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Wednesday, August 31, 2022

Tech Calls (Help Desk)

Hopefully you won't find yourself on either side of these calls.... 

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong? 

Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? 

Customer: Yeah.... 

Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using? 

Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.... 

Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! It is a funny joke, however a cd player could not read the cd unless there was an mp3 file in the root of the drive. So no sound would come out. Computer bashing 101 

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? 

Female customer: A white one...

  Computer bashing 101 

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. 

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button? 

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. 

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. 

Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... Computer bashing 101 

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen. 

Customer: Your left or my left? 

Computer bashing 101 

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? 

Male customer: Hello... I can't print. 

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... 

Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, darn it! Computer bashing 101 

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...  

Customer: I have problems printing in red... 

Tech support: Do you have a color printer? 

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you. 

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? 

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. Computer bashing 101 

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. 

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? 

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. 

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. 

Customer: OK 

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? 

Customer: Yes 

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? 

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.

  Computer bashing 101 

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. 

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?  

Customer: I can't get on the Internet. 

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? 

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. 

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? 

Customer: Five stars.

Computer bashing 101 

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? 

Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. 

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. 

Computer bashing 101 

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.  

Tech support: How may I help you? 

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. 

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? 

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? Computer bashing 101 

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. 

Tech support: Are you running it under windows? 

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine." Computer bashing 101 

And last but not least:.... 

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." 

Customer: I don't have a P. 

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. 

Customer: What do you mean? 

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. 

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

  Computer bashing 101

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