want to get married on top of the world? Not a problem, says a travel agency promoting gay marriage in Nepal.

In May, the country is set to ratify a new constitution that legalizes same-sex marriages, according to a report in The Telegraph.

Mt. Everest
Sunil Babu Pant, a Communist legislator and leader of the country’s gay rights movement, launched Pink Mountain, a travel agency offering wedding ceremonies on Mount Everest, the world’s tallest peak.

Pant’s company will offer regal, elephant-back processions and wedding ceremonies at the mountain’s base camp.

“Most Asian countries don’t welcome gay visitors, so we can have the maximum benefit for the Nepal economy which is fragile after years of war,” Pant told the Telegraph. “The government is hoping to increase the number of tourists from 400,000 to one million next year and has taken a positive attitude to welcoming gay and lesbian visitors to help meet their ambitious target.”


Amazing picture of a Newfoundland Ice Breaker at work....

Amazing picture of a Newfoundland Ice Breaker at work....
Damned tough them Newfies!

*Thanks, Daryn

40 Year-Old Buddies...

A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

*Thanks, Daryn

White Moosies :>)

You probably won't see this again in your lifetime

These animals were photographed just north of the Wisconsin border on a highway near Marenisco , MI .

The odds of seeing an albino moose are astronomical and to see this in the upper peninsula of Michigan , near Wisconsin, is even greater than astronomical. To see two of them together is nearly impossible.

Once in a while there is an opportunity to take in a piece of nature that you may never see.

We wanted to share these photos with as many people as possible because you will probably never have a chance to see this rare sight again.

This is a really special treat, so enjoy the shots of a lifetime.

*Thanks, Daryn

Friday, January 29, 2010

Why Gay Marriage is WRONG


Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls getaway trip - shopping, casinos, massages, facials.

Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going.

Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.

"Wow, how long you been here and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"

"I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over... On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, 'Now, you can do whatever you want.'"

"So here I am."

*Thanks, Daryn


Hers n' His
*Thanks, Daryn


This is the proof that we have become too
dependent on our computers.

Question: Are you male, or female?
To find out the answer, look down...












Look down, not scroll down! .. geesh!!!!

*Thanks, Daryn

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Star Trek - Frontier Guard

New webfilm from Star Trek Hidden Frontier!

Ep. 101 - "Sputnik" 1 of 2

Ep. 101 - "Sputnik" 2 of 2

Mayo Clinic Piano Video

An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for 62 years and he'll be 90 this year. Check out this impromptu performance... It's all attitude. Enjoy!!

*Thanks, Bright Eyes




Sent from my CrackBerry® wireless device

Two Woodpeckers...

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.

The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers. The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:

Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said; your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

*Thanks, Daryn, and a big welcome back to Winter. Hope you had a blast in MX!

New Law for Cell Phones

According to new law that is now in effect in Saskatchewan you will no longer be able to use a cell phone while driving unless you have a 'hands free' adapter.

I went to Future Shop and they wanted $50 for a headset with a microphone for my cell phone.

Having a friend in the cell phone business, I talked with him and was able to come up with an alternative, working through Office Depot.

These kits are compatible with any mobile phone and one size fits all. I paid him $0.08 each because he bought in quantity.

Then we tried it with Motorola, Sprint, Verizon and Nokia units and they worked perfectly.

A photo is below - take a look and let me know if you want one.

Hands-Free Cellphone
*Thanks, Daryn

Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2009 Headline of the Year contest

At the end of every December we like to recap some of our favorite headlines from the year and let Fark vote on their favorites. In a year where most of the news wasn't positive, it was refreshing to see that Fark's legion of submitters stepped up and made us laugh when we arguably needed it most.

The following are the Top 20 headlines of 2009 as voted on by you. I've listed the quarterfinals threads after the winners if you'd like to check them out again. Here are the favorites as voted by Fark for last year:

The Top Twenty Headlines of 2009:

20: Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands


19: That foot found at a NY recycling center? Turns out it belonged to a bear. You'd think police could recognize a bearclaw when they see one


18. India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in


17: Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years


16: Police in London solve 1 crime for every 1000 CCTV cameras. Or about 2 for every 1984


15: One killed, six injured in pie factory explosion. Blast heard up to 3.14159265 miles away


14: Man gets called into work so he can be fired, returns home to find his house on fire. Wishes he had been laid off


13: Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there's your problem


12: Semi-nude Victoria's Secret fashion models reveal untold talents and you've already clicked the link, haven't you? Have I told you about my mother lately? No, she's doing fine, just making cheesecake and some muffins this morning


11: Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens...well, no worse off, really


10: Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate


9: Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it's "linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire." Submitter suspects the answer may be "Not any more"


8: Peephole in door of girl's dorm room reversed; police are looking into it


7: Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves


6: Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead


5: 80-ton wave generator works briefly as advertised when it falls into the ocean


4: Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff


3: Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"


2: Jesus prepares to receive Oral


1: Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt



Wednesday, January 27, 2010





Sent from my CrackBerry® wireless device

Jeffery Straker - EPK/Interview

Concerts On Demand: Jeffery Straker at Westminster United

Listen here.

Jeff's Official Website.

"The Saskatchewan-raised performer’s dynamic and infectious album “Step Right Up” is a carnival-esque collection of 14 boisterous tunes which paints vivid aural images with not only lyrical artistry but also Jeffery’s gloriously energetic prowess on the piano—and sharp sense of humour. The CD was produced by Justin Gray (Joss Stone, Jacksoul) and Oxyfication.net declares, “There’s so much energy and fun here the effect is almost psychedelic, like being drunk on a rainbow.”"

Jeff's the best!

*Thanks, Jeffery!


FALSE! Post Office versus Convenient Location

Canada Post, from RickMcCharles.com blog:

" I learned something over Christmas that I feel compelled to share with you.
This won't change your life dramatically or help you survive the apocalypse but it will save you some $$$.

I recently mailed two identical packages via Canada Post one week apart.
One would think that the postage should be exactly the same...well, let me tell you...

Pkg # 1 was mailed from an actual Canada Post Office. Postage came to $11.74. Since I knew a second identical package would be mailed in about a week's time, I bought sufficient postage for the second pkg while I was there.

When it came time to mail Pkg #2, I went to the post office in Shopper's Drug Mart. I handed the pkg to the clerk to be put in the outbound mail bag, I was informed that I did not have sufficient postage attached. The clerk proceeded to inform me that I needed to purchase and additional $6 worth of stamps. After explaining how I knew exactly what the postage should be, the clerk offered some lame excuse that Canada Post is unionized and they can say and do anything with impunity and if I wished to mail that pkg from Shopper's then I needed to purchase more stamps.

I told the clerk to stuff it and took back my package and headed to the "real" Canada Post Office, where I would raise hell...
Much to my surprise, the Canadian Postal Clerk took my package, weighed it and tossed it in the mail bag, and it was it's way...When I asked if the amount of Postage I had put on the parcel was right she shook her head and said "yup, no problem"...

The Truth comes out:

Canada Post Offices charge postage for packages at the published Canada Post rates.
Franchise locations such as Shoppers Drug Mart can charge whatever they like.
So remember if you regularly mail packages at franchise locations (ie Shoppers Drug Mart,) you are probably paying too much. Franchise locations are found in shopping malls, drug stores and private businesses everywhere. From now on, all of my mailing will be done from a real Canada Post location.
Still perplexed by what I was told by the girl in Shoppers, I fired off an email to Canada Post for clarification.

This is the reply I got from them:

Thank you for your message to Canada Post.

A postal outlet is not a federal government agency and is not owned or managed by Canada Post. For example if the postal outlet is within grocery store or pharmacy it would follow the stores working hours, therefore if the store must be closed, so will the postal outlet inside.

Only Canada Post Depots and Corporate Post Offices are obligated to follow the price of stamps and postal products that are legislated by Canada Post. Any commercial and private establishment may charge extra fees as a convenience to their customers. It is at their discretion to apply additional service fees to products that they sell. We suggest visiting a Corporate Post Office in order to avoid paying additional service charges that corner stores or other establishment may implement on their products.


Veronika Strofski
Customer Service

The Truth

A Canada Post franchise cannot set their own rates. They have exactly the same rates as a Canada Post corporate office. They DO NOT and CANNOT add extra charges onto any Canada Post products. They have signed contract with Canada Post that forbids them to charge extra fees. They follow all Canada Post rules and regulations that are the same as the corporate offices and their computer systems have all the same info as the corporate office.

Do not believe this blog because it is untrue.

Vancouver, Then and now

This is for those of you that might remember what Vancouver looked like and who might be interested in seeing what it looks like now... Changing and ageing panorama views:

Click below (only works in IE, sorry)

Click here to see! Only works in IE

*Thanks, DW

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Wise Words

Be Wise

Be Wise!Antioxidant rich spice

Another herb that is antioxidant-rich is rosemary. According to research, rosemary contains powerful antioxidants that may help to inhibit free radical damage to cells. Rosemary was been revealed to have even greater health benefits than paprika. Using rosemary to season fish, vegetables, egg-white omelets, and salads will give your system an antioxidant boost.

Be Wise!Continuing Education

Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought for with ardor and attended to with diligence.

Abigail Adams, 1780

Be Wise!Cranking Down the Volume

Playing your tunes more softly during rush hour traffic might decrease your tension in the car. Cranking up the volume of your music may increase your tension while driving. A recent study showed that college students listening to three different amplitudes of music were more likely to have higher heart rates the higher the volume went and vice versa for lowering the volume. Hence, softly played music may sooth the savage beast during rush hour madness.

Be Wise!The castles of our life

"Life can be like those castles that were once thought impenetrable. No matter how hard it may seem, no matter what the odds are, you can always over come it."


At one time it was believed that if a better mousetrap were invented, the world would beat a path to the inventor’s door; this is not true today; if a better mousetrap were invented today, the inventor would also need a better infomercial for late night TV.

Be Wise!Appreciating differences

In an emotionally developed family, differences between family members are not only appreciated but also encouraged. Consequently, if one member of the family wants to do something that the others have never done before, they are open to the idea without being critical. Being open to new ideas and experiences allows the family unit to grow and have the greatest emotional development.

Be Wise!We need sleep!

By Cathryn Conroy, Netscape News Editor

...you could be sleep deprived and putting yourself at risk for an early death. That stunning conclusion was reached by researchers at Penn State College of Medicine, who determined that when we get just six hours of sleep a night, we are actually sleep deprived. And sleep deprivation not only makes us sleepy during the day and decreases our productivity and performance levels, but also promotes the potentially dangerous process of inflammation. Inflammation of this sort can lead to a variety of problems, including heart disease and hardening of the arteries, reports WebMD.

Previous studies have examined the effects of severe sleep deprivation, which is five hours or less of sleep. This one looked at the effects of modest sleep restriction, something that many people live with day in and day out in order to meet the pressing demands of work and family. The levels of inflammatory factors skyrocketed in the 25 study volunteers--who spent 12 consecutive nights in a sleep laboratory--when they had just six hours of sleep, compared with eight hours. So when you pass up sleep to watch more television, talk to your spouse, or clean the house, you are putting yourself at risk for cardiovascular disease and osteoporosis.

Finding the Spark Within

Here's the bad news:

Virtue isn’t a golden ticket to a pain-free life. Bad things happen to good people as often as they happen to bad people.

It seems unfair, but in the natural order of the world, suffering is random. To expect otherwise is to sentence oneself to despondency, disillusionment, bitterness, and anger.

Here’s the good news:

The magic power that comes with our humanity isn’t a shield protecting us from misfortune but an inner strength that helps us deal with it, overcome it, and learn from it so we can still find love, laughter, and joy despite it.

At our lowest moments, there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. All we need is the faith and moral courage to find the spark within that, with just a puff of hope, can become a flame bright enough to show us the way out.

But what can we do if despair is feeding on the soul of someone we love?

Click here to find out how to help someone in dispair...


Cutest European Gay Teen Commercial Ever

It’s a Norwegian public service announcement for gay teens.
It says “You don’t need to be so tough.”

Microsoft Security Essentials

Microsoft Security Essentials provides real-time protection for your home PC that guards against viruses, spyware, and other malicious software.

Microsoft Security Essentials is a free* download from Microsoft that is simple to install, easy to use, and always kept up to date so you can be assured your PC is protected by the latest technology. It’s easy to tell if your PC is secure — when you’re green, you’re good. It’s that simple.

Microsoft Security Essentials - Download it here
Microsoft Security Essentials runs quietly and efficiently in the background so that you are free to use your Windows-based PC the way you want—without interruptions or long computer wait times.

Download it here from Microsoft.

The Wizard gives it:

thumbs up!thumbs up!thumbs up!

Country’s first legal gigolo starts work in Nevada

By The Associated Press

(Beatty, Nev.) A brothel in a Nevada desert town has hired the state’s first male prostitute, a muscular college dropout who abandoned a brief stint as a porn actor in Los Angeles to become the only legal gigolo in the United States.

The Shady Lady Ranch successfully won state and county approval to clear the way for the “prostidude,” as Nevada’s newest sex worker is already being called. After a slow first week on the job, his first appointments are scheduled for this weekend.

The male prostitute – known as “Markus” – has quickly become the center of attention in Nevada’s brothel industry.

He has been criticized by female counterparts for not being willing to have sex with men. And he created a dustup after telling Details Magazine that his pioneering role in the sex business was “just the same” as civil rights icon Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seat and move to the back of the bus. Not surprisingly, he has been forbidden from doing interviews after the remarks.

Competing brothel owners also fret that hiring gigolos in Nevada will bring unwanted scrutiny from state officials, potentially tempting them to make prostitution illegal. The competitors have also expressed concerns about sexually transmitted diseases, and worry that female customers can’t be inspected as carefully as men are before sex.

Markus, 25, described himself as a well-read college dropout and former U.S. Marine from Alabama. He said he drove to Los Angeles to become a porn actor and left after filming two scenes, the first about a month ago. He said he ended up in a homeless shelter near Santa Monica, Calif., after being unable to find another job.

Shady Lady madam Bobbi Davis picked him from about 10 potential hires culled from hundreds of applications, many featuring crude inquiries, according to her husband and co-owner Jim. Part of Markus’ appeal was that he was not afraid to deal with heavy publicity.

“Whichever woman may walk through that door, she’s appreciated,” Markus said in his Details interview. “A surrogate lover will love that woman for a whole hour, or however much we charge here, and she’ll leave feeling much more empowered and much more confident in herself.”

Jim Davis told The Associated Press that after reading the article, he and his wife decided that Markus doing interviews was bad for business. Bobbi Davis declined an interview with the AP. The Davises declined to give Markus’ real name, which is customary for sex workers in Nevada.

Davis said the Shady Lady had received dozens of e-mails expressing interest in the gigolo. He said it took years to establish steady business from truckers, salesmen and other travelers after the brothel opened 17 years ago, and getting paying women customers could take at least a month.

“This is a business – if (Bobbi Davis) didn’t think she could make more money she wouldn’t have done it,” Davis said. “Why else would she start something like this?

“And if she knew what she was getting into, she probably wouldn’t have,” he said.

The yellow-painted Shady Lady compound is more than 30 miles north of Beatty – an unincorporated township of less than 1,200 people between Las Vegas and Reno.

The small, fenced-in brothel includes a French-themed foyer that displays a pricing menu – $200 for 40 minutes, $300 per hour. It sits on 40 acres of mostly empty land the Davises originally bought for $11,000, Davis said.

Three connected bedrooms are distinctly decorated. One has a heart-shaped hot tub in its bathroom, another has an Asian theme. The brothel’s newest space is a disconnected cottage that looks like a roomy studio, with a kitchenette, a wooden bathtub in the bedroom and armrests on the toilet. The cottage cost $50,000 to build, Davis said.

Markus plans to use the cottage.

“It won’t be successful,” said Arie Mack Moore, owner of the Angel’s Ladies Brothel, about two miles north of Beatty. “You can’t have both (male and female prostitutes) in the same building or adjacent to each other, in my opinion.”

Moore claims his business has picked up since Markus was hired, with customers saying they wanted to avoid the Shady Lady because of Markus.

A 22-year-old prostitute at Angel’s Ladies named “Cuddles” said Markus’ unwillingness to see gay males makes the Shady Lady seem sexist and discriminatory. Her brothel services women.

“How can you just turn down services because of what someone’s preferences is? It comes with the territory. It comes with the business,” she said.

Davis said that he and his wife aren’t interested in establishing a gay male clientele, but it will be up to Markus to decide whether to accept men as customers. Davis said Markus told him that he wouldn’t perform for male customers.

“All this gay homophobia in this country is horrible,” Davis said. “Everybody’s so damn scared two men might have sex – it’s happening every day in Las Vegas. Not going to happen here, but that’s all the big fear, is gay people.”

George Flint, a longtime lobbyist for the Nevada Brothel Owners Association, said allowing a male prostitute creates legitimate health concerns. Male customers are thoroughly cleaned and inspected for signs of disease before sex at Nevada’s brothels, and he doesn’t believe the same “fanaticism” is possible when checking female customers.

He also worries about the ramifications for the six other brothels in Nye County and the 24 total in Nevada.

“We got an industry in this state right now that’s got an investment of somewhere between $50 million and $75 million,” Flint said. “And yet Bobbi’s in the catbird seat right now where her antics and her procedures and her demands and her goals could potentially bruise an entire multimillion-dollar-a-year industry.”

Flint said he believed the Shady Lady Ranch, which is not a part of his association, could see a temporary wave of curious female customers, but the experiment will ultimately fail.

“I think she truly believes that it’s a viable effort, and I’m wondering after four or five days and there haven’t been any takers, if she’s beginning to wonder if maybe she was wrong,” Flint said. “You and I and the rest of the world can sit and debate this damn thing until hell freezes over, but if nobody shows up at her front door, what’s it proved?”

Monday, January 25, 2010





Sent from my CrackBerry® wireless device

If My Body Was A Car

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick. My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood...

Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course. I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it...almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter...my radiator leaks!

--This essay was written by Linda S Amstutz in 2003, originally entitled "Trade In Wanted" and published by the Ozark Senior Living Newspaper in November 2003.

Compute this!

and a new key for when you are overworked....

Home Remedies

Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately --without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers." Did you know that Colgate Toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

Get The Hint?

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoid Peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of Horseradish in a cup of Olive Oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Get The Hint?

Sore Throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly -- even though the product was never been advertised for this use.

Eliminate puffiness under your eyes..... All you neeed is a dab of Preparation H, Carefully rubbed into the skin, avoiding the eyes. The Hemorrhoid ointment acts as a vasoconstrictor, relieving the swelling instantly.

Get The Hint?

Honey remedy for skin blemishes... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus... Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Get The Hint?

Coca-Cola Cure for rust... Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover... just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue all over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's Tomato Paste boil cure... cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothes the pain and brings the boil to a head.

Get The Hint?

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine... a powerful antiseptic.

Heinz Vinegar To heal bruises... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Kills fleas instantly. Dawn Dish Washing Liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas.

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Rainy day cure for dog odor... Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

Eliminate ear mites... All it takes is a few drops of Wesson Corn Oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Vaseline cure for hair balls..... To prevent troublesome hair balls, apply a dollop of Vaseline petroleum jelly to your cat's nose. The cat will lick off the jelly, lubricating any hair in its stomach so it can pass easily through the digestive system.

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Quaker Oats for fast pain relief.... It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

Did you get the hint I threw in there to help all ailments? hehe

Here's a hint:

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