I will post some excerpts over several days.
|Saskatchewan author, Ryan Willey|
My girlfriend started to notice the way I acted around some of the boys compared to how I acted around her. She could tell that I must have not been interested in her as much as spending time with the boys. She didn’t assume that I was gay, however she wondered if I enjoyed being with her to the extent of a true passionate relationship.
She mentioned how upset she was that I spent very little time with her that night and told me that she didn’t think she was the right girl for me. I tried to convince her otherwise but her intuition was telling her otherwise and she wasn’t happy that we didn’t have that “spark” other couples have.
While I had dreams of marrying her, I knew deep down that I wasn’t sure if things would work out between us. She broke up with me shortly after and I was disappointed in myself that I had not let her completely into my heart. It also saddened me that I wouldn’t see her as much because of the fun we had together and in some way I did love her.
However something later happened that hurt even more than the break up. The boy who stayed at my house many weekends from the youth group stopped coming over as much. He began to distance himself from me and the youth group because he made some friends who encouraged him to do hard drugs.
At first I wondered if he didn’t like me anymore or that maybe I showed him too much affection which made him feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t until some of our friends approached me one day at work and told me how worried they were about him, that I started to realize that it wasn’t me. I believe that he found some friends that seemed more “real” to him and at the age they were, they got caught up into things they shouldn’t have.
This was the moment that changed everything for me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about my experiences with my girlfriend and this boy who I knew I loved with all of my heart. I desired him in a “body, mind and soul” manner rather the normal “manly” sort of friendship people hear about between two boys. I never felt that kind of love for my ex-girlfriend and it changed my entire world once I realized the difference between both relationships. I started to realize that I was only conforming to the Christian culture presented to me rather than living in a true spiritual manner.
Returning to Christian Camp with the Angel (1 excerpt)
One evening I shared some of my story with the adults group. One of them said a prayer and invited the “Holy Spirit” to enter and allow us to share accordingly. My heart was pounding because I knew I had a story to tell. I shared a bit of my experience with the Ouija board and that since I was a newly “born again Christian”, I believed it was evil and that the one who claimed to be my Guardian Angel was most likely a demon.
Afterwards I shared about my sexual desires and that I didn’t believe that they were “pure in the eyes of God”. By this time, I had told a few close friends that I was bi-curious as I desired to explore love with women. However, my desires circulated around Christian beliefs rather than true genuine passionate love.
These weren’t stories in which these people generally heard and a few of them immediately asked if they could pray over me after I was done sharing. The prayer time resulted in one of the adults asking me to repeat what he said if I so desired. Lucky for him I had been brainwashed prior to this which inevitably buried me even deeper into a hole of manipulated Christian culture.
“Dear Jesus,” one of the adults said.
“Dear Jesus,” I repeated.
“I give my life to you,” he said.
“I give my life to you,” I repeated.
“I give up any evilness in my life,” he said.
“I give up any evilness in my life,” I repeated as I teared up with emotion.
“I give up any darkness of my past,” he said.
“I give up any darkness of my past,” I cried.
“I give up the demon from the Ouija board,” he said.
“I give up the demon from the Ouija board,” I cried.
“I give up the demon of homosexuality,” he said.
“I give up the demon of homosexuality,” I bawled.
Over the next little while many of the adults prayed over me. Some spoke in tongues and the volume of their voices gradually went higher until some of them were yelling at what they believed to be demons. It was a very intense moment and I remember how it made me feel as if I had something evil deep inside of me of which I just couldn’t rid myself.
There were other people being prayed for throughout our time together that evening. Mostly to do with sadness of loved ones who have passed and difficult family issues. However, my story and experience of their prayers was the one in which they would remember for quite some time. This moment would later be referred to as some sort of success story in the faith of Christians. The sort of story that they use as a science to prove their own Christian politics. Obviously they couldn’t have been more wrong.
Later that evening when most families were settling down for the evening, my friend and I went out for a walk. Suddenly I saw this small orb shining back and forth in front of me.
“Do you see that?” I exclaimed.
Stay tuned tomorrow for another excerpt of his book.
You can purchase the book Becoming the Devil They Fear from McNally Robinson. They ship books as well. I will post the details when the book is ready