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Friday, August 31, 2012

Sounds Correct To Me!

If you need a laugh, then read through these Children's Science Exam Answers.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.


Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.


Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this !)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word " benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Blue Moon

Blue Moon

A blue moon can refer to the third full moon in a season with four full moons. Most years have twelve full moons that occur approximately monthly. In addition to those twelve full lunar cycles, each solar calendar year contains roughly eleven days more than the lunar year of 12 lunations. The extra days accumulate, so every two or three years (7 times in the 19-year Metonic cycle), there is an extra full moon. Lunisolar calendars have rules about when to insert such an intercalary or embolismic ("leap") month, and what name it is given; e.g. in the Hebrew calendar the month Adar is duplicated. The term "blue moon" comes from folklore. Different traditions and conventions place the extra "blue" full moon at different times in the year. In the Hindu calendar, this extra month is called 'Adhik(extra) masa (month)'. It is also known as purushottam maas, so as to give it a devotional name.

"Blue Moon, You saw me standing, alone...."

Monday, August 27, 2012

Wise Words

Be Wise

Be Wise!A Father's Gift

The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother.

Be Wise!Abundance

The two most abundant things in the universe

are hydrogen and stupidity

- Harlam Ellison -


Be Wise!Planning your own website! Free vs. paid web hosting?

Choosing your web host is probably the most important part of setting up a web site. If you're planning to sell anything from your site, you should never use free hosting. What few dollars you may save in reduced cost, will come back at you in lost incomes. Not only are most free hosting companies very slow, but they also insist on advertising on your site. Sometimes even with a popup new browser window which takes seemingly forever to load. For the average personal web site which doesn't sell anything, one of these low-quality hosts may be sufficient.


Be Wise!Rear seat seatbelt use can save your life as a driver!

Even if you're riding in the front seat and wearing your seatbelt you can avoid having rear seat passengers becoming projectiles by having them wear their seatbelts. A recent study revealed that wearing a seatbelt in the backseat of a car could dramatically reduce the risk of death and injury to front-seat occupants. In a review of over 100,000 automobile accidents, researchers concluded that the use of seatbelts in the backseats could have reduced fatal injuries to front-seat occupants by as much as 80%.


Be Wise!How old are you ?

If you try to look down at people from up where you are.

I am still young enough to play the game, but old enough to know the score!

Be Wise!Nothing Is Everything

The fact that money isn’t everything is irrelevant, because nothing else is everything either, but money isn’t really a bad first step on the way towards everything.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Phyllis Diller - R.I.P.

From TMZ.com via celebritydeathbeeper.com
Phyllis Diller - Dead at 95
Comedian Phyllis Diller -- who paved the way for today's female comics -- died this morning, TMZ has learned.

Sources close to Diller tell us the comedian died in her sleep at her L.A. home, surrounded by family. She was 95.

We're told Diller had recently fallen, hurting her wrist and hip -- but her rep says the injury had nothing to do with her death.

Diller suffered a heart attack in 1999 and was later fitted with a pacemaker.

Phyllis began her career all the way back in 1952 -- and rose to fame with her TV specials alongside Bob Hope in the 1960s.

Later that decade, Phyllis starred in her own show called "The Phyllis Diller Show" ... as well as a variety show called "The Beautiful Phyllis Diller Show." She was also a regular on "Laugh In."

She also posed for Playboy -- but the pics were never published.

Diller remained spunky to the very end, famously appearing in the 2005 movie "The Aristocrats," telling an x-rated joke ... better than comics half her age.

Joan Rivers recently appeared on "Watch What Happens Live" and said, Diller "broke the way for every woman comedian.”

Last time we shot Diller was in 2011, and she was still sharp as a tack -- cracking jokes and reminiscing about her "protegee" Joan Rivers. She even named her favorite comedian of all time.

*TMZ.com

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Hey Buddy... I wanna help ya!

Money

It can buy a house

But not a home

It can buy a clock
But not time

It can buy you a position

But not respect

It can buy you a bed
But not sleep

It can buy you a book
But not knowledge

It can buy you medicine
But not health

It can't buy you blood
Or life

So you see money isn't everything

And it often causes pain and suffering

I tell you this because I am your friend

And as your friend I want to

Take away your pain and suffering!!

So....

Send me all your money

And I will suffer for you!

Cash only please

Thursday, August 16, 2012

PRIDE Saskatoon 2012

The following pictures are from Saskatoon Pride 2012. Awesome turnout and awesome day!
My partner Dwight and me

Dwight, Deva Dave and me

Dwight, Deva Dave and me

Monday, August 13, 2012

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...


ON NO REAL
VEGETARIANS NEED APPLY

Seeking quiet professional pseudo vegetarian to share custom Sunset area home.

--classified ad, Driftwood, California, newspaper





ON WHY SO MANY DOGS WERE MILLING AROUND
IN THE PARKING LOT

TRY OUR NEW ANUS BURGER

McDonald’s promotional marquee, Kalamazoo, Michigan





ON MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE ANOTHER WILD GUESS

Game show host Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

during a game show segment on BBC radio Newcastle (UK)




ON DESCRIPTIONS, FISHY
He plucked the ball out of the air like a salmon.

sportscaster Ray French





ON THE EDUCATED VOTER
Talk show host Steve Allen (doing man-on-the-street interviews): If a person, seriously now, running for the presidency of the United States revealed that he was an admitted heterosexual, in all honesty, could you vote for him or her?

Woman on the street: No, no WAY!

Thursday, August 09, 2012

This Little Piggy...

Any hunters in your group? WHAT A PORKER!!!

The fellow in the pictures is Larry Earley, He lives about 30 miles from Orlando, in the very rural community near Okahumpka, just off the Florida turnpike in Lake County Florida. He has 20 acres of land and on it, a few cows and horses. Mostly it's pasture land that is fenced with woods surrounding him.


He is neighbored by a larger cattle ranch. His neighbor has complained for several years that wild hogs had been raiding his cattle feeders and salt licks. Last month he saw what he though was a cow in his pond and went to see if it was stuck in the mud and would have to be pulled out. When he got close enough to realize it was hog, the thing made a charge at him. He had driven his truck down to the pond and carries a pistol in it (as any Florida redneck would, and I say that with genuine affection). He got his handgun and when it came at him again, he shot it twice and killed it.

Wild hogs in Florida usually run from 100-400 pounds with a 400 pounder being a monster. Because this one had been feasting on grain for several years it had grown to mamoth size. When Bob took it to the processor it weighed in at over 1100 pounds!



The meat has no wild taste, as it was grain fed and the Larry is quite the hero. He has fed many fireman and provided the homeless shelter in downtown Orlando with a couple of meals.

*Wizard's note: True story

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

The Homosexual Zebra

The Homosexual Zebra The homosexual zebra is a brightly coloured rainbow tint. He can be seen roaming the Serengeti in search of a suitable same-sex mate. Zebra's mate for life but the homosexual zebra is sometimes the exception. This has to do with the prevailing laws in the coutry they reside in. You will see him courting his prospective mate in the late daylight hours, just before sunset. This is do to the innate want of not spending the night alone.

The courtship of the homosexual zebra is quite flamboyant: He will walk with a swish type gate - accentuating his colourful rump. He will swish his tail in a provocative manner. He will do a double take and see if his mark is checking him out. He will blink quickly - so the mark is aware of his interest and will bat his huge eyelashes at the mark.

He will lift his right front hoof and and tap it in such a way that the prospective can see and hear it - thus signifying a wanton need of sexual release. If the mark repeats the same moves - he is telling the aggressor that he is also interested in taking the courtship further.

The two zebras will now trot happily towards each other, and the pursuer will turn his brightly coloured backside to the other, and then will do an about face and immediately bite the other to show him that he is indeed the more powerful - thus determining what will transpire later in the sexual act itself.

If successful, the two homosexual zebra's will move to a well shaded, quiet area, where they can be alone. Homosexual zebra sex can be quite rough - often ending up with one or both requiring some downtime to rest - however, it is not unexpected that they will have some kind of sex, several times over the next several hours.

They will sleep beside each other until morning - at which time, the originator - will kick the other in the butt signifying the end of the encounter.

Homosexual zebra's rarely mate for life, they seem to prefer a "swinging" single lifestyle, with the excitement that that brings. This is in part that they are unable to be seen trotting in public together, without repercussion.

The homosexual zebra has been seen marching in Pride Parades in North America, but sadly, in it's homeland of the Serengeti, Homosexuals are still charged with a crime and thusly have driven the majority of homosexual zebra's to Hide their true colours, to evade detection.

It is my hope, that we will progress as a society that one day soon, the homosexual zebra and indeed, all zebras, homosexual and straight, will be able to peacefully co-exist together, free from the oppression that countries thrust upon them. After all, they are both striped, they both love, it's simply a question of who they love.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Latest pictures from Mars

There are only 4 photos, but each one is incredible.

Awesome photography! Great photos from Mars


Incredible images from the latest batch of photographs sent back from the Mars landing.

This camera is totally fantastic.

Latest pictures from Mars
Latest pictures from Mars
Latest pictures from Mars
Latest pictures from Mars

*Thanks, Gary

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Stop clubbing, baby seals...


Stop clubbing, baby seals...

The Police Dog

The Police Dog - Click here for a larger picture

The 411 - Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn MonroeMarilyn Monroe (born Norma Jeane Mortenson; June 1, 1926 – August 5, 1962) was an American actress, model, and singer, who became a major sex symbol, starring in a number of commercially successful motion pictures during the 1950s and early 1960s.

After spending much of her childhood in foster homes, Monroe began a career as a model, which led to a film contract in 1946 with Twentieth Century-Fox. Her early film appearances were minor, but her performances in The Asphalt Jungle and All About Eve (both 1950), drew attention. By 1952 she had her first leading role in Don't Bother to Knock and 1953 brought a lead in Niagara, a melodramatic film noir that dwelt on her seductiveness. Her "dumb blonde" persona was used to comic effect in subsequent films such as Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953), How to Marry a Millionaire (1953) and The Seven Year Itch (1955). Limited by typecasting, Monroe studied at the Actors Studio to broaden her range. Her dramatic performance in Bus Stop (1956) was hailed by critics and garnered a Golden Globe nomination. Her production company, Marilyn Monroe Productions, released The Prince and the Showgirl (1957), for which she received a BAFTA Award nomination and won a David di Donatello award. She received a Golden Globe Award for her performance in Some Like It Hot (1959). Monroe's last completed film was The Misfits, co-starring Clark Gable with screenplay by her then-husband, Arthur Miller.

The final years of Monroe's life were marked by illness, personal problems, and a reputation for unreliability and being difficult to work with. The circumstances of her death, from an overdose of barbiturates, have been the subject of conjecture. Though officially classified as a "probable suicide", the possibility of an accidental overdose, as well as of homicide, have not been ruled out. In 1999, Monroe was ranked as the sixth greatest female star of all time by the American Film Institute. In the decades following her death, she has often been cited as both a pop and a cultural icon as well as the quintessential American sex symbol.

Marilyn Monroe was born on June 1, 1926, in the Los Angeles County Hospital as Norma Jeane Mortenson (soon afterSome like it hotchanged to Baker), the third child born to Gladys Pearl Baker (née Monroe, May 27, 1902 – March 11, 1984). Monroe's birth certificate names the father as Martin Edward Mortensen with his residence stated as "unknown". The name Mortenson is listed as her surname on the birth certificate, although Gladys immediately had it changed to Baker, the surname of her first husband and which she still used. Martin's surname was misspelled on the birth certificate leading to more confusion on who her actual father was. Gladys Baker had married a Martin E. Mortensen in 1924, but they had separated before Gladys' pregnancy. Several of Monroe's biographers suggest that Gladys Baker used his name to avoid the stigma of illegitimacy. Mortensen died at the age of 85, and Monroe's birth certificate, together with her parents' marriage and divorce documents, were discovered. The documents showed that Mortensen filed for divorce from Gladys on March 5, 1927, and it was finalized on October 15, 1928. Throughout her life, Marilyn Monroe denied that Mortensen was her father. She said that, when she was a child, she had been shown a photograph of a man that Gladys identified as her father, Charles Stanley Gifford. She remembered that he had a thin mustache and somewhat resembled Clark Gable, and that she had amused herself by pretending that Gable was her father.

Gladys was mentally unstable and financially unable to care for the young Norma Jeane, so she placed her with foster parents Albert and Ida Bolender of Hawthorne, California, where she lived until she was seven. One day, Gladys visited and demanded that the Bolenders return Norma Jeane to her. Ida refused, as she knew Gladys was unstable and the situation would not benefit her young daughter. Gladys pulled Ida into the yard, then quickly ran back to the house and locked herself in. Several minutes later, she walked out with one of Albert Bolender's military duffel bags. To Ida's horror, Gladys had stuffed a screaming Norma Jeane into the bag, zipped it up, and was carrying it right out with her. Ida charged toward her, and their struggle split the bag apart, dumping out Norma Jeane, who wept loudly as Ida grabbed her and pulled her back inside the house, away from Gladys. In 1933, Gladys bought a house and brought Norma Jeane to live with her. A few months later, Gladys began a series of mental episodes that would plague her for the rest of her life. In My Story, Monroe recalls her mother "screaming and laughing" as she was forcibly removed to the State Hospital in Norwalk.

Norma Jeane was declared a ward of the state. Gladys's best friend, Grace McKee, became her guardian. It was Grace who told Monroe that someday she would become a movie star. Grace was captivated by Jean Harlow, and would let Norma Jeane wear makeup and take her out to get her hair curled. They would go to the movies together, forming the basis for Norma Jeane's fascination with the cinema and the stars on screen. When Norma Jeane was 9, McKee married Ervin Silliman "Doc" Goddard in 1935, and subsequently sent Monroe to the Los Angeles Orphans Home (later renamed Hollygrove), followed by a succession of foster homes. While at Hollygrove, several families were interested in adopting her; however, reluctance on Gladys' part to sign adoption papers thwarted those attempts. In 1937, Monroe moved back into Grace and Doc Goddard's house, joining Doc's daughter from a previous marriage. Due to Doc's frequent attempts to sexually assault Norma Jeane, this arrangement did not last long.

Grace sent Monroe to live with her great-aunt, Olive Brunings in Compton, California; this was also a brief stint ended by an Marilyn Monroe on teh cover of Playboy Magazineassault (some reports[which?] say it was sexual) when one of Olive's sons had attacked the now middle-school-aged girl. Biographers and psychologists[who?] have questioned whether at least some of Norma Jeane's later behavior (i.e., hypersexuality, sleep disturbances, substance abuse, disturbed interpersonal relationships), was a manifestation of the effects of childhood sexual abuse in the context of her already problematic relationships with her psychiatrically ill mother and subsequent caregivers. In early 1938, Grace sent her to live with yet another one of her aunts, Ana Lower, who lived in the Van Nuys area of Los Angeles County. Years later, she would reflect fondly about the time that she spent with Lower, whom she affectionately called "Aunt Ana". She would explain that it was one of the only times in her life when she felt truly stable. As she aged, however, Lower developed serious health problems.

In 1942, Monroe moved back to Grace and Doc Goddard's house. While attending Van Nuys High School, she met a neighbor's son, James Dougherty (more commonly referred to as simply "Jim"), and began a relationship with him. Several months later, Grace and Doc Goddard decided to relocate to Virginia, where Doc had received a lucrative job offer. Although it was never explained why, they decided not to take Monroe with them. An offer from a neighborhood family to adopt her was proposed, but Gladys rejected the offer. With few options left, Grace approached Dougherty's mother and suggested that Jim marry her so that she would not have to return to an orphanage or foster care, as she was two years below the California legal age. Jim was initially reluctant, but he finally relented and married her in a ceremony arranged by Ana Lower. During this period, Monroe briefly supported her family as a homemaker. In 1943, during World War II, Dougherty enlisted in the Merchant Marine. He was initially stationed on Santa Catalina Island off California's west coast, and Monroe lived with him there in the town of Avalon for several months before he was shipped out to the Pacific. Frightened that he might not come back alive, Monroe begged him to try and get her pregnant before he left. Dougherty disagreed, feeling that she was too young to have a baby, but he promised that they would revisit the subject when he returned home. Subsequently, Monroe moved in with Dougherty's mother.

A lot of speculation is thinking her father was a man known as Stan Gifford, as many sources tell us and that she never knew her father.

On August 5, 1962, at 4:25 am, LAPD sergeant Jack Clemmons received a call from Dr. Ralph Greenson, Monroe's psychiatrist, proclaiming that Monroe was found dead at her home in Brentwood, Los Angeles, California. She was 36 years old. At the subsequent autopsy, eight milligram per cent of chloral hydrate and 4.5 milligram percent of Nembutal were found in her system, and Dr. Thomas Noguchi of the Los Angeles County Coroners office recorded cause of death as "acute barbiturate poisoning", resulting from a "probable suicide". Many theories, including murder, circulated about the circumstances of her death and the timeline after the body was found. Some conspiracy theories involved John and Robert Kennedy, while other theories suggested CIA or Mafia complicity. It was reported that President Kennedy was the last person Monroe called.

Marilyn Monroe's StarOn August 8, 1962, Monroe was interred in a crypt at Corridor of Memories #24, at the Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery in Los Angeles. Lee Strasberg delivered the eulogy. Joe DiMaggio took control of the funeral arrangements which consisted of only 31 close family and friends. Police were also present to keep the press away. Her casket was solid bronze and was lined with champagne colored silk. Allan "Whitey" Snyder did her make-up, which was supposedly a promise made in earlier years if she were to die before him. She was wearing her favorite green Emilio Pucci dress. In her hands was a small bouquet of pink teacup roses. For the next 20 years, red roses were placed in a vase attached to the crypt, courtesy of DiMaggio.

In August 2009, the crypt space directly above that of Monroe was placed for auction on eBay. Elsie Poncher plans to exhume her husband and move him to an adjacent plot. She advertised the crypt, hoping "to make enough money to pay off the $1.6 million mortgage" on her Beverly Hills mansion. The winning bid was placed by an anonymous Japanese man for $4.6 million, but the winning bidder later backed out "because of the paying problem". In 1992, Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner, who never met Monroe, bought the crypt immediately to the left of hers at the Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery. He affirmed that the initial success of his magazine directly correlated with Monroe.
*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia