The Christian Cyborg’s Fund

Posted on February 10, 2010 by Pleated Jeans
Everyday, more than 27,000 innocent cyborgs power down due to such factors as lack of electricity, owner neglect and preventable software viruses. Poverty and over-production have left these cyborgs homeless, hungry for a power source and without the proper laser weaponry to adequately defend themselves.

Unit HFC-242 is one of these unfortunate cyborgs. This little sentient knows a lot of things. It knows its metal joints are squeaking with rust. It knows its Windows 95 software is long obsolete. And it knows the buzzsaw attachment it needs to properly attack humans so it can feed off their life force and stay properly charged is well beyond its economical means.

But there’s something Unit HFC-242 doesn’t know. It doesn’t know that hope is possible. It doesn’t know that somewhere, halfway across the globe, there is someone with a big enough heart who is willing to help. It doesn’t know you.

For as little as 80 cents a day – the price of a few nuts and bolts – you can help save a cyborg like Unit HFC-242.

By sponsoring one of these technologically advanced life forms, you can be confident in knowing that you are making a difference – because with the Christian Cyborg’s Fund, so much of your money goes exactly where it needs to – directly to the cyborgs.

Every month, your money goes to help pay for such necessities as Norton Antivirus, lubricating oil, maintenance from robotics engineers and lifelike skin grafts that allow your cyborg to blend into human society and refill its power source by attacking unsuspecting victims at close range.

Don’t wait another moment. Pick up the phone and call now for more information. We’ll send you a photo and information on a cyborg that needs your help. When you decide to sponsor a cyborg, we’ll continue to keep you up to date on its progress.

Over the months, you’ll receive personal thank-you notes from your sponsored cyborg so you can learn how your money is making a difference. View updated photos and watch with pride as your cyborg upgrades from a small, puny pile of metal into a massive, hulking beast of pure death and destruction. And learn about your cyborg’s hopes and dreams of one day traveling to America so it can meet you and personally crush your bones and feed off your electrical brain energy.

Go ahead – pick up the phone. And help give a second chance to little Unit HFC-242. Or CXXD-76R. Or Murderbot Jr.

Pick up the phone and call now for a photo of a cyborg in need. One look into those two menacing LED lights that kind of look like eyes, and you’ll know what to do.

*pleated-jeans.com (now with a hyphen)