Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Some posts may be seen as offensive. Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 6 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
1.. You walka pasta da bakery.
2.. You walka pasta da candy store.
3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4... You walka pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight! AND...... CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET? For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills.
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a
sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For
three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at
it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this
deal.
It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:
"Fridge for sale $50."
The next day someone stole it. Caution...
They Walk Among Us and They Vote!
==========
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....
"Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said...
"Where???"
They Walk Among Us and They Vote!
==========
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking
him up every
morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime.
She shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
They Walk Among Us and They Vote!
==========
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call
center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" .
They Walk Among Us and They Vote!
==========
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn
she got on her weekend drive to the shore.
She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving".
They Walk Among Us and They Vote!
==========
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the trunk...
They Walk Among Us and They Vote!
==========
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount on both....
They Walk Among Us and They Vote!
==========
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed
up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us and They Vote!
==========
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Yep,
THEY Walk Among Us, and, Dear Me, They Vote too !!!!!!!!
Walter Gretzky, the father of hockey great Wayne Gretzky, has died. He was 82.
Wayne Gretzky said in a social media post Thursday night that his father battled Parkinson’s disease and other health issues the past few years.
“It’s with deep sadness that Janet and I share the news of the passing of my dad,” Wayne Gretzky said. “He bravely battled Parkinson’s and other health issues these last few years, but he never let it get him down.
“For me, he was the reason I fell in love with the game of hockey. He inspired me to be the best I could be not just in the game of hockey, but in life.”
Walter Gretzky, CM, OOnt (October 8, 1938 – March 4, 2021) was a Canadian who is best known as the father of ice hockey star Wayne Gretzky. An avid hockey player as a youth and a keen analyst of the game, he was credited by his son as playing a key role in his success. He coached Wayne continually, starting at age three, building him a backyard rink, devising creative exercises and drills, teaching him profound insights into how to play successfully, and accompanying him to most of his games. He taught his son to go "To where the puck is going, not where it's been."
Gretzky contributed to minor hockey in Canada, and helped many local, provincial, and national charities, for which he was honoured.
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blond Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!
If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to
jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known
how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have
given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blond's wife. The blond's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
Click here for the answers.
A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom," he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," replied his mother.
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You
may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of
the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper
may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to
the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor
6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this
floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to
please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid
gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just
across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
Andrew
Jackson was plagued his entire life by a bullet wound to the chest,
which he suffered in a duel. In 1805, Charles Dickenson, the son-in-law
of a man who owed Jackson a horse-race gambling debt, called Jackson “a
worthless scoundrel . . . and a coward” in a Nashville, Tennessee,
newspaper. Jackson challenged Dickenson to a duel. 
On
May 30, 1806, Dickenson fired the first shot. The bullet broke two of
Jackson’s ribs and lodged near his heart. As was the dueling custom,
Dickenson could neither fire again nor move from his position until
Jackson fired as well. Jackson took aim and fired a fatal shot from 24
paces. But his inoperable wound never healed properly and bothered him
for the next 39 years.
Dear Love Doctor,
This may sound pretty petty, but it has me very worried. My better half wants us to go on separate vacations this winter.
He says it would help us "charge our batteries" and he says it would be
good for our relationship. We've been together about three years now
and I've never thought there was anything wrong with our partnership.
"Paul" has already made reservations to go to a gay resort down south
next month. He did it without even mentioning it to me beforehand.
"Paul" says he's going with some friends from work, and says I should
make my own plans and go somewhere I'd like.
He won't tell me the names of the people he's traveling with, and I'm getting suspicious.
"Paul" has always been headstrong, but really Doc, doesn't this sound just a bit fishy?
Signed,
Home Alone
Dear Home
I think you are right hearing those bells and whistles going off in your
head. The tip off, of course, was not saying who he is going with.
But, suspicions aren't proof. And, it is obvious this is going to keep
bothering you. So, it is time to bring the whole thing to a boil.
If you don't want separate holidays tell him so. Put your foot down and
tell him why. If it turns out he is having a fling you will have to
deal with that. Either you put up with it, or you will have to consider
ending the relationship.
A partnership is just what the name implies, two equal parts.
Don't put up with less than you are prepared to give.
The Love Doctor
A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.
In simple English what does this translate to??
Jack and Jill went up the hill...
Bunny Wailer, a reggae luminary who was the last surviving member of the legendary group The Wailers, has died. He was 73.
The musician passed away in his native Jamaica, according to his manager.
Neville O'Riley Livingston, OM**, best known as Bunny Wailer, was a Jamaican singer songwriter and percussionist and was an original member of reggae group The Wailers along with Bob Marley and Peter Tosh. A three-time Grammy award winner, he is considered one of the longtime standard-bearers of reggae music. He is also known as Bunny Livingston and affectionately Jah B.
** OM - The Order of Merit is part of the Jamaican honours system, and it is the fourth-highest honour awarded by the nation of Jamaica. The Order of Merit is conferred upon Jamaicans or distinguished citizens of other countries who have achieved eminent international distinction in the field of science, the arts, literature or any other endeavour. The award can be held by no more than 15 living persons. It is not given to more than two people in any one year
Stare into the cat's
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.
A British Airway's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines." he said, "I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you - Tray-up, bitch."
Giuseppe.....Horatio Sanz
Marcello.....Jimmy Fallon
Female Tourist.....Janet Jackson
Male Tourist.....Chris Parnell
Luigi.....Fred Armisen
Cork Soaker #1.....Seth Meyers
Cork Soaker #2.....Darrell Hammond
Monica.....Maya Rudolph
Carmella.....Rachel Dratch
[ open on footage of wine country ]
[ dissolve to interior, corking room, as Giuseppe enters with tour group]
Giuseppe: Right this way, folks. You're now entering.. the
corking room. This is where.. the final step in the bottling process
happens - where we prepare all the corks for all the bottles of Brunello
that you saw earlier.
Marcello: Any questions? [ a hand is raised ] Yes?
Female Tourist: I've always actually wondered about that. How do you cork the bottles?
Marcello: Excellent-a question, ma bella. As you can see, we are
-asoaking all of the corks in this room right now. These three guys
right here are some of the most talented cork soakers! Say hello, you
all cork soakers!
[ the three cork soakers turn around and wave happily to the tour group ]
Male Tourist: Now, I'm curious - how does one become a cork soaker.
Giuseppe: As we-a like-a to say, "Cork soakers are born, not made."
Marcello: Yeah. Luigi here was simply born to soak cork! Come say hi, Luigi!
Luigi: I love-a soaking the cork! I could-a soak the cork all night long, if they let me! I want to-a soak two corks at once!
Female Tourist: So.. are all corks the same?
Marcello: No, no, no..
Cork Soaker #1: I like-a to soak the big-a, thick-a corks!
Luigi: I like-a the long-a, skinny ones.
Cork Soaker #2: I like-a the dark-a ones.
Giuseppe: The great-a thing about the cork soaking, is that while
you are-a soaking the cork, you can also.. massage-a the grapes, until
the cork is ready. [ holds up a bunch of grapes ]
Marcello: That's right.
Female Tourist: [ stumbling, on the verge of cracking up ] So, how did you learn to sork.. corks -- suck -- soak corks?
Marcello: You know, I'll never forget the first time I soaked-a cork. I was fifteen, in-a summer camp.
Female Tourist: You know, I've noticed that all the cork soakers are men. Do women make good soakers?
Giuseppe: Oh, yes! Yes! Monica, Carmella - come in here!
Marcello: Come in here.
[ Monica and Carmella enter scene ]
Giuseppe: Monica.. tell-a these-a nice-a people.. how you soak the cork.
Monica: Well, ever since I started soaking cork, I'm the most popular girl in school!
Marcello: It's-a true - men come-a from all over just to watch
her soak a cork. And Grandma Carmella still-a soaking cork at age 87! I
got to say that, too!
Carmella: [ speaking with her gums ] It's crazy! Ever since I lost my teeth, people tell me I soak the cork better than ever!
Female Tourist: Wow, this soaking corks really seems like a
family business. So.. does your wife like soaking.. [ laughing ]
..s-s-soaking cork?
Marcello: Well.. she used to, when we were dating. Now, not so much.
Male Tourist: Um.. could you teach me how to soak cork?
Giuseppe: You know.. when-a you walked in here.. I could-a sworn you already an expert cork soaker!
Male Tourist: [ flattered ] Thank you! I dabbled in college. Um.. but, let me ask you this - do you ever run out of corks to soak?
Marcello: Oh, yeah, I'll never forget this one that was unusually large. And I thought Giuseppe would need extra cork.
Giuseppe: And I thought Marcello would need more corks.
Marcello: So we soaked-a each other's corks at the same time! [ to Giuseppe ] Do you remember that?
Giuseppe: Can you imagine that? Me-a soaking his cork.. while-a he soaked mine?
Marcello: Oh, boy!
Giuseppe: What year was that?
Marcello: The year we soaked each other's corks?
Giuseppe: Yes.
Marcello: That-a was, what.. that was like, sixty.. late 60's, right?
Giuseppe: Yes.
Marcello: Sixty.. eight?
Giuseppe: I-a wanted to say.. 70.
Marcello: No.. you sure it wasn't one earlier than that?
Giuseppe: It was sometime or other..
Marcello: Let's just say between 68 and 70, alright?
Female Tourist: This is all really so fascinating. So, do you
think that one of you could teach me how to soak.. soak.. [ laughing ]
..s-s-soak corks?
[ the cork soakers cheer excitedly, each rallying to be the one to teach the beautfiul tourist the art of their craft ]
Giuseppe: Oh, I'm sorry. Come with me, ma bella. I will let you soak-a my cork as long as you like!
[ they depart from the group ]
Marcello: Cheers! Cheers!
[ fade out ]
