'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow

Monday, February 06, 2012

Faceless

Click on each to see full size. Then use your Back button to return to 'OZ'...

*Thanks, Dwight

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1 All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter - The Late Bloomers decided on this "all-girls" trip. It will be my first one - and I can't wait!

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 2 Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 3 At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 4 Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 5 Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 6 Today I saved 2600 lives. Twice.

*Thanks, DW

Movie Test

(Don't cheat now) This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be "Raiders of the Lost Ark". I was surprised how this worked. Be honest and don't look at the movie list till you have done the math! Try this test and find out what movie is your favourite. This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how, but it really works!

Movie Test: Pick a number from 1-9. Multiply by 3. Add 3. Multiply by 3 again. Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favourite movie in the list of 18 movies below.

Movie List: 1. Gone With The Wind 2. E.T. 3. Beverly Hills Cop 4. Star Wars 5. Forrest Gump 6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly 7. Jaws 8. Grease 9. The Joy of Anal Sex with a Goat 10. Casablanca 11. Jurassic Park 12. Shrek 13. Pirates of the Caribbean 14. Titanic 15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark 16. Home Alone 17. Mrs. Doubt fire 18. Toy Story Now, ain't that something.....?

College Exam

Now, scroll down for the answers

You hang in there Sunshine... I didn't pass either!

*Thanks, DW

Sunday, February 05, 2012

It's just dawned on me....

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs and he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep. He receives these accommodations absolutely free. He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick ........ OMG! I think my dog is a member of Parliament!

*Thanks, DW

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM PRINCE ALBERT, SASKATCHEWAN

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM PRINCE ALBERT? TRUE*** (see bottom) STORY HEARD ON A SASKATOON RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT.

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator from Merlin Motors in Saskatoon for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00). He and a friend go duck hunting at Tobin Lake in mid-October; and of course the lake is frozen. These two guys go out on a lake with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the New NAVIGATOR.

They decide they want to make a natural looking water area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce.

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...??? Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING!!! Especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice. The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop.

The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane.

The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator. The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dogs rear end, he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.

Then''''''''''BOOOOOOOOOOOOM''''''''''!!!! The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with...... 'I can't believe this just happened' looks on their faces. The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy.

He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments... In case you are wondering...The dog is okay. Newspaper item from the Saskatoon Star-Phoenix..

AND THEY MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE FROM NEWFOUNDLAND? *** Not true at all! Check out snopes.com

*Thanks, Dwight

Ridiculous Billboards

Do you know where your heroin has been? Click here to goto Ridiculous Billboards (mylikes.com/)

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Negative Picture

Click on the picture to open it full size in a new window. Stare at the red dot on this woman's nose for thirty seconds. Then, look over at a blank white space (a piece of paper or an empty browser tab will do). Did you see the "correct" version of the image? Here's how it works: stare long enough at an object and the eye's photoreceptors (particularly the color-sensitive cone cells) lose sensitivity from overstimulation. Divert the eyes to a blank space, and the surrounding cone cells send out a much stronger signal. The brain interprets this discrepancy as looking at the precise opposite colors, in what is known as a 'negative afterimage.' Nifty, no?

TROY - The Latest Strip

This a gay-themed comic --Wizard's Note: I have updated all the TROY posts to reflect Michael Derry's new domain. Links are no longer broken--

Click Above Then choose 'Current Strip'.

Troy # 297 Time are a changing is out in the magazines and up online. Looks like things are turning around for the boys as Nick, with a little assist from Jorge, finally lands a job. And you can find Michael's books and ebooks for sale at TROY Tooner.

Ice sculptures Saskatoon, SK

Friday, February 03, 2012

Limericks (perverse**)

There was a young man named Crocket,
who built a 30 foot rocket,
The rocket went bang,
his bollock went twang,
and his prick ended up in his pocket

The was an old codger called Rager,
In an accident lost both his nadgers,
But despite the lack,
Of sperm in his sack,
He still enjoyed growling at badgers.

Last week when I went to see Granny,
She showed me her musical fanny,
It played me Beethoven,
Amazed me with Chopin,
And Chopsticks upon the piany.

There once was a woman in a pub
who on her breast had the price of ale
and so to be kind to the blind
she had the same in brail

There was an old man from Harrow
Who tried to have sex with a sparrow.
The sparrow said "No,
You can’t have a go,
As the hole in my arse is too narrow".

There once was a man from Kilcair
Who was doing his wife on the stair
the banister broke while he was mid poke
so he finished her off in the air.

I have a mad uncle called Lexie,
Whose wife Anna was far from sexy,
When he made love to the hag,
He put her head in a bag,
And shagged her big bro’Dexy

There was an alien from Mars
Who abducted a man called Lars
He probed the man’s crack
Then Lars probed him back
Now he hangs out in gay bars

There was an old man from Dass,
Who’s balls were made out of Brass,
In Windy weather,
they clanked together,
and sparks came out of his ass.

**Hey I didn't write em!

The Gay Test

OK cupcake, so you just finished sipping your mocha decaf bullshit whatever. The only thing more uncomfortable than your bikini briefs is the cut on your chest from shaving this morning. Sure, you're looking at the hot barista at the register, but you're stealing glances at the fabulous ass standing in line too... So what if it's at the top of a pair of hairy legs. The Gay Test will decide once and for all whether you'd rather fish for largemouth bass or Lance Bass. Click here to jump to gay-test.com

Crisco

A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!' Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, 'Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3.' The old guy replies, 'Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere' The clerk is astonished. 'Your wife's name is Crisco?' The old guy answers, 'Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public' 'I see,' said the clerk. 'What do you call her at home?' 'Lard ass.'

*Thanks, DW

Thursday, February 02, 2012

OUTLIVE Homophobia

OUTLIVE HOMOPHOBIA. Click here for The Rainbow Health Coalition Website.

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your tummy on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person that you are holding under the water. There -- See? -- It really does work. You're smiling already.

*Thanks, Dwight

Today is Groundhog Day!

Click above to find out how much more winter is in store!

The 411 - Groundhog Day

PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL THE GROUNDHOG

Groundhog Day is an annual holiday celebrated on February 2. It is held in the United States and Canada. According to folklore, if a groundhog emerging from its burrow on this day fails to see its shadow, it will leave the burrow, signifying that winter will soon end. If on the other hand, the groundhog sees its shadow, the groundhog will supposedly retreat into its burrow, and winter will continue for six more weeks.

The holiday, which began as a Pennsylvania German custom in southeastern and central Pennsylvania in the 18th and 19th centuries, has its origins in ancient European weather lore, wherein a badger or sacred bear is the prognosticator as opposed to a groundhog. The holiday also bears some similarities to the medieval Catholic holiday of Candlemas. It also bears similarities to the Pagan festival of Imbolc, the seasonal turning point of the Celtic calendar, which is celebrated on February 2 and also involves weather prognostication.

Modern customs of the holiday involve celebrations where early morning festivals are held to watch the groundhog emerging from its burrow. In southeastern Pennsylvania, Groundhog Lodges (Grundsow Lodges) celebrate the holiday with fersommlinge, social events in which food is served, speeches are made, and one or more g'spiel (plays or skits) are performed for entertainment. The Pennsylvania German dialect is the only language spoken at the event, and those who speak English pay a penalty, usually in the form of a nickel, dime or quarter, per word spoken, put into a bowl in the center of the table.

PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL THE GROUNDHOG

The largest Groundhog Day celebration is held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, where crowds as high as 40,000 have gathered to celebrate the holiday since at least 1886. Other celebrations of note in Pennsylvania take place in Quarryville in Lancaster County, the Anthracite Region of Schuylkill County, the Sinnamahoning Valley and Bucks County. Outside of Pennsylvania, notable celebrations occur in the Frederick and Hagerstown areas of Maryland, the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, Woodstock, Illinois, and among the Amish populations of over twenty states and Canada. The University of Dallas in Irving,Texas has taken Groundhog Day as its official university holiday and organizes a large-scale celebration every year in honor of the Groundhog.

Groundhog Day received worldwide attention as a result of the 1993 film of the same name, Groundhog Day, which was set in Punxsutawney (though filmed primarily in Woodstock, Illinois) and featured Punxsutawney Phil.

*Wikipedia