A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."
The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist.
The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"
The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.
The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!" the scientist shouted, "you can't do this to me! What's the answer?"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.
Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
‘Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
Two drunks, Santa and Banta, enter a hotel late at night. They approach the clerk, and Santa says, "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"
"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.
"Whatever, whatever you shay."
So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room. After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest to the door.
"Ahh," says Santa, "Now we can get some sleep at last."
As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed. "Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says Banta.
"There's somebody in my bed too!" says Santa.
"Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep in the beds!" says Banta.
They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually Santa throws Banta on the floor.
“ALL RIGHT!!" Santa shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed."
"You're lucky," says Banta, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to fight any more."
"Well, never mind," says Santa, "Why don't you just come and share my bed. Let's get some sleep round here."
Every few days Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama accuse and criticize what the other has said or meant. They are beginning to sound like they are married to each other.
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