Message in a Bottle

by Trent Deerhorn, Deerhorn Shamanic Services

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Every once in awhile, no matter who you are, you will go through some life circumstances that irritate you, nag at you, and over which you will, at least temporarily, obsess. That is human nature. When something is not going well, we, as humans, tend to obsess about that something, trying our hardest to figure things out. We will lose sleep at night because of this obsession. We will even begin to experience health problems because of the stress that the situation is putting us through. So how do we get a break from it all, even if it cannot be immediately fixed? I have a few suggestions, some of which I may have mentioned in previous blogs, and some of which may be new to you, the reader. Here they are, not in any order of importance at all:

1. Take out a piece of paper and a pen. Map out your life in the form of a circle that is divided into wedges like a pie. Each piece is to represent areas of your life that you are attending to. The pieces do not have to be even. What I always suggest is to make the most important areas of life larger pieces than the less important ones. This helps to place our problems into perspective. What do we need to attend to and put more time into? Well, let’s see which are the larger pieces of our lives. You will usually find that the “issues” are actually more sliver-like than the other stuff is. This immediately helps us to realize where the issues stand in terms of importance. And if it is something that requires immediate attention, then simply attend to it and then that wedge can be dedicated to something else once it is fully resolved.

2. Take out another piece of paper and create a step-by-step plan for how to resolve the issue at hand. Make a timeline of what actions need to be taken and when. Put those dates and times and actions into your calendar and make sure to not get off track with it. A large percentage of a person’s stress and anxiety comes from not taking action when it is needed, procrastinating, and allowing things to fester and grow. Make a plan. Stick to the plan.

3. When it comes to things that are not in our realm of influence (there are a lot of those) such as a toxic neighbor, a boss that totally sucks but is in a position of power over us, a self-destructive family member, and so on, we need some self-maintenance things that allow us to “lay it down” for whatever period of time is appropriate. So, for example, if you can’t do anything to change someone else but their behavior is keeping you up at night, there are some things you can do that will allow you to at least get a good night’s sleep. One is to find a large feather (craft stores carry turkey feathers that are a good size for this) and, before going to bed, sweep your energy off with the feather. You do not need to touch your body. Simply sweep past your body, starting at the top and working your way down to the feet. Then blow across the feather in the direction of a window (does not have to be open) to clear off the feather. Go to bed and get some sleep. Repeat if necessary, because sometimes we wake up in the middle of the night and our minds will not turn off. So brush off again and then go back to sleep.

4. Another method is to use an empty bottle with a cork system. This one is my personal favorite. Uncork the bottle, blow your worries and concerns into it, and then cork the bottle. You may need to do a number of blows into the bottle, so if you do, be sure to place your thumb over the opening in between each blow, and then cork it when you are done. Place the bottle somewhere safe, like on a shelf or a countertop or a dresser. Then allow yourself to just slip nicely into sleep. In the morning, take the bottle outside and “pour” that energy out onto the ground. Sometimes I will leave the bottle open outside for 5 minutes or so to air out with the wind. When I bring it in, I will use an incense stick to smudge the inside and outside of the bottle. Then it is ready to go for that day or that evening when it is bedtime once again.

These are simple rituals and techniques that allow us to organize our minds and our emotions so that we do not have to carry the burden of the problems day in and day out. The rituals work. Give them a chance and you will find that they are quite the form of practical magic!

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

I've opened a restaurant called: "Peace And Quiet..."

Kids meals: Only $150. 

What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?

One is disgusted by a rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM. 



An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards." 



Two friends arranged to meet at a store in the local mall. One never showed up, so the other went home. When they talked later that night, the second woman asked the first what had happened.

"It was terrible, "the first woman said. "I was on the escalator on my way to meet you, and it suddenly stopped running. I stood there for over an hour while they fixed it."

"You stood on the escalator for an hour while he fixed it?" the second friend asked

"Of course, what else would I do?"

"You dummy! Why didn't you sit down?" 

An antelope and a lion entered a diner and took a booth near the window. When the waiter approached, the antelope said, “I’ll have a bowl of hay and a side order of radishes.”

“And what would your friend have?”

“Nothing,” replied the antelope.

The waiter persisted, “Isn’t he hungry?”

“Hey, if he were hungry,” said the antelope, “would I be sitting here?”

Billy: Being a kid is tough. Parents hold mistakes over your head forever. This Friday I can’t go to the movies because I made a simple mistake a long time ago.

Bobby: What did you do?

Billy: I put the hose in my sister’s window and turned it on.

Bobby: That’s a pretty big mistake, when did you do that?

Billy: Wednesday.

 

Might wake up early and go running tomorrow.

I also might win the lottery.

Odds are about the same.

There where once two brothers called William and Wayne. Will was 12 years old and his little brother was 3. The neighbors noticed they always went around together, if William went down to the ballpark, his little brother would toddle along behind him, even if the game was a bit rough; and when Wayne went to play group, his elder brother would come too, and sit there with all the toddlers.

One neighbor thought this was really strange, so one day he leaned over the fence and asked the kid's mother why they were so inseparable even though they had nothing in common. Well, the mother replied, didn't you know: where there's a Will... there's a Wayne. 

Grandson: Why did the elephant where red sneakers?

Me: I don't know.

Grandson: So he could hide in the cherry tree. Did you ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?

Me: No.

Grandson: See, it works. 

During a job interview at the 99 Cents store, my son was asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” My son’s reply: “At the Dollar Store.” He got the job.   

Paddy

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."



Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven? O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."



Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"



Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"



An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"



Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman." Oh yeah?" said Charlie

"And how did this one end?" When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees. "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-shit!"

Beware the ATM!

 

Click above - This will open a window and you will have to allow the powerpoint to open (Or you can save it...) Then navigate either using your scroll wheel on your mouse or you can use your scrollbars if you do not have a wheel mouse...

Share and W-I-N!!

 

  Extended to June 1st! Enter now!

Yes, that's right... The Wizard of 'OZ' is having a 

"SHARE and WIN" contest! 

 

All you have to do is share a POST from 'OZ' that you like (any post, any date!) Take a screenshot of where you shared the post, such as facebook, Instagram, Twitter and more, as long as it it is by social media* and not just emailed to a person. Then email the screenshot to The_Wizard@othersideoz.ca - please put "$25 Gift Card Contest" in the subject. 

A random draw will be made for one $25.00 (twenty-five dollar) Gift Card of your choice (provided the gift card is available for purchase in Canada). Contest open to anyone 16 years old or older and a resident of Canada or The USA at the time of the random draw. 

 

The final winner will be declared on June 1st 2022 at 9PM (CST). The random drawing will be made by The Wizard of 'OZ' and the contest will be deemed to be over by 9PM (CST) on June 1st. 

 

Contest runs from April 1st to June 1st 2022. Winner will be notified by the same email as the entry was submitted with.

No purchase necessary.

*The fine print: Prize is in CDN dollars. The draw will be made June 1, 2022 by The Wizard of 'OZ', from all entries received up to and including June 1, 2022 at 9PM CST. There will be only one (1) winner chosen out of all entries received by the closing date and time. 1 gift card is available. The Wizard of 'OZ's decision will be final. Social media includes facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blogger (or other web log page), Linked in. Contest available only in Canada and The United States of America. Odds of winning is dependent upon the number of entries received. Winner's name will be published on 'OZ' (last name can be withheld by request). In the event that no one enters the contest, The Wizard reserves the right to extend the contest to a point in the future that The Wizard decides.  Contest void where prohibited by law. The Wizard of 'OZ' and the blog 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow make no money from this contest nor from the blog as a whole. The purpose of this contest is to increase visitors to my blog. Again, I make no money from the blog and 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow is 100% Paid ad free.

Eagle's Nest

 

These awesome pictures were taken near Comox, BC, Canada. Unfortunately no one knows who the photographer was. This is something few humans will ever be privileged to see.

Saskatchewan Cruise Ship

 

Canadian temperature conversion ;)

+15° C = Vancouverites try to turn on the heat. Manitobans plant gardens. 

+10° C = Victorians shiver uncontrollably. Winnipeggers sunbathe. 

+5° C = Italian cars won't start. Winnipeggers drive with the windows down. 

0° C = Distilled water freezes. Winnipeg's water gets thicker. 

-5° C = Torontonians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. Manitobans throw on a T-shirt. 

-15° C = Quebecers begin to evacuate the province. Manitobans go swimming. 

-20° C = Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat. Manitobans have the last cook-out before it gets cold. 

-25° C = People in Vancouver cease to exist. Manitobans lick flagpoles. 

-30° C = Calgarians fly away to Mexico. Manitobans throw on a light jacket. 

-40° C = Hamilton disintegrates. Manitobans rent some videos. 

-50° C = Mt. St. Helen's freezes. Manitoban Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes Winnipeg until it gets cold enough. 

-60° C = Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Manitoba Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door-to-door. 

-80° C = Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Winnipeggers pull down their earflaps. 

-100° C = Ethyl alcohol freezes. Manitobans get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg. 

-200° C = Microbial life survives on dairy products. Manitoba cows complain of farmers with cold hands. 

-300° C = ALL atomic motion stops. Manitobans start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?" 

TOO DUMB TO TRAVEL

Why some people should never be let out of the country... Actual comments from US travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said, "But they look so close on the map."Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 am and got into Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map." The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" " That's it!

PRE-SCHOOL TEST

Pre-school children were asked the following question:

"In which direction is the bus pictured below traveling?"



Look carefully at the picture.

Do you know the answer?

The only possible answers are "left" and "right."


Think about it



Still don't know?



Okay, I'll tell you.



The pre-schoolers all answered "left."

When asked, "Why do you think the bus is traveling in the left direction?" they answered:

"Because you can't see the door."



Feel pretty silly now, don't you?

I know .. me, too.

Duh?????? How stupid do you feel????????

Hymn #365

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down. The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."

Smile, life is too short not to!! If this brightened your day, Don't let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile, Keep spreading the Cheer.

See you at the river!!

As Russia's invasion of Ukraine approaches its 3-month mark, here's what's happened in key areas

© Shutterstock

From CNN's Joshua Berlinger

It is nearly three months since Russia invaded Ukraine – a 12-week period in which Russian forces have wrought devastation on the country and its people, resulting in death on a vast scale and causing millions to flee.

But the invasion has not been the military success Moscow hoped, and is now deep into its second phase.

The bulk of fighting has moved to the east after failed Russian advances in central Ukraine. The Ukrainians are focusing on retaking some key areas closer to the Russian border, while Moscow is seeing its troops beaten back in a few key battles.

Western aid is also flowing into Ukraine, NATO is set to be strengthened as Nordic countries seek to join, and the first Russian soldier accused of war crimes has stood trial.

Here’s what has happened in several key areas since the war began.

Click here to read the articles at cnn.com

Flower Dogs - ( puppious flowerious)

Anti-Depressant

 

Who's your daddy?

A seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, TN. One morning, they were eating breakfast at a little restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table,visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, "I hope he doesn't come over here." But sure enough, the man did come over to their table.

"Where are you folks from?" he asked in a friendly voice.

"Oklahoma," they answered.

"Great to have you here in Tennessee," the stranger said. "What do you do for a living?"

"I teach at a seminary," he replied.

"Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well!, I've got a really great story for you." And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple .

The professor groaned and thought to himself, "Great ... Just what I need ..another preacher story!"

The man started, "See that mountain over there? (pointing out the restaurant window). Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, 'Hey boy, Who's your daddy?' Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same question, 'Who's your daddy?'

He would hide at recess and lunchtime from other students. He would avoid going in to stores because that question hurt him so bad.

"When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, 'Who's your daddy?' But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast he got caught and had to walk out with the crowd. Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, Son, who's your daddy?

The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, Who's your daddy?'

"This new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that scared little boy ... "Wait a minute! I know who you are. I see the family resemblance now. You are a child of God. "

With that he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, " Boy, you've got a great inheritance. Go and claim it."

"With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person. He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, 'Who's your Daddy?' he'd just tell them, 'I'm a Child of God.'"

The distinguished! gentleman got up from the table and said, "Isn't that a great story?"

The professor responded that it really was a great story!

As the man turned to leave, he said, "You know, if that new preacher hadn't told me that I was one of God's children, I probably never would have amounted to anything!" And he walked away.

The seminary professor and his wife were stunned. He called the waitress over & asked her, "Do you know who that man was who just left that was sitting at our table?"

The waitress grinned and said, "Of course. Everybody here knows him. That's Ben Hooper. He's the former governor of Tennessee!"

Someone in your life today needs a reminder that they're one of God's children!

"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of God stands forever. ~~Isaiah

YOU'RE ONE OF GOD'S CHILDREN!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

World Bee Day

 May 20th is World Bee Day

Bees are one of the most important organisms on Earth, and do much more than simply buzz around flower beds. They are the world's most populous and productive pollinators, and are responsible for pollinating two thirds of the world's food supply. Climate change and wanton use of pesticides in the agriculture industry have seen the world bee population plummet at an alarming rate in recent years, and their disappearance would have catastrophic effects on the global supply chain.

The Snowdome

The SnowVolution concept is based on an innovative approach to indoor skiing. A snow covered rotating planar disc, up to 300 metres in diameter, is inclined at around 25 degrees and made up of 5 or 6 concentric rings each between 17 metres and 20 metres wide. Each of these rings is able to rotate independently in either direction around a static centre island at mean tangential speeds of up to 15 metres/per second.

Typically, adjacent rings would rotate in the same direction and be separated by a static or stationary ring, the remaining rings would rotate in the opposite direction. This arrangement spreads skiers and snowboarders across the whole width of the disc on both sides of the central zone leading to high levels of utilisation.

The SnowVolution concept of a snowdome represents a significant improvement over existing static ski slopes. Typical skiing time is greatly increased because there is no end to the skiing surface. Equally, many more skiers can be accommodated on the skiing surface adding greatly to revenues.

The SnowVolution design and engineering concepts are patented in all major World markets and 'SnowVolution' is registered as a Trade Mark and as a Domain Name. The SnowVolution intellectual property and product available for licensing comprises of six principal interdependent components:

* The SnowVolution Machine Specification

* The Architectural Schema

* Lighting, Visual and Multi-Media Specification

* Snow Management and Retention Systems

* Above Snow Environmental Management

* SnowVolution Operational Management and Procedures

The SnowVolution design and engineering concepts will remain under the control of SnowVolution Ltd in respect of any franchise or licensing arrangements entered into with developers or operators.

R.I.P. Vangelis (1943 - 2022)

Vangelis, the Greek composer known for his music used in Chariots of Fire and Blade Runner, has died. He was 79.

Evángelos Odysséas Papathanassíou, known professionally as Vangelis, was a Greek musician and composer of electronic, progressive, ambient, and classical orchestral music.

Part of the duo, Jon and Vangelis, produced rock hits like The Friends of Mr. Cairo.

R.I.P. John Aylward (1946 - 2022)

John Aylward, a prolific actor of stage and screen, has died. He was 75.

Aylward's agent Mitchell K. Stubbs confirmed the news in a message sent to PEOPLE, detailing that the actor died at his home in Seattle Monday of natural causes, according to his wife Mary Fields.

"John was a wonderful actor and a great friend to many," Stubbs wrote in the message. "He was proud of his film and television work although his life in the theatre was where he was the happiest. He was a good man."

Ole

 

Ole staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Sven. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Lena.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Ole sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Ole woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Lena staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Ole?"

Ole said, "Why you say such a mean ting?"

"Well," Lena said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....

it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."

Looking in

I was feeling a little nosey, so I thought I would look in on you and see if you are sitting at your computer... Yup, there you are!

Have a Great Day!