-Laxatives - They irritate the shit out of you
-Bananas - The older they get, the less firm they are
-Vacations - They never seem to be long enough
-Weather - Nothing can be done to change them
-Blenders - You need One, but you're not quite sure why
-Chocolate Bars - Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips
-Commercials - You can't believe a word they say
-Department Stores - Their clothes are always 1/2 off
-Government Bonds - They take soooooooo long to mature
-Mascara - They usually run at the first sign of emotion
-Popcorn - They satisfy you, but only for a little while
-Snowstorms - You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last
-Lava Lamps - Fun to look at, but not very bright
-Parking Spots - All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
Ode To The Southern Family
Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
for she was my father's wife.
To complicate the maters worse,
although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
a brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
then that also made him brother
to the widow's grown-up daughter
who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son,
who kept them on the run.
And he became grandson,
for he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother
and it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
she's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
then I am her grandchild.
And every time I thank of it,
it simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
the strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!