Sadly Necessary Warnings and Instructions

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- 'Do not turn upside down.'

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- 'Warning: contains nuts.'

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.' (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- 'Product will be hot after heating.'

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap -- 'Directions: Use like regular soap.'

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- 'Serving suggestion: Defrost.' (but, it's just a suggestion.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- 'Do not iron clothes on body.'

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.'

On most brands of Christmas lights -- 'For indoor or outdoor use only.' (as opposed to?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- 'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.'

On a child's Superman costume -- 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'

On a Swedish chainsaw -- 'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'

Heavenly Conversation

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.

WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

SYLVIA: I froze to death.

WANDA: How horrible!

SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA: So, what happened?

WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer -we'd both still be alive.

Smug Pugs

Pug Royalty

TV Trivia - Triple!

OOPS!

SERIES: Deadwood

SETUP: Sol Star (John Hawkes) tells town sheriff Seth Bullock (Timothy Olyphant), “Your fly is down.”

GOOF: Deadwood is set in 1876. The modern zipper didn’t exist yet—it wasn’t perfected until 1913. Star should have told Bullock his fly was “open.”

A plasma TV uses about twice as much energy as an LCD set of the same size.

RECORD BREAKERS

Ten most watched drama series finales

  1.  Magnum, P.I. (1988), 50.7 million viewers

  2.  Dallas (1991), 33.3 million viewers

  3.  Gunsmoke (1975), 30.9 million viewers

  4.  The Fugitive (1967), 30.0 million viewers

  5.  Star Trek: The Next Generation (1994), 27.8 million viewers

  6.  St. Elsewhere (1988), 22.5 million viewers

  7.  MacGyver (1992), 22.3 million viewers

  8.  Miami Vice (1989), 22.2 million viewers

  9.  L.A. Law (1994), 22.1 million viewers

  10. Quantum Leap (1993), 20.6 million viewers

In 11 years of operation (1995–2006), UPN never made a profit, and lost more than $1 billion.

YOU’RE MY INSPIRATION

Phoebe Buffay (Friends)

When Friends began in 1994, Lisa Kudrow found it difficult to portray her flighty, hippie-ish character—she’s nothing like that in real life. But costar Jennifer Aniston is. Said Kudrow, “Jennifer introduced me to books that gave me an insight into that spiritual world.” So Kudrow read the books … and studied Aniston.

That’s a bunch: 464 children auditioned for the six kids’ roles on The Brady Bunch.

F R I E N D S

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.

DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH.

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"

THE OTHER FRIEND REPLIED "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY. BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON,AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM.

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE!

Thumb Wars (Full Movie)

Coffee Contest:

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch?"

But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!"

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...


(Scroll down!)













"W I N A B A G E L"



Look I just pass them on, I don't write 'em all...

This makes sense to me!!

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, start out dead and get it out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and finally you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Ethel

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.

"STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"

Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand. "Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"

National Geographic Photo Contest 2013 - In Focus - The Atlantic

Click the picture below and you will find 39 great photos. These were picked from entries in the National Geographic Photo contest I think you will enjoy them.

Fox Glance: During a regular trip through the forest, of which my actual intent was landscapes, I encountered this stunning little Red Fox. The moment came as the light broke through the clouds and trees, he turned with a glance of curiosity and gave me the unusual composition I was after. A scene I'll never be lucky enough to see again in my life, so was over the moon I'd managed to capture the moment. Location: Thetford Forest, England. (© Sam Morris/National Geographic Photo Contest)

*Thanks, For the link, Gary

Glossary and Definitions For Use in FDA Trials

Barium: What you do when the patient dies from using one of our drugs.

Urine: The opposite of 'you're out'.

Dilate: To live a long time.

Enema: The opposite of Friend.

Node: Was aware of.

Rectum: Dang near killed him.

Constipation: Endangered feces.

White count: The number of Caucasians.

Hernia: Pertaining to a female's knee.

D&C: Where Washington is.

Bunion: Paul's surname.

Ova: Finished, done with.

Paradox: Two doctors.

Penis: Someone who plays the piano.

Humerus: Really funny.

Genital: Non-Jew.

Pap Smear: To slander your father.

Pelvis: The evil twin of Elvis.

I node urine a hurry, so this list is ova.

*Thanks, Gary

The 25 Most Ridiculous Things Caught On Google Street Views

NASA Received An SOS Call From Another Galaxy?

From David Reneke's World of Space and Astronomy

NASA experts claim to have intercepted an intergalactic distress call from an alien civilization that had already peaked and was actually dying. Its Definitely an eye catching title.

All this apparently happened when saber-tooth tigers still roamed the earth. The 80,000-year-old SOS was received and digitally recorded in late January 1998. But only in recent weeks have radio astronomers and language experts found the key to the complex mathematics-based language that enabled them to translate the ‘frantic plea for help’.

The world press has been suspiciously silent about the startling message, though lengthy scientific reports are scheduled for publication in two professional journals, Radio Astronomy and Universe. According to a highly placed NASA source in Houston, Texas, noted Russian space scientist Dr. Viktor Kulakov is leading a United Nations research team from a state-operated observatory 50 miles northwest of Moscow.

Dr. Kulakov told Universe that the signal emanated from a point beyond the galaxy nearest to our own, Andromeda, and was sent by beings that had apparently achieved a civilization no more advanced than our own here on Earth.

--more at David Reneke's World of Space and Astronomy--

*Thanks for the link, Gary

WORLD AIDS DAY | DECEMBER 1, 2013

This Sunday, join us in remembering those lost and celebrating those who fight. OUTtv will be airing a special presentation of the award-winning film Longtime Companion.

It is the first wide-release theatrical film to deal with the subject of AIDS, the film takes its title from the words The New York Times used to describe the surviving same-sex partner of someone who had died of AIDS during the 1980s.

Click here to go to the official World AIDS Day site!

Face and Hand Original Works of Art

I recently purchased these 2 pieces of original unique pieces of art by Mark Reis of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan for my son for Christmas. What do you think of them? Make a comment!

Paul Walker dead at 40

TORONTO — Actor Paul Walker, best known for his role in theAccording to celebrity website TMZ, Walker and another person were killed when the driver of a Porsche GT lost control and crashed, bursting into flames, according to the report.

"It's with a heavy heart that we must confirm Paul Walker passed away today in a tragic car accident," read a tweet at@RealPaulWalker.

The accident is said to have occurred in Valencia, California, where the actor was attending an open house at Always Evolving, a performance car and racing business.

According to fire officials, the single vehicle crash happened at around 3:30 p.m. local time in the Rye Canyon Business Park.

A red Porsche had struck a light pole and a tree. Two occupants were pronounced dead at the scene.

The L.A. County Sheriff's Traffic Services Detail is investigating the cause of the accident and the L.A. County Coroner is on scene.

In addition to playing Brian O'Conner in the Fast and the Furious movies, Walker starred in 1999′s Varsity Blues, 2001′s Joy Ride and 2005′s Into the Blue.

He worked several times in Canada, including 2000′s The Skulls in Toronto and 2006′s Eight Below in B.C.

Walker has several films set for release, including the drama Hours on Dec. 13.

Walker has a 15-year-old daughter, Meadow.

Back By Popular Demand...

A horse is a horse, of course, of course...

Click above to make 'em sing!

Just click on them 'on' and 'off'. Be adventurous! Be an artiste! they make beautiful music together!

25 Signs Showing You Might Be Canadian

1. You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".

2. You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine on the chesterfield."

3. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

4. You drink Pop, not Soda.

5. You know that a Mickey and 24's mean, "party at the camp, eh!!!"

6. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

7. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

8. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

9. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

10. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

11. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

12. You brag to Americans that; Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & Mike Myers are Canadians.

13. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

14. You know what a toque is.

15. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

16. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed".

17. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

18. You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.

19. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

20. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

21. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan".

22. You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.

23. You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

24. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, "Huh?"


25. You actually understand these jokes, and forward this post to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them!

Wise Words

The end of it

It's better to burn out than fade away.

Be without

To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.

- Bertrand Russell

WHAT DOESN'T NEED IRRIGATION

Alcohol is the irrigation that problems use to grow and multiply.

MONEY

Money is neither good nor bad, the results of your use of it will determine its usefulness.

It's whats inside

It is not important what is in front of you, or behind you. But what’s inside of you that count.

Always Be Optimistic

Life can only be understood backwards: But it must be lived forward.

Your hair

Eat wheat – it’s a great source of biotin, the single most important nutrient for shiny hair.

The Evil Of Our Fears

IT IS EASY "IF"

It is easy to not lie if one doesn’t fear the truth.

It is easy to not steal if one doesn’t fear need.

It is easy to not envy if one doesn’t fear that one’s status is threatened.

It is easy to not anger if not fearing others.

It is easy to not be open-minded if one fears knowledge.

It is easy to not kill if one doesn’t fear that a life is threatened.

It is easy to not be creative if one fears criticism.

It is easy to not be prejudiced if not fearing the differences of others.

It is easy to not trust if one fears the mal-intent of others.

It is easy to not have hope if one fears continued failure.

It is easy to see that most of the evils of life come from our fears

It is easy to see that if we stopped responding to most of our fears, that most of life's evils would no longer be.

Simple Meditation

MEDITATION is simple. PRECISELY because it is simple, it looks difficult. Your mind is accustomed to dealing with difficult problems, and it has completely forgotten how to respond to the simple things of life.

- Osho

Love Disasters

If you love some one, go for it and ask them out, after all what have you got to lose your not seeing any one yet.

Relationship

Don't weep for things which cant weep for you !

Useless Facts

It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

The plastic things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets.

Maine is the toothpick capital of the world.

"Bookkeeper" and "bookkeeping" are the only words in the English language with three consecutive double letters.

The name of the dog on the Cracker Jack box is Bingo.

Welsh mercenary bowmen in the medieval period only wore one shoe at a time.

New Jersey has a spoon museum featuring over 5400 spoons from every state and almost every country.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's A Wonderful Life".

Alaska is the most northern, western and eastern state; it also has the highest latitude, the most eastern longitude and the most western longitude.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

The metal part at the end of a pencil is twenty percent sulfur.

Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home to a sellout crowd; the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

The only member of the band ZZ Top without a beard has the last name Beard.

There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains eleven words without rearranging any of its letters; "therein": therein, herein, there, rein, her, here, ere, the, he, in, re.

You would have to count to one thousand to use the letter "a" in the English language to spell a whole number.

111 111 111 x 111 111 111 = 12 345 678 987 654 321.

The statue of George Washington in London's Trafalgar Square stands on imported Virginian soil in respect for Washington's wishes never to stand on British soil.

Québec and Newfoundland are the only two Canadian provinces that do not allow personalised licence plates.

Pluto, the astrological sign for death, was directly above Dallas, Texas when JFK was born.

All fifty states of the U.S. have a city named Greenville (spelling varies).

The Titanic had four smokestacks. Only three worked, but it is good luck to have four so they built one for show.

The zip code 12345 is assigned to General Electric in Schenectady, N.Y.

The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.

The cells that make up the antlers of a moose are the fastest growing animal cells in nature.

If Brooklyn, NY became independent of New York City; it would be the third largest city in the United States, after the remainder of New York and Los Angeles.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

The longest intra-continental flight in the world is from Jeddah, Saudi Arabia to Manila, Philippines.

A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers' first flight.

Hippopotamuses do eighty percent of their vocalisations under water.

It would take a one kilogram weight one hour to fall to the bottom of the Marianas Trench, the deepest part of the ocean (35 839 feet).

I, Q, and X are the only letters that don't start a city that ends in -ville in the state of Ohio. i.e. Brownsville, Zanesville, etc.

The billionth digit of pi is 9.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men do.

The province of Alberta in Canada has been completely free of rats since 1905.

Illinois has the most personalised licence plates of any state.

The Dalmatian is the only dog that gets gout.

The only person to be elected to both the baseball and football Hall of Fame's is Cal Hubbard.

The movie playing at the drive-in at the beginning of "The Flintstones" was "The Monster".

142 857 is a cyclic number; the numbers of which always appear in the same order but rotated around when multiplied by any number from 1 to 6. 142 857 * 2 = 285 714; 142 857 * 3 = 428 571; 142 857 * 4 = 571 428; 142 857 * 5 = 714 285; & 142 857 * 6 = 857 142.

"King Kong" is the first movie to have its sequel ("Son of Kong") released the same year (1933).

The real name of the "Loony Tunes" music is "The Merry-Go-Round Broken Down".

"Rhythms" and "syzygy" are the longest English words without vowels.

Pennsylvania was the first colony to legalise witchcraft.

The distance between an alligator's eyes, in inches, is directly proportional to the length of the alligator, in feet.

Beaver Cleaver's locker number was 9.

Giraffes have no vocal chords.

The lifespan of a tastebud is ten days.

A, H, I, M, O, T, U, V, W, X, & Y are the symmetric capital letters in the Roman alphabet. i, l, o, t, u, v, w & x are the symmetric lower case letters in the Roman alphabet.

In order for a deck of cards to be mixed up enough to play with properly, it should be shuffled at least seven times.

Vanilla Ice's real name is Robert Van Winkle.

2 and 5 are the only prime numbers that end in 2 or 5.

1 and 2 are the only numbers where they are the values of the numbers of factors they have.

Switching letters is called spoonerism. For example, saying "clag of Fanada", instead of "flag of Canada".

Mike Nesmith's (of the Monkees) mother, Bette Nesmith Graham invented Liquid paper, in 1951.

Felix the Cat is the first cartoon character to ever have been made into a balloon for a parade.

More money is printed daily for the Monopoly game than by the U.S. Treasury.

The only continent without reptiles or snakes is Antarctica.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs, because cows' knees can't bend properly to walk back down.

A golden razor removed from King Tut's Tomb was still sharp enough to be used.

You can make a glass of apple cider with three apples.

All gondolas in Venice, Italy must be painted black, unless they belong to a high official.

The word "karate" means "empty hand".

A standard grave is 7'8" x 3'2" x 6'.

Howdy Doody had forty-eight freckles.

There is a city called Rome on every continent.

More Hollywood films have been made about boxing than about any other sport.

The names of the three wise monkeys are; Mizaru: See no evil; Mikazaru: Hear no evil; and Mazaru: Speak no evil.

The name of the asteroid that was believed to have killed the dinosaurs was named Chixalub (Pronounced Sheesh-uh-loob).

John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln in a theatre and was found in a warehouse. Lee Harvey Oswald shot Kennedy from a warehouse and was found in a theatre.

Santa Fe, New Mexico is the highest state capital at 7000 feet above sea level.

Stewardesses and reverberated are the two longest words (12 letters each) that can be typed using only the left side of the keyboard.

Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates sides.

Alaska could hold the 21 smallest states within its borders.

The sport with the highest ratio of officials to participants is tennis. A singles match should have 13; ten linesmen, one net, one foot-fault, plus an umpire.

49.6% of US residents live in Eastern time zone, 29.3% live in the Central time zone, 5.3% live in the Mountain time zone, 15.0% live in the Pacific time zone and 0.8% live in any other time zone.

Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

It takes forty minutes to hard-boil an ostrich egg.

There are 2 598 960 five-card hands possible in a 52-card deck of cards.

There are 1 929 770 126 028 800 different colour combinations possible on a Rubik's Cube.

Every Swiss citizen is required by law to have a bomb shelter or access to a bomb shelter.

In 1986 Danny Heep became the first player in a World Series to be a designated hitter (DH) with the initials "D.H."

If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.

International Pi Day is March 14, at 1:59. (3/14 1:59)

Shortest Intercontinental Commercial Flight in the world is from Gibraltar (Europe) to Tangier (Africa). Distance: 34 miles, flight time: 20 minutes.

In the game Monopoly, the most money you can lose in one travel around the board (normal game rules, going to jail only once) is $26 040. The most money you can lose in one turn is $5070.

Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent.

The cheetah is the only cat in the world that can't retract its claws.

Only 7% of the world's population is left-handed.

Des Moines is the city with the highest jelly consumption rate in the USA.

"Queuing" is the word with the most consecutive vowels in the English language.

Eyelashes live for about 4 months.

The shortest street in the world is only 5.7 metres long.

If you lined up all the cans of SPAM in the world (new and used), it would encircle the Earth 300 times.

SPAM is really machined separated pork shoulder.

More cans of SPAM are consumed everyday than any other meat.

Every second, somewhere in the world, a can of SPAM is consumed.

Woodwind instruments push teeth out, while brass instruments push teeth in.

The bottled water "Evian" is "naive" (ex: a naive person) spelt backwards.

Somewhere, every second, someone in the world is watching "Star Trek".

4" x 2" wood does not exactly measure 4" x 2".

It has been calculated that in the last 3500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilised world.

Animators drew nearly 6.5 million black spots for the film "101 Dalmatians".

By the end of the Civil War, between one-third and one-half of all U.S. paper currency in circulation was counterfeit.

India, not the United States, is the country which produces the most films yearly.

From Useless Facts!