ON DEFENSES AGAINST SONG PLAGIARISM, ELOQUENT
Theirs goes, “Ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.” Ours goes, “Ding ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.”
--rapper Vanilla Ice
ON FRUGALITY,
PROFLIGATE
I always lived very frugally. I flew around on a private jet. I had a boat. But I always lived very frugally.
--billionaire financier and alleged Ponzi scheme operator Allen Stanford
ON FORECASTING,
NOT SO PRECISE
--CNN newscaster, broadcasting from inside Hurricane Frances
ON TOURISTS, KNOWLEDGEABLE
Tourist at the Tower of London: What is this wall here?
Yeoman warder: It was part of the Great Hall of Henry III.
Tourist: What happened to him?
Yeoman warder: He died.
Tourist: Gee, I’m sorry. I heard about Princess Diana but I didn’t know the king had also died.
--actual conversation at the Tower of London
ON RESTAURANT NAMES, REALLY CRAPPY
• Crapitto’s—Houston, Texas
• ButtyBoys—London, England
• The Chocolate Log—India
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