Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners

I caught my son chewing on electrical cords...

So I had to ground him...

He's doing better currently...

And conducting himself properly. 

My husband has always had a beard. One day, he decided to shave it off. He came into the room where my 5-year-old daughter Samantha was and asked her, "Notice anything different?"

To which she replied, "No," with a puzzled look on her face.

My husband then said to her, "My beard's gone."

Now the puzzled look disappeared and the innocent eyes appeared when she said, "I didn't take it!"



Someone broke into my garage last night and took a bunch of stuff, including my limbo stick!

Seriously, how low can you go? 



My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped...

She keeps it in the trunk.

What do you get if you mix sorbitol, gelatin, #3 red dye and artificial flavorings then post your formula online joking it's antigravity material?

You get a friendly midnight visit from men in black and get to explain you're only trying to make gummy bears.

I accidentally used the dog's shampoo this morning...

Now I feel like a good boy.