'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Your Personal Bill of Rights

Your Personal Bill of Rights

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.

2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet.

3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.

4. I have the right to change my mind.

5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.

7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my
values.

8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.

9. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings or problems.

10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.

11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.

12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.

13. I have the right to feel scared and say “I’m afraid.”

14. I have the right to say “I don’t know.”

15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.

16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.

17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.

18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.

19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.

20. I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.

21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

22. I have the right to change and grow.

23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.

24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.

25. I have the right to be happy.

Some of the best words ever!

Monday, October 21, 2019

Observations

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.

She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "June flower."

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?

Math Puzzle

The problem is as follows:

The Bus has 7 Children, each with 7 backpacks, each with 7 cats, each of those with 7 little cats: How many legs? Bus driver does not count.

There are 7 girls in a bus

Each girl has 7 backpacks

In each backpack, there are 7 big cats

For every big cat, there are 7 little cats

Question: How many legs are there in the bus?

Girl #1 has 7 back packs

1st Backpack has 7 big cats

Each big cat has 7 kittens

So makes that 1 big cat + 7 kittens = 8 cats per bag

7 cat's X 7 kittens in each bag. (7 bags total)

56 Cats per bag (8x7)

56 cats per bag X 7 bags= 392

EACH Girl has 392 cats

392 X 7 bags = 2744 cats

2744 x 4 legs = 10976 (cats)

10976 + 14 = 10990 (legs)

(2744 total number of cats in bus X 4 legs per cat = 10976 total cat legs)

Women vs. Men

1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris,
Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
$20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a
$2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average
number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would
not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will
dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some
short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing.

One Hundred Ways To Live To One Hundred

1. Enjoy yourself.
2. Stay young in heart.
3. Be honest and open.
4. Look for rainbows.
5. Walk to work.
6. Take the stairs.
7. Keep your curiosity.
8. Stop smoking.
9. Listen to your body.
10. Watch what you eat.
11. Watch what you say.
12. Make time for your children.
13. Don't rest on your laurels.
14. Drink lots of water.
15. Have faith in others.
16. Walk in the park.
17. Forgive.
18. Be an optimist.
19. Make love.
20. Cross-country ski.
21. Discover romance.
22. Exercise regularly.
23. Do Tai Chi.
24. Try Yoga.
25. Plant a garden.
26. Eat plenty of fruit.
27. Golf.
28. Adopt a pet.
29. Laugh often.
30. Be positive.
31. Give, don't take.
32. Marry your sweetheart.
33. Celebrate your marriage.
34. Enjoy being single.
35. Relax.
36. Eat your greens.
37. Take up lawn bowling.
38. Do nothing in excess.
39. Do everything in excess.
40. Serve chicken noodle soup.
41. Practice what you preach.
42. Look before you leap.
43. Make time for your friends.
44. Reduce your cholesterol.
45. Early to bed, early to rise.
46. Don't mope.
47. Try new things.
48. Skinny dip.
49. Write to a friend.
50. Play tennis.
51. Commune with nature.
52. Sing in the car.
53. Write a poem.
54. Whistle while you work.
55. Read a book.
56. Take your medicine as prescribed.
57. Challenge yourself.
58. Count your blessings.
59. Indulge yourself.
60. "Carpe diem" (Seize the day).
61. Take setbacks in stride.
62. If you want to stop taking a medication, ask your doctor.
63. Cuddle.
64. Use olive oil.
65. Eat your Brussels sprouts.
66. Lighten up.
67. Choose a career you love.
68. Be active in your community.
69. Read the paper every day.
70. Sit up straight.
71. Keep your mind active.
72. Travel.
73. Soak in the tub.
74. Don't be jealous.
75. Eat an apple a day.
76. Be generous with hugs.
77. Make time for your partner.
78. Keep in touch with family,
79. Bake a pie.
80. Eat plenty of fish.
81. Get plenty of fresh air.
82. Be yourself.
83. Swim.
84. Make time for your grandchildren.
85. Control your temper.
86. Share.
87. Take nothing for granted.
88. Ask questions when your doctor gives you new medications.
89. Power walk at the mall.
90. Don't procrastinate.
91. Accept those things which you cannot change.
92. Don't drink and drive.
93. Create solutions, not problems.
94. Be sociable.
95. Feed the birds.
96. Pamper yourself once a day.
97. Go fishing.
98. Smile.
99. Smell the flowers.
100. Listen to your doctor.

21 Tips on Keeping Your Shit Together During Depression

by The DIY Couturier

1) Know that you’re not alone. Know that we are a silent legion, who, every day face the solipsism and judgement of Happy People Who Think We Just Aren’t Trying. There are people who are depressed, people who have been depressed, and people who just haven’t been hit with it yet.

2) Understand that the Happy People are usually acting out of some genuine (albeit misguided) concern for you, that it’s coming from a good place, even if the advice feels like you’re being blamed for your disease. Telling you these things makes them feel better, even if it makes you feel like shit. (If they insist on keeping it up, see #12.)

3) Enlist the help of a professional. See your doctor. You need to talk about the ugly shit, and there are people paid to listen and help you find your way to the light at the end of the tunnel.

4) Understand that antidepressants will only do so much. They’re useful, they’ll level you out and give you the time you need to figure out your own path to getting well. They can be helpful. There are lots to choose from. They may not be for you, and even if they are, they take some time to kick in. Conversely, they may not be for you. Work with your doctor.

5) Pick up a paintbrush, a pencil, an activity you got joy from in the past and re-explore that. Or, sign up for the thing you always wanted to try. There is a long history and link between depression and creativity. It’s a bright light of this condition, so utilize it to your best advantage.

6) Eat nutritionally sound, regular small meals. If you’re having trouble eating, try to focus on what you’d like to eat. I went through a whole six week episode of tomatoes and cream cheese on a bagel twice a day. Not great, but it was something – helpful context, I’m a recovered anorexic. Conversely, if all you want to do is scarf down crap, try to off-ramp it by downing a V-8 and doing #9 for 15 minutes, and see how you feel. Chucking your blood sugar all over hell’s half acre is going to make you feel worse.

7) While you’re doing #3, get some bloodwork done. If you’re low on iron or vitamin D, or if your hormone levels are doing the Macarena… these can all contribute to zapping your energy or switching your mood to Bleak As Hell.

8) If you’re in bed and the “insomnia hamsters”, as I like to call them, are on the wheel of your head, watch Nightly Business News on PBS. This has the effect of Nyquil. Swap out your coffee for herbal tea. If you just cannot sleep, try the next tip….

9) Learn how to meditate. Start by focusing on your breathing. Not sleep, not thoughts. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Meditation is focusing on being present in your body, not careening around in your brain. It may not be as good as sleep but it will give you some rest and recharge you.

10) Face a window as often as you can – at work, at home. Look out into the world. Watch. Observe. Try to find something you find pretty or interesting to focus on. And, handily remember that one in five of those people out there feel the way you do.

11) Cry. Better out than in. Sometimes it’s not convenient or career-enhancing to cry, so find a private place as best you can and let the tears go. Carry Kleenex and face wipes and extra concealer if you wear makeup. You can always claim allergies.

12) Any “friend” who resolutely believes that your depression is because you’re lazy, because you’re not trying hard enough, who blames you for not bootstrapping out of it- that friend needs to be cut off. Polite (#2) is one thing, but there is a limit. You don’t have to explain, you can just not respond. You feel badly enough, you don’t need their “assistance”.

13) Limit your time with people who drain you. You know who they are. Often you don’t have a choice- but you can put the meter on. And, subsequently, be aware of what you’re asking of those close to you.

14) Everyone has shit they’ve got to deal with. What you have been saddled with is your shit. Recognize, just as you’re not alone, you’re also not unique. The grass may look greener, you may be jealous or envious of others who don’t have to deal with depression, but you likely do not know everything that’s going on with them.

15) Let go or be dragged. This is an old Buddhist saying. It’s a very useful way to frame aspects of depression. Betrayal, anger, fear… letting go is a process – often a painful and difficult process - but it’s ultimately going to show you the path out of this terrible place. Repeating the mantra can help when you’re feeling gripped by these feelings.

16) Wear clothes that make you feel confident. It takes as much time to put on nice clothes as it does to put on sweatpants. You will want to wear the sweatpants. Fight the urge. The whole “look good/feel better” campaign isn’t limited to cancer and chemotherapy. Or women.

17) Avoid fictional drama and tragedy like the plague. No Grey’s Anatomy, no to The Notebook, or anything that won a Pulitzer prize. You’ve got enough going on In Real Life. Comedy only. Or trashy stuff. Old episodes of WonderWoman? I’ve got the box set. Mindless drivel, like the latest CGI blockbuster. Or clever, funny books. David Sedaris. Jenny Lawson. Fiction exists to elicit emotion, and the emotion you need to express most right now is laughter.

18) Simple exercise, if you can. It can be something as simple as taking the stairs up a flight, or walking around the block. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, it doesn’t have to involve climbing a mountain or running a marathon. Baby steps.

19) Depression will lie to you. Depression will try to tell you what others are thinking. That you are unloved and unworthy, that others think little of you or don’t care – or even wish you harm. You are not a psychic. Keep repeating that. “I am not a psychic”. Repeat. The only way to know what another person is thinking is to up and ask them.

20) If you are well and truly losing this battle, reach out to someone. I’ve been the random friendly-but-not-close person who has fielded the occasional outreach. I like to think I’m not judgemental and generally resourceful, and others have thought the same, so they called and asked. You know someone like me. And they will help you.

21) Forgive yourself. I’m writing out all these tips, and I can’t always muster the strength to even stick my nose outside, or walk up the stairs, or eat my vegetables. Today, I got outside for ten minutes. I will try again tomorrow. And I will try again the day after that.

Choices...

When I was born God gave me two choices....
(1).... I could either have a

memory....

OR

(2).... Be

in bed!!! .......

Shit!!! ..
Now I forgot what I waz gunna tell ya!!!

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Parkinson's or Alzheimer's

An old man was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get - Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?"

The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinson's. Better to spill half an ounce of booze than to forget where you keep the bottle!!"

TUBE QUIZ

Can you match the show with its theme song singer?
1. Pee-Wee’s Playhouse
2. Moonlighting
3. Growing Pains
4. Love, American Style
5. Rawhide

A. The Cowsills
B. Cyndi Lauper
C. B. J. Thomas
D. Al Jarreau
E. Frankie Laine

Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry’s first writing gig: Speechwriter for the LA Police Department.

tags: trivia

Have you ever wondered what idiots look like?

...and then sometimes, we need Darwinism to step in.

YES THAT IS A POWER CORD FLOATING ON FLIP FLOPS..

--Note: The validty of the photo cannot be verified

Lucky Person!

Read Caption on 1st photo then look at second photo. (You can click on the second image for a bit better look)

Look at the picture above and you can see where this guy broke through the guardrail, right side where the people are standing on the road (pointing). The pick-up was traveling from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail. It flipped end-over-end, across the culvert outlet, and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing the opposite direction from which he was travelilng.

Now look at the 2nd picture below...

If this guy didn't believe in God before, do you suppose he believes now?

Jokes

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

Work For An Operator

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.

Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.

* * *

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator : Woven? Are you sure? Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.

* * *

Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator : Where are you calling from?
Caller : The living room

* * *

Caller : The water board please.
Operator : Which department?
Caller : Tap water.

* * *

Operator : How are you spelling that?
Caller : With letters.

* * *

Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator : Do you have his name?
Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben.

* * *

Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?

* * *
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.

Useful Work Phrases

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

The Ultimate Sofa Bed

The Ultimate Sofa Bed

Saturday, October 19, 2019

WD-40

DID YOU KNOW?

What IS The Main Ingredient of WD-40?
Before you read to the end, does anybody know what the main ingredient of WD-40?
No Cheating.....

WD-40 ~ Who knew!

I had a neighbor who bought a new pickup.
I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason).
I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news.
He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do....
probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open.
Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off.
It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I was impressed!WD-40 who knew?
"Water Displacement #40".
The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts.
WD-40 was created in 1953, by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company.
Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'Water Displacement' Compound.
They were finally successful for a formulation, with their fortieth attempt, thus WD-40.
The 'Convair Company' bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.
Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.
When you read the 'shower door' part, try it.
It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door.
If yours is plastic, it works just as well as on glass.
It's a miracle!
Then try it on your stovetop.
It's now shinier than it's ever been.
You'll be amazed.WD-40 Uses:
1. Protects silver from tarnishing.
2. Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4. Gives floor that 'just-waxed' sheen without making them slippery.
5. Keeps the flies off of Cows, Horses, and other Farm Critters, as well. (Ya gotta love this one!!!)
6. Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7. Removes lipstick stains.
8. Loosens stubborn zippers.
9. Untangles jewelry chains.
10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12. Keeps ceramic / terracotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13. Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16. Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on both home and vehicles doors.
18. It removes that nasty tar and scuff marks from the kitchen flooring.
It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off.
Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19. Remove those nasty Bug guts that will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly!
20. Gives a children's playground gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21. Lubricates gearshift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers...
22. Rids kids rocking chair and swings of squeaky noises.
23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31. Removes grease splatters from stovetops.
32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35. Removes all traces of duct tape.
36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37. Florida's favorite use is: 'cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.'
38. The favorite use in the state of New York, it protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose.
Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40. Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41. It is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray it on the marks and wipe with a clean rag.
42. Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone!43. If you spray it inside a wet distributor cap, it will displace the moisture, allowing the engine to start.
P.S.
As for that Basic, Main Ingredient.......
Well.... it's Stoddard solvent, which is a specific mixture of hydrocarbons, typically > 65% C10 or higher hydrocarbons....

Now This Is Definitely Worth SHARING!!

How animals eat their food

Unbelievable!

A DC 'airport ticket agent' offers some examples of why the US is in so much trouble!

1.I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts ..''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Cape Town is in South Africa ..''
His response -- click..

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'Don't lie to me!, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very THIN state!!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''

I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas .. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas ... When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage..

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright from Ala. who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10 Senator Dianne Feinstein called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola and fly on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11 Mary Landrieu, La. Senator, called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12 A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''

'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''

The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape it's in!

Could ANYONE be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.

I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

Moore's Law in action

Riddles

A chicken and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half. How long will it take two chickens to lay 32 eggs?

A cat, a dog and a monkey were stolen. three suspects got caught: Moe, Larry and Curly. All we know that each person stole one animal, but we do not know who stole which. Here are the investigation statements. Moe said: “Curly stole the cat.” Larry said: “Curly stole the dog.” Curly said: “They both were lying. I did not steal the cat or the dog.” Later that day the police found out the man who stole the monkey told a lie. The man who stole the cat told the truth. Can you find out who stole which?

What two letters come next in this sequence:

A E F H I K L M _____, _____?

Can you find anagrams of the following words?

ASPIRATE
ALARMING
BLEATING
DECIMATE
CREATIVE
CHEATING
DOWNLOAD
GRADIENT
ALTITUDE
GENERATE

Once there was a father and his three loving sons. One day dad met with a serious accident, and Death approached to take the father. The oldest son begs Death to allow his father to live for two more years. Death was kind and agreed. After two years Death return to take the father with him, but now the second son begs for some more time. Death again agrees to another year.

After the year Death returns again to take the father. Now the youngest son requests to allow his father to live just until the candle wick of the candle burning on the bed table burns out. Death agrees. This time however, Death never returns. How come?

LETTERS THE LOVE DOCTOR ADMITS HE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER

Dear Love Doctor,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Love Doctor,

What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Foul Language and Violence On my DVR?

Dear Love Doctor,

I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Love Doctor,

I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Love Doctor,

I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Love Doctor,

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Love Doctor,

I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Love Doctor,

My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Love Doctor,

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

(I love this one!!)
Dear Love Doctor,

My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Love Doctor,

You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a Doctor. Now what do I do?

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

Friday, October 18, 2019

They're Still Here... They're Still Queer..

They're on the web! queerasfolk season one now available to watch for free at OutTV.ca. Click below to go and watch:

Click here to go to Outtv.ca to view queerasfolk episodes

For more on QAF, click below:

The Passport Application

Now isn't this true? If you've had a passport in the previous years why are you hassled to provide the information the government already has? Read the letter below to understand better of what I'm talking about.

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my @#&in' address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals assholes workin' there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another @#%in copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??

Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the @#%in' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!

(@#%in morons)

Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!

Signed,

An Irate @#%ing Canadian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 when one of my forefathers took up arms against the Americans.

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang. I was aide de camp to the lieutenant governor of our province for ten years and I have been doing volunteer work for the RCMP for about five years. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN @#%ing CHINA!!!

Ya Think? - NOT!

I'm proud of that guy!

Whopper Freakout

Sheep Game - Test Your Reflexes!

Click above to play! It's a flash game

" Hooked On Phonics?"

WITH A FIVE YEAR OLD, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET, READ ON..

Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!"

Deep breath ... "What did you call it?!"

"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"

and so it does ...

" A f r i c a n Elephant "

Hooked on phonics! Isn't it wonderful?

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Pierced Glasses

You Know You're In Saskatchewan When...

Signs With Deep Meanings

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
**************************
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
**************************
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for,
you’ve come to the right place.”
**************************
On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”
**************************
On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
**************************
At a Towing company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
**************************
On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
**************************
In a Non-smoking Area:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
**************************
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
**************************
At the Electric Company
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don’t, you will be.”
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry;
come on in and get fed up.”
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
“Thank heaven for little grills.”
**************************
AT A CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”
**************************
On the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises”

Great News

I have great news!

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."

Crazy Laws - Texas

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

A recently passed anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

In Austin, TX wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.

Cops and Robbers

An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police.

The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!"

In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them." The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."

Crazy Laws - South Dakota

Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.

No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

Please read the 4 explanatory paragraphs, and then look at the amazing pictures!

Our house was built in the deer's natural habitat in a remote rural area. Well worn deer trails cut through the property's abundant pine and sage. The oldest deer we've met (we call her Mama Rose) walked right up to us when we first arrived, sniffing and looking us over. We live in the middle of their foraging route, and so it seems okay to sometimes give them a few organic almonds out of our hands.

That's what we had on us when we first met Mama Rose, and the habit's stuck. Rose and her kin obviously think the yard belongs to them as much as anyone else, and they are just taking advantage of the wealth of natural foods growing everywhere. They especially like clover flowers, but it's amazing to see the variety of tasty flowers, leaves, twigs, nuts and berries they'll eat. They stay away from herbs and herbal flowers, but on occasion we've seen young deer eating the sweet medicinal berries of the Juniper tree.

Food is of course a major concern, but we also think they visit because they like our company. Often we see deer we don't know nibbling in the yard, but nearly every day some or many of Rose's extended family come by. All of the deer are likely to lay down on the grass and hang out, whether we know them well or not. Many of them know us personally, and while often running into the yard to greet us with their quiet enthusiasm, they will also swiftly shy away from strangers.

Although notoriously skittish, able to leap meters in the air in an instant when startled, a few deer we know, most notably Eva and her kids, will let us touch them as if we were family, letting us scratch them or pick something out of their fur. Eva even enjoys a hearty backrub! We've certainly learned a lot about how to act around them so as not to disturb them. We think they appreciate our efforts in fitting into their neighborhood.

You are invited to a special Pampered Chef party!!

WHERE: MY HOUSE

CAN YOU COME?

I know how busy you all are and that you probably hate being invited to any home parties, but I assure you this is no ordinary home party. And to be honest, I haven't had a party like this in ages, and I need to update my kitchen gadgets.

Pampered Chef has come out with new consultants
and products that are fabulous.

I have posted samples of the new home party products...

I'm expecting a good turnout!

Now, aren't you sorry you groaned and said, "not another party...
Have a Good Day

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Story of Two Houses

LOOK OVER THE DESCRIPTIONS OF THE FOLLOWING TWO HOUSES AND SEE IF YOU CAN TELL WHICH BELONGS TO AN ENVIRONMENTALIST.

HOUSE # 1:

A 20-room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house all heated by gas. In ONE MONTH ALONE this mansion consumes more energy than the average American household in an ENTIRE YEAR. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2,400.00 per month. In natural gas alone (which last time we checked was a fossil fuel), this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not in a northern or Midwestern "snow belt," either. It's in the South.

HOUSE # 2:

Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university, this house incorporates every "green" feature current home construction can provide. The house contains only 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on arid high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground. The water (usually 67 degrees F.) heats the house in winter and cools it in summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas, and it consumes 25% of the electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Flowers and shrubs native to the area blend the property into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE # 1 (20 room energy guzzling mansion) is outside of Nashville, Tennessee. It is the abode of that renowned environmentalist (and filmmaker) Al Gore.

HOUSE # 2 (model eco-friendly house) is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas. Also known as "the Texas White House," it is the private residence of the former President of the United States, George W. Bush.

So whose house is gentler on the environment? Yet another story you WON'T hear on CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, MSNBC or read about in the New York Times or the Washington Post. Indeed, for Mr. Gore, it's truly "an inconvenient truth."

Ear Hair

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for a week."

The Significance Of The Rainbow Flag

Many people out there don't even recognize it, but to the queer community, it represents a great importance. There is also Stonewall. The bear near the bottom of my blog is a called 'Stoney', after the Stonewall Inn Riots in New York. My best friend brought it back from San Francisco for me. (I took a picture of it).

In the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, the police raided the Stonewall Inn, a dingy, Mafia-run "private club" on Christopher Street in Greenwich Village with a predominantly gay clientele. The event is still a hot topic of debate in gay circles, with much disagreement about what actually precipitated the violence and who took part in it.

One legend holds that Judy Garland's funeral, held June 27, 1969, in Manhattan, fanned the flames of gay rage. Other versions of the story claim that dozens of sequined drag queens and a mysterious, unidentified butch lesbian were at the forefront of the street rebellion. But a few facts seem certain.

The Inverted Pink Triangle - a symbol stolen back from the Holocaust, by the GLBT

The inverted Pink triangle is also a symbol for the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and trans-gendered). The inverted pink triangle (rosa Winkel) was a symbol used by the Nazis during the Holocaust to identify male homosexual prisoners.

It was often larger than the other identifying triangles so as to allow homosexuals to be avoided and singled out at a distance. Between 10,000 and 600,000 gay men and women died in the Holocaust. In the 1970s, gay liberation groups resurrected the pink triangle as a popular symbol for the gay rights movement.

Not only is the symbol easily recognized, but it draws attention to oppression and persecution -- then and now. Today, for many the pink triangle represents pride, solidarity, and a promise to never allow another Holocaust to happen again.