Florida physics professor Costas Efthimiou has devised a simple mathematical proof stating that vampires cannot exist. So the Wizard hit the streets again, asking, "What do you think?"
Michael Poole,
Bog Limnologist
“So I've been sleeping all day in a coffin, hanging upside down in a cave lair, and drinking human blood for nothing?”
Bobbi Delaney,
Fabricator
“I wish I had tenure. If I spent all my time in the warehouse thinking up crap like that, I'd get canned in a heartbeat.”
Gavin Jacobson, Machinist “This news will likely hit The Count the hardest. Destroyed by the very numbers he loves.”
*The Onion
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