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Tuesday, May 31, 2016


life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe everything happens for a reason.. If you
get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it
changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy,
they just promised it would be worth it.


Friends are like balloons; once you let them go,
you can't get them back.


Trivia - Homer Style

Q: Which of his hit songs was Michael Jackson performing when he introduced his “moonwalk” on TV in 1983?

A: “Billie Jean.” He was appearing on a Motown 25th-anniversary special at the time.

Q: Why did Catherine Zeta-Jones insist on cutting her long hair into a short bob for her role in the hit 2002 musical Chicago?

A: She wanted to be sure moviegoers would see that she did all the dancing in the film herself—and feared her normally long hair would obscure her face, leading some to wonder if a stand-in had been used.

Q: What feature gave the strange-looking platypus its name?

A: Its flipper-like flat feet. Its name is derived from the Greek words platus, “flat,” and pous, “foot.”

Q: What famous American aviator piloted the first nonstop transcontinental supersonic flight?

A: John Glenn, in 1957, five years before he became the first American astronaut to orbit the earth. Glenn made the cross-country flight, averaging 760 mph, in a record three hours and 23 minutes.

Q: What does the WD stand for in the rust- and corrosion-prevention product WD-40? How about the 40?

A: WD stands for water displacement. The 40 was added to the name because its inventors perfected their formula on the 40th try.

Q: How many pounds of foliage does an adult giraffe consume daily?

A: About 140 pounds.

Q: What father of twins on TV is a father of twins at home?

A: Ray Romano. As Ray Barone on the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond, his twins sons are Michael and Geoffrey; in real life, they're Matthew and Gregory.

Q: What musically inclined presidential daughter made a recording of “The Star-Spangled Banner”? Hint: Her first name was Margaret.

A: Margaret Woodrow Wilson, the eldest daughter of Woodrow Wilson, in 1915.

Q: What hockey player’s name has been misspelled five times on the coveted Stanley Cup?

A: Goalie Jacques Plante’s. The misspellings include Jocko, Jack, and Plant.

Q: What are fauxtatoes?

A: Mashed or pureed cauliflower, served as an alternative to high-carbohydrate potatoes.

Trivia - Homer Style

Stop Signs Reinvented

The Answer Revealed!

What your pets do when you are not at home:

Monday, May 30, 2016

I Have Two Fathers

Tulipan Condoms - Father and Son

Father and Son - Father doesn't always know best - at least not right away...

Can You See it?

There is a hidden picture inside the picture below. It can be seen in 3D without 3D glasses! Take a hard look and see if you can find the 'hidden candies'...

*Magic Eye

Catty Men

Four men were bragging about their smart cats.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies, then divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Teaspoon, do your stuff." Teaspoon got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, then got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was pretty amazing.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?". The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate all the cookies, drank all the milk, took a crap on the paper, mounted the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation, and the rest of the day on sick leave.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Spread the Stupidity

Only in Canada.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in Canada...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Canada.....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in Canada .....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in Canada. .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

A Parent's Wish - "You Raise Me Up" ... Josh Groban sings

From the Ha-Ha Department

This Buddhist walks up to a hot-dog stand and asks:
"Can you make me one with everything?"
Buddhists telling jokes

Help and Resources For The Prairie Fag

 Click here to visit The Saskatchewan Resources For Sexual Diversity website

Click above to visit The Saskatchewan Resources For Sexual Diversity website.

The University of Saskatchewan

Sponsored by the University of Saskatchewan Library

From the page:

Research into sexual diversity encompasses the study of sexual and gender minorities presently identified by many labels, including lesbian (L), gay (G), bisexual (B), transgendered (T), transvestite (TV), and two-spirited (TS). The previously derogatory queer (Q) has been adopted by many with pride as a short form way of encompassing this diverse range of minorities. However, many are opposed to identifying themselves with an historic label of abuse and others question the possibility or desirability of finding a single term adequate to suggest the diversity of these groups.

This site is a reference guide to what is available and its physical location. The materials themselves are housed at participating Saskatchewan libraries and archives .

Browse through lists of materials or search this site for topics or people.

To learn more about the history of LGBT communities in Saskatchewan please see our History page. To find out more about present day LGBT communities in Saskatchewan see the LGBT Saskatchewan references in the links page.

My favourite quote from the page:
"If homosexuality is a disease, lets all call in queer to work;
-Hello. Can't work today. Still queer."
--ROBIN TYLER, American comedian.

Fridge magnet produced for Regina's Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Pride Week.2000. Designed by Duncan Campbell and Tania Wolk
Fridge magnet produced for Regina's Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Pride Week.2000.
Designed by Duncan Campbell and Tania Wolk

Saturday, May 28, 2016

What's In A Name? (An oldie but a goodie =)

The lineage is now revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt," but now you can handle this situation with confidence!

Jack is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep N.Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dump Schitt, a high school drop-out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Scherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspapers announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. They created a bumper sticker and made millions. You've probably seen it...

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them and inform them of your more than deep knowledge of the family tree.


Warning 18 and over

The biggest cock I've ever seen! Click here.

Insurance Claims

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible words. The instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that even incompetent writing can be highly entertaining.

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong driveway and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck a pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."

"I noticed smoke rising from under the bonnet. Realizing the car was on fire, I pulled over, took out my dog, and smothered it with a blanket."

"The driver in front of me hit a pedestrian. He got up from where he lay, so I hit him again."

Friday, May 27, 2016

"The Age of Non Believing"

Believe in Yourself!

When you rush around in hopeless circles
Searching ev'rywhere for something true
You're at the age of not believing
When all the "make believe" is through

When you set aside your childhood heroes
And your dreams are lost up on a shelf
You're at the age of not believing
And worst of all you doubt yourself

You're a castaway where no one hears you
On a barren isle in a lonely sea
Where did all the happy endings go?
Where can all the good times be?

You must face the age of not believing
Doubting ev'rything you ever knew
Until at last you start believing
There's something wonderful...
Truly wonderful in you

*Angela Landsbury, © DISNEY, Bedknobs and Broomsticks

Meanwhile.... In Canada....

Meanwhile.... In Canada....

The best card trick.... EVER!

When bad things happen to good people

When bad things happen to good people
In the natural order of the world, suffering is random. Bad things happen to good people just about as often as they happen to bad people. We have not been given a shield protecting us from misfortune, but there is within all of us waiting to be discovered, the strength to deal with adversity, to overcome it, and learn from it so we can still find love, laughter and joy despite it. You Have All You Need.

-Michael Josephson

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Signs! Signs! Everywhere Signs!!

Do you ever feel like you're just aimlessly walking through life and have pretty much zero direction? Now, on top of that, does danger lurk around every corner because you're just so wrapped up in your own mind? Then, to top it all off, do you walk smack dab into a sign that tells you the importance of steering clear of any tomatoes?

If so, this is the article for you.

We live in a time where you have to warn people of any and every outcome, or risk having their stupidity take over and leave you liable for all sorts of problems down the road.

Half the time, you can just tell exactly what happened that warranted the warning sign to begin with (like in #10).

So it's not too shocking that these warning signs exist. Just disappointing really.

1. Only pickles
2. But do they share?
3. I don't see how anything could go wrong here
4. I need this for my living room
5. Maintain a steady speed at all times
6. Clearly, no fun can be had by doing this
7. If life was just one big Spy vs Spy cartoon
8. Go fast for the purposeful porn area
9. When you get Xzibit to pimp your sign
10. But how will the people know that I was there during the great fire of 2016?
11. How can we make bears seem deadlier? Let them fly
12. That's quite the YouTube video you have planned there
13. We're all doomed
14. At least they're free-range, right?
15. He's not to be trusted
16. The real reason we have children

What the frack is a "MUSTER"????

Muster Point

Easy! a place where everyone in an area is ordered to go when there is an emergency. Read on MacDuff...



v. mus·tered, mus·ter·ing, mus·ters


1. To call (troops) together, as for inspection.

2. To cause to come together; gather: Bring all the volunteers you canmuster.

3. To bring into existence or readiness; summon up: mustering up herstrength for the ordeal. See Synonyms at call.


To assemble or gather: mustering for inspection.



a. A gathering, especially of troops, for service, inspection, review, orroll call.

b. The persons assembled for such a gathering.

2. A muster roll.

3. A gathering or collection: a muster of business leaders at a luncheon.

4. A flock of peacocks.

Phrasal Verbs:

muster in

To enlist or be enlisted in military service: She mustered in at the age of 18.

muster out

To discharge or be discharged from military service: He was mustered outwhen the war ended.


pass muster

To be judged as acceptable.

There you go!

Laughing Chewbacca Mask Lady - I dare you not to laugh!

One for the kids...

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

For Men Only Instructions

I don't understand women!

Something to ponder...

IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp spring afternoon, and you're exactly where you should be: stretched out on the couch in front of the television, just about to watch all your favourite TV programmes that you've recorded over the last few weeks. Opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your wife/girlfriend enters the room and says, "What exactly do you think you're doing?"

Is this a trick question or what?

Yes, it is. The trick is that no matter how you answer it, you will immediately find yourself driving down to your nearest home improvement centre, where you will spend the rest of the afternoon trying to decide the type of curtain rod that's right for you.

How does this work?

It has as much to do with the nature of the question itself as with anything else. Women are expert at posing questions that seem to have no right answer. Here's a common example.

Do I look fat?

There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted "yes." "No" means yes. "Yes" means yes. "I don't know" means yes. "It doesn't matter" means yes. The briefest hint of a pause before speaking means yes, yes, yes. Most of us would rather go to the dentist than field this one, yet it may well come up several times a week. Your only real choice is to say no, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact and not simply your opinion. This doesn't work, but all the other options are worse.

There are several other questions for which "no" is the only answer, and several more that call for an emphatic and unqualified yes. In all of these cases, elaboration, justification or any attempt to be funny is unlikely to pay off.

Consult this handy chart:


Is there someone else?
Do you still fantasize about her?
Are you tired of me?


Do you still love me?
Do you ever fantasize about me?
Do you like my hair this way?

Unfortunately, many female inquiries require more than a simple yes or no response. Some of them are more like riddles. Such as this one:

Which shoes look better?

Typically you're already late for dinner when your girlfriend confronts you, with one pair of shoes on and another alongside them. This is no ordinary choice. It's a devious chicken/egg puzzler, the sort of choice that would lead even Hobson to say to Mrs. Hobson, "Whichever, you old trout!" If you pick the shoes she already has on, she'll think you're trying to hurry her. If you pick the other pair, she'll think it's because you know you can't pick the ones she has on. Some men try a nonlinear approach and opt for a third, unoffered pair of shoes, but this is inevitably taken as either an attack on her judgment or an opportunity for her to attack yours. On no account suggest another dress. You might as well say, "You're fat." This raises the question of why she's asking you at all. She knows you don't know which shoes look better, and she knows you don't care, so why is she trying to elicit your opinion? This is part of an ongoing campaign to domesticate you. As part of the same campaign, she will occasionally consult you about alternative table settings or new towels. In these two cases a disdainful and dismissive "beats me" should do the trick, but don't try that with the shoe dilemma, or you'll miss your reservation. Instead, suggest that she try on the other shoes, then tell her the first ones look better. This lets you more or less off the hook, as long as you don't raise a fuss when she decides that the second pair are better after all.

Where do you see this relationship going?

This could be described as an essay question, since you're obviously not going to get away with snappy little answers such as "forward" or "upstairs" or "I dunno." Another problem is that you and your girlfriend are operating at cross purposes here. She wants a heartfelt expression of your feelings and an honest assessment of your future together, and you want an easier question. There is certainly no point in answering a toe-curling query like this one without at least a rough idea of precisely what it is she wants to hear. Questions such as this one are a category unto themselves, i.e., Questions that should be answered with another question. See how easily some of the more difficult leading inquiries can be parried through the simple deployment of reflexive interrogation.

Her: Where do you see this relationship going?
You: Where do *you* see this relationship going?

Her: Do you think she's attractive?
You: Who?

Her: Will you marry me?
You: Where am I?

Her: What if I were pregnant?
You: Are you pregnant?
Her: Why? Do I look fat?

Whoops! We're in a bit of trouble here. You should have seen that coming. Try a more surreal approach:

Her: What if I were pregnant?
You: What if *we* were pregnant? .... (Cool, huh?)

Some all-purpose question-answers include: How much is a lot? Why do you ask? Should I be? What are you saying? Does it matter? What's love got to do with it? Are you talking to me? (Note: Are you having your period? is not one of these.) Let's try a math question. How many people have you slept with? Hmmmmm....Now, you can tell her the truth, unless the truth is more than 12, or you can have a guess at the number she's more or less expecting. Like most arithmetic problems, the answer is a lot easier once you have a formula. This one should work as long as neither of you has sex for a living.

Number of people she's slept with + Number of people she knows you've slept with + Number of people you actually have slept with.

Add these up and divide by 2. If you round up to the nearest whole person, you should end up with a realistically healthy but not particularly shocking number. If the result is greater than 12, then say 12.

Why don't you lighten up?

This rhetorical gem is used whenever you express your disapproval of shoplifting or speeding, or whenever you go to a nightclub and spend the whole time dancing to some unbelievable crap you've never heard and then go out and buy it! There is no good answer to this question.

You could draw attention to her inconsistency in this matter, noting that she doesn't like it when you act like a kid or when you act like your dad (God forbid); then again, if you do that, she's liable to see your point and break up with you. Speaking of breaking up, how about this one?

Are you saying you want to end it?

Women, like lawyers, rarely ask a direct question, unless they already know what the answer will be. As for women lawyers, I don't know what they do, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know. The point is, when a woman asks you this question, she knows you're going to say no. Even if you want to say yes, you'll say no. You can't turn the question back on her, because you have no idea what her answer is going to be. If you are trying to break up with her, you'll have to say no and start the whole
painful process again. If you aren't trying to break up with her, then it's best to change the subject. Let's try something easier.

Notice anything different about me?

Well, slightly easier. This question is of a piece with two others:
"Have you forgotten what today is?" and "Have you been listening to a word I've said?" Apart from being questions that are easier to answer wrong than right, they're the kinds of things women say in sitcoms. They are best treated in an ironic postmodern context, i.e., just say what Ward Cleaver would say.

Her: Notice anything different about me?
You: New apron? ... (Ouch!)

Her: Have you forgotten what today is?
You: Of course not. It's Thursday.

Her: Have you been listening to a word I've said?
You: That's nice, dear...

Funny, huh? Well, it's not your fault if she doesn't get it. If she wants a better answer, she's going to have to start asking better questions. Questions such as:

Have you taken a look at yourself lately? This question and its cousin, the almost always uncalled for "Who do you think you are?" are ways of gently reminding you how much of a factor pity was in her original decision to go out with you, and how that decision could be rescinded if you behave in any way that cannot be described as abject. You probably brought this rebuke on yourself by mentioning that you reckon Brad Pitt is getting a little chubby or by speculating that Jack Nicholson doesn't have to wait until his birthday for oral sex. You're not really supposed to answer either of these questions. You're just supposed to apologise for your wanton self-esteem-having. Instead of apologizing, just smile. Your manifold inadequacies as a boyfriend - nay, as a man - are a kind of revenge all by themselves. Next!

Do you believe in fidelity?

Like most philosophical questions that seem to pop up out of the blue, this question doesn't pop up out of the blue. This general query about fidelity is in fact a coded inquiry about the extent of your fidelity on a specific occasion or occasions. Your response will also have to be coded. Consult this translation chart before giving your answer:

YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - He's hiding something.

YOU SAY - It depends
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - I knew it!

YOU SAY - Why do you ask
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - Bastard!

YOU SAY - I dunno. Do you?
YOU MEAN - How much does she know?
SHE THINKS - How much does he know?

There are several more variations, but they're not worth going into. By the time she asks you this question, you're already in deep trouble. It doesn't really matter what you say, as long as you don't blush when you answer.

Let's look at an example that calls for more straightforward lying.

What are you looking at?

She means, "You were looking at that girl, weren't you?" And you thought you'd perfected that trick of keeping your neck still and just letting your eyes swivel. Obviously, the truth is not the best answer here. We all know that the truth can set you free, sometimes before you've found somewhere else to stay. It may seem easy enough to answer this question with a cunning lie, but when men are caught offguard, their ability to deceive is impaired.

Here are a few of the more common mistakes men make when asked, "What are you looking at?"

Too specific: The rust around the bolts on the handle on the flap of that mailbox on the northwest corner." Not specific enough: "That thing." Too good to be true: "A diamond necklace in that window back there that would be perfect on you." Too true to be good: "A see through nightie in that window back there that would be perfect on you." Too obvious: "Nothing." Way too obvious: "That blonde babe over there with the big...I mean nothing." Here's one that requires a little interpretation.

What are we going to do now?

This one often crops up whenever some kind of emergency or seemingly unsolvable problem arises. The part that requires interpretation is the mysterious "we" in the middle. This means two things: In one sense, "we" clearly means "you," as in, "What are you going to do now," but there is also a sense of "we're in this together," implying that you bear equal responsibility for the fact that she's just dropped her keys down a grate, or that she stores her jack and spare tire in her garage so they won't get stolen.

In such situations you'll probably find that the only answer to "What are we going to do now?" that you can think of is "We are going to break up. Goodbye." Most likely you'll decide not to say anything. After which she will probably let loose with the rather ill-advised:

Why don't you say something?

Whether you answer this one is up to you. There is only one question that you should never, ever answer. Keep silent, cower behind your Fifth Amendment rights, pretend you didn't hear, run away, whatever, but don'tsay anything when she asks:

Should I get all of my hair cut off?

If you say anything, then when she does get all her hair cut off (and let's face it, she's already made up her mind) and she hates it (and she will hate it), it will be your fault. Even if you say absolutely nothing, the best you can hope for is that she will come home with all her hair cut off, stare you straight in the eye and say:

"Does it make me look fat!!?"

.....You're on your own.....

One-Question IQ Test


Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself? Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...


Blind man

He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses"

If you got this wrong - please turn off your computer and call it a day.

I've got mine shutting down right now.

Paint Your Cat

I didn't even know they did this. Time to grab the neighbor's cat and get busy!!

Some of the paint jobs cost $15,000 and had to be repeated every 3 months as the cat's hair grows out.

Must be nice to have $60,000 a year just to keep your cat painted.

And people wonder why cats sometimes attack their owners.