Gay Humour

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."



The chicken farmer decided that his rooster was too old to service his hens any more and brought in a new young rooster and let him loose in the chicken pen.

The old rooster fronted up to the young rooster and said, "You know, I'm too old to go in for this fighting business to see who gets to satisfy the hens. Why don't we race for it instead?"

The young rooster, cocky as hell, says, "Fight or race. Who cares! I'll kick your butt anyway!"

"Well," the old rooster says, "You're so young and strong, why don't you give me a yard start and we'll race to the end of the chicken pen and back."

"Take two yards," crows the youngster. "I'll kick your ass out of here anyway!" So they line up - old'un two yards in front of the young'un and an old hen dropped wing to start them.

Off they went, the old rooster gradually being overtaken by the young one.

All of a sudden a loud explosion. The farmer had shot the young rooster. "I don't know what the world is coming to!" said the farmer. "That's the third gay rooster I've had to shoot this week!"



Mr Bear and Mr Rabbit are walking through the woods trying to hide the fact that they don't really like each other, when they come across a golden frog. They are really surprised yet even more so when it starts talking. It tells them that it will give each of them three wishes to wish for whatever they want.

Mr Bear immediately says "I wish all the other bears in this wood were female." The frog grants the wish. Then Mr Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet which promptly appears. He places it on his head. Mr Bear looks at Mr rabbit strangely then says "I wish all the bears in the neighbouring forests were female." The frog grants the wish.

Mr Rabbit then wishes for a motorbike, which immediately appears. He gets on and starts revving the engine. At this Mr Bear starts complaining that Mr Rabbit has wasted wishes that he could have used. Shaking his head, he wishes that all the bears in the world were female, leaving him as the only male bear in the whole world. The frog grants the wish and Mr Bear starts jumping up and down.

The frog and Mr Bear then look at Mr rabbit, waiting to hear his final wish. Mr Rabbit looks thoughtful, revs his motorbike, says "I wish Mr bear was gay!" and speeds off as fast as he can!!!




What is the difference between priests and gay men??

The way they pronounce AHMEN!!!!



Why can't women find any caring and sensitive men?

They already have boyfriends.



One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Tab. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Devil: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Devil: I bet you like to gamble, too.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...?

Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. You can do all the drugs you want, and you'll never die -- you're already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized hell was such a happenin' place!

Devil: You gay?

Guy: No.

Devil: Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays...



There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, "So what's new in your life".

He responded, "Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus."

The other man says. My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach.

The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, "I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach."