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Wednesday, August 05, 2020

This is REALLY COOL!! Do yourself, do your friends and family...

Birthday Calculator This is cool. After you've finished reading the info, click again, and see what the moon looked like the nite you were born. This is neat.  My Moon Click here.

Stop clubbing, baby seals...


Stop clubbing, baby seals...

Dirty Mind


Dirty Mind! Look Again!

LOL


The Prozac must be working. You're not so grim, Mr. Reaper...

Giggles, Guffaws, and Groaners...


A very loud Texan Engineer was visiting Australia, and talking big about all of the large civil works in the USA that he was involved in. To be polite his Australian counterpart took him on a tour of some of Sydney’s larger constructions. 

First he took him to Gladesville Bridge. The Texan exclaimed, "What’s that!” In reply the Australian said, "Thats the Gladesville Bridge". "Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 5 years with 1000 men." The Texan replied, "Well in Texas we would've done it in 2 years with 500 men." 

Next they went to the Sydney Opera House. "What's that" said the Texan. "That's the Sydney Opera House" was the reply. "Hmmph" said the Texan, "How long and how many men did it take to build?” The Australian replied, "About 10 years with 200 men". The Texan replied "Well in Texas we would've done it in 4 years with 200 men." 

By this stage the Australian was a little put out by the Texan's attitude so he decided to get some revenge, they walked around the Sydney Opera House and as they did the Sydney Harbor Bridge came into view. Immediately the Texan exclaimed, "Wow! What's that?" The Australian Engineer replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."

HYUK!

An attorney, anxious to impress the judge with the detail, asked the following line of questions of a doctor who had recently performed an autopsy. 

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. 

Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. 

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. 

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

HYUK!

His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?” “A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation. “Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?” “Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s sure worth two dollars. With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to.”

Woo! HOO!!


Absolutely Unforgivable!

Inspectors and operators should be aware of sub-standard maintenance practices being performed by some airline personnel. You won't believe this when you see it, but it is an actual photograph of a crack in the window frame of a US Airways DC-9. This could have caused a serious in-flight problem. Hopefully, implementation of SMS programs will avoid re-occurrence of such an incident. Click here to view.

Tuesday, August 04, 2020

How I got in the cupboard



Artist should choose another outlet to express his creativity


Artist should choose another outlet to express his creativity Looks like she was caught by surprise... and he looks like he doesn't like something in there!

Mental age assessment test

People who think outside the box are special! The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.** Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat. 

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat. 

4. This is to cat. 

5. This is keep cat. 

6. This is an cat. 

7. This is old cat. 

8. This is fart cat. 

9. This is busy cat. 

10. This is for cat. 

11. This is forty cat. 

12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.

** Not really!

Four Worms in Church

(Four worms and a lesson to be learned !!!) can o' worms A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol ... Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke ... Dead. The third worm in chocolate syrup ... Dead. The fourth worm in good, clean soil ... Alive . So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?" Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" That pretty much ended the service !!

Soap Lake Police Department


This is the side of law enforcement not many see or understand that happens.

This incident took place late yesterday, and started out as a domestic altercation, but quickly took a different direction. While interviewing a family member, it was discovered that the other member of the household had suicidual thoughts and a plan to act on them.

Clearing the residence, our officer notified numerous surrounding agencies about the possible actions of the individual and a search of the area commenced. The male was discovered in the Lake Lenore area and our officer quickly attempted contact. The male exited his vehicle and fled into the lake near the roadway.

From there, an almost two hour long conversation took place with the male. The conversations included what was going on his life, how he thought this world would be better without him, and how harming himself was going to happen.

Our officer was able to comfort, guide, and eventually able to convince the male that getting him to the hospital to speak with a mental health expert was the best option. The male was ultimately taken to the hospital and received the medical attention that was needed.

I want to commend my officer for his actions, especially taking the time to listen, understand, and assist this male in need. These situations are not "quick" and we cannot rush someone's thoughts and actions. We must slow the scene down and make it a place where real help can take place. This is the training that is already required and being trained in this state.

I will mention that Officer Gallaher is a mere 10 days out of the academy. Ofc. Gallaher had just finished the best and most up to date training possible for this type of situation.

Face was covered to protect identification.

Best Friends


"Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.
There was a pause.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.
"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."
"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.
"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.
"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.
"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."
And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right."

--A.A. Milne

Monday, August 03, 2020

Pee for Two and Two for Pee...



Politically Correct Love Card

Roger Moore - 007 with an Eyebrow!

Roger Moore's Eyebrows

KEWL! Click above. Why this exists? Only the author knows for sure... (Requires flash)

THE BULL, THE TELEGRAM, AND THE BLONDE...


Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they needed to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving to purchase a bull, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word is big, so she'll read it very slowly, com-for-da-bul."

Hyuk!

WooHOO!
IDIOTS:

IDIOTS IN SERVICE: This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email. (My email won't work without a telephone line!).

WooHOO!
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn't want them to cross there anymore. I could swear I've recently been with some of these people....

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING #1
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." WooHOO!
IDIOT SIGHTING #2
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

IDIOT SIGHTING #3
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING #4
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING #5
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

WooHOO!

Now don't you feel better?

10 Puns for your day 

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. 4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
WooHOO!

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him -- oh, man, this is so bad, it's good -- a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

WooHOO!

Officer Downey

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help,and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"


Bert Is Evil...

Bert is Evil - Click here

Click above to see the proof!

Mugshot of Bert
Bert's Mug Shot

Sunday, August 02, 2020

R.I.P. Wilford Brimley


Wilford Brimley -- an iconic actor who was the face of Quaker Oats for years, as well as a spokesperson for diabetes education -- has died

Brimley passed away Saturday morning at his home in Utah. Sources with direct knowledge of Wilford's health tell us he was in an ICU wing of a hospital on dialysis, and very sick for days.

Wilford was 85.

Nude Surfer



The Texas preacher

The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face... "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one, which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blond with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets! The preacher fainted.

Doctors Or Guns

Doctors: The number of doctors in the U.S. is 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000. Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14%. These statistics are a courtesy of the U.S. Dept of Health & Human Services. Guns: The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000 (yes that's 80 million). The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875%. These statistics are a courtesy of the FBI. In Conclusion: Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, guns don't kill people, doctors do. NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR. Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!! Out of concern for the public at large, the Federal Government has withheld statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.

The Eyes Have It!





True dat!


My work day thoughts exactly!


Saturday, August 01, 2020

John Lewis' Final Words to The World

Take the time to read John Lewis’ final words to the world that he asked be published after his death. ❤️

John Lewis: Together, You Can Redeem the Soul of Our Nation

NY Times July 30, 2020

“Though I am gone, I urge you to answer the highest calling of your heart and stand up for what you truly believe.

While my time here has now come to an end, I want you to know that in the last days and hours of my life you inspired me. You filled me with hope about the next chapter of the great American story when you used your power to make a difference in our society. Millions of people motivated simply by human compassion laid down the burdens of division. Around the country and the world you set aside race, class, age, language and nationality to demand respect for human dignity.

That is why I had to visit Black Lives Matter Plaza in Washington, though I was admitted to the hospital the following day. I just had to see and feel it for myself that, after many years of silent witness, the truth is still marching on.

Emmett Till was my George Floyd. He was my Rayshard Brooks, Sandra Bland and Breonna Taylor. He was 14 when he was killed, and I was only 15 years old at the time. I will never ever forget the moment when it became so clear that he could easily have been me. In those days, fear constrained us like an imaginary prison, and troubling thoughts of potential brutality committed for no understandable reason were the bars.

Though I was surrounded by two loving parents, plenty of brothers, sisters and cousins, their love could not protect me from the unholy oppression waiting just outside that family circle. Unchecked, unrestrained violence and government-sanctioned terror had the power to turn a simple stroll to the store for some Skittles or an innocent morning jog down a lonesome country road into a nightmare. If we are to survive as one unified nation, we must discover what so readily takes root in our hearts that could rob Mother Emanuel Church in South Carolina of her brightest and best, shoot unwitting concertgoers in Las Vegas and choke to death the hopes and dreams of a gifted violinist like Elijah McClain.

Like so many young people today, I was searching for a way out, or some might say a way in, and then I heard the voice of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on an old radio. He was talking about the philosophy and discipline of nonviolence. He said we are all complicit when we tolerate injustice. He said it is not enough to say it will get better by and by. He said each of us has a moral obligation to stand up, speak up and speak out. When you see something that is not right, you must say something. You must do something. Democracy is not a state. It is an act, and each generation must do its part to help build what we called the Beloved Community, a nation and world society at peace with itself.

Ordinary people with extraordinary vision can redeem the soul of America by getting in what I call good trouble, necessary trouble. Voting and participating in the democratic process are key. The vote is the most powerful nonviolent change agent you have in a democratic society. You must use it because it is not guaranteed. You can lose it.

You must also study and learn the lessons of history because humanity has been involved in this soul-wrenching, existential struggle for a very long time. People on every continent have stood in your shoes, though decades and centuries before you. The truth does not change, and that is why the answers worked out long ago can help you find solutions to the challenges of our time. Continue to build union between movements stretching across the globe because we must put away our willingness to profit from the exploitation of others.

Though I may not be here with you, I urge you to answer the highest calling of your heart and stand up for what you truly believe. In my life I have done all I can to demonstrate that the way of peace, the way of love and nonviolence is the more excellent way. Now it is your turn to let freedom ring.

When historians pick up their pens to write the story of the 21st century, let them say that it was your generation who laid down the heavy burdens of hate at last and that peace finally triumphed over violence, aggression and war. So I say to you, walk with the wind, brothers and sisters, and let the spirit of peace and the power of everlasting love be your guide."

Debra, Jack & the Lawyer!

A lawyer was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning, whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the lawyer approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like sh*t."

HYUK!

Helping hand!

A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you." Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" YOU'RE GONNA' LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."




Wise muppet he is, hrrrr


Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leeds to suffering - Yoda

When Your 7-Year-Old Son Announces, 'I'm Gay'


Considering that my son has a longstanding crush on Glee's Blaine and regularly refers to him as "my boyfriend," I thought there was a fair chance that he would someday say, "I'm gay." But my kid is only 7 years old. I figured I had a few years before we crossed that threshold (if we ever did), probably when he was 14 or 15. I never thought it would happen this soon. Six months ago "gay" wasn't even a word in my son's vocabulary. He has always known that some of our male friends are married to men and some of our female friends to women, and it is such a normal part of his life that he never needed a special word to describe them. When he did notice the word and asked what it meant, I told him that when boys want to marry boys and girls want to marry girls, we call that "gay." He didn't seem very interested and quickly went off to do something else more exciting than a vocabulary lesson with his mom. Fast-forward a few months. --more--

Nice words from Bob Marley...


Nice words from Bob Marley...

Friday, July 31, 2020

The Black Hole

Guess The Beatles Songs


To help prevent the spread of COVID-19, we must all follow five:

๐Ÿ–๐Ÿพ๐Ÿคš๐Ÿผ Wash your hands with ๐Ÿ’ฆ and ๐Ÿงผ frequently
๐Ÿ‘ƒ๐Ÿ‘„ When coughing or sneezing, cover your mouth and nose with elbow crease
๐Ÿง Don't touch your face
๐Ÿง ↔️๐Ÿง๐Ÿฝ Keep 1 + meter away from others
๐Ÿก If you can stay home!

A MEETING ON THE ROAD

By Gail Fulkerson

He never did anything without a beer in his hand. His fridge was always stocked with cans of Bud Light, chilled to the perfect drinking temperature. While many people start their mornings with coffee, Richard would crack open a cold one to get the sleep out of his eyes and the cobwebs out of his head.

The beer had run out last night. He’d been hitting it hard since he got home from work, and was shit-faced by 8 pm. He stood up from the couch, where he’d been sat watching TV, and wobbled to the kitchen to grab another cold one out of the fridge. Finding none, he checked the second fridge in the garage: No beer. He staggered over to his quad to check the cooler he kept strapped to the back rack. That was empty as well.

He was about to jump on his quad and tear down to the corner store for more, but scrapped that idea when he realized the place would probably be closed by the time he got there. The last thing he needed was another ticket for drunk driving. The last one had cost him big bucks and his beloved quad was impounded until he could come up with the cash to get it back.

The town bar was still open, but Richard disliked going. The place was too noisy, most of the patrons were younger than he, and since he’d quit smoking, the strong smell of cigarette smoke, coupled with the stink of carpeting soaked with years of spilled beer, made him nauseous. However, in these here dire straits he now found himself, Richard would set aside his dislike and go to the bar for a dozen Bud Light and call it a night.

He was on his way home, beer stowed securely in the cooler behind his seat, when, rounding the curve in the road, he was blinded by the headlights of an oncoming vehicle, a pickup truck with its brights on.Richard swerved to avoid being hit. The other driver had swerved, too, and landed in the trees on Richard’s side of the road. Miraculously, Richard was able to steer the quad and come to a safe stop. As he braked, the quad’s front bumper just barely grazed a tree. He was shaken up but not injured. The other guy had gotten out of his truck and was heading towards the quad.

Richard had been looking for his insurance papers and driver’s license and only noticed the man when he was almost upon him. He did a double-take when he saw the man’s face. It was ashen, a sickly grey, sunken hollow cheeks, black-rimmed eye sockets and a gash over one of his brows. The blood ran freely from the fresh wound, staining his face and shirt a dark red.

A small movement on the man’s right side distracted Richard from wondering why he couldn’t see the man’s eyes. As horrifying as the thought was, that this man had no eyes, it wasn’t nearly as horrifying as the scores of maggots crawling from the wound in the man’s side. The truck’s shifter had pierced the man’s side between his hipbone and bottom-most rib. Revolting, deathly white grubs writhed out of the man’s body and onto the ground. The man did not seem to notice, so intent was he to get closer to Richard.

A guttural sound rose up from deep within the man’s throat. He lurched towards Richard, hands outstretched, groping, hoping to grab onto an arm, a sleeve, anything, to pull his prey to him. Richard had been back-stepping to keep out of this thing’s reach, so when he felt the quad at his back, he jumped on it and hightailed it home. (At least he would have, if he hadn’t turned off the engine.) Now, it was a race to see whether Richard could start the quad, back it out of the trees, and gun it, before the thing took him. He’d quit thinking that this monster was actually a man, when he looked into the black abyss of its long-empty eye sockets.

The night had passed. Sunshine was streaming through the trees, illuminating a terrible scene that had played out before sunrise. Steam was rising from the blood-spattered tree trunks and leaves. A large, dark stain marked the spot where a profuse amount of blood had seeped into the ground. Torn and bloody clothing was strewn all over the place. A piece of scalp, some teeth, and shattered bones, were all that remained of the night’s events.

The monster grinned and took a final swig of the last can of beer, belching as he beheld his surroundings with his new eyes.

How To Piss Off A Mom


This Is What Happens When You Get Struck by Lightning

There’s a nine in 10 chance you’ll survive. But what are the lasting effects of being exposed to hundreds of millions of volts of electricity?

photo: SHUTTERSTOCK

“It looks like somebody threw a cannonball through it.”

Sometimes they’ll keep the clothing, the strips of shirt or trousers that weren’t cut away by the doctors and nurses. They’ll tell their story, sharing pictures and news reports of survivals like their own or bigger tragedies. Only by piecing together bystander reports can survivors of lightning strikes construct their own picture of the possible trajectory of the electrical current, one that can approach 200 million volts and travel at one-third of the speed of light.

--more at Readersdigest.com