Jokes

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. 

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." 

The next day the collections manager received a phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."


Work For An Operator

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.


Caller : I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator : I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller : Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.


* * *


Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator : Woven? Are you sure? Caller : Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.


* * *


Caller : I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator : Where are you calling from?
Caller : The living room

* * *

Caller : The water board please.
Operator : Which department?
Caller : Tap water.

* * *

Operator : How are you spelling that?
Caller : With letters.

* * *

Caller : I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator : Do you have his name?
Caller : No, but he has a dog named Ben.

* * *

Caller : The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator : You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?

* * *
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.


Useful Work Phrases

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:


I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.


I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.


I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.


It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.


Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.


The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist


Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental


I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.


I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.


It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.


Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.


No, my powers can only be used for good.


How about never? Is never good for you?


I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me


You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication


I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.


I don't work here. I'm a consultant.


Who me? I just wander from room to room.


My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!


At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.


You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.


I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.


Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.