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Tuesday, July 26, 2016

A Practical Visitor's Guide to Saskatoon

Saskatoon Shines

Originally Posted by Sarah fat Paulie's Travel Blog.

(original source: Anonymous)

1. First you must learn to pronounce the city's name. It is Sask-A-tune, not "S'toon", and it DOES NOT matter how people who are not from here pronounce it.

2. Saskatoon has its own version of traffic rules. Never forget that downtown Saskatoon is composed in large part of three or four block streets. The only way to get out of the center of town is to turn around and start over when you reach the river.

3. All directions start with, "Go down Circle Drive ."

4. Circle Drive has no beginning and no end, although it does not actually circle the entire city, either.

5. Exit and entry ramps on Circle Drive are just the recommended way of entering and exiting Feel free to exit at any grassy point you wish.

6. The 8:00 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 to 9:30 a.m. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:30 to 6:30 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, this is a dead giveaway that you are a tourist.

8. Idylwyld can only be pronounced by a native Saskatonian, so do not attempt the phonetic pronunciation. People will tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. (The way The Wizard remembers how to spell it: "I Do Your Laundry While You Lie Down.")

9. Bingo, Bugs and Baseball are here to stay. DEAL WITH IT.

10. Construction on Saskatoon streets in summer is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. Kind of like the weather.

11. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

12. Many bizarre sights can be explained simply by uttering the phrase, "Oh, we're in Sutherland".

13. We have a zoo. Well, it's not really a zoo. We just like to call it a zoo.

14. We also have a nude beach that we call "Bareass Beach". No one really knows where this is but everyone has heard of it so assume it is an urban myth and does not really exist (except in the minds of Saskatonians).

15. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it was probably left on at the factory where the car was made.

16. Buying a Saskatoon street map is a waste of money since the termination or continuation of any street is entirely at the discretion of the Works Department of the City. Our Works Department also has a fondness for changing street names at mid-way points (typical instruction that a northbound tourist may receive: "just head outta town on that road that used to be Warman Road")

17. Asking directions will help you get acquainted with the residents. It will not be any help at all for finding the address you seek.

18. Never honk your horn at another car in traffic. The bumper sticker that reads, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." is considered a fair warning.

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