Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots – a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like: "Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in ½ hr. Don't disturb the pit bulls; they've just been de-wormed."
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