Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

 

A farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home?"

"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

"Well, is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she went to town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Jeffrey? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Jeffrey getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”

The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Jeffrey." 

Did you hear about the brawl at the post office?

The stamps got licked by the postmaster. 



A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis.

The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.

The man said, "Cure it, I want to prolong it!"   



Three unwritten Rules for Life:

1._______________________________

2. _______________________________

3.________________________________ 

My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker.

Then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.

So I folded.

 

Have you heard of the dyslexic cow who attained enlightenment?

It kept on repeating OOOOMMM!  

Somebody told me that echoes repeat everything back...

Where have I heard that before? 

I went to the doctor to see if he can help me to stop smoking .

He suggested that every time I felt like smoking I should reach for a chocolate bar.

It didn't work, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get the chocolate bar to light. 

Mo: What were the best sporting events you’ve ever attended?

Joe: Well, years ago I went to an Indiana-Michigan basketball game. Indiana was coached by the iconic Bobby Knight.

Mo: Wow!

Joe: And recently, I went to an Ohio State-Michigan football game. Ohio State was coached by the up-and-coming Ryan Day.

Mo: Wow again! What were those games like?

Joe: They were like Knight and Day! 

A southern grandmother went with the family to visit Niagara falls.

She decided to order ten hot dogs from the restaurant for the extended family.

When her number was called she was given tea and a hot dog.

She told the lady that she had ordered ten hot dogs.

The lady said, that's what we gave you, tea and a hot dog.  

I never actually lose weight anymore.

Apparently, I just loan it out and it comes back with interest.

And lately, I have been getting great rates of return!