"The Twelve Days of Christmas" is an English Christmas song which details the ever accumulating list of presents some unfortunate being's true love kept bringing to her on each of the twelve days leading up to Christmas Day itself. Hopefully she either (1) owned a farm, or (2) a large hotel or (3) had a hearing impairment. Its lyrics follow, but I almost ran out of room at the inn fitting them in.
On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me a partridge in a pear tree (so far so good).
On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (oh how nice).
On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (the trees should look lovely in the front yard).
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (I'll have to build an aviary).
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (I'll have to sell one of the rings to buy the wood for the bird cage).
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (looks like goose is on the Christmas menu).
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (the swans are lovely but those geese are SO noisy).
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (why on earth did he give me eight dairy maids. I haven't even got a cow!).
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (Nine - NINE extra mouths to feed! They can jolly well help feed those rotten noisy birds!).
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me ten Lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (I hate that man. Where am I supposed to put those hyper-active idiots?)
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me eleven pipers piping, ten Lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (the police are on the doorstep waving noise complaints at me, sob, those idiotic Lords kept bounding around them, the moronic women have danced all through my vegetable patch, sob, the dairy maids have gone on strike, and I HATE those birds who poo on everything in sight!)
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten Lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (that's it. We're through).
On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me a partridge in a pear tree (so far so good).
On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (oh how nice).
On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (the trees should look lovely in the front yard).
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (I'll have to build an aviary).
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (I'll have to sell one of the rings to buy the wood for the bird cage).
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (looks like goose is on the Christmas menu).
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (the swans are lovely but those geese are SO noisy).
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (why on earth did he give me eight dairy maids. I haven't even got a cow!).
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (Nine - NINE extra mouths to feed! They can jolly well help feed those rotten noisy birds!).
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me ten Lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (I hate that man. Where am I supposed to put those hyper-active idiots?)
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me eleven pipers piping, ten Lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (the police are on the doorstep waving noise complaints at me, sob, those idiotic Lords kept bounding around them, the moronic women have danced all through my vegetable patch, sob, the dairy maids have gone on strike, and I HATE those birds who poo on everything in sight!)
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten Lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree (that's it. We're through).
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