Children's Letters to GOD
Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
"It's OK.... I'm just horsin' around!!"
Play a tune! Click on the horses for 'ON' and 'OFF'! You will get the hang of it!
Click above
I am a homosexual Arrrghhh!
Just because I am gay does not mean that I am after every guy in the world, just the same as heterosexuals are not after every member of the opposite sex! Also gay people don't have any more sex than you do. We are just people!
I am a homosexual. Hath not a homosexual eyes? Hath not a homosexual hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a heterosexual is?
If you prick us, do we not bleed?
If you tickle us, do we not laugh?
If you poison us, do we not die?
And if you wrong us, do we not revenge?
If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.
I am a homosexual. Hath not a homosexual eyes? Hath not a homosexual hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a heterosexual is?
If you prick us, do we not bleed?
If you tickle us, do we not laugh?
If you poison us, do we not die?
And if you wrong us, do we not revenge?
If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.
Just Imagine - A Sand Fantasy
Click above for this awesome movie. (wmv - ~1.7MB)
Please allow time to load. It is worth it!
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Fortunes
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
A beautiful woman will enrich your life soon.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
A bureaucrat is a politician with tenure.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A company is known by the men it keeps.
A dead man cannot bite.
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
A fool and his honey are soon parted.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
A gift of flour will soon be made to you.
A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.
A girl's best friend is her mutter.
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A good reputation is more valuable than money.
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence.
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
A king's castle is his home.
A large dog will have a surprising effect on your life.
A lie in time saves nine.
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man with 3 buttocks.
A man with one watch knows what time it is--with two watches he is never sure.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
A man, a plan, a canal. Suez!
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
A misguided platypus will lay its eggs in your shorts.
A moose once bit my sister.
A muth once bit my sister.
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A plucked goose does not lay golden eggs.
A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
Haiku
Is divisible by two
Now is that not odd?
--Darrin in Ontario, Canada
i was quite hungry
so i went to my laptop
i love homemade Pi
--Martha in Newfoundland, Canada
The simple act of
Inspecting a mere haiku
Is fraught with peril
--Michael in Perth, Australia
I am all around,
Yet some can't seem to find me.
I am Internet.
--Terry in San Francisco, California
To get some more hearts
Press up, down, up, down, left, right
Left, right, B, A, Start
--Jack in Wilton, New Hampshire
Please Do Not Hit Me
Mages Can Not Take Damage
I Am Too Squishy
--Racheal in Lothering, Ferelden
Told my boss swine flu,
but I really came down with
Modern Warfare 2.
--Jason in Orlando, Florida
LOLcat is pronounced
"Lawl cat" or "L-O-L cat"
Which makes haikus hard.
--Noah in Spring Lake, New Jersey
I've always wondered
what solder really tastes like.
Um, hospital, please.
--Adam in Rock Hill, South Carolina
All I want is to
Find a pretty orc girlfriend,
But DM says no.
--Ian in Somers Point, New Jersey
Beware of Bathrooms
Rule number two. Number two?
Coincidence? Hmm.
--Jae in Charleston, Illinois
Divide by zero;
Stephen Hawking can do this.
Black holes will ensue...
--David in St. Joseph, Missouri
When I read haiku,
I hear it in the voice of
William Shatner.
--Shannon in Wall, New Jersey
Bugs and viruses
Incompetent end users
Job security...
--Janice in Edmond, Oklahama
Sitting in my lab.
Look at all the mutagens.
I could be super...
--Alex in East Lansing, Michigan
the tricorder broke
communicator is dead
and my shirt is red
--Jeffrey in Dallas, Texas
Use the Force, Malcolm
Gorram reavers on our tail!
Oops, wrong universe.
--Taylor in Montgomery, Alambama
Eat Theobromine.
Drink methyltheobromine.
Heliophobe, I.
--Zach in Tyler, Texas
like mom used to say
"zombie is as zombie does"
so i ate her brains
-- Manuel in Beunos Aires, Argentina
Hold infinity,
within the palm of your hand.
Buffer overflow.
-- Paul in Durham, United Kingdom
Haikus are easy
Yes, even with my eyes closed
See, thhy are npt hrad!
-- Micah in Phoenix, Arizona
WITH ALL CAPS I TYPE
LOUDLY I YELL EVERYTHING
I FEEL IMPORTANT!
-- Ed in Logan, Utah
Execute Spybot,
Please click Ni to continue.
Damn Trojan Rabbits
-- Julian in Black Mesa, City 17
Droning on and on
Talking about the atom
What an awful Bohr.
-- Michael in Johnston, Rhode Island
jIba' Quo'nos-daq
qeqtaHvIS tIQqu' lurDech:
tlhIngan Haiku!
Translation:
I sit here on Quo'nos
Practicing the ancient tradition:
Klingon Haiku.
-- Dale in Redding, California
Pi day celebrates
An irrational number.
Pi is not a lie.
-- Anne in Elwood, Australia
Net Neutrality
Keep the Man off my bandwidth
Don't throttle me, bro.
-- Eric in Lincoln, Nebraska
The next big idea
Will soon sweep across the net
Oh, it just finished.
-- Gilmore in Melbourne, Australia
Imagination
More important than knowledge
Great example: LOST
-- Brandon in Hinesville, Georgia
Hot Anime Girls
Never Gonna Give You Up
No! Not Rick Astley!
-- Lauren, White Bear Lake, Minnesota
Developer Zen:
"Ignore this error message."
What do I do now?
-- Stephen in Deerfield, Massachusetts
One Two Seven Dot
Zero Dot Zero Dot One
There's no place like home.
-- Martin in Bedford, United Kingdom
Your razor-sharp wit
Can never stand up to my
Adamantium
-- Anna in St. Louis, Missouri
Chekov in the bay
searching hard for some space fuel
Nuclear wessels
-- Jay in Murfreesboro, Tennessee
I bit a zombie.
it was ironic but the
taste was terrible.
-- Blake in Tulsa, Oklahoma
Learn from the Jedi.
Discipline, control, respect.
Dangerous muppet.
-- Patrick in Anaheim, California
Packets of photons
Streaming by our planet's sky
their address divine
-- Michaline in Chicago Illinois
Hum of computer
Torrenting throughout the night
Don't forget to seed.
-- Michael from Houston, Texas
ThinkGeek plastic bag
Promises a monkey's breath
Much like cake is lie.
-- Andy in Core, West Virginia
Steaming hot laptop
On my boyfriend's lap becomes
Form of birth control.
-- Hana in The Shire, Middle Earth
I can't do haiku
I will always get them wrong
Oh, wait. Never mind.
-- Randy in Bradley, Illinois
run ThinkGeekHaiku
Segmentation fault (core dumped)
I hate debugging
-- Aaron in Simi Valley, California
Some haiku are strange
They don't make very much sense
A series of tubes
-- Sean in Eugene, Oregon
There once was a boy with mind quick
And ThinkGeek dot com he did trick.
They expected to find,
Haikus in a line.
What they got instead was a lim'rick
-- Alex in Melbourne, Australia
Spam in my inbox.
Can I really help this guy?
From Nigeria?
-- Timothy in Peterborough, England
I love the tech life
It lets me IM the guy
Sitting next to me
-- Akela in San Francisco, California
the sun warms my face
it is a lovely....ding dong
wait, I have IM
-- Rhett in Hammond, Louisiana
Client with no specs.
Wants results in two weeks time.
Must. Not. Kill. Must. Not.
-- Shane in River Ridge, Louisiana
TPS reports.
Didn't make a coversheet.
See you here Sunday.
-- Dan in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida
I hate dungeons, but
I guess beauty's in the eye
of The Beholder.
-- Kat in Virginia Beach, Virginia
The Mac hates popcorn
I dropped some on the keyboard
It kernel panicked
-- Derek in Hoboken, New Jersey
two words never heard
in polite conversation
Microsoft Vista
-- Dave in Mont Vernon, New Hampshire
Monday, August 29, 2016
Ten reasons to go to work naked..actually 11.
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
7. So that-with a little help from Muzak-you can add "Exotic Dancer" to
your already exaggerated resume.
8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep
them.
9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned.
10. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
11. No one steals your chair.
The Professor's Fun Facts!
IF you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G !)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home. What the...?!) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet (Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. ( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too)
Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)
(and God love that PIG)... OINK, OINK LOL
Gene Wilder passes away at 83
From TMZ.com
Gene Wilder -- star of classics like "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory," "Blazing Saddles," "Young Frankenstein" and more -- has died.
He was 83.
Gene Wilder -- star of classics like "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory," "Blazing Saddles," "Young Frankenstein" and more -- has died.
Wilder was married to Gilda Radner from 1984 until she passed away in 1989. He married again in 1991 to Karen Boyer.
Wilder is survived by a daughter, Katharine -- whom he adopted in 1967 when he married her mother, Mary Joan Schutz.
Wilder is survived by a daughter, Katharine -- whom he adopted in 1967 when he married her mother, Mary Joan Schutz.
Gene teamed up with Richard Pryor to make several classic comedies in the '70s and '80s, including "Stir Crazy" -- but his turn as the Jim, Waco Kid is legendary ...
-end of article
Gene Wilder was a favourite of The Wizard's growing up. He will be missed.
History Quiz...
DON'T CHEAT AND LOOK AT THE BOTTOM FOR THE ANSWERS !!!
History Quiz...
Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this quiz. If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.
This is a History Quiz for those who don't mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life. Get paper and pencil and number from 1 to 20.
BESIDE NUMBER 1-20, Write the letter of each answer and score at the end. Then, best of all, before you move to the next post, put your score in the Comments!!!!
1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
A. On the floor shift knob
B. On the floor board , to the left of the clutch
C. Next to the horn
2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?
A. Capture lightning bugs
B. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
C. Large salt shaker
3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
A. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk
B. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
C. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.
4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
A. Blackjack
B. Gin
C. Craps
5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W. II
A. Suntan
B. Leg painting
C. Wearing slacks
6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
A. Studebaker
B. Nash Metro
C. Tucker
7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
A. Strips of dried peanut butter
B. Chocolate licorice bars
C. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
8. How was Butch wax used?
A. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up
B. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
C. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust
9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?
A With clamps, tightened by a skate key
B. Woven straps that crossed the foot
C. Long pieces of twine
10. As a kid, what was considered "the best way" To reach a decision?
A. Consider all the facts
B. Ask Mom
C. Eeny-meeny-miney-MO
11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's-50's
A. Smallpox
B. AIDS
C. Polio
12. 'I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey'
A. SUV
B. Taxi
C. Streetcar
13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?
A. Old Blue
B. Paint
C. Macaroni
14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
A. Part of the game of hide and seek
B. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores
C. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?
A. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
B. Princess Sacagawea
C. Princess Moonshadow
16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?
A. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high
B. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window
C. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid their failure
17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
A. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum
B. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items
C. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos
18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?
A. Meatballs
B. Dames
C. Ammunition
19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song 'Cabdriver' a hit?
A. The Ink Spots
B. The Supremes
C. The Esquires
20. Who left his heart in San Francisco ?
A. Tony Bennett
B. Xavier Cugat
C. George Gershwin
ANSWERS
1. B) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late ' 60's to catch on.
2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?
3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.
4. a) Blackjack Gum.
5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.
6. a) 1946 Studebaker.
7 c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water
8 a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.
9. a) With clamps , tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck.
10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-MO.
11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease.
12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!
13. c) Macaroni.
14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.
16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.
17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for
household items at the Green Stamp store.
18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.
19. a) The widely famous 50's group: The Inkspots.
20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today...
SCORING
17- 20 correct: You are older than dirt, and obviously gifted with mental abilities. Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely someone who should share your wisdom!
12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but you're getting there.
0 -11 correct: You are not old enough to share the wisdom of your experiences.
The Wizard got 17/20. Huzzah!
The only failure is in not trying.
History Quiz...
Everyone over 40 should have a pretty easy time at this quiz. If you are under 40 you can claim a handicap.
This is a History Quiz for those who don't mind seeing how much they really remember about what went on in their life. Get paper and pencil and number from 1 to 20.
BESIDE NUMBER 1-20, Write the letter of each answer and score at the end. Then, best of all, before you move to the next post, put your score in the Comments!!!!
1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?
A. On the floor shift knob
B. On the floor board , to the left of the clutch
C. Next to the horn
2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?
A. Capture lightning bugs
B. To sprinkle clothes before ironing
C. Large salt shaker
3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?
A. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk
B. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled
C. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.
4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
A. Blackjack
B. Gin
C. Craps
5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W. II
A. Suntan
B. Leg painting
C. Wearing slacks
6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?
A. Studebaker
B. Nash Metro
C. Tucker
7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?
A. Strips of dried peanut butter
B. Chocolate licorice bars
C. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
8. How was Butch wax used?
A. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up
B. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing
C. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust
9. Before inline skates, how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?
A With clamps, tightened by a skate key
B. Woven straps that crossed the foot
C. Long pieces of twine
10. As a kid, what was considered "the best way" To reach a decision?
A. Consider all the facts
B. Ask Mom
C. Eeny-meeny-miney-MO
11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940's-50's
A. Smallpox
B. AIDS
C. Polio
12. 'I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey'
A. SUV
B. Taxi
C. Streetcar
13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pet pony?
A. Old Blue
B. Paint
C. Macaroni
14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?
A. Part of the game of hide and seek
B. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores
C. Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?
A. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
B. Princess Sacagawea
C. Princess Moonshadow
16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?
A. Immediately sniffed the purple ink, as this was believed to get you high
B. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window
C. Wrote another pupil's name on the top, to avoid their failure
17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?
A. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs, which tasted like bubble gum
B. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items
C. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos
18. Praise the Lord, and pass the _________?
A. Meatballs
B. Dames
C. Ammunition
19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song 'Cabdriver' a hit?
A. The Ink Spots
B. The Supremes
C. The Esquires
20. Who left his heart in San Francisco ?
A. Tony Bennett
B. Xavier Cugat
C. George Gershwin
ANSWERS
1. B) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late ' 60's to catch on.
2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?
3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.
4. a) Blackjack Gum.
5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.
6. a) 1946 Studebaker.
7 c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water
8 a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.
9. a) With clamps , tightened by a skate key, which you wore on a shoestring around your neck.
10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-MO.
11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease.
12. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!
13. c) Macaroni.
14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.
15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.
16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.
17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded for
household items at the Green Stamp store.
18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.
19. a) The widely famous 50's group: The Inkspots.
20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today...
SCORING
17- 20 correct: You are older than dirt, and obviously gifted with mental abilities. Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely someone who should share your wisdom!
12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but you're getting there.
0 -11 correct: You are not old enough to share the wisdom of your experiences.
The Wizard got 17/20. Huzzah!
The only failure is in not trying.
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Masturbation World Record!
Sleeping intermittently during the 24 hour marathon, Tudor Rosca remained focused and aroused by his impressive library of pornographic films. With over 400 films in his library and 3 televisions playing movies at all times, he had a continuous stream of footage to aid him in his quest.
It is apparent by the massive development of the muscles in his forearm that Tudor Rosca is not your average masturbator. In an interview with UJ reporters after the record setting event, Tudor Rosca was quoted as saying, "masturbation for me is a way of life. I've been training for this day since I was 13 years old and I'm happy with my performance today".
This record was formerly held by German Student, Hans Blickstein who achieved 27 orgasms in a 24 hour period. Mr. Blickstein was not available for comment.
When asked what his next world record achievement would be, Tudor Rosca said "my immediate goal is to get a bag of ice and some lotion on my penis to soothe the burning".
All About Farts
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent , but deadly.
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.
But not all farts are bad,
This is simply not true-
We must not forget.......
some old farts like you!
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Numa Numa
Numa Numa is an Internet phenomenon based on amateur videos, most notably Numa Numa Dance by Gary Brolsma, made for the song "Dragostea din tei" as performed by the Moldovan pop group O-Zone. Brolsma's video, released in December 2004, was the first Numa Numa-themed video to gain widespread attention. Less than three months after the release, it had been viewed more than two million times on the debut website alone. Numa Numa Dance has since spawned many parody videos, including those created for the "New Numa Fatty Contest", sponsored by Brolsma, which promised US$45,000 in prize money for submissions. His original video was named 41st in the 2006 broadcast of 100 Greatest Funny Moments by Channel 4 in the UK.
Brolsma's Numa Numa Video
The phrase Numa Numa is from a refrain of "Dragostea din tei". The refrain, "nu mă, nu mă iei", can be approximately translated from Romanian as "you don't, you don't take me [with you]."
The Numa Numa phenomenon was first popularized by Gary Brolsma's release of Numa Numa Dance onto Newgrounds.com on December 6, 2004. By February 25, 2005, less than three months after Brolsma released the video onto Newgrounds, it had been viewed more than two million times on that site alone. Brolsma later stated in an interview, "...I found it ["Dragostea din tei"] in another (I believe it was Japanese) flash animation with cartoon cats". Others have noted Brolsma's inspiration was the Japanese flash animation Maiyahi by the Albinoblacksheep.com user "ikari", whose video featured an animated version of the popular Shift_JIS art cat Monā.
The Numa Numa phenomenon was first popularized by Gary Brolsma's release of Numa Numa Dance onto Newgrounds.com on December 6, 2004. By February 25, 2005, less than three months after Brolsma released the video onto Newgrounds, it had been viewed more than two million times on that site alone. Brolsma later stated in an interview, "...I found it ["Dragostea din tei"] in another (I believe it was Japanese) flash animation with cartoon cats". Others have noted Brolsma's inspiration was the Japanese flash animation Maiyahi by the Albinoblacksheep.com user "ikari", whose video featured an animated version of the popular Shift_JIS art cat Monā.
On Newgrounds.com Numa Numa Dance has since been seen more than fifteen million times. From there it has been copied onto hundreds of other websites and blogs. According to a November 27, 2006 report by the BBC, based on page impression figures collated by viral marketing company The Viral Factory, Numa Numa Dance is the second-most watched viral video of all time, with 700 million views, losing out only to "Star Wars kid". He received mainstream media coverage from ABC's Good Morning America, NBC's The Tonight Show, and VH1's Best Week Ever, and, according to The New York Times, was an "unwilling and embarrassed Web celebrity". He canceled media appearances but reappeared in September 2006 with a professionally produced video, New Numa. This video, hosted on YouTube, marked the start of the "New Numa Contest", which promised US$45,000 in prize money and a US$25,000 award to the winner.
A story in the June/July 2006 issue of The Believer explores the song's spread and global homogenization, while arguing that Brolsma's video "singlehandedly justifies the existence of webcams (....) It’s a movie of someone who is having the time of his life, wants to share his joy with everyone, and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks".
One version of Brolsma's video also contains some puns, among them pictures of feta cheese during the lyric fericirea (happiness) and a LEGO representation of Bob Ross during the singer's words sunt eu Picasso (it's me Picasso).
A story in the June/July 2006 issue of The Believer explores the song's spread and global homogenization, while arguing that Brolsma's video "singlehandedly justifies the existence of webcams (....) It’s a movie of someone who is having the time of his life, wants to share his joy with everyone, and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks".
One version of Brolsma's video also contains some puns, among them pictures of feta cheese during the lyric fericirea (happiness) and a LEGO representation of Bob Ross during the singer's words sunt eu Picasso (it's me Picasso).
Gary plans to appear in the first consumer generated Super Bowl Commercial, known as MySuperAd, sporting the Numa Numa Dance. Numa Numa Dance was also featured in South Park.
*Wikipedia
8 Stories
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO
The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Safeway with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.
I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage.
The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor , Pennsylvania , interrogated a suspect by placing a metal collander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO
The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local Safeway with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.
I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her "I've changed my mind I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage.
The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor , Pennsylvania , interrogated a suspect by placing a metal collander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Friday, August 26, 2016
Little Feet, Little Minds
by E. L. Davis
They come into our lives one small child at a time,
Always scared and lonely and wondering what they’ll find.
Their minds so full of questions and their eyes full of fear,
Always listening closely just to see what they can hear.
Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.
Once someone’s little angel sent from heaven up above
Now battered, bruised, and broken and only wanting love.
You offer them affection just to see them pull away,
But you keep on trying, every single day.
A child is like a garden—without love, it won’t grow.
But give it to them daily and soon it starts to show.
You see a little sparkle in eyes once filled with fear,
You hear a little laugh that sounds oh-so-dear.
Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.
Once someone’s little angel, now ours for awhile,
That gives us hugs and kisses and a big, warm smile.
Now all those deep dark secrets they’ve kept locked up inside,
They start to tell them to you, a little at a time.
As you sit and listen to the words they say,
You ask yourself, “How come life turns out this way?”
Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.
Now the days are passing by and all their fears are too.
You hope you’ve made a difference with all you say and do,
And you know you have when you hear “I love you.”
It makes it all worthwhile when bedtime comes at night,
And you get those hugs and kisses when you turn out the light.
Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.
Now as the love inside grows more and more each day,
The call you knew was coming finally comes your way.
They’re coming to get the angel that someone threw away,
Now your heart is breaking because you know that they can’t stay.
As you pack the memories that all of you have made,
You gently wipe away the tears streaming down your face.
And as you place each item a reflection you will see,
Of the child as they are today and how they used to be.
Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.
Once again the house falls silent of tiny little feet,
Gently, softly running, playing hide and seek.
Even though you’re leaving, in our hearts you’ll always stay
In a special place, safely locked away.
God bless all little angels sent from heaven up above.
May they all find families, filled with happiness and love.
Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.
E. L. Davis is a foster parent in Chatham County, North Carolina.
Copyright © 2002 Jordan Institute for Families
¹ Painting "Little Man Big Man" © Steve Walker
Copyright © 2002 Jordan Institute for Families
¹ Painting "Little Man Big Man" © Steve Walker
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