Q & A: Giving it all up

Q: What it's like for a hoarder to have to give up 99.9% of their possessions after having a stroke and move to nursing home? What are they going through? Can they become suicidal?

A: For a hoarder, being forced to give up 99.9% of their possessions after a stroke and moving to a nursing home can be an incredibly traumatic and overwhelming experience. Hoarding is often linked to deep emotional attachments, anxiety, and underlying mental health conditions, such as depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder. The sudden loss of possessions and autonomy can trigger intense feelings of grief, fear, and helplessness.

Here’s what they might be going through:

1. Loss of Identity and Control:

• Emotional Attachment to Objects: Hoarders often associate their possessions with their sense of identity, safety, and memories. Losing these possessions can feel like losing parts of themselves.
• Loss of Control: Being forced to give up belongings and move into a nursing home can feel like a total loss of agency over their life, which can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and hopelessness.

2. Grief and Trauma:

• Grief: Even though the possessions might seem trivial or excessive to others, for the hoarder, each item can have immense personal value. The sudden and forced removal of items can lead to profound grief, similar to the loss of a loved one.
• Trauma: The shock of moving into an unfamiliar environment, coupled with the loss of their possessions, can be traumatic. They may experience heightened anxiety, panic attacks, and a sense of emotional overwhelm.

3. Isolation and Loneliness:

• Social Isolation: Many hoarders already live isolated lives due to their condition, and moving to a nursing home might exacerbate feelings of loneliness. They may struggle to connect with others if they feel misunderstood or judged.
• Feeling Misunderstood: Hoarders often face stigma, and the pressure to part with their belongings can make them feel like no one understands the depth of their attachment, which adds to their sense of isolation.

4. Anxiety and Depression:

• Anxiety: The fear of losing control and the uncertainty of living in a nursing home can lead to heightened anxiety. They might constantly worry about their possessions, even if they no longer have them.
• Depression: The immense loss, coupled with the dramatic lifestyle change, can push a hoarder into a deep depression. They may feel that life is no longer worth living without their possessions and independence.

5. Risk of Suicidal Thoughts:

• Suicidal Ideation: The overwhelming grief, loss of identity, and sense of helplessness can lead to thoughts of suicide. For someone whose hoarding is deeply rooted in mental health issues, the forced separation from their possessions can feel like a final blow to their emotional stability.
• Hopelessness: Without proper support and mental health care, they may feel that their situation is hopeless, leading them to believe there is no point in continuing to live. Suicidal thoughts can become more prominent if they feel abandoned or like they’ve lost everything that gave their life meaning.

Supporting a Hoarder in Transition:

• Compassion and Understanding: It’s crucial for caregivers and family members to approach the situation with empathy. Understanding that the possessions were not just "junk" but part of their emotional coping mechanism can help.
• Mental Health Support: Providing mental health care, such as counseling, therapy, and possibly medication, can be vital. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to help with hoarding disorder and may be particularly beneficial in adjusting to the loss.
• Gradual Adjustment: If possible, giving them some sense of choice in what possessions they can bring with them might ease the transition. Even a small familiar item can provide comfort in the unfamiliar setting of a nursing home.
• Social Support: Ensuring that the person has social connections, either through family visits or social activities within the nursing home, can help reduce feelings of isolation and depression.

The experience of a hoarder being forced to give up almost everything can be a profound emotional crisis. It’s essential to provide the appropriate emotional and psychological care to help them navigate this difficult transition.

Note: The Wizard's partner is/was a hoarder. He had a stroke and ended up in a nursing home and had to give up his cluttered apartment. I was the one who ended up cleaning out his suite. I hired a company to organize and have a sale, any leftover items donated to charity. I experience a lot of guilt of having made the decision to get rid of 99% of everything he owned. I wonder if I'll ever be OK with that. Hoarders affect their significant others.

Source: Some or all of the content was generated using an AI language model