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Wednesday, February 19, 2020

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Tuesday, February 18, 2020

From The Emerald City

From The Emerald City

The Wizard is going to confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob with his brother wizards.. Posting will resume on Saturday. In the meantime check out the archives, so much to see!

--The Wizard of 'OZ'

The right angle

Bubba

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls.

He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice. It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool.. They're years outta style.

Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos-about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them.

I'm telling ya man...ya'll have all the babes you want!

The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato.

Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning way, laughing, looking sick!

Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Lard-Almighty!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"

This Guy Knows Math

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out is window and gave the woman the finger.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, And here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day..

Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.
That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.
That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.
That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry
weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give her the finger? I don't think so...

T I M E

Time ---- some people have too much of it

The Top 10 Facts of ALL Time

Post credit is unknown. If you know who created these, please email me by clicking on The Wizard at the top right of 'OZ'. Thank You.
Cool facts

1. Where is Uranus?

We can't believe people keep asking us this one since the answer is so obvious. "Well, where do you think?" If the entire solar system were reduced to the scale of your body - with the sun at your head and Pluto at your feet - then Uranus would be located exactly where you think it'd be. Incidentally, if anyone ever asks you if Uranus has any rings around it, you should stand up and proudly say, "Yes, indeed! Nine, to be exact. But you can't see them with the naked eye. They are only visible through high-powered telescopes."

2. Do mummies have brains?

We've been asked this question so many times that we finally went out and learned the real answer, which is something we ordinarily hate to do. It turns out that mummies don't have brains for the simple reason that the Egyptians dug them out and tossed them. They reached in through their mummy noses with little hooks and fished them out. It's all part of the mummification process. (There now, aren't you glad you asked? )

3. Do Termites have gas problems?

Yes, they do. But before you act all surprised and grossed out, remember that termites eat wood and wood is difficult to digest. Try it sometime. The result is unfortunate, but hardly unexpected, often leading to awkward social situations. Incidentally, there are enough termites in the world, and each of them emits enough methane, that they (and cows, too, for that matter) have been identified as significant sources of greenhouse gases and thus, contribute to global warming.
P.S. Ancient termites have been discovered trapped in pieces of amber in which tiny bubbles can sometimes be seen in a little chain coming from their south ends. How embarrassing is that?

4. Are Martians dangerous?

Only one person that we know of has been killed by a Martian and there's an asterisk attached since the person was actually a dog (in Nakhla, Egypt, 1911). And the Martian was actually just a rock that came from Mars. But still. The rock was exploded off the surface of Mars millions of years ago by an asteroid impact. It then proceeded on a long flight plan that eventually ended on the head of an Egyptian dog. The meteorite was saved and, more than 50 years later, analyzed. Only then was it discovered to have originated on Mars.

5. How do they get rid of the bugs, before they make cereal?

The answer, you'll be a little unhappy to learn, is they don't. At least not all of them. Cereal is made from things like rice or wheat or corn, and grains like that have lots of insects on them when they get harvested. Plus, bugs get into them when they are stored and transported. The processing kills most of them (hopefully) but that leaves dead bug carcasses and dead bug parts. Yuck. The law allows a percentage of every box of cereal to be "insect parts and bodies." Although you will not find them on the list of ingredients, they are in there. In two cups of cereal (50 grams) there are allowed to be 75 insect parts.

6. I think my little brother is an ape. He says he is not. Who's right?

Technically speaking, he is; but it's actually very close. Ninety-nine percent of an ape's DNA is identical to human DNA.

7. Are bugs bugged by bugs?

You'd think bugs would be nice to each other, since they're all about the same size and sort of look alike and so forth. But in fact, a lot of bugs are horrible to each other - really horrible. For example: Did you know that fleas have fleas? (We're calling them fleas, but they're actually mites.) Except that when you're already a flea, your own fleas are about the size of Frisbees (relatively speaking). Or think what life is like for the caterpillar. One species of wasp lays its eggs inside a caterpillar with its stinger. Then the baby wasp grows up, eating the caterpillar from the inside out. Yuck! Fortunately, caterpillars know how to fight dirty, too. They are able to eject their tiny doo-doo at high speed toward the attacking wasps. Ready! Aim! Fire doo-doo!

8. What do well-bred ladies do with whale vomit?

The answer, you'll be pleased to know, is put it behind their ears. But wait a minute! Don't worry! They don't use new whale vomit (that would be disgusting). They use old whale vomit. It washes up on beaches sometimes. French perfume manufacturers have used it for years in their more expensive fragrances. These days, good quality whale vomit is very rare and illegal to sell in the U.S. (Google "ambergris" if you don't believe us.)

9. If the rate of population growth doesn't change in the future, what's going to happen?

The population of the Earth, which is a little over 6 billion people, will double every 40 years. Therefore, if we do the math, 2,400 years from now Planet Earth will be a packed ball of human flesh expanding outward at the speed of light.

10. What would happen if a penny dropped off the Empire State Building and hit me on the head?

You'll probably be disappointed with this answer, but it would not burn a hole in your head. A falling penny acts a good bit more like a feather than a rock. A penny reaches a top speed of something like 40 mph in free fall. It might sting, but that's about it.

Equality vs. Equity

Monday, February 17, 2020

Victoria's Butchart Gardens in the snow

The lights in Buchart Gardens, Victoria, BC - December 2008 - beautiful Christmas lights in the snow

Click here to view the photos
Click above to view the photos

Everybody's Beautiful - Miasha

New York, NY --- The blossoming hit single from Miasha now has a visual companion. Debuting today on ARTISTDirect.com, the new video for “Everybody’s Beautiful” is as uplifting and inspiring as the song itself. Directed by P.R. Brown (Alicia Keys, Smashing Pumpkins, Prince) the energetic video features cameos by an assortment of New York City pedestrians who were approached randomly on the street by Miasha herself who asked them to dance as she recorded with her camera phone.

“People often feel vulnerable when they dance,” said Miasha. “But when people watch other people dance, they feel happy and they see beauty and honesty. I wanted to capture the diversity we have here every day, and show how just by watching a stranger lose him or herself in the moment for a few seconds, we can feel that same beauty. We took a boom box to the Lower East Side, and with a tiny camera in hand, went up to 55 total strangers blasting the song and asked them to ‘break it down.’ Of course being in NYC they all said yes!”

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER . . .

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE. . . .

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.


OLD IS WHEN . . . .

1. Going! bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.

4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

6. A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!

THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEK . . . . .

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Home remedies that REALLY work

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.

8. Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are...

You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

9. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."

10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

11. Never pass up an opportunity to potty.

12. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!

And Finally... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

I will always think of you

Sunday, February 16, 2020

Can you spot the dogs?

A Handful of Peanuts

A Greyhound bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a Manitoba highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the peanuts themselves.

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

It pays to be careful around old people.

The phone call!

Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy"

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***


***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . . Is this 486-5731?"

Don't Think He'll Make It

Giggles, Guffaws, and Groaners


A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"Oops!"

HYUK!

There were 3 men who were working on a bridge. One of the worker's name was John, the other one's name was Randall, and the last one's name was Joe. So one day when the 3 men were taking a lunch break, they all opened up their lunch box and saw what their wives had gave them for lunch. When John opened his lunch, he saw that he had peanut butter and jelly, so then he said, "If my wife gives me the same lunch tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this bridge. Then Randall opened his lunch and saw that he had spaghetti and meatballs. So then he also said the same thing as what John said. Then when Joe opened his lunch he saw that he was having a chicken salad. So then he said that he too was going to jump off the bridge if he got the same lunch the next day. So the next day, all 3 men had the same lunch from yesterday and they all jumped off. A week later when the funeral was scheduled, John's wife said, "If my sweetie- pie told me he wanted a new lunch, he should have told me! then Randalls wife said "Why did he do it? Why?? then Joe's wife said, "Why did he jump off the bridge? He packed his own lunch!"

HYUK!

What am I supposed to do with this? grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic violation.

Keep it, the clerk advises. When you get four of them, you get a bicycle.

HYUK!

A young girl came home from a date looking sad. She told her mother, Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago.

Then why are you so sad? her mother asked.

Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mom, he doesnt believe theres hell!

Her mother replied, Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, well show him how wrong he is.

HYUK!

"Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave."

"Not me, Serge!" the private replied. "Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

clapping

Truth in advertising...

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Farmington, UT 84025 - Aug 7, 2007
2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "do whatever the f *** you want" doesn't mean what I thought. Call me, Steve. (801)867-8292

Saturday, February 15, 2020

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;


He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . .. I would but you're never there.

He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said .. . They don't have time

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . A widow.

He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

A Man Is Like A Deck Of Playing Cards...

Free Dental Work...

Free Dental Work

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...



ON DEFENSES AGAINST SONG PLAGIARISM, ELOQUENT
Theirs goes, “Ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.” Ours goes, “Ding ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.”

--rapper Vanilla Ice





ON FRUGALITY,
PROFLIGATE

I always lived very frugally. I flew around on a private jet. I had a boat. But I always lived very frugally.

--billionaire financier and alleged Ponzi scheme operator Allen Stanford





ON FORECASTING,
NOT SO PRECISE

Winds are in excess of anywhere between fifty and seventy miles an hour, if not more!

--CNN newscaster, broadcasting from inside Hurricane Frances




ON TOURISTS, KNOWLEDGEABLE
Tourist at the Tower of London: What is this wall here?

Yeoman warder: It was part of the Great Hall of Henry III.

Tourist: What happened to him?

Yeoman warder: He died.

Tourist: Gee, I’m sorry. I heard about Princess Diana but I didn’t know the king had also died.

--actual conversation at the Tower of London





ON RESTAURANT NAMES, REALLY CRAPPY
• Crapitto’s—Houston, Texas

• ButtyBoys—London, England

• The Chocolate Log—India

Wise Words

Be Wise

Be Wise!Heart and mind
The heart has reasons the mind could never understand.

~Scotty

Be Wise!Body Language

Would you like to be able to understand what a friend or loved one is trying to tell you? Try mimicking their body language. It might seem odd, but studies say that if you adopt a similar posture or use similar gestures as the person your talking to, you are more likely to be attuned to their emotions. This phenomenon is known as physiological synchrony.

Be Wise!Live UR Life

Be a rose which gives fragrance even to those who crushes it.


Be Wise!Do the Dishes 

Guys who help out with the housework are seen as sexier by their partners and  surprise!  Have more sex a result.

Be Wise!"I"

There are many things that life throws our way.

It is our choice on how we respond.

We have the option of becoming better or bitter.

The only difference is "I".

Be Wise!Running for Love

If every step I ran was a resemblance of how much I love you I would be running forever.

See!!!! I'm NOT the only one!!!!

giraffe and spider

Friday, February 14, 2020

I wonder where they keep their Timbits...

Haha - I wonder where they keep their TimBits!

The 411 - Special Edition - Saint Valentine

St. ValentineSaint Valentine refers to one or more martyred saints of ancient Rome. The feast of Saint Valentine was formerly celebrated on February 14 by the Roman Catholic Church until the revised calendar 1969.

His birth date and birthplace are unknown. Valentine's name does not occur in the earliest list of Roman martyrs, that was compiled by the Chronographer of 354.


The feast of St. Valentine was first decreed in 496 by Pope Gelasius I, who included Valentine among those "... whose names are justly reverenced among men, but whose acts are known only to God." As Gelasius implied, nothing is known about the lives of any of these martyrs.

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, the saint whose feast was celebrated on the day now known as St. Valentine's Day was possibly one of three martyred men named Valentinus who lived in the late third century, during the reign of Emperor Claudius II (died 270):

* a priest in Rome
* a bishop of Interamna (modern Terni)
* a martyr in the Roman province of Africa

Various dates are given for their martyrdoms: 269, 270 or 273. The name was a popular one in Late Antiquity, with its connotations of valens, "being strong". Several emperors and a pope bore the name, not to mention a powerful gnostic teacher of the second century, Valentinius, for a time drawing a threateningly large following.

That the creation of the feast for such dimly conceived figures may have been an attempt to supersede the pagan holiday of Lupercalia that was still being celebrated in fifth-century Rome, on February 15 is apparently a figment of the English eighteenth-century antiquarian Alban Butler, embellished by Francis Douce, as Jack Oruch conclusively demonstrated in 1981. Many of the current legends that characterise Saint Valentine were invented in the fourteenth century in England, notably by Geoffrey Chaucer and his circle, when the feast day of February 14 first became associated with romantic love.

It is believed that the priest of Rome and the bishop St. ValentineValentinus are each buried along the Via Flaminia outside Rome, at different distances from the city. Their calendar days of martyrdom have been made to coincide. In the Middle Ages, two Roman churches were dedicated to Saint Valentinus. One was the tenth-century church Sancti Valentini de Balneo Miccine or de Piscina, which was rededicated by Pope Urban III in 1186. The other, on the Via Flaminia, was the ancient basilica S. Valentini extra Portam founded by Pope Julius I (337‑352), though not under this dedication. Though the basilica is quae apellantur Valentini, "which is called of Valentinus", early basilicas were as often called by the name of their former patron as by the saint to whom they were dedicated: see titulus.

In the catacombs connected with the basilica of Valentinus, outside the Porta del Popolo, nineteenth-century excavations unearthed two hundred Christian inscriptions. Lanciani reported, from the chronicle of the monastery of S. Michael ad Mosam, an account of a pilgrim of the eleventh century who obtained relics of saints "'from the keeper of a certain cemetery, in which lamps are always burning.'" He refers to the basilica of S. Valentine and the small hypogaeum attached to it (discovered in 1887)" .

The earliest written Acta for Saint Valentinus were written in the sixth or seventh century, when the hagiographical genre was well established, with pious accounts of magic and torture shared among many texts and applied to many martyr-saints. The longer of the two is that written of the martyr Valentinus of Terni and his magical cure, through faith alone, of a crippled child. Bede, in the eighth century, knew of both hagiographies and included respripts of both under 14 February in his martyrology

The Legenda Aurea of Jacobus de Voragine, compiled about 1260 and one of the most-read books of the High Middle Ages, gives sufficient details of the saints and for each day of the liturgical year to inspire a homily on each occasion. The very brief vita of St Valentine has him refusing to deny Christ before the "Emperor Claudius" in the year 280. Before his head was cut off, this Valentine restored sight and hearing to the daughter of his jailer. Jacobus makes a play with the etymology of "Valentine", "as containing valour".

The Legenda Aurea does not contain anything about hearts and last notes signed "from your Valentine", as is sometimes suggested in modern works of sentimental piety. Many of the current legends surrounding them appear in the late Middle Ages in France and England, when the feast day of February 14 became associated with romantic love.

St. Valentine's Day

For more details on this topic, see Valentine's Day.

Jack Oruch has made a well-supported case that the traditions associated St. Valentinewith "Valentine's Day", well-documented in Geoffrey Chaucer's Parliament of Foules, and generally set in a supposed context of an old tradition, in fact had no such tradition before Chaucer. The speculative explanation of sentimental customs, posing as historical fact, had their origins among eighteenth-century antiquaries, notably Alban Butler, the author of Butler's Lives of Saints, and have been perpetuated even by respectable modern scholars. Most notably, "the idea that Valentine's Day customed perpetuated those of the Roman Lupercalia has been accepted uncritically and repeated, in various forms, up to the present"

In 1836, relics that were exhumed from the catacombs of Saint Hippolytus on the Via Tiburtina, then near Rome, were identified with St Valentine; placed in a gilded casket, they were transported to the Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin, Ireland, to which they were donated by Pope Gregory XVI. Many tourists visit the saintly remains on St. Valentine's Day, when the casket is carried in solemn procession to the high altar for a special Mass dedicated to young people and all those in love. Alleged bodily relics of St Valentine also lie at the reliquary of Roquemaure in France, in the Stephansdom in Vienna and also in Blessed St. John Duns Scotus church in the Gorbals area of Glasgow, Scotland.

The saint's feast day was removed from the Church calendar in 1969 as part of a broader effort to remove saints viewed by some as being of purely legendary origin. The feast day is still celebrated locally in some parishes such as Balzan in Malta where relics of the saint are claimed to be found, as well as by those Catholics who follow the older, pre-Vatican II calendar. Prior to this action, the church in Rome that had been dedicated to him observed his feast day by, among other things, displaying his reputed skull surrounded by roses, much like the iconography often used by the Grateful Dead.

*From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia