1. A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "Can I help you?" The duck says ___?
A. "Yeah, you can get this guy off my bahookie!"
B. "Give me a drink, I'm thirsty!"
C. "Hey, I don't speak human lingo, I am a duck!"
D. "Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack!"
2. A man walks into a bar and says what?
A. "Hi", and then sits down at the bar and has a drink!
B. "OUCH!" (You would have thought he would have seen it!)
C: "Sniff", then uses the men's room and pays his bar bill!
D: "Just looking for a pal", looks around and walks out again!
3. A man walks into a bar, orders a drink and eats from the dish of peanuts on the counter while he waits. He hears a soft whisper: "You look so nice today". A few minutes later he hears it again: "That's a nice shirt; it suits you". The man asks the bartender, "Did you hear that? I heard someone whisper nice things to me".
The bartender says ___?
A. "You are crazy, get out of my bar or I will call the cops!"
B. "Poor man, I will call you a cab to take you directly to the ear doctor!"
C. "I am a ventriloquist and I practise on my customers. I'm good huh?"
D. "Oh, it's the complimentary peanuts!"
4. A Martian walks into a bar and orders 20 pints of Guinness, 28 root beers, 60 glasses of orange juice, 40 lemonades and a gin and tonic. He downs them all in one go and then asks for the same again. He carries on drinking all night. The barman totals up the bill and an hour later he finally says, "Your bill is 1507 dollars". The Martian says ___?
A. "I need more drinks as I did not spend enough cash!"
B. "I need no money, I am a Martian man!"
C. "Do you have change of a Zonk?"
D. "I will shoot you with my water pistol ray gun!"
5. Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. What does the bartender say?
A. "Sorry, Bacon and Eggs are not allowed here!"
B. "Bacon and Eggs cannot walk into a bar!"
C. "I think that I must be seeing things!"
D. "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast!"
6. A male ghost walks into a bar, and the bartender says ___?
A. "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here!"
B. "Scream!" and faints!
C. "It cannot be Halloween again so soon!"
D. "We do not serve ghosts here!"
7. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says ___?
A. "A beer please, and this tarmac is heavy!"
B. "A beer please, and one for yourself too!"
C. "A beer please, and a whisky!"
D. "A beer please, and one for the road!"
8. Two male cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside a clown. The first cannibal whacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown. Suddenly the second cannibal says ___?
A. "He needs some garnish!"
B. "I don't like clowns for dinner but I am hungry!"
C. "He is a bit too chewy!"
D. "Hey, do you taste something funny?"
9. A (male) skeleton walks into a bar and says ___.
A. "I'd like lemonade please!"
B. "Do you have any bar work?"
C. "When does the karaoke start?"
D. "I'd like a beer and a mop please!"
10. A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes one sip and sets it down. A monkey appears suddenly and steals the beer. The man asks the bartender who owns the monkey and is told "the piano player". The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer?" The pianist replies with what?
A. "I need to send him to AA again!"
B. "What monkey is that?"
C. "No, but if you hum the tune, I'll try and play it!"
D. "Yes, I know, he was thirsty!"
Click here for the answers!
A. "Yeah, you can get this guy off my bahookie!"
B. "Give me a drink, I'm thirsty!"
C. "Hey, I don't speak human lingo, I am a duck!"
D. "Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack!"
2. A man walks into a bar and says what?
A. "Hi", and then sits down at the bar and has a drink!
B. "OUCH!" (You would have thought he would have seen it!)
C: "Sniff", then uses the men's room and pays his bar bill!
D: "Just looking for a pal", looks around and walks out again!
3. A man walks into a bar, orders a drink and eats from the dish of peanuts on the counter while he waits. He hears a soft whisper: "You look so nice today". A few minutes later he hears it again: "That's a nice shirt; it suits you". The man asks the bartender, "Did you hear that? I heard someone whisper nice things to me".
The bartender says ___?
A. "You are crazy, get out of my bar or I will call the cops!"
B. "Poor man, I will call you a cab to take you directly to the ear doctor!"
C. "I am a ventriloquist and I practise on my customers. I'm good huh?"
D. "Oh, it's the complimentary peanuts!"
4. A Martian walks into a bar and orders 20 pints of Guinness, 28 root beers, 60 glasses of orange juice, 40 lemonades and a gin and tonic. He downs them all in one go and then asks for the same again. He carries on drinking all night. The barman totals up the bill and an hour later he finally says, "Your bill is 1507 dollars". The Martian says ___?
A. "I need more drinks as I did not spend enough cash!"
B. "I need no money, I am a Martian man!"
C. "Do you have change of a Zonk?"
D. "I will shoot you with my water pistol ray gun!"
5. Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. What does the bartender say?
A. "Sorry, Bacon and Eggs are not allowed here!"
B. "Bacon and Eggs cannot walk into a bar!"
C. "I think that I must be seeing things!"
D. "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast!"
6. A male ghost walks into a bar, and the bartender says ___?
A. "Sorry, we don't serve spirits here!"
B. "Scream!" and faints!
C. "It cannot be Halloween again so soon!"
D. "We do not serve ghosts here!"
7. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says ___?
A. "A beer please, and this tarmac is heavy!"
B. "A beer please, and one for yourself too!"
C. "A beer please, and a whisky!"
D. "A beer please, and one for the road!"
8. Two male cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside a clown. The first cannibal whacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown. Suddenly the second cannibal says ___?
A. "He needs some garnish!"
B. "I don't like clowns for dinner but I am hungry!"
C. "He is a bit too chewy!"
D. "Hey, do you taste something funny?"
9. A (male) skeleton walks into a bar and says ___.
A. "I'd like lemonade please!"
B. "Do you have any bar work?"
C. "When does the karaoke start?"
D. "I'd like a beer and a mop please!"
10. A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes one sip and sets it down. A monkey appears suddenly and steals the beer. The man asks the bartender who owns the monkey and is told "the piano player". The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer?" The pianist replies with what?
A. "I need to send him to AA again!"
B. "What monkey is that?"
C. "No, but if you hum the tune, I'll try and play it!"
D. "Yes, I know, he was thirsty!"
Click here for the answers!
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