Jocularity

1. Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.

2. A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "What can I get for you?" The man replies, "A beer for me and a water for my parrot." The bartender brings their drinks and the parrot starts squawking, "I want a beer too!" The bartender apologizes and brings the parrot a beer. The man and his parrot continue to drink until the parrot falls off his perch, completely drunk. The man picks up the parrot and says, "See, I told you not to drink too much."

3. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

4. A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Can I have a cheeseburger and fries?" The librarian replies, "Sorry, this is a library." The blonde whispers, "Can I have a cheeseburger and fries?"

5. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.

6. A doctor walks into a bank. He asks to see the president of the bank and is told that the president is busy. The doctor says, "Tell him I have an urgent medical matter to discuss with him." The president agrees to see the doctor and asks, "What's the problem?" The doctor says, "I have a serious case of withdrawal."

7. Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

8. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

9. Two guys stole a car battery. They were charged with jacking up the car.

10. A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks, "What's your poison?" The man replies, "Alcohol, please." The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."
    

 and 10 more bad jokes cuz I like to bug you:

1. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

2. A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he sips his drink, he notices a jar full of money on the counter. Curious, he asks the bartender, "What's the jar of money for?" The bartender replies, "We have a challenge. If you can make our horse in the back laugh, you get the money." Intrigued, the man walks to the back and whispers something in the horse's ear. The horse laughs out loud and the man collects the jar of money. The next week, the man returns and sees another jar of money on the counter. He asks the bartender, "What's the jar of money for this time?" The bartender replies, "We have a new challenge. If you can make the horse in the back cry, you get the money." The man walks to the back and comes out a few minutes later with the horse crying. The bartender asks, "How did you do that?" The man replies, "Last week, I told the horse I had a bigger one than him. This week, I showed him."

3. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.

4. Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.

5. A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he's sipping his drink, he notices a sign that says, "Free drinks for life if you can pass our challenge." Intrigued, he asks the bartender about the challenge. The bartender replies, "You have to drink a gallon of tequila in 60 seconds without making a face." The man thinks about it and decides to give it a try. He drinks the entire gallon of tequila in 30 seconds without making a face. The bartender is amazed and asks, "How did you do that?" The man replies, "I have a confession to make. I've been practicing with lemon juice for the past month."

6. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

7. A man walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Shaken or stirred?" The man replies, "Doesn't matter, I'll probably spill it anyway."

8. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

9. Q. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A. A buccaneer.

10. A man walks into a pet store and sees a parrot with a sign that says, "Talks like a lawyer." Intrigued, the man asks the store owner about the parrot. The store owner says, "This parrot can talk like a lawyer. He's been trained to answer legal questions and give legal advice." The man decides to buy the parrot and takes him home. A few days later, the man is at a loss for what to do with the parrot. So, he takes the parrot to a courthouse and puts him on the witness stand. The judge asks the parrot, "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" The parrot replies, "I do." The judge then asks, "What is your profession?" The parrot responds, "I'm a lawyer." The judge is astonished and asks, "Can you give us an example of your legal expertise?" The parrot replies, "Of course. How many times do I have to tell you? The cat belongs to the neighbor."

Source: Some or all of the content was generated using an AI language model