Ed Sheeran

The Wizard really has started to like Ed Sheeran. 

Here are a few of my favourite videos. I hope you enjoy them!

Another Groaner!

There was a guy with a girlfriend named Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous.

He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But . . . out of his sense of loyalty, he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing:

"I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone..." 

'OZ' had over 5,000 visitors on October 24th

98% of traffic was with Safari on MACS. WTF? 

'OZ' normally gets 300-400 visitors daily as of late so this day is far and away one of the busiest days I've ever had. It would be nice if it continues, but likely won't. Still it's interesting for sure! I wonder what the Apple folks were searching for to cause a spike in my traffic? It was not due to the posts I made on the 24th. It was something else, something they were searching for. I do hope they found what they were looking for on 'OZ'!

Quote me if you want to...

"I’m not an Alcoholic, I’m a Drunk – Alcoholics go to Meetings!" 

"This Is Not The Life I Ordered!"   

"Jesus is Coming – Look Busy" 

"Homosexuals are Gay" 

"Sex is like air, it’s not really that important until you’re not getting any…" 

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you’re abusing the privilege" 

"I need someone really bad… Are you really bad?" 

"Screw me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we met before?" 

"One out of four people in this country is Mentally Unbalanced – think of your three closest friends, if they seem ok, then you’re the one…" 

10 Things you should know/do before buying a new PC

Click Above. Still relevant today.

Quoth The "Rocket Man"

 Everybody knows I'm desperately in love with Miss Piggy... --Elton John

Female & Male prayers

FEMALE PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome,smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

MALE PRAYER

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs

who owns a liquor store and a fishing boat. This

doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

Amen.

Of Cussing Parrots and Toothbrush Horrors...

 *How to tame the cussing parrot *

Jimmy received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a swear word; those that weren't cursing were very rude.

Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music-anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He then tried yelling at the bird, but the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"


*Tooth Brush*

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.

He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

R.I.P. James Michael Tyler (1962 - 2021)

 

James Michael Tyler, the actor known widely for his recurring role as Gunther on Friends, has died. He was 59.

Tyler died Sunday at home in Los Angeles from prostate cancer, said his manager, Toni Benson. Tyler was first diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer in 2018.

Finally!

Believe it or not, these are real 911 Calls!

 

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1, what is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table, and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before, and I'm sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1, what is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

Believe it or not.... not everyone uses "911" for emergency numbers...

Don't Open At Work!

You have been warned!

Click here.

PSA

 

So... Your printer is out of order?

Hubless Bicycle

"Heebee-Jeebies"

I was speaking to someone the other day and said: "Wow! That gave me the heebie-jeebies!" That person said that I shouldn't use that word as it is anti-semitic and is a slur referencing "Hebrews" and "Jews".  

So I looked it up and found out it originated in a 1923 cartoon. Here is the cartoon and a short audio clip on it origins.

So it is NOT anti-semitic. Go ahead and use the expression, and if someone says not to use the word, educate them, LOL. 

And here is the link to the audio.

Just be there

 

R.I.P. Peter Scolari (1955 - 2021)

 

Peter Scolari, who co-starred with Tom Hanks on the '80s-era sitcom "Bosom Buddies," has died. He was 66. Scolari had been battling cancer for two years. Scolari's death was confirmed by Ellen Lubin Sanitsky at Wright Entertainment.

Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari in "Bosom Buddies"

Present and Past

 

Canadian Actor Simu Liu - The First Aisian Superhero

 

Just saw the movie, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings And I have to rate it quite favourable. Tons of martial arts excitement and dragons. Did I mention dragons? There are DRAGONS in this movie.

However, Shang-Chi is not a superhero in the Marvel sense. He is more of a historic hero. He does not fight crime (Except an altercation on a bus in San Francisco. That was cool!), or oppression the way other Marvel characters do. He protects his mothers city, from an evil force that has been locked up and secured for thousands of years.

There is a struggle between Shang-Chi and his father that ends up passing on the 10 rings to his son.

A great movie to see and a real groundbreaking accomplishment for Asian superheroes. 

Stephen Hawking Quote

 

Five Day Weather Forecast

20 Mickey Mouses For You!

 

Just got this idea from THE World's worst website

and to show you that 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow

is not immune to 

ultimate tastelessness and tackiness.

 It's kinda mezmorizing, I think!

 

But really... ain't Mickey cute?

Raining Tacos / Hailing Taquitos

Your ear worms* for the day. You're welcome! )

* An earworm, sometimes referred to as a brainworm, sticky music, stuck song syndrome, or, most commonly after earworms, Involuntary Musical Imagery (INMI), is a catchy and/or memorable piece of music or saying that continuously occupies a person's mind even after it is no longer being played or spoken about. Involuntary musical imagery as a label is not solely restricted to earworms; musical hallucinations also fall into this category, although they are not the same thing. Earworms are considered to be a common type of involuntary cognition. Some of the phrases often used to describe earworms include "musical imagery repetition" and "involuntary musical imagery."

What a waste of hard-earned $$!!!!

 

You wanna flirt with the person of your dreams! Are you curious to see how well u can impress gorgeous women with words? Find out now!

Join? Text FLIRT to 85050.

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Share the fun! Get the funniest, coolest and most hilarious jokes directly on your cell phone!

Join? Text SMILE to 85050.

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ASTRO! With your personal horoscope you'll be much better prepared for the day. Sign up! And receive your personal horoscope by text messaging (on a daily basis) directly on your cell phone.

Join? Text ASTRO to 85050.

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JOKE! They're Hilarious! Get the best jokes directly on your cell phone! Make your friends laugh and enjoy the most wanted jokes every day.

Join? Text JOKE to 85050

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Score NOW!!! Get the best SPORT MESSAGES daily on your cell phone! Choose your favorite sport and receive the latest news, player info and scores of your favorite team. Don't miss it!!! CATCH all the action on your phone!

Join? Text SPORT to 85050

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IT'S HOT, IT'S COOL, IT'S TEXT WEATHER USA!! We will keep you informed and up to date with your local weather forecast! You will always be prepared and ready to face the daily weather, wherever you are!

Join? Text WEATHER to 85050

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Receive the latest news from around the world daily on your cell phone! We will always keep you up to date with breaking news, headlines and top stories. Do it now and stay informed!

Join? Text NEWS to 85050

Unsubscribe? Text NEWS STOP to 85050

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Receive the latest music news from your stars and idols daily on your cell phone! We will always keep you up to date with breaking news, headlines and top stories. Do it now and stay informed!

Join? Text MUSIC to 85050

Unsubscribe? Text MUSIC STOP to 85050

Subscribers receive one daily message at $0.99 per message. (29.70 per month)
Separate wireless provider text message fees apply.

Charges are billed on wireless phone bill or deducted from balance. Users must be 18 or older and authorized account holder. The services are for entertainment purposes only ...

And to part you from your money! Is The Wizard the only one who thinks these are a waste of $$? 

$356.40/year!

Besides... You can get your dose of these things right here on 'OZ' and FREE!

This is true!

 

Score!

 

The Wizard Scored! 2 x 2 free entrees up to $40. So we can go twice and have free food! Also 2 free grand slam breakfasts. Thank you Denny's! ❤

#YouWillYouAre

 

What would you like to tell your younger self? Click Above to Tell your story

Friends of Ruby is a charitable organization supporting lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and two-spirit youth (aged 16-29) through counselling, housing, practical supports and mental health services.

Everyone has a story and Friends of Ruby is on a mission to help amplify stories from LGBTQI2S community members to raise awareness of the challenges faced, specifically by youth within the community. We’re launching #YouWillYouAre, a positive and upbeat campaign to inspire youth through engaging stories from other trusted voices within their community.

Friends of Ruby is seeking authentic stories and messages of affirmation to amplify during Pride for LGBTQI2S youth.

*https://youwillyouare.ca/

The Donkey and the Tiger

The donkey told the tiger, "The grass is blue." 

The tiger replied, "No, the grass is green ."

The discussion became heated, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, so they approached the lion. 

As they approached the lion on his throne, the donkey started screaming: ′′Your Highness, isn't it true that the grass is blue?" 

The lion replied: "If you believe it is true, the grass is blue."

The donkey rushed forward and continued: ′′The tiger disagrees with me, contradicts me and annoys me. Please punish him."

The king then declared: ′′The tiger will be punished with 3 days of silence."

The donkey jumped with joy and went on his way, content and repeating ′′The grass is blue, the grass is blue..." 

The tiger asked the lion, "Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?"
The lion replied, ′′You've known and seen the grass is green."
The tiger asked, ′′So why do you punish me?"
The lion replied, "That has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green. The punishment is because it is degrading for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with an ass, and on top of that, you came and bothered me with that question just to validate something you already knew was true!"

The biggest waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn't care about truth or reality, but only the victory of his beliefs and illusions. Never waste time on discussions that make no sense. There are people who, for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand. Others who are blinded by ego, hatred and resentment, and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t. 

When IGNORANCE SCREAMS, intelligence moves on.

Vaccination information

 

Recycled Tires Make Great Crocodiles!

 

I'll never 'tire' of the crocodiles

Grateful For...