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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Beware the Halloween Parties this year!


A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.


He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.


So he took his costume and away he went.


The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.


She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.


His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.


Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.


Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.


She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.

He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."


"Did you dance much ?"


"I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."


Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The Phantom Hag - A Halloween Tale


The Phantom Hag - A Halloween Story

Click above to read the story. (PDF)


Click above to get the Adobe Reader

A Child's View of Thunderstorms


A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school. She also feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother got into her car and quickly drove along the route to her child's school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.

At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. More lightning followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile

When the mother drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called, "What are you doing?"

The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture."

May God bless you today and every day as you face the storms that come your way!

Monday, October 29, 2012

When to take a "senior's" license away


Advice for an old guy...

Old Man

I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in...

Hot dude!!
 (what a body !!!!)

I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that guy over there?"

The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

Edmonton votes to allow same-sex blessings


BY LEIGH ANNE WILLIAMS, STAFF WRITER, The Anglican Journal

Rainbow Rings

The diocese of Edmonton has passed a motion that will allow clergy to bless civilly married same-gender couples on a case-by-case basis.

Clergy will ask for the bishop’s permission to offer the blessing, says Dean Neil Gordon, who introduced the motion at the diocesan synod Oct. 12 to 13. This differs from decisions in dioceses such as New Westminster and Toronto where designated parishes have been granted permission to offer the blessings carte blanche.

Although 70 per cent voted in favour of the motion, a second resolution instructed clergy to work together to determine just how the blessings will be performed. “We have to work out how we are going to do this in a way that builds up and retains unity,” says Gordon, who is rector of All Saints’ Cathedral in Edmonton and dean of the diocese. Clergy plan to meet in mid-November to and report back before General Synod 2013 in Ottawa next July.

Until now, the diocese has offered same-gender couples the chance to celebrate their marriages with a family eucharist service, as set out in guidelines developed by the House of Bishops. There has been no formal acknowledgement of the marriage in the service, however.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Daddy, How was I born?

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:



Scroll down...



baby boy

"You got Male!"

Everyone has their secrets...

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captain’s quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, and opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port - Left

Starboard - Right

My beautiful boy...

The light is fading, we’re all alone
I sing you a lullaby
Stars winkin at us, a smile from the man on the moon
I look you in the eye, and every single time time
My heart is a bird in the breeze
Flyin far out from me, roundin you, and landing between

If I only had breath for one more sigh
I’d be callin it out to you
Singin’ bout, what you do —– oh

My beautiful boy , You take me, To a place
Far beyond the point
Where my doubts, can hold on
My beautiful boy

I’m a little boat in the water, the rain in the summer,
You’re my river and I’m comin down
If storms blow on in- You’re my bright sky, oh so blue
And it feels kinda funny, like I’m dancin in the stars
when I’ve got you on my mind,
Sing your song to the northern lights, they’re dancing with us too

If I only had music for one more song,
I’d be singin it out to you
A little verse, ’bout what you do —– oh

My beautiful boy , You take me, To a place
Far beyond the point
Where my doubts, can hold on
My beautiful boy

© Jeff Straker, 2005
All rights reserved. SOCAN
www.JeffStraker.com

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Elderley Sex

Ma and Pa, both 91, lived in a retirement community.

They met in the social centre and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Pa asked Ma out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.

They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town. And despite his age, Pa was still a charmer.

Afterward, Pa asked Ma to join him at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Ma soon joined Pa for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.

Pa was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been more gentle."

Ma was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose."

Finally an 'Easy Button' that does something worthwhile!

Easy Button

Click Above. You'll thank me for it!

Giggles, Guffaws, and Groaners

A man is about to jump off London Bridge when he hears a voice behind him. It's Santa Claus.
"Why do this? It's Christmas Eve?" Santa says.
"Because I've lost my job, " the man answered, " my wife has left me, and I have no presents for the kids."
"Ah, I can grant you 3 wishes, " replied Santa, "So when you get up tomorrow your job will be there, your wife will be waiting for you, and there'll be presents for the children."
"Oh Santa - however can I repay you?" gasped the man.
"Well - not a lot of people know this, " came the reply, "But old Santa is gay, you could bend over for me, the elves aren't much good at it."
"Dunno 'bout that, " the man said.
"Oh, go on, " Santa urged, "After all - I granted you 3 wishes, don't be so ungrateful."
"Ok, " the man sighed, as he unzipped his trousers.
Santa did the biz and when he finished the man pulled his trousers back up.
Santa looks at the man and asks "How old are you?"
"47, " came the reply.
"What? And you still believe in Santa Claus?"

HYUK!

A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."

"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."

"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."

The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."

"What?" asks the guy.

"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."

"What happened then?" asks the guy.

"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.

"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"

"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...

"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."

HYUK!

Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."

Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."

HYUK!

There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."

The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.

The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"

The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."

The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.

Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."



clapping

A Good Lesson

Sunday hunting was legalized last year for archery only.

I did all my prep-work . . .
I scouted the area all summer . . .
I searched out the best location for my tree-stand . . .
I set it all up a month ahead of time . . .
I trailed the herd . . .
I picked out a trophy buck . . .
Two days before opening day I rechecked every aspect of the hunt . . .
Everything was in place . . .
Sunday morning, I woke up at 2 am . . .
I put on my camo, loaded my pack, set out for my stand . . .
This was destined to be an epic hunt . . .
As I approached my deer stand . . .

bear in a tree

I changed my mind, decided to go and watch the football game.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Nobel Peace Prize for Malala


Started by: Tarek, Toronto
Earlier this month 15-year old Malala Yusufzai was shot in the head by a Taliban gunman in response to her campaign against the destruction of girls schools in Pakistan. In the face of terror,Malala risked her life to speak out for the rights of girls everywhere.
Malala's bravery has sparked a global movement and we believe she deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for her courageous work.

The first step in this process is to get Malala nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Only certain people, like a Member of Parliament, are allowed put forward nominations. To make a major statement and to show that Canadians believe in Malala's work, we need all Canadian federal party leaders to unanimously nominate Malala for the Nobel Peace Prize for her incredible work and bravery.

On Monday Liberal Leader Bob Rae backed the petition and on Tuesday Immigration Minister Jason Kenney voiced his support. We just need to get three more party leaders to endorse the campaign.

A Nobel Peace Prize for Malala will send a clear message that the world is watching and will support those who stand up for gender equality and universal human rights that includes the right of education for girls.

15 year old Malala demanded all girls have access to education and was shot by the Taliban. Call on all federal party leaders to unanimously nominate Malala for the Nobel Peace Prize.

You can also check out other popular petitions on Change.org by clicking here.

Am I a Fireman yet?

Billy

In Phoenix AZ, a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia.

Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination.
Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up & fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible.. The leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son's dream to come true.

She took her son' s hand and asked, 'Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up?
Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?'

Mommy, 'I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up..'

Mom smiled back and said, 'Let's see if we can make your wish come true.'

Later that day she went to her local fire Department in Phoenix , where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Arizona

She explained her son's final wish and Asked if it might be possible to give her 6 year-old son a ridearound the block on a fire engine.
Fireman Bob said, 'Look, we can dobetter than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll makehim an honorary Fireman for the whole day..
He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards!

And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform
For him, with a real fire hat - not a toy - one-with the emblem of the Calgary Fire Department on it, and a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.'

'They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix   , so we can get them fast.'


Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck.

Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven.
There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls.

He rode in the different fire engines,the Paramedic's' van, and even the fire chief's car.
He was also videotaped for the local news program.
Having his dream come true, with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.
One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed
In the hospice concept - that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital.
Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.

The chief replied, 'We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes.. Will you please do me a favor?

When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over thePA system that there is not a fire?'
'It's the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?'
About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window-------- 16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room
With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him.With His dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, 'Chief, am I really a fireman now?'

'Billy, you are, and The Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand,' the chief said With those words, Billy smiled and said, 'I know, He's been holding my hand all day, and The angels have been Singing..'
He closed his eyes one last time.

My Instructions were to send this to at least four People that I wanted God to bless and I picked you.
Please pass this to at least four people you want to be blessed.
This story is powerful and there is nothing attached.

PLEASE do not break this pattern.Uplifting stories are one of the best gifts we receive.
There is no cost, but a lot of rewards, let's continue to uplift one another!




This is a true story

Isn't it I R O N I C ?

isn't it ironic?
Click above to find out more

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Have you ever wondered what idiots looks like?

...and then sometimes, we need Darwinism to step in.



YES THAT IS A POWER CORD FLOATING ON FLIP FLOPS..
Click on the picture for a larger view.

--Note: The validity of the photo cannot be verified

Dean and Jerry...

Martin and LewisDean and Jerry were riding a train across the west. Jerry looked out the window and saw a whole lot of buffalo roaming the range.

Jerry: Look at that big bunch of buffalo!

Dean: Don’t say bunch say herd.

Jerry: Heard what.

Dean: Herd of buffalo.

Jerry: Sure I’ve heard of buffalo.

Dean: No... you don’t understand, a buffalo herd.

Jerry: I don’t care what a buffalo heard! I ain”t said nothing that I’m ashamed of.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Homosexuality Facts

Rainbow Flag
The Rainbow Flag

I have added this page on homosexuality facts, because, when learning of your child or loved one's sexuality difference, there are a lot of concerns you need clarified.
This is a normal procedure that we as parents need to go through.

This page about homosexuality facts will hopefully clear up some of the queries you may have and help educate you also.

I have already listed a page of FAQ's and now I will clear up some of the myths with some facts.

Myth.

* Most Lesbians Or Gays Regard Themselves As Members Of The Opposite Sex.

Fact.

The majority, if not all gays and lesbians are very happy with their gender. In many ways, their sexual identity is seen as a celebration and an affirmation of their gender, not rejection of it.
People often confuse homosexuality with transsexuality and or transvestism. Transsexual people feel as if they were born into the wrong body and should be the opposite gender. Transvestites are people who often dress in the clothing of the opposite sex.
Most transvestites are heterosexual.

Myth.

* Homosexuality Is A Form Of Mental Illness And Can Be Cured.

Fact.

The American Pshychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of official mental illnesses in 1973. The American Psychological Association followed suit in 1974. And so have most Psychiatric and psychological associations around the world.

Myth.

* All Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual And Transgender People Can Be Identified By Certain Mannerisms Or Physical Characteristics.

Fact.

Only a very small percentage of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people have stereotypic mannerisms and characteristics.
As with heterosexuals, homosexuals and transgender people come in many shapes, sizes and different colors. It is fair to say that some heterosexuals portray a variety of the so-called gay stereo typical characteristics.

Myth.

* Lesbians And Gays Could Be Cured By Having "Good Sex" With A Member Of The Opposite Gender.

Fact.

Remember, you cannot cure homosexuality. Many gays and lesbians have had satisfying heterosexual sex in their life time, but most gays and lesbians would never choose to be sexually active with members of the opposite sex and would resent and challenge the idea that heterosexuals have a corner on the market of "good sex".

Myth.

* You Are Either Heterosexual Or Homosexual. Very Few Are Bisexual.

Fact.

The studies of Dr Alfred Kinsey and his associates are most frequently cited on this question.
Their data suggests that, in fact, few people are predominately heterosexual or homosexual. Most people fall somewhere along the continium between these two ends of the scale, and therefore have the capacity to experience both affection and sexual feelings for members of both sexes.

Myth.

* Gay, Lesbian And Bisexual People Should Not Be Teachers Because They Will Try To Convert Their Students To Their Life Style.

Fact.

It is impossible to convert heterosexuals to become homosexuals as it is just as impossible the other way around.
Based on what is known about sexual attraction, this is simply not possible.

Myth.

* The Majority Of Child Molesters Are Gay Men And Women.

Fact.

Statistics have shown that paedophelia or child molestsation is perpetrated by mainly heterosexuals.
In fact, over 90% of all reported molestations are carried out by heterosexual males.

Myth.

* No One Knows What Causes Homosexuality.

Fact.

This is a complicated and controversial issue.
To date there has been no real conclusive research that shows the causes of either homosexuality, bisexuality or for that matter, heterosexuality. Some believe it is predetermined genetically or hormonally. Others believe that we are all predisposed to all variations of sexual and affectionate behaviour and learn our sexual orientation.

Myth.

* In A Homosexual Relationship, One Partner Usually Plays The Role Of The Husband And The Other Plays The Role Of The Wife.

Fact.

This is not neccessarily so. Most gay and lesbian couples work to develop relationships based on principles of equality and mutuality where they are loved for who they are and not for the roles they play.
This comes back to sterotypical role play. They are ususally just two men sharing roles and two women sharing roles.

Myth.

* One Homosexual Experience As An Adolescent Will Play A Large Part In Determining Whether A Person Will Be Homosexually Orientated As An Adult.

Fact.

Many gay and lesbian people have had early heterosexual experiences but identify as gay or lesbian. This can be said the same for many heterosexual people who have had sexual experiences with a person of the same sex but continue to define themselves as heterosexual.
Sexual orientation for most people goes well beyond just sexual acts.

Myth.

* Homosexuality Does Not Exist In Nature, Therefore It Is Not Natural.

Fact.

Historians tell us that homosexuality has existed since the earliest of human societies. Anthropologists report that homosexuals have been a part of every culture.
One study of non-western cultures, reported that 64% of the respondants considered homosexuality as "normal and socially exceptable".

It is also a well known fact that same sex behaviour is "natural" between animals.

Myth.

* All Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual And Transgender People Choose To Be That Way.

Fact.

The only place where choice seems to come into play is when they decide how they will acknowledge their identity. Choosing if and how to 'come out' and choosing who to tell.

I hope these facts have been helpful.
*Originally published by Debbie on GayFamilySupport.com

RuPaul

In The Wizard's opinion she rocks!
"What other people think of me is not my business. What I do is what I do. How people see me doesn't change what I decide to do. I don't choose projects so people don't see me as one thing or another. I choose projects that excite me. I think the problem is that people refuse to understand what drag is outside of their own belief system."

--RuPaul

RuPaul Andre Charles (born November 17, 1960), best known as simply RuPaul, is an American actor, drag queen, model, author, and recording artist, who first became widely known in the 1990s when he appeared in a wide variety of television programs, films, and musical albums. Previously, he was a fixture on the Atlanta and New York City club scenes during the 1980s and early 90s. RuPaul has on occasion performed as a man in a number of roles, usually billed as RuPaul Charles. RuPaul is noted among famous drag queens for his indifference towards the gender-specific pronouns used to address him—both "he" and "she" have been deemed acceptable. "You can call me he. You can call me she. You can call me Regis and Kathie Lee; I don't care! Just as long as you call me." She hosted a short-running talk show on VH1, and currently hosts reality television shows RuPaul's Drag Race and RuPaul's Drag U. Rupaul is also known for his hit song "Call me Starrbooty".

RuPaul was born in San Diego, California. His name was given to him by his mother, a Louisiana native. The "Ru" came from roux, an ingredient used in gumbo. RuPaul struggled as a musician and filmmaker in Atlanta, Georgia during the 1980s. He participated in underground cinema, helping create the low-budget film Star Booty, and an album by the same name. In Atlanta, RuPaul often performed at the Celebrity Club (managed by Larry Tee) as a bar dancer or with his band, Wee Wee Pole, which included the late Todd Butler. RuPaul's first prominent national exposure came with a featured role dancing in the video for "Love Shack" by The B-52's.

In the early 1990s, RuPaul worked the Georgia club scene and was known by his full birth name. Initially participating in genderfuck-style performances, RuPaul performed solo and in collaboration with other bands at several New York nightclubs, most notably the Pyramid Club. He appeared for many years at the annual Wigstock drag festival and appeared in the documentary Wigstock: The Movie. In the '90s, RuPaul was known in the UK for his appearances on the Channel 4 series Manhattan Cable, a weekly series produced by World of Wonder and presented by American Laurie Pike about New York's wild and wacky public-access television system.

RuPaul is currentley seen on his show, "RuPaul's Drag Race" on OutTv


*Wikipedia

All-sky Aurora above Great Slave Lake, Canada




*Thanks, Gary

Thoughts...

thoughts

thoughts

thoughts

thoughts

thoughts

thoughts

thoughts

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

How to separate an egg

Watch and see how easy it is to separate an egg yolk from the egg white !!

The movie is in Japanese, but you can see how it's done........It's ingenious!

The Blonde

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a Great chest you have!'

He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!'

The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'

I believe

I Believe...
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.


I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you, every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe.....
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.


I Believe....
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with Loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.


I Believe....
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe....
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe....
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe....
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time..

I Believe....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe.....
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe....
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but,
We are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.


I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...
That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in.
I just did.


The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything they have.

The Candy With The Little Hole

LIFE SAVERS
At school, the children began to identify the flavors by their colour:

Red....................Cherry
Yellow.................Lemon
Green.................Lime
Orange ............... Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my God! They're ass-holes!"

Monday, October 22, 2012

Feeling old????

Feeling old??

Facts about the human body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.


One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.


The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.


Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.


A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.


There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.


Women blink twice as often as men.


The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.


Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.


If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.


Women: will be finished reading this by now.


Men: are still busy checking their thumbs.

Stereotypes

stereotypes
Stereotypes

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Bad day

While walking through the trails in Stanley Park, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You gotta be kiddin' me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it.

With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?"

He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.

When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake..."

1910 Ford

Make sure you read all the statistics under the photo.
This has only been 102 years ago…Amazing

1910 Ford
1910 Ford

Show this to your friends, children and/or grandchildren!

The year is 1910, just over one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes!

Here are some statistics for the Year 1910:

************ ********* ************

The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.

Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !

The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.

Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!

Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard.'

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada was only 30!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.


Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,
Regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health'

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !

I posted this without typing it myself.

From there, it will be sent to others all over the WORLD - all in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

My Rock (My Mom)



Sometimes I catch myself
Thinking, "When I phone,
I can talk of this or that!"
Then remember, I'm alone.

She was always there
To answer my calls -
To listen to my "small talk"
Or when I climbed the walls.

At times, I didn't feel like talking
And somehow, she understood -
Didn't say she wished I'd call
Or make me feel like I should.

Now, I wish I would have
More times, to show I cared -
To say, just how important
Were, all those times we shared.

I could have shown my love
So much more than I did -
I never, did it enough
Even when I was a kid.

Now it's too late to do or say
All those things I wish I had -
No way to ease the pain inside
When my heart is sad.

She was my "anchor" to this life -
The "rock", that I clung to -
The place, where I could turn
When, nowhere else would do.
Now, the ravages of time
Have worn my "rock" away -
And all I have to cling to
Are memories of yesterday.


In Passing



Sometimes Mom in passing
Would pat you on the back
And sometimes in passing
She'd show you the right track.

Sometimes Mom in passing
Would say, "You sure look nice!"
And sometimes in passing
She could, make you, think twice.

Sometimes Mom in passing
Would lightly touch your hair
And sometimes in passing
She'd show you what was fair.

Sometimes Mom in passing
Would ask, "What do you mean?"
And sometimes in passing
She would get in between.

Sometimes Mom in passing
Would give you, "that look"
And sometimes in passing
Would give you what it took.

But this time, Mom is passing
From this world to the best
And this time in passing
She'll pass the final test.

And when Mom has passed
And the pain is so unkind
Just look and you'll find her
There in your heart and mind.



Missing You, Mom


Mom, I miss you so very much
On every single day;
And not just then, but every minute,
Since you went away.

You were the center of my life
Before your soul passed on;
It’s just so hard for me to believe
That you are really gone.

But I celebrate the life you lived
And all the things you gave me;
My wonderful memories, Mom, of you
Are the things that will comfort and save me.

Please think of me, as I think of you
With a heart so full of love;
I’m looking up at you, sweet Mom,
As you look at me from above.

I Miss You, Mom

Daddy's Little Girl


Saturday, October 20, 2012

MEMO:

Dear Employee,

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program will be called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get:

HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our: Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).

We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us!


Human Resources

CARNATION MILK
* Your LOL for the day

A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around her family dairy farm since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation.

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores back in the 1940's, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all...."

She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this!

She sent in her entry, and a bout a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house. A man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it."

Here is her entry:
*proven wrong at snopes.com

O M F G ! ! !


Originally published by The University of Arizona Newspaper...

University of Arizona Newspaper cartoon

They apologized. Geee, Ya think????????



Road Rage Karma


Friday, October 19, 2012

Call Me?

I Just Love This!
Call Me?

Spidey can dance!

How to Cruise a Guy on the Street

So you're out and about. All summer those hot men are on the street. Where did they disappear to? Winter is coming! The question is after you spot the rare one still out there, how do you get him home?




  • Go to a place where you're likely to find other gay men.



  • Start walking.



  • When an attractive guy passes by you, attempt to make eye contact.



  • If you make eye contact, don't stop. Walk three more steps.



  • Turn and look over your shoulder. If he's interested, he'll do the same.



  • Face forward a walk three more steps.



  • Turn and look again. If he's looking at you too -- bingo!



  • Go up and introduce yourself.



  • Repeat as necessary.




  • This technique can also be used in shopping malls, airports, or anywhere there are large numbers of people and room to walk...

    Heck, this may even work for you STR8 folks...
    HYUK!

    Thursday, October 18, 2012

    The Winter of your life


    You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

    It seems just yesterday that I was a young guy, just married and embarking on my new life with my wife and son.

    And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all...  And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams...

    But, here it is...the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go? And where did my youth go?

    I remember well...seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like...

    But, here it is...separated...out of the closet and I move slower and I see an older man now. I'm overweight...but, I see the great change...

    Not the one that was once married who was dark and young and strong... others, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

    Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore...it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will...I just fall asleep where I sit!

    And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things.

    But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...This I hope, that when it's over...we have a loving Savior who has a plan for us  and we are assured salvation if we place our faith in Him .   

    So, if your not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly!

    For remember that scripture?...our life is but a vapor, it vanished away...So, do what you can today, because you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not!

    You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life... so, live for God today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...

    What's Your Number?

    The Wizard is a "3"...

    Let the sender know your number. Once you have discovered your Birth Number, forward this post address (http://othersiderainbow.blogspot.ca/2005/02/whats-your-number.html) to the rest of your friends, including the one who sent this to you. Put your nickname and "number" in the comments! Have fun!

    Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.

    To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be: it will just colour your choice differently and give you a little insight.

    Example March 20, 1950
    3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973
    1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20
    2 + 0 = 2

    Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.


    #1 THE ORIGINATOR
    #2 THE PEACEMAKER
    #3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
    #4 THE CONSERVATIVE
    #5 THE NONCONFORMIST
    #6 THE ROMANTIC
    #7 THE INTELLECTUAL
    #8 THE BIG SHOT
    #9 THE PERFORMER

    # 1 - THE ORIGINATOR

    1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson: to learn Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.

    Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

    #2 - THE PEACEMAKER

    2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.

    Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

    # 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY

    3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.

    Famous 3's Alan Alder, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster

    # 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE

    4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.

    Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey

    # 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST

    5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.

    Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller, and Mark Hail.

    # 6 - THE ROMANTIC

    6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.

    Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn

    #7 - THE INTELLECTUAL

    7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what's not in the world at large.

    Famous 7's William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson , Joan Baez, Princess Diana

    # 8 - THE BIG SHOT

    8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.

    Famous 8's Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus, and Ron Connolly

    #9 - THE PERFORMER

    9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation.

    Famous 9's Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.

    In 7 countries, homosexuality = The death penalty


    "Death by Homosexuality," by Cam Cardow



    93 nations in the world still legally punish homosexuality. In 7 of these - Iran, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, United Arab Emirates, Sudan, Nigeria, Mauritania - gays and lesbians are punished with the death penalty.

    Is this the Twenty-First Century or the Dark Ages? Sometimes I really can't tell.