"Madam, your husband must have absolute rest."
"Well, Doctor, he won't listen to me."
"A very good beginning, madam, a very good beginning."
Predicting the future:
“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." -- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." -- Marecha Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, "Do you mind if I put some music on?"
I said, "Not at all."
He said, "Kiss?"
I said, "Let's listen to the music first, then see how we feel."
I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, “I’m really hopeless at fishing and need some tips."
The man said, “Okay, can you hold the line?”
I said, “No.”"
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." -- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." -- Marecha Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
"Everything that can be invented has been invented." -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, "Do you mind if I put some music on?"
I said, "Not at all."
He said, "Kiss?"
I said, "Let's listen to the music first, then see how we feel."
I phoned up the fishing helpline today. I said, “I’m really hopeless at fishing and need some tips."
The man said, “Okay, can you hold the line?”
I said, “No.”"
Grandma: "Oh, what nice new boots! Where did you get them?"
Granddaughter: "At the store."
Grandma: "Which one?"
Granddaughter: "Both of them."
Granddaughter: "At the store."
Grandma: "Which one?"
Granddaughter: "Both of them."
My dentist was voted "Dentist Of The Year"....
He didn't get a trophy, they just gave him a little plaque.
“I understand ma’am,” he said. “But I have to ticket anyone over 55.”
Mom was beside herself. “That’s discrimination!” she shouted.
The officer explained calmly, “Ma'am, I meant the speed limit.”
They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
Waiter: I just wanted to let you know kids eat free.
Dad: Good, I'll have water and my daughter will have the steak and a kid's light beer.
Dad: Good, I'll have water and my daughter will have the steak and a kid's light beer.
My nephew came over the other day and he was wearing a helmet, shoulder pads, knee pads, and gloves.
He said, "I'm gonna ride my bike!"
I said, "Where? Through a minefield?"
He said, "I'm gonna ride my bike!"
I said, "Where? Through a minefield?"
I never got along well with my dad.
Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad."
I'd just say, "Yeah, when?"
Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad."
I'd just say, "Yeah, when?"
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