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Tuesday, April 24, 2018

humandescent - animal morphs

An artist who moprphs animals together to create new and improved animals! Click on one of the images below to see more of his work!
 Click here to see more art
Pencat
Pencat

The Extreme Minuet: World's Fastest Orchestra

What is a fact about Canada that most people don't know?

Canadaian Apology
(Not true)
by Steven Haddock, 3rd generation (or so) Canadian & lifelong resident; political science major

That it was incredibly lucky that British Columbia is part of Canada today.

It's 1857. The Hudson's Bay Company controls the land east of the Rocky Mountains. There is a British colony on Vancouver Island. However, what's now British Columbia wasn't under the control of anyone. Sure, there was a border agreement between Britain and the United States where the British gave up their claims on Washington and Oregon, but the status of the land north of the 49th parallel is still in question. The very real problem is that the area is largely unexplored and, apart from the First Nations, largely uninhabited by Brits or Americans. Both sides have fir trading posts on the Pacific coast, and the HBC administers them, but unlike the other side of the Rockies, the HBC has no land rights over the British Pacific.

Then, the apocalypse that changed everything - the 1857 Fraser River Gold Rush.

Tens of thousands of Europeans flooded into the interior, clashing with the First Nations as they went. Most of them were Americans. Although there was technically a "border" and technically you weren't allowed to cross it except by stopping in Victoria first, this was largely ignored.

Read more at Quora

Gross out picture of the day

YOU LOST AT LIMP BISCUIT!!!!!

Monday, April 23, 2018

Jenny Craig for men


A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program..

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up..

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.. She is wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone... 'This is our most rigorous program.'

'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'

He lost 63 pounds that week.

Signs

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************


On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
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In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
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At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
*************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry;
come on in and get fed up."
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully We'll wait."
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At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
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And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**************************

And the best one for last............
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

Infomercial HELL


Click here to go to Infomercial Hell

Giggles, Guffaws and Groaners


In a Hurry

A husband and wife entered the dentist's room. He said, "I want a tooth pulled. We are in a hurry - so no Novocain or gas. Just pull the tooth out."

You are a brave man,” said the dentist. "Now show me the tooth"
"Open your mouth,” said the man to his wife "and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
HYUK!

Playroom Drama
Hearing a scream from the playroom, the mother rushed in and found her infant daughter pulling the hair of her four-year-old bother.

After separating them, the mother said to her son, “Don’t be upset with your sister, honey. She didn’t know she was hurting you.”

No sooner had the mother returned to he chores than she heard more screaming. This time she rushed in and found the baby crying. “Now what happened?” she asked.

“Nothing,” said the boy, “except that now she knows.”

HYUK!


Drink Til She's Hot
A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. He gulps it down and peeks into his shirt pocket. He orders another shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into his short pocket. He orders a third shot and does the same thing. After the sixth shot, he asks the bartender for the bill, pays and starts to walk out.

Curiosity gets the better of the bartender and he says to the guy, "Excuse me, but I noticed that every time you drank a shot, you kept looking into your pocket. I was wondering what's in your pocket."

The guy slurs, "Well, I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I keep drinking until she starts to look good."
HYUK!

Customer Needs
A customer at a counter of a garden ornament shop said to the cashier, “Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of those sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers.”

The cashier replied “that’ll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten for the flamingos, six for the sunflowers, and an apology for my wife!”
HYUK!

A Worn Out Lamp
Once there was this young who discovered a treasure trove.

Amongst the old and valuable things he noticed a worn out lamp.

He rubbed the lamp and out came the genie.

"Yes master, express your wish", the genie howled.

The man said, "Genie get me a grand villa where I can live happily ever after with my girlfriend".

The genie looked at the man and said, "Well, if I could make a villa like that, then why the hell do you suppose I live in this stuffy worn out lamp?"

HYUK!

Hunters Safety
Two avid hunters take a hunter's safety class in which they learn that the universal signal for an emergency is three shots in the air.

Sure enough, on their next hunting trip the two men get lost.

One says to the other, "What shall we do?"

The other says, I know fire three shots in the air and someone may come to find us.

He fires off three shots, and they wait two hours. No sign of help.

What shall we do? Fire off three more shots. So he does. Three hours later there is no response and it is getting dark. The one says "Shall we try again?"

The other says, "I guess not... I only have two arrows left...
HYUK!

The Pearly Gates
There is a knock on the pearly gates.

Saint Peter looks out, and a man is standing there.

Saint Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears.

A moment later there’s another knock.

Saint Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears once again.

“Hey, are you playing games with me?” Saint Peter calls after him, rather annoyed.

“No” the man’s distant voice replies anxiously. “They are trying to resuscitate me.”
HYUK!

Wooo Wooo
A tourist and his trail guide were walking along a path when all of a sudden the guide runs up the hillside to a cave, yells "Wooo wooo," listens for a moment, and goes charging into the cave, stripping off his clothes on the run.

He returns in about 15 minutes.

The same scenario occurs again, after which the tourist asks about this strange behavior.

The guide explains that if one of the young ladies of his town is in an amorous mood, she goes into a dark cave.

If she hears "Wooo wooo," she responds "Wooo wooo" to signal that she is ready and willing.

No one knows who is who and everyone is happy.

The tourist is amazed and asks if he might partake in this local custom at the next cave.

The guide doesn’t see any problem with this.

At the next cave the tourist runs to the entrance and calls out "Wooo wooo."

To his delight, he hears a sonorous and enticing "Wooo wooo" sung back to him from the recesses of the cave.

He takes off his clothes, rushes headlong into the cave, and gets run over by a train.
HYUK!

Accounting Position
A company is interviewing applicants for an accountancy position, and the three finalists have been chosen.

The first one is called in, and asked, "What is two plus two?"

She answers, "Four," and is asked to leave.

The second finalist is called in, and asked the same question, "What is two plus two?"

He also answers, "Four," and is also asked to leave.

The third and final applicant is called in, and yet again asked, "What is two plus two?"

He answers, "What do you want it to be?"
HYUK!

Hike In The Woods
Mike, Jack, and Gary go for a hike in the woods.

They are out about an hour enjoying the sights when they come around a sharp bend in the trail and spot a bear just in front of them feeding off some vegetation next to the trail.

The bear lets out a menacing growl when it notices the hikers.

Mike says "jump up and down, make some noise to scare it away".

Jack says “that won't work, we need to play dead".

They both ask Gary “what do we do?"

There is no reply. Turning around they see Gary far down the trail behind them.
HYUK!

Dinner Time!
It was dinner time on a British Airways flight from London to New York.

As the flight attendant moved down the plane, she asked one of the passengers: “Would you like dinner?”

“What are my choices?” asked the passenger.

“Yes or No,” replied the attendant.
HYUK!

Deer Hunting
A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day.

That night, one hunter retuned alone, staggering under an eight-point buck.

“Where is Mike?” asked another hunter.

“He fainted a couple of miles up the trail,” Mike’s partner answered.

“You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?”

“A tough call,” said the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Mike.”
HYUK!

Pop The Question
Frank was madly in love with Susan, but couldn’t get up enough courage to pop the question face to face.

Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone.

“Darling! He blurted out, “Will you marry me?”

“Of course, I will, you silly boy,” she replied, “Who’s speaking?”
HYUK!

A Clever Riddle..
A man left home one morning.

He turned right and ran straight ahead.

Then he turned left.

After awhile, he turned left again, running faster than ever.

Then he turned left once more and decided to go home.

In the distance he could see two masked men waiting for him.

Who were they?

The umpire and the catcher, it was a baseball game!
clapping

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Loving wife

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds couple in bed. He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up & goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: ‘Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain…do what ever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!’

His wife responds: ‘He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too.’

Do you find him punny?

10 Ways To Love

10 Ways To Love

The Love Doctor

The Love Doctor On my website travels I have come across a great example of the stages of a relationship. Read on and enjoy.

Why do some relationships break up and others last a lifetime?
One reason is that relationships go through 5 predictable relationship stages, each building on the last.


By understanding the 5 stages of a relationship, you can be better prepared to navigate through each stage successfully and not get “stuck” in any of them.


Here are the 5 stages of a relationship (as identified by Dr. Susan Campbell during a study of hundreds of couples):


1. The Romance Stage
2. The Power Struggle Stage
3. The Stability Stage
4. The Commitment Stage
5. The Co-Creation or Bliss Stage


I’d spend more time on the first two stages, because those are the relationship stages that most couples never get past.


Click here to read all about each stage.

The Love Doctor

--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

Saturday, April 21, 2018

The Chameleon

The Chameleon fail
Get it? LOL!

IF's, WHY's, TRUTH's and PHILOSOPHY

1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, "IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE."

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD "LISP" TO HAVE "S" IN IT?

29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

32. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

Names, Names, Names

Interesting look at names, yours and mine and thousands of others, presented in a unique way.

Totally cool! (and amazingly accurate!)

Click here.

Two ears... One Mouth...

Friday, April 20, 2018

DJ Avicii Dead at 28

from TMZ.com

Avicii -- one of the most famous DJs in the world -- has died.
click here to display the photos at TMZ.com
Click above to launch the photo gallery
His rep says Avicii died in the Middle Eastern country of Oman. Details surrounding his death are still unclear.

Avicii's real name is Tim Bergling. He was born in Sweden.

His reps issued a statement, "It is with profound sorrow that we announce the loss of Tim Bergling, also known as Avicii. He was found dead in Muscat, Oman this Friday afternoon local time, April 20th. The family is devastated and we ask everyone to please respect their need for privacy in this difficult time. No further statements will be given."

Avicii had struggled with addiction in the past. He was hospitalized twice for alcohol related issues ... though it's unclear at this point if that had anything to do with his death.

He dropped some of the biggest EDM songs in the world including, "Levels," "Hey Brother" and his massive hit "Wake Me Up" with Aloe Blacc.
He was nominated for 2 Grammys for Best Dance Recording in 2011 and 2012, for "Levels" and "Sunshine" -- and he was just nominated for a Billboard Music Award for Top Dance/Electronic Album.

Avicii retired from live performances in 2016, but before that he was easily one of the highest paid DJs in the world ... earning $28 million in 2014, according to Forbes.

His last Instagram post was just over 2 weeks ago when he was in California. He had a home in the Hollywood Hills.

When he quit touring, Avicii said, "One part of me can never say never, I could be back ... but I won't be right back."

Avicii was 28. RIP.

When I Grow up

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment.

When I grow up... I want to be like Mommy
The teacher graded it and the child brought it home.

She returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.

This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Harrington

Saskatchewan Philharmonic

Say It With Slash-Dots


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........('(...´(..´......,~/'...')
.........\.................\/..../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
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..............\.............\Say it with slash-dots!

GEORGIA DOGHOUSE


Georgia Dog House

Animals with super powers

Animals are cool. They can do tricks for our amusement, eat a sugar cube out of our hand and then provide delicious nourishment when we tire with their shenanigans. It’s true some of them are a bit creepy (we’re not too crazy about snakes), but all things considered, humans are way up the evolutionary chain, proudly displaying our opposable thumbs and fat brains.
 Click here


Click above and be afraid. Be VERY afraid!