I'll take "Quotable Quotes" for $500, Alex

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
~Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness ... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
~Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
~Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires........but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
~Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was'shut up'.
~Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Henry Asquith

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
~Bob Hope

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
~Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation ... As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.....everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~Phyllis Diller

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.
~Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
~Billy Crystal