Waiting

Remember when you were little
and the comparing hadn't started yet
so you played with pots and pans in the kitchen
taking everything out of the cupboards
not thinking that they had their place like you
will soon eventually
you threw your true self out in the open
letting it move and ebb and flow
shyness and all

it's amazing how quickly it gets Taken, beaten down
smashed into checklists
and obligation

it's amazing how quickly your mind will confuse
different
with less

i want to run back to the fake tile
and hard salami with cucumber sandwiches
and stay there longer
and take stronger pictures in my mind
so that when i start to disassociate in the next few years
think the visits at night in the dark were my fault
i'll know what i look like when i'm in my body
when my little soul and little heart
sang her first words
and biggest concern was making music with
everything i could hold
not where is the door lock
and why is it so cold

by @loverghetto, ello.com