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Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Red Skelton On Marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for ourm anniversary.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" She said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there is water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.

12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!


SCIENTISTS FIND METAL IN RAT CAGES CAUSES CANCER IN LABORATORY RATS- ALL SCIENTIFIC DATA UP UNTIL NOW WORTHLESS

 Skinner Box



Baltimore -- Scientists at the National Institute of Health confirmed today that the metal in rat cages does indeed cause cancer in laboratory animals.

At a mid-afternoon NIH press conference Dr. Ronald Jam reflected the sentiment of his beleaguered colleagues. "Apparently by brushing up against the cages the little bastards contact cancer of all types. We thought about everything…we just never thought about the cages. I mean, this was a lot of work, and now it's all gone, just like that. Twenty-three years, two ex-wives, and five kids who wont talk to me? And for what? To start all over again? My whole life's down the crapper." At that point Dr. Jam broke into a low resonating howl of utter frustration and was led away from the briefing by an unidentified member of the nursing staff.

"Yeah, this could be a problem with the research data alright," said Dr. Erwin Burnbaum, Director of The Foundation for All Scientific Data. "Sure didn't see this one coming. Nope." Burnbaum confirmed that all scientific data up until now was rendered worthless by the recent findings.


*Creeping tabloidism online newspaper satire...The Newz.com

Sidewalk Art

 How DO they do that???

Keep in mind that this is NOT a hole!
Flat sidewalks! WOW! To see more, click here.

BLACK JACK! Play By These Rules You Are Guaranteed To Win!

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.


TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.


THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.


FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.


FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.


SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.


SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.


EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.


NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.


TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.


ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.


TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.


THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"


FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..


FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.


SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.


SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.


EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.


NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.


TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.


TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Building your life

After 30 years of building houses for Ben, a prominent land developer, Sam announced he wanted to retire, buy some land, and build a small home for himself and his wife.

Sam had hoped for a large bonus for all his years of service. Instead, Ben asked him if he would build one more house. He gave Sam plans for a lovely home located on a choice piece of land with a magnificent view. It was for a very important person, Ben said, and he urged Sam to do his best work.

Because Sam was resentful, his heart was not in the project and his work was shoddy. He ignored architectural details and even substituted inferior materials so he could pocket the difference. When the house was finished, there was a big celebration. Ben gave Sam an envelope as a parting gift.

"At last, my bonus," Sam thought.

There was no check in the envelope. Instead, it included a key and a note: "For everything you`ve done -- the house is yours!"

Sam was ashamed and embarrassed. He had not only misjudged Ben, he had betrayed his professionalism by constructing an inferior home, one that turned out to be his own.

Through our daily actions we all build the houses we will ultimately live in. Careless decisions, neglected relationships, lies, and insincerity are the shoddy workmanship and inferior materials of life-building.

Whenever we take shortcuts, we shortchange ourselves. Whenever we put in less than our best and ignore our potential for excellence, we create a future full of creaky floors, leaky roofs, and crumbling foundations.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Hints from The Wiz...

PRETTY NEAT LITTLE TIPS

Bed Sheets
After drying my sheets, put both sheets and one pillowcase in the other pillow case. Fold neatly in a square. Next time you change sheets, you just take the one pillow case and all the sheets and pillow case are inside. No need to look for matches.

Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza.

Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount. You also eat less sugar/calories per serving.

Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

Newspaper Weeds-Away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers, put layers around the plants overlapping as you go, cover with mulch and forget about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic, they will not get through wet newspapers.

Broken Glass
Use a dry cotton ball to pick up little broken pieces of glass - the fibers catch ones you can't see!

No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket. It will keep the mosquitoes away.

Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

Easier thank you's
When you throw a bridal/baby shower, buy a pack of thank you cards for the guest of honor. During the party, pass out the envelopes and have everyone put their address on one. When the bride/new mother sends the thank you's, they're all addressed!

New Bike
If you purchase a new bike for your child, place their picture inside the handle bar before placing the grips on. If the bike is stolen and later recovered, remove the grip and there is your proof who owns the bike.

Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and -- voila -- static is gone.

Foggy Windshield?
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair...

Good-bye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dishwashing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it "home," & can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, esp. if it rains, but it works & you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

Sand Gone
Take baby powder to the beach. Keep a small bottle of baby powder in your beach bag. When you're ready to leave the beach sprinkle yourself and kids with the powder and the sand will slide right off your skin.

Monday, November 23, 2020

The ZEN of Computing

In Japan, they are considering replacing the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft Error messages with Haiku poetry messages.

Haiku poetry has strict construction rules.

Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third. Haiku is used to communicate a timeless message often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen:

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows again crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand-dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao-until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.


Very Punny!

A man tried to phone the King of the Jungle.

All he got was a recorded message saying, "All the lions are busy right now. Please try later."

WOO-HOO!

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

WOO-HOO!

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

WOO-HOO!

Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The tall tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

A Saskatchewan Taste Treat!

 We grow 'em BIG here in Saskabush!



Chocolate Covered Grasshoppers

Ingredients:
baker's chocolate
candied grasshoppers

Directions:
Melt baker's chocolate in double boiler.
Fill molds halfway with chocolate, add grasshoppers, fill rest of the way.

A tasty surprise in every one!

The Simpson's 10 Best Couch Gags



Top 13 Reasons to become a Witch

 It's great to be a witch!

13. I live for persecution!

12. I'm a night person at heart.

11. We respect our elders...and alders, and willows and oaks.

10. I just love explaining that a pentagram is NOT evil.

9. We do more after midnight than most people do all day!

8. Being burned at the stake is a great way to roast marshmallows.

7. We can talk to Elvis (and he IS dead).

6. You live, you learn, you die, you forget. Then you comeback...

5. Double the deities, double the fun!

4. We get more holidays.

3. Brooms get great mileage.

2. We were here first!

1. BELTANE!!!


~ Unknown

Sunday, November 22, 2020

World Happiness Rankings - One reason it may be...


There are two types of cats...


 

What do you think?

 

No Problem. No Problem. Problem!

 

Reading...

 

SPEED BOAT....

OK, here's the latest drug runner from some European drug Barons. This boat had belted across the English Channel 3 times per week in the middle of the night with no lights; it was just a blur on the radar of the British coast guard.

Authorities were so blown away by the speed of this thing and so it could be caught, they brought in a specialized chopper with an infa red seeking device to follow the boat.

After being caught, authorities found...... 2 male drug runners and 300 kgs of pure cocaine with a street value of about 10 million dollars!!!

TWO THOUSAND horsepower from 8... Yamaha 250 HP outboards.

Speedboat

Saturday, November 21, 2020

The Significance Of The Rainbow Flag

Many people out there don't even recognize it, but to the queer community, it represents a great importance. There is also Stonewall. The bear near the bottom of my blog is a called 'Stoney', after the Stonewall Inn Riots in New York. My best friend brought it back from San Francisco for me. (I took a picture of it).


My Rainbow Bear, 'Stoney'


In the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, the police raided the Stonewall Inn, a dingy, Mafia-run "private club" on Christopher Street in Greenwich Village with a predominantly gay clientele. The event is still a hot topic of debate in gay circles, with much disagreement about what actually precipitated the violence and who took part in it.

One legend holds that Judy Garland's funeral, held June 27, 1969, in Manhattan, fanned the flames of gay rage. Other versions of the story claim that dozens of sequined drag queens and a mysterious, unidentified butch lesbian were at the forefront of the street rebellion. But a few facts seem certain.


The Inverted Pink Triangle - a symbol stolen back from the Holocaust, by the GLBT


The inverted Pink triangle is also a symbol for the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and trans-gendered). The inverted pink triangle (rosa Winkel) was a symbol used by the Nazis during the Holocaust to identify male homosexual prisoners.

It was often larger than the other identifying triangles so as to allow homosexuals to be avoided and singled out at a distance. Between 10,000 and 600,000 gay men and women died in the Holocaust. In the 1970s, gay liberation groups resurrected the pink triangle as a popular symbol for the gay rights movement.

Not only is the symbol easily recognized, but it draws attention to oppression and persecution -- then and now. Today, for many the pink triangle represents pride, solidarity, and a promise to never allow another Holocaust to happen again.

Click here to Follow The Rainbow
Click above to find the reasons behind the rainbow colours.

*Picture of the hunk holding the flag is a piece of art from Steve Walker

The 411 - "Black Betty"

Huddie 'Lead Belly' Ledbetter"Black Betty" is a 20th century African-American work song often credited to Huddie "Lead Belly" Ledbetter as the author, though the earliest recordings are not by him. Some sources claim it is one of Lead Belly's many adaptations of earlier folk material; in this case an 18th century marching cadence about a flint-lock rifle. The song was first recorded in the field by U.S. musicologists John and Alan Lomax in 1933, performed a capella by the convict James Baker (also known as Iron Head) and a group at Central State Farm, Sugar Land, Texas.Huddie 'Lead Belly' Ledbetter

The Lomaxes were recording for the Library of Congress and later field recordings in 1934, 1936 and 1939 also include versions of "Black Betty". It was recorded commercially in New York in 1939 by blues artist Lead Belly, as part of a medley with two other work songs: "Looky Looky Yonder" and "Yellow Woman's Doorbells". Lead Belly had a long association with the Lomaxes, and had himself served time in State prison farms.

  While Leadbelly's 1939 recording was also performed a capella, most subsequent versions added a guitar accompaniment. These include folk-style recordings in 1964 by Odetta, Harry Belafonte, and Alan Lomax himself. In 1976 a Cincinnati band, Starstruck, recorded a rock version of the song on the Truckstar label which had little success. In 1977, the rock band Ram Jam — whose members included Bill Bartlett, formerly of Starstruck — rerecorded the song with producers Jerry Kasenatz and Jeff Katz under Epic Records. The song became an instant hit with listeners, as it reached number 18 on the singles charts in the United States and the top ten in Australia. At the same time, the lyrics became the cause of a boycott by civil rights groups NAACP and Congress of Racial Equality, who claimed it insulted black women.

  1990 Dance remixes of Ram Jam's version made the top twenty of the US dance charts and top thirty in Australia. Other notable artists such as Nick Cave (1986) and Tom Jones (2002) have covered the song. Australian band Spiderbait released a version of the song in 2004 on their Tonight Alright album (Interscope Records), which reached #1 on the ARIA Singles Chart in Australia May 2004 and stayed there for three weeks. This version was later accredited double platinum in Australia and was the third best selling single of 2004.

In 2006 the University of New Hampshire administration controversially banned the playing of Ram Jam's Black Betty at UNH Hockey games. UNH Athletic Director Marty Scarano explained the reason for the decision: "UNH is not going to stand for something that insults any segment of society".

  The origin and meaning of the lyrics are subject to debate. Some sources claim the song is derived from an 18th century marching cadence about a flint-lock rifle with a black head-stock; the "bam-ba-lam" lyric referring to the sound of the gunfire. Soldiers in the field were said to be "hugging Black Betty". In this interpretation, the rifle was superseded by its "child", a rifle known as a "Brown Bess".

In Lead Belly's version of the song, Black Betty is characterized as a woman with a child:

Woah, Black Betty
bam-ba-lam
Woah, Black Betty
bam-ba-lam

Black Betty had a baby
bam-ba-lam
Black Betty had a baby
bam-ba-lam

Damn thing gone crazy
bam-ba-lam
Damn thing gone crazy
bam-ba-lam


SpiderbaitIn an interview (see The Land Where the Blues Began, 1st Edition, Alan Lomax, Pantheon Books, 1993) conducted by Alan Lomax with a former prisoner of the Texas penal farm named Doc Reese (aka "Big Head"), Reese stated that the term "Black Betty" was used by prisoners to refer to the "Black Maria" -- the penetentiary transfer wagon. Below is a song in which the term "Black Betty", used to refer to the wagon, appears in the context of a prison work song.

Black Betty's in the bottom,
I can hear her roar,
She's bringing some po sucker,
With an achin soul.

She'll bring you here and leave you,
Let your hammer ring,
For a hundred summers,
Let your hammer ring.


(and now we hear the most familiar part of the song)

Black Betty's got a baby,
Let your hammer ring,
Damn thing's gone crazy,
Let your hammer ring,
Dipped its head in gravy,
Let your hammer ring.


Ram JamIn this interpretation, Black Betty's baby may be the prisoner himself, who has by his own admission "gone crazy" -- seeing as it was "Black Betty" who delivered the prisoners into the prison world ("She's bringing some po sucker"). In the lyrics above, the phrase "Let your hammer ring" is used repeatedly. In this case, the "hammer" refers to the hoes used by prisoners to break up the ground in the cotton fields. The song itself was used to keep a steady rhythm among the workers as they toiled in the field. It had the added benefit of helping the time go by faster through collective participation.

Many early blues and proto-blues songs follow the theme that all the wickedness of man (Adam) is the result of a woman (Eve). A number of early artists sang of how they got mixed up with a woman and ended up in prison as a result. As such, the characterization of the prison wagon as a woman is not unprecedented.

  Other sources [attribution needed] claim the term was a contemporary reference for a prostitute, a prison bullwhip, or the "paddywagon".

* New Japan professional wrestler Togi Makabe uses the Ram Jam version as his entrance music, as does American independent professional wrestler Adam Pearce.
* Boston Red Sox pitcher Mike Timlin uses the song when he comes out of the bullpen at home games.
* Texas Rangers' second baseman Ian Kinsler uses this song as his intro music when he comes up to bat.
* During his NHL career, Cam Neely reportedly would listen to this song once before every game as part of a supersitious ritual.
* Chicago White Sox' first baseman-outfielder Darin Erstad uses this song as his intro music when he comes up to bat.
* ABN Amro used the name Black Betty for their main boat which won the Volvo Ocean Race 05/06.
* The Kansas City Chiefs play "Black Betty" before every kick at home games at Arrowhead Stadium at the Truman Sports Complex.

*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The pharmacist joke

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really Pharmacisthot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."


*Humour from my workplace

The power of government

Saskatchewan InspectorA Saskatchewan Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a farm and talked with the farmer.

"I'm going to inspect your farm."

The farmer said, "You better not go in that field."

The Saskatchewan Agriculture representative said in a wise tone, "I have the authority of the Saskatchewan Government with me. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land."

So, the farmer went about his farm chores. Later, the farmer heard loud screams and saw the Saskatchewan Department of Agriculture representative running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a full nest of hornets and the bull was gaining at every step.

The farmer called out, "Show him your card!"

Did You Get One?

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So he called one of his angels to go to earth for a time.

When here turned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.”

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down another angel to get a second opinion.” So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time, too.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So he decided to email the 5% who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the email said? You don't?

Okay, just wondering. I didn't get one either.

Would you choose the correct answer to this one ?

Would you choose the correct answer to this one ?


You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.


Think before you continue reading ...



This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think outside of the Box."


HOWEVER..


The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

God, I just love happy endings!

When things go bad they really go bad....

 Mouse sex ??

Friday, November 20, 2020

Transgender Day Of Remembrance

Best Comeback Line!

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor  a  Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The Value of Moral Courage

Courage is a highly admired virtue. Most often we associate the word with physical prowess or bravery. But there`s another form of valor that`s much more important because it comes up more often. It`s called moral courage -- the willingness to face not physical danger but emotional pain, disapproval, financial insecurity, or uncertainty rather than compromise an ethical principle.

Moral courage is essential not only for a virtuous life, but a happy one. Without courage, we have no control over our lives. Our fears corrode our spirit and confine us like a barbed wire fence. That`s why they say a coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man but one.

Integrity is essential to self-esteem and the admiration of others. It requires us to put our comforts, possessions, friendships, and even jobs at risk in the defense of deeply held principles.

It takes moral fortitude to be honest at the risk of ridicule, rejection, or retaliation or when doing so may jeopardize our income or career. It takes boldness to be accountable and own up to mistakes when doing so may get us in trouble. It takes backbone to stand tough with our kids when doing so may cost us their affection.

Mark Twain said, "Courage is not the absence of fear but the resistance of fear, the mastery of fear." To paraphrase President Franklin D. Roosevelt, the enemy is not what we fear; it is fear itself. If our insecurities and anxieties cause us to lose confidence in the power of virtue, we will lose something very precious.

People with moral courage rarely get medals, but it is the best marker of true character and a virtue others can be proud of.

UNIX Jokes (Don't know what UNIX is? You are not alone - A very old Operating System)

The following Unix puns were distributed on the Usenet, without an attributed author. They work with the C shell.

% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% ar m God
ar: God does not exist

% "How would you rate Dan Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% ^How did the sex change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.


UNIX Geek

















These attempts at humor work with the Bourne shell:

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink < bottle ; opener bottle: cannot open opener: not found $ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

Can You See it?

There is a hidden picture inside the picture below. It can be seen in 3D without 3D glasses! Take a hard look and see if you can find the 'hidden dino'...

Hidden Dino
*Magic Eye

If

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
 
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

What is something unrealistic that you often see in movies that annoys the hell out of you?

by John A. Whitehead, Quora.com

As a building maintenance guy since the early 1970s, most of mine are building related.

  1. When one fire sprinkler head has heat applied to it the heads in the entire building turn on. I literally saw this one just last night on an episode of NCIS: New Orleans. S├ębastien and Gregorio are stuck in a room hiding from a swarm of killer drones. They light a fire under the sprinkler head in their little store room, wait a few minutes, the amble out into the warehouse where all the killer drones have been knocked out by getting soaked by the sprinklers. Not only that, somehow the sprinklers have magically turned off!

  2. Falling elevators. While this seems pretty routine in movies, in real life there are so many safety features that are so routinely inspected by professionals this is extremely unlikely. You would have a far better chance of being killed by an airplane falling out of the sky on your way home from picking up your lottery winnings. If you look at the list of elevator deaths List of elevator accidents - Wikipedia

  1. you'll see that the majority are in construction or mining elevators, not an office building.

  2. Lights that go on/off in sequence. The actor throws a big switch in the parking garage and the florescents come on in sequence all the way down the row. No. Unless these fixtures are on separate switches, they will all go on and off at the same time. Electricity moves at approximately the same speed as light.

  3. People who climb around in heating ducts. For one thing, very few ducts are big enough. For another thing, they would not support the weight of anyone larger than a medium size child.

  4. People climbing around in drop ceilings. The metal grid and the wire fastening the grid to the joists will not support very much weight. The tiles themselves are only slightly stronger than rye toast.

  5. Picking locks. Apparently in Hollywood you can do this with a bent paperclip by simply sticking it in the keyhole and wiggling it around. You don't even have to rotate the cylinder, and it can be done in a few seconds! The most basic locks require at bare minimum at least two tools, a “rake” and a “tensioner.” Plus the cylinder has to be rotated in exactly the same fashion as it does with a key. In real life I've seen a professional locksmith with decades of experience and all the right tools take 15+ minutes to open a lock.

  6. Breaking in a door with a foot or a shoulder. A properly installed door is going to have a latch or deadbolt that goes all the way or most of the way through the door jamb. Even the cheapest door is not going to pop open with one kick like you see in the movies. That's why police and military use a tactical entry tool or battering ram.

I've actually been in a position to try this. When I was in high school my dad had a tenant move out without leaving the apartment keys. Somehow my dad had misplaced the spare set and we had to get in the apartment. I figured, “no problem, I see this on the movies all the time.” First with the foot, then with the shoulder, then the foot again. Multiple times. My dad tried it too. With bruised shoulder and aching foot we went and got the drill out of the truck and drilled out the lock (like we should have done in the first place).

8. Gas explosions in a house. In Hollywood you only have to turn a couple stove burners on without lighting them, then run out of the house. A couple minutes later when the bad guy comes in and flips the light switch on, the whole house explodes. In real life the ratio of gas to air needs to be around 15%. More than 17% and there is not enough air for it to explode. Without doing the math, at less than 2psi of residential gas supply, it would take quite awhile for there to be sufficient gas for an explosion. Not to mention it would require an open flame or a spark to set it off. Flipping a light switch wouldn't do it.

Thursday, November 19, 2020

The Love Doctor

The Love Doctor Dear Love Doctor,

My boyfriend and I are about to leave on a much needed holiday to the sun. Last night he presented me with a gift that he said was perfect for our vacation. A little something for the beach he said.

Ordinarily I would be tickled pink. I love gifts. But, this one has resulted in a big fight.

What I got was a little something all right. It was a tiny silver bikini and I mean t_i_n_y!

Doc, it looks awful on me. I'm sure it would be hot on the right guy. But, I'm not built for a bikini. I'm skinny and this thing barely holds in my family jewels. You can see the whole outline even my veins, right through it.

He thinks it looks great. He says he likes it when people check me out. I think it makes me look like street trash.

Anyway, we had a big fight and he walked out. Today he won't even talk to me.

This bikini has become a sort of line in the sand. He told me that if I really loved him I would wear it for him.

What am I to do? I can't go out in public in that!


Signed,

Shy Guy


Dear Shy,

My my, when will guys learn not to buy clothing for other people. A bikini is personal. And, unlike sexy underwear, everyone on the beach will see a bikini.

What I'm sensing here is something other than just a potential case of bad taste though. It sounds as though your boyfriend is getting his jollies at your expense. From what you say, he likes to put you on display, and exposing, as it were, your penis he gets a sense of power.

That is fine IF you are into slave/master roll playing. But, you are an unwilling playmate.

If you don't want to wear the bikini don't. It is as simple as that.

But you really have to ask yourself if you want to be tied up with a guy who treats you like a commodity to be shown off like a shirt with some designer logo. "Look guys I'm pretty important, I have a boyfriend with a big dick."

If all you are is a piece of meat it's time to find a new boyfriend.


The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

The Handshake


Joke of the Day

 Joke of the Day - Click here


Click Above.

Flat Belly

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

"Your wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

HYUK!

DO YOU KNOW WHO THEY ARE??

 Below are pictures of celebrities taken a few years ago.

To see the answer, 'Hover' over the picture

HOW MANY DO YOU KNOW?

Who Are They?

Don't hover over the pictures until you give it a try.

WILLIE NELSON

Clint Eastwood

Jack Nicholson

Bill and Hillary

Bob Dylan

George W. Bush

Michael Jackson


Candice Bergen

Colin Powell

Al Pacino

JFK

Playground in Fort McMurray. Northern Alberta

 Bears in park---- What lovely playmates for the children; they look as if they are full of fun!

Some people build swimming pools in their back yards, but outdoor pools in Fort McMurray just won't work.

Bears in park
Since this particular family lives on the outskirts of Fort McMurray, they decided to build a sturdy, colorful playground for their 3- and 4-year-old sons, with smooth-stone gravel all around it to avoid knee scrapes and other injuries.

Bears in park
They finished building it on Saturday evening, and the following morning, as mum was about to wake the boys and let them go out to play in their new play centre, this is what she saw from the upstairs window.


Bears in park