Overheard in the forest....

 

HEAD KNIGHT OF NI:
Ni!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
ARTHUR:
Who are you?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'!
RANDOM:
Ni!
ARTHUR:
No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'!
HEAD KNIGHT:
The same!
BEDEVERE:
Who are they?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We are the keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom'!
RANDOM:
Neee-wom!
ARTHUR:
Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale.
HEAD KNIGHT:
The Knights Who Say 'Ni' demand a sacrifice.
ARTHUR:
Knights of Ni, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.
HEAD KNIGHT:
Ni!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!...
ARTHUR:
Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
We shall say 'ni' again to you if you do not appease us.
ARTHUR:
Well, what is it you want?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We want... a shrubbery!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR:
A what?
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
ARTHUR and PARTY:
Ow! Oh!
ARTHUR:
Please! Please! No more! We will find you a shrubbery.
HEAD KNIGHT:
You must return here with a shrubbery, or else, you will never pass through this wood... alive.
ARTHUR:
O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.
HEAD KNIGHT:
One that looks nice.
ARTHUR:
Of course.
HEAD KNIGHT:
And not too expensive.
ARTHUR:
Yes.
HEAD KNIGHT:
Now... go!

--Later--


ARTHUR:
O Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now?
HEAD KNIGHT:
It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly,... but there is one small problem.
ARTHUR:
What is that?
HEAD KNIGHT:
We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say 'Ni'.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Ni! Shh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Shh! We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky- ecky- ecky- ecky- pikang- zoop- boing- goodem- zoo- owli- zhiv'.
RANDOM:
Ni!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Therefore, we must give you a test.
ARTHUR:
What is this test, O Knights of-- knights who till recently said 'ni'?
HEAD KNIGHT:
Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery!
[dramatic chord]
ARTHUR:
Not another shrubbery!
RANDOM:
Ni!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
A path! A path! A path! Ni! Shh! Ni! Ni! Ni! Shh! Shh!...
HEAD KNIGHT:
Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!
[dramatic chord]
KNIGHTS OF NI:
A herring!
ARTHUR:
We shall do no such thing!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Oh, please!
ARTHUR:
Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Augh! Ohh! Don't say that word.
ARTHUR:
What word?
HEAD KNIGHT:
I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words the Knights of Ni cannot hear.
ARTHUR:
How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
You said it again!
ARTHUR:
What, 'is'?
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Agh! No, not 'is'.
HEAD KNIGHT:
No, not 'is'. You wouldn't get vary far in life not saying 'is'.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
No, not 'is'. Not 'is'.
BEDEVERE:
My liege, it's Sir Robin!
MINSTREL: [singing]
He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and pissing off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.
ARTHUR:
Sir Robin!
ROBIN:
My liege! It's good to see you.
HEAD KNIGHT:
Now he's said the word!
ARTHUR:
Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?
MINSTREL: [singing]
He is sneaking away and buggering up--
ROBIN:
Shut up! No, no. No. Far from it.
HEAD KNIGHT:
He said the word again!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
ROBIN:
I was looking for it.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
ROBIN:
Uh, here-- here in this forest.
ARTHUR:
No, it is far from this place.
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word! The word...
ARTHUR:
Oh, stop it!
HEAD KNIGHT:
...we cannot hear! Ow! He said it again!
ARTHUR:
Patsy!
HEAD KNIGHT:
Wait! I said it! I said it!
[clop clop clop]
Ooh! I said it again! And there again! That's three 'it's! Ohh!
KNIGHTS OF NI:
Aaaaugh!...

*"Monty Python and The Holy Grail"