TOP 100 Worst Named Country Songs

All I Want From You (Is Away)

All My Exes Live In Texas

All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down

Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?

Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus?
According to Sylvester, the song contains the truly touching lyrics:
"Does your head pound Jesus as hung over you do rise....how does paradise look Jesus, through holy bloodshot eyes...
Should we take a cab home Jesus...aw man we can hoof it from here...
I know you can walk on the water but can you walk on this much beer?"

Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord?

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
Apparently this is from a Weird Al Yankovic song, "One More Minute." But it sounds like a country title, so I'll keep it!

Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

Bubba Shot The Jukebox

Bubba's Inconvenience Store

Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You're Going Against the Grain

Cow Cow Blues Not a country song at all, as it turns out, but I've left it on the list because of the title's similarity to...

Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
This one's been performed by everyone from The Judds to Mel Torme, according to ASCAP. Also not to be confused with...

Cow Cow Strut
by Barbara Chamberlin (SOCAN)

Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter

Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
by Tanya Tucker (BMI)

Don't Chop Any Wood Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load!

Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' on Yo-mind
by Loretta Lynn (BMI)

Don't Give Me A Plastic Saddle 'Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride

Don't Squeeze My Sharmon. (Yes, that IS the correct spelling)
Written by Carl Belew & Van Givens (BMI)

Don't Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
Written by Pat Alger & Hal Ketchum (BMI)

Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life.)
Written by Paul Charles Craft

Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Written by Rex Pearce (BMI)

Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
by Bull Moose Jackson

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
Written by Richard Friedman (BMI)

Git Up Off'n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year's Eve)
by Red Ingle and the Natural Seven, Written by Foster Carling & Joe Washburne (ASCAP)

Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
by the Austin Lounge Lizards (ASCAP)

Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
Written by Liz Anderson (BMI)

Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance (not sure it's a real song)

Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
Believe it or not, three songs with this title in the BMI database.

Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
by Travis Tritt - "It's All About to Change" (several folks submitted this one)

High Cost of Low Living
by John Steele & James Sloane (ASCAP)

Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again

How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me?
How Can I Get Over You Till You Get Out from Under Him?

How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
Written by Leonard Linnehan & Louis Philip Perry (ASCAP)
But there are a half-dozen songs with this title in the BMI database!

How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
According to Murphy, this song was written for the film Royal Wedding starring Fred Astaire, and was a novelty dance number.

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
by Mel Tillis (BMI)

How Did You Get so Ugly Overnight?

I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
2 songs with this title in the BMI database

I Can't Pass the Bar, and There's One on my Way Home

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes 'Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus Sittin' on the Dashboard of my Car
a.k.a. "Plastic Jesus" by Ernie Marrs

I Don't Do Floors
by Don Cook & Charles Victor Rains (ASCAP)

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
by Thom Sharpe

I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me

I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me

I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
Written by Jack Clement (BMI)

I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade

I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger

I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
According to ASCAP, the acutal title is simply, "Tears In My Ears"

I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I'm Waitin In Your Welfare Line

I Got Through Everything But The Door

I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
by Vern Gosdin (ASCAP)

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
Written by Byron Gallimore, Don Pfrimmer & William Shore (BMI)

I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up

I Only Miss You On The Days That End In " Y "

I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)

I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
There are 4 songs called "Artificial Flowers" in the BMI database

I Still Miss You Baby... But My Aim is Getting Better

I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart

I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.

I Wanna Whip Your Cow

I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
According to Sean, this may be "I Looked Back" by Jimmy Eaton & Larry Wagner, recorded by Perry Como. If that's the case, I think we can safely move it out of the "country" category! On the other hand, it was a duet performed by Buck Owens and Susan Raye in the 1960s, called "Looking Back to See,"which would move it right back into the "country" category.

I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
by Rev.Billy C. Wirtz

I Wish I Were A Lesbian
by Loudon Wainwright III (ASCAP)

I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)

I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing

I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You

If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
by Freddie Hart (BMI)

If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
Two songs with this title in the BMI database

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I'd Killed You When I Wanted To, I'd be Out of Jail By Now
by Reuben Darnell

If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You
by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks

If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen

If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me
Five songs in the BMI database caleed "If I Were In Your Shoes"

If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low

If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You

If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I'd Blow It Al On You (Title from BMI database)

If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I'd Sneeze Them All Atchoo! (Another version of the title)

If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train

If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He'd Have a Ball in Mine
by Joe Diffie (ASCAP)

If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
2 songs with this title listed in the ASCAP database.

If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
by Jimmy Buffett, also recorded by Crystal Gayle (ASCAP)

If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw It Back In
3 songs titled "If Today Was a Fish" in the BMI database.

If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me
Written by Tim Bussey & Mark Maxwell (BMI)

If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
by Neal McCoy (BMI)

If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl.
by Tommy Collins (BMI)

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?
Written by Benjamin Costello, Alexis Feltham & Jason Whalley (BMI)

If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will

If You Ever Get the Feelin' I Don't Love You, Feel Again.

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Three songs in the BMI database with this title.

If You Leave Me I'm Gone
by Hunter Davis (ASCAP)

If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave

If You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time
by Hank Williams (courtesy of Bill)

If You’re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me!

If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right
by Vern Gosdin & Max Barnes (BMI)

If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart

If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
Written by Cliffie Stone & Merle Travis. Also recorded by Boxcar Willie and Glen Campbell.