What happens if a frustrated Russia uses nukes to wipe Ukraine off the face of the Earth?

By Andy Kotlarz, Amateur Putinologist (1905–present) Something interesting happened after Putin was threatening to use nukes a couple of months back. Or, more to the point, what’s interesting is what didn’t happen - Putin stopped threatening to use his nukes. Now, why would that be?

You see, when a leader threatens to use nukes, the first thing that needs to take place, is that all the launch systems need to be checked. There are specific test protocols that need to be performed to ensure everything works as it should.

Now, what follows is pure conjecture - nothing more than a theory. You decide whether it’s plausible, or not.

When the Nuclear Strategic Arm of the Russian forces started the test protocols on their nuclear missiles what occurred scared all of them fucking shitless. The nuclear warheads armed themselves, and threatened to detonate in their silos. Only some brilliant action by technicians who managed to disarm the nukes before they went off. This left Russians afraid of their own weapons, and fearful of trying to launch them.

Remember Stuxnet? This is the computer worm, allegedly developed by Israel and the USA, that infected the Iranian uranium enrichment control systems and destroyed their uranium centrifuges.

Do you imagine that the USA could resist trying the same game with the Russian nuclear deterrent?

It wouldn’t have been that difficult.

Since the collapse of the Soviet Empire, the Russian military-industrial complex went into steep decline. Their R&D institutes were starved of funds, which were diverted into secret bank accounts, or used for the purchase of super-yachts. The answer - the alternative to home-grown technology - was to purchase western technology. It was cheap, and readily available.

And so the 1960’s and 1970’s vintage missile command and control systems were replaced with western digital technology. Most likely of Windows XP vintage. Where the hacks and back doors are well known. Easy meat for the CIA.

So, when the Russian Nuclear Strategic Arm technicians started their launch test protocols something truly horrible happened. OK - so they found the virus and fixed it.

But this left them with a frightening dilemma - was this the bug that they were supposed to find?

And Putin has been kind of quiet with his nuclear threats recently.