The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down...
But it was arson.
A kindhearted judge was commiserating with the wife. "Your husband
really has a problem. Has he ever tried Alcoholics Anonymous?"
"I'm sure he has," she nodded sadly. "That man will drink anything."
Once a terrible golfer hit a ball onto an ant hill. He went over the ant
hill to hit the ball. No matter how hard he tried, all the golfer
managed to do was to hit the ant hill and kill many ants.
At last, only two ants remained. One turned to the other and said, “If we want to stay alive, we’d better get on the ball!”
A man found a magic lamp with a genie who offered him three wishes.
"For my first wish," he said, "I'd like to be rich."
"Okay, Rich," the genie replied, "what's your second wish?"
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.
After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief ceremony in front of the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married.
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested.
Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.
A sailor didn't like anything he saw in the mess/food line, so he just
picked up a large piece of chocolate cake. The cook asked, "Is that all
you're gonna eat?"
The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it doesn't look too appetizing."
The cook smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"
The sailor said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it!"
The cook leaned over and cut the sailor's piece of cake in half.
I had an office so small...
That when I put the key in the door, I broke a window.
To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her
elderly grandfather got out. The patrolman explained that the old
gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help.
"Why, Grandfather," my friend said, "you've been going there for 40 years. How could you get lost?"
The old man smiled slyly. "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. "I just got tired of walking."
It's so cold in Saskatchewan that:
... someone stabbed himself with an icicle and died of cold cuts!
... babies are brought by penguins, not by storks!
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