PAWTUCKET, RI—Nerf, the popular toy manufacturer, announced Tuesday that it was introducing a new line of foam-based biological weapons capable of causing "massive outbreaks of fun."
According to company officials, the Nerf biological weapons represent the next logical step in foam warfare, offering kids all the enjoyment of deploying a disease-causing agent, while still being safe for indoor play.
"Kids of all ages will have a blast striking their favorite domestic target with these new highly contagious, neon-colored pathogens," Nerf CEO James Anderson told reporters. "Whether contaminating their city's water supply, or releasing an invisible cloud of airborne foam agents, our Nerf biological weapons will result in hours of enjoyment."
Developed over the past 15 years by top toy designers in exile from Russia, the microscopic Nerf neurotoxins are sold in two sizes: Bacterial Blast and Pandemic Pump. When released upon unsuspecting populations ages 6 and up, the cushy spores harmlessly infect a host by entering the nose, lungs, and eyes, before gently ricocheting off the internal organs.
Nerf has also introduced the new Rapid-Fire Mega-Poxx-86 Inoculator, a distribution device capable of delivering 35 vials of brightly colored toy biohazards with pump-action precision.
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*The Onion
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