From Reddit r/bisexual
Q: I'm sure this has been brought up before, but I'm curious: do any other guys think it's so weird how often "straight" masculine men make jokes about cuddling, making out, giving each other blow jobs, anal sex, etc.? I mean, I totally used to do it, too, before I was aware of my wonderful and diverse sexuality, but now that I'm aware of and embracing of my bi-ness, it just seems so . . . out of place. How does everyone else feel about it / deal with it?
A: Depends on the guys.
For some, it's a form of trolling; the goal is to get your male friend to lose their cool without actually hurting them; if they are weird about their hot mom, then maybe it's all jokes about their hot mom. If they are weird about their long hair, it's long hair jokes forever and ever. If they are weird about sex or emotional intimacy with other men, then the jokes head in that direction.
I mean, it's unhealthy in its own way, since it encourages guys to never show how they really feel, but the goal isn't usually to hurt, I don't think.
A: I don't know, I think it does show a generally more relaxed attitude towards sexuality. I guess ideally you wouldn't have it so frequently as the butt of a joke but we're only human. Sex is just a weird and kind of inherently funny thing regardless of who's doing it.... the guys that make the most of these are either closeted and are doing it as preemptive cover. Or are the most severe homophobes.
Like there's something ridiculous about gay sex.
A: Guys like this usually joke about straight sex, boobs and dicks in general. I guess some might be homophobic, but I think it's more because sex (especially gay sex) is still taboo, and taboo is generally thought of as funny.
It doesn't mean they're secretly gay, just that they laugh at dirty jokes.
A: My ex-boyfriend (who is a straight guy, I am a bi girl) would often jokingly flirt with some of his straight guy friends to get laughs like "yo, I'm obviously straight, and I'm still getting all the guys."
A: Back before I was out to myself, I did this sort of thing with one of my friends fairly often (Not actually about sex, more about romancey stuff but still). I mostly did it because it made him squirm and I thought it was kind of funny, plus I kept telling him that if he would stop being so afraid of anything even remotely gay I would stop.
A: Most of the time it seems like it's genuinely based in friendly affection but men (in my culture) don't have access to an acceptable form of communicating that so it's better to communicate affection distastefully than to not communicate it at all. That's my take, anyway.
Usually I respond by throwing in an unsolicited "hot" which I'm not sure is tasteful, either, but it's throwing another taboo humor wrench at it?
Bi woman's perspective if that's relevant.
I usually toss out a "yes homo" in response to "no homo" as well
A: This is just my guess, but personally I think it has less to do with letting out their own homosexual tendencies and more to do with male intimacy. (Although, perhaps sometimes there's a blur on the issue!)
Growing up in our Western culture, men really don't show affection or communicate like women do. Women tend to be better listeners, have a more compassionate impulse, etc. Men have ingrained social norms being passed down generation to generation. Evolving over time, through the 20th century, through the Mad Men era and so on until today.
So, it's just perfectly normal for a woman to openly, vulnerably express how she feels about another friend (sometimes even in a public context!). For men, this is DEFINITELY not true for many cities/regions. I think we all want this sort of connection, trust, and intimacy. I know I felt this artificial gap growing up. And joking with friends was a "safe" way to say "I love you" or "I feel comfortable with you." It adds a layer of joking, so that if he gets it, he gets it and you both verify with one another and develop your own "secret code" to communicate in backchannels about your friendship.
Meanwhile, if not, it's just a stupid joke!
I think its the result of broken conceptions of "maleness" and modern men finding nooks and crannies in our cultural norms to express genuine friendship and trust. Maybe a stepping stone to more open, honest male-male norms like Brazil or parts of Europe.
A: I honestly really enjoy it. I think that it helps to normalise homosexuality for the most part, or at least get people talking about it. Sure some people go to far and are just bigoted, but some people also go to far the other way and just can't take a joke.
Making homoerotic jokes with my male friends helped me to realize that I was bisexual in the first place. When they still felt comfortable to make the same type of jokes with me and be the same people around me after I came out to them I felt really accepted and loved.
A: Honestly, I don't think it has much to do with being uncomfortable with their sexuality at all (though I'm sure that's the case for some people), nor for being purposefully offensive. I think it it's more about jokingly exaggerating the relationships they have with each other - such as acting as though having sex with each other is just something friends do. Guys like to joke about sex in general (both gay and straight), though usually to each other, as making direct comments like that to women may be misconstrued as harassment. IDK, that's just my perspective on it, as someone who used to do it and knows plenty of people who do it.
A: Honestly it likely has to do with being uncomfortable with some part of their sexuality that isn't 100% "straight."
Q: I'm sure this has been brought up before, but I'm curious: do any other guys think it's so weird how often "straight" masculine men make jokes about cuddling, making out, giving each other blow jobs, anal sex, etc.? I mean, I totally used to do it, too, before I was aware of my wonderful and diverse sexuality, but now that I'm aware of and embracing of my bi-ness, it just seems so . . . out of place. How does everyone else feel about it / deal with it?
A: Depends on the guys.
For some, it's a form of trolling; the goal is to get your male friend to lose their cool without actually hurting them; if they are weird about their hot mom, then maybe it's all jokes about their hot mom. If they are weird about their long hair, it's long hair jokes forever and ever. If they are weird about sex or emotional intimacy with other men, then the jokes head in that direction.
I mean, it's unhealthy in its own way, since it encourages guys to never show how they really feel, but the goal isn't usually to hurt, I don't think.
A: I don't know, I think it does show a generally more relaxed attitude towards sexuality. I guess ideally you wouldn't have it so frequently as the butt of a joke but we're only human. Sex is just a weird and kind of inherently funny thing regardless of who's doing it.... the guys that make the most of these are either closeted and are doing it as preemptive cover. Or are the most severe homophobes.
Like there's something ridiculous about gay sex.
A: Guys like this usually joke about straight sex, boobs and dicks in general. I guess some might be homophobic, but I think it's more because sex (especially gay sex) is still taboo, and taboo is generally thought of as funny.
It doesn't mean they're secretly gay, just that they laugh at dirty jokes.
A: My ex-boyfriend (who is a straight guy, I am a bi girl) would often jokingly flirt with some of his straight guy friends to get laughs like "yo, I'm obviously straight, and I'm still getting all the guys."
A: Back before I was out to myself, I did this sort of thing with one of my friends fairly often (Not actually about sex, more about romancey stuff but still). I mostly did it because it made him squirm and I thought it was kind of funny, plus I kept telling him that if he would stop being so afraid of anything even remotely gay I would stop.
A: Most of the time it seems like it's genuinely based in friendly affection but men (in my culture) don't have access to an acceptable form of communicating that so it's better to communicate affection distastefully than to not communicate it at all. That's my take, anyway.
Usually I respond by throwing in an unsolicited "hot" which I'm not sure is tasteful, either, but it's throwing another taboo humor wrench at it?
Bi woman's perspective if that's relevant.
I usually toss out a "yes homo" in response to "no homo" as well
A: This is just my guess, but personally I think it has less to do with letting out their own homosexual tendencies and more to do with male intimacy. (Although, perhaps sometimes there's a blur on the issue!)
Growing up in our Western culture, men really don't show affection or communicate like women do. Women tend to be better listeners, have a more compassionate impulse, etc. Men have ingrained social norms being passed down generation to generation. Evolving over time, through the 20th century, through the Mad Men era and so on until today.
So, it's just perfectly normal for a woman to openly, vulnerably express how she feels about another friend (sometimes even in a public context!). For men, this is DEFINITELY not true for many cities/regions. I think we all want this sort of connection, trust, and intimacy. I know I felt this artificial gap growing up. And joking with friends was a "safe" way to say "I love you" or "I feel comfortable with you." It adds a layer of joking, so that if he gets it, he gets it and you both verify with one another and develop your own "secret code" to communicate in backchannels about your friendship.
Meanwhile, if not, it's just a stupid joke!
I think its the result of broken conceptions of "maleness" and modern men finding nooks and crannies in our cultural norms to express genuine friendship and trust. Maybe a stepping stone to more open, honest male-male norms like Brazil or parts of Europe.
A: I honestly really enjoy it. I think that it helps to normalise homosexuality for the most part, or at least get people talking about it. Sure some people go to far and are just bigoted, but some people also go to far the other way and just can't take a joke.
Making homoerotic jokes with my male friends helped me to realize that I was bisexual in the first place. When they still felt comfortable to make the same type of jokes with me and be the same people around me after I came out to them I felt really accepted and loved.
A: Honestly, I don't think it has much to do with being uncomfortable with their sexuality at all (though I'm sure that's the case for some people), nor for being purposefully offensive. I think it it's more about jokingly exaggerating the relationships they have with each other - such as acting as though having sex with each other is just something friends do. Guys like to joke about sex in general (both gay and straight), though usually to each other, as making direct comments like that to women may be misconstrued as harassment. IDK, that's just my perspective on it, as someone who used to do it and knows plenty of people who do it.
A: Honestly it likely has to do with being uncomfortable with some part of their sexuality that isn't 100% "straight."
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