Two women were at a bar. One said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love."
"Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!"
An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here."
The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many many guns. Medicine man also with them."
"Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"
"Nah," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate."
The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many many guns. Medicine man also with them."
"Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"
"Nah," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate."
An old trapper up north was having a bad infection in his mouth so went to a dentist. He told the dentist that he just wanted the tooth pulled.
When the dentist checked him, he told the old fellow that he had two abscessed teeth and he needed antibiotics and he'd have to give him some novocaine to ease the pain.
The old man told him to just pull them out and not bother with the novocaine, as pain didn't bother him. After a short discussion he told the dentist that he'd only felt pain twice in his life.
So the dentist gets his pliers out and pulls one tooth. He asks if he wants something for the pain and is told to just go ahead and pull the other.
While the Dentist is finishing up he tells the old man:
"You are a tough old codger aren't you? You said you had felt pain twice in your life! When was that?"
The man tells him:
"........Well,years ago I was out checking my traps and I had to take a crap so I backed up to a tree and needless to say I was right over a bear trap.That trap closed on my testicles and believe me I felt pain then!!"
"My goodness!", says the dentist, "I'm not surprised, but when was the other time you felt pain?"
"When I hit the end of that chain, that the trap was tied to!"
When the dentist checked him, he told the old fellow that he had two abscessed teeth and he needed antibiotics and he'd have to give him some novocaine to ease the pain.
The old man told him to just pull them out and not bother with the novocaine, as pain didn't bother him. After a short discussion he told the dentist that he'd only felt pain twice in his life.
So the dentist gets his pliers out and pulls one tooth. He asks if he wants something for the pain and is told to just go ahead and pull the other.
While the Dentist is finishing up he tells the old man:
"You are a tough old codger aren't you? You said you had felt pain twice in your life! When was that?"
The man tells him:
"........Well,years ago I was out checking my traps and I had to take a crap so I backed up to a tree and needless to say I was right over a bear trap.That trap closed on my testicles and believe me I felt pain then!!"
"My goodness!", says the dentist, "I'm not surprised, but when was the other time you felt pain?"
"When I hit the end of that chain, that the trap was tied to!"
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