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Friday, August 17, 2018

Special pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

Pictures of life

7 Reasons Science Says You Should Have Sex Daily

7 Reasons Science Says You Should Have Sex Daily
I personally know exactly why I should be having sex every day: it makes my beard grow, improves my bear fighting abilities, and makes me at least 2 inches taller. But that’s me, and you might not have a beard, want to fight bears, and are comfortable with being short. So, I turned to my good buddy, science, for the top 7 reasons you should be having sex as near to constantly as you can…

1. Sex Keeps You Fit
A study released in the scientific journal PLOS one found that, in young people, sex burns an average of 4.2 calories a minute for men and 3.1 calories a minute for women. It is estimated that if you have moderately active sex twice a week, you’ll burn an extra 5,000 calories a year! ­That’s an exercise program I can get behind (pun intended).

2. Sex Keeps You Young
Having high levels of the natural steroid DHEA, known as “the anti-aging hormone”, is believed to be key to keeping your body fitter for longer. During sex, DHEA is ­secreted throughout the body, and after an orgasm, the level in the bloodstream soars to five times its normal amount. Also, the hormone estrogen is pumped out (pun intended) during sex, which can in turn have a plumping effect on the skin, helping to smooth out those fine lines – especially following menopause, when a woman’s ­estrogen levels naturally drop.

3. Sex Makes You Healthier
A study done in Scotland showed that people who had more sex, specifically women, had lower blood pressure than women who abstained from sex. Researchers at Brigham Young university found the exact same results. On top of that (pun intended), a study in Australia also found people who climaxed at least three times a week had a 50% lower chance of dying for any medical reason than those who only climaxed once a month.

4. Sex is Good for Your Skin
Since sex is technically an aerobic form of exercise, researchers at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital have determined that sex is great for your skin. Their research found that vigorous sex pumps (pun intended) higher levels of oxygen around the body, increasing the flow of blood and nutrients to the skin, and pushes newer, fresher skin cells to the surface, making skin look healthier. just ask Dr. Marko Lens, who said “This is my clinical experience, but women who are having regular sex have much better skin than women who don’t. A good sex life means better skin.”

5. Sex Can Make Your Day
If you are like me, the first 20 minutes of your morning can often determine how the rest of the day is going to go. Dr Debby Herbenick found that adults who had sex first thing in the morning were not only more upbeat for the rest of the day, but they also benefited from a stronger ­immune system than those people who simply opted for a cup of coffee and some toast. Morning sex can help you start your day off with a bang (pun totally intended).

6. Sex Gets Rid of Menstrual Cramps
Nope, I’m not making this one up as an excuse for men to use when women have cramps, science proved this one too. The theory is that muscle contractions that occur when women reach peak levels of excitement relieve tension in the muscles of your uterus – the very ones that cause menstrual cramps in the first place. Relieving that tension in those muscles therefore eases the pain of menstrual cramps. According to Dr. Jennie Campbell Leslie, sex is good for all sorts of period related issues.

7. Sex Gets Rid of Pain
Again, I’m not making this one up. According to Dr. Barry R. Komisaruk from Rutgers University “Orgasms can block pain. We’ve found that vaginal stimulation can block chronic back and leg pain, and many women have told us that genital self-stimulation can reduce menstrual cramps, arthritic pain, and in some cases even headache”.

So don’t just take my word for it, take science’s word for it: You Should Be Having More Sex. Like right now…

Justin Gammill
Writer at iheartintelligence.com

As a full-time Texan and a part-time mountain man, Justin believes that a man does not grow a beard, but that a beard grows a man...whatever that means.
The Next Thirty Years.com
Our Simple Earth.com

"What Will Matter, by Michael Josephson (charactercounts.org)

Thunderstruck! OK, that makes no sense. But I love the song. AC/DC Totally Rules!

Time lapse lightning striking a tree
Time lapse lightning striking a tree

Lightning strike Eiffel Tower
Lightning strike Eiffel Tower

Shortest Prostate Exam ever (for some)

During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, “Where should I put my pants ?"

“Over there by mine.” was not the answer I was expecting.
Peter Griffin prosate exam

muhahahaha!

Cool inventions

candle holder makes new candle as it burns
Candle Holder makes new candle as it burns

Folding toilet
Folding toilet

table grows 2x just by turning it
Table grow 2x in size just by turning it
night light doesn't use plug
Night light outlet doesn't take a plug!

Thursday, August 16, 2018

You don't say!

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free.
A beautiful woman will enrich your life soon.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
A bureaucrat is a politician with tenure.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A company is known by the men it keeps.
A dead man cannot bite.
A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
A fool and his honey are soon parted.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
A gift of flour will soon be made to you.
A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.
A girl's best friend is her mutter.
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A good reputation is more valuable than money.
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence.
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
A king's castle is his home.
A large dog will have a surprising effect on your life.
A lie in time saves nine.
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man with 3 buttocks.
A man with one watch knows what time it is--with two watches he is never sure.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.

Business Parables

The Parable
Parable Number 1:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.



Parable Number 2:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Parable Number 3:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While the bird was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon, began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Parable Number 4:
The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along, some people remarked "it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.! " The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey! Now they passed some people that shamed them saying "how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey." The boy and man said they were probably right so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

Management Lesson:
If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.

New Math Cat

Common Core Math

ARETHA FRANKLIN, 'QUEEN OF SOUL,' DEAD AT 76



Aretha Franklin, the multiple Grammy award-winning singer whose career spanned seven decades, has died aged 76.

The Queen of Soul - best known for hits such as Respect, Think and I Say a Little Prayer - passed away in Detroit on Thursday after battling ill health for several years.

The cause of her death was advanced pancreatic cancer, her publicist Gwendolyn Quinn said. Funeral arrangements will be announced in the coming days.

Franklin's family said in a statement they had lost their "matriarch and rock", adding: "We have been deeply touched by the incredible outpouring of love and support we have received from close friends, supporters and fans all around the world. Thank you for your compassion and prayers." More at"

http://deathbeeper.com/4428662.html

Dirt track car loses tire

SIPPING VODKA

A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip..."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12..

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10....

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,"Take this and eat it for this is my body.." He did not say,"Eat me."

11) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yay God!

Woman's self-written obit receives thousands of likes on Facebook

Emily Phillips: 'I was born; I blinked; and it was over.'

Emily DeBrayda PHILLIPS

Emily DeBrayda PHILLIPS
PHILLIPS It pains me to admit it, but apparently, I have passed away. Everyone told me it would happen one day but that's simply not something I wanted to hear, much less experience. Once again I didn't get things my way! That's been the story of my life all my life.

And while on that subject (the story of my life)…on February 9, 1946 my parents and older sister celebrated my birth and I was introduced to all as Emily DeBrayda Fisher, the daughter of Clyde and Mary Fisher from Hazelwood. I can't believe that happened in the first half of the last century but there are records on file in the Court House which can corroborate this claim. Just two years later when another baby girl was born, I became known as the middle sister of the infamous three Fisher Girls, and the world was changed forever.

As a child I walked to the old Hazelwood Elementary School where teachers like Mrs. McCracken, Mrs. Davis and Mrs. Moody planted the seed that eventually led me to becoming a teacher. I proudly started my teaching career at that same elementary school in January 1968, and from there I went on to teach young children in the neighboring states of Virginia, Georgia, as well as Florida where I retired after 25 years.

So many things in my life seemed of little significance at the time they happened but then took on a greater importance as I got older. The memories I'm taking with me now are so precious and have more value than all the gold and silver in my jewelry box.

Memories…where do I begin? Well, I remember Mother wearing an apron; I remember Daddy calling Square Dances; I remember my older sister pushing me off my tricycle (on the cinder driveway); I remember my younger sister sleep walking out of the house; I remember grandmother Nonnie who sewed exquisite dresses for me when I was little; I remember grandmother Mamateate wringing a chicken's neck so we could have Sunday dinner. I remember being the bride in our Tom Thumb Wedding in first grade and performing skits for the 4-H Club later in grade five. I remember cutting small rosebuds still wet with dew to wear to school on spring mornings, and I remember the smell of newly mowed grass. I remember the thrill of leading our high school band down King Street in New Orleans for Mardi Gras (I was head majorette). I remember representing Waynesville in the Miss North Carolina Pageant, and yes, I twirled my baton to the tune of ""Dixie"". It could have been no other way.

I married the man of my dreams (tall, dark, and handsome) on December 16, 1967 and from that day on I was proud to be Mrs. Charlie Phillips, Grand Diva Of All Things Domestic. Our plan was to have two children, a girl and a boy. Inexplicably we were successful in doing exactly that when we were blessed with our daughter Bonnie and then later our son Scott. Seeing these two grow into who they were supposed to be brought a wonderful sense of meaning to our lives.

This might be a good time to mend fences.

I apologize for making sweet Bonnie wear No Frills jeans when she was little and for ""red-shirting"" Scott in kindergarten. Apparently each of these things was humiliating to them but both were able to rise above their shame and become very successful adults. I'd also like to apologize to Mary Ann for tearing up her paper dolls and to Betsy for dating a guy she had a crush on.

Just when I thought I was too old to fall in love again, I became a grandmother, and my five grand-angels stole not only my heart, but also spent most of my money.

Sydney Elizabeth, Jacob McKay, and Emma Grace (all Uprights) have enriched my life more than words can say. Sydney's ""one more, no more"" when she asked for a cookie; Jake saying he was ""sick as a cat"" when I'd said that someone else was sick as a dog; and Emma cutting her beautiful long hair and then proceeding to shave off one of her eyebrows…Yes, these are a few of my favorite things. They're treasures that are irreplaceable and will go with me wherever my journey takes me.

I've always maintained that my greatest treasures call me Nana. That's not exactly true. You see, the youngest of my grand-angels, William Fisher Phillips and Charlie Jackson Phillips call me ""Nana Banana"". (Thank you Chris and Scott for having such spunky children.) These two are also apt to insist that I ""get their hiney"" whenever I visit, and since I'm quite skilled in that area , I've always been able to oblige. (I actually hold the World's Record for ""Hiney Getting,"" a title that I wear with pride.)

Speaking of titles…I've held a few in my day. I've been a devoted daughter, an energetic teenager, a WCU graduate (summa cum laude), a loving wife, a comforting mother, a dedicated teacher, a true and loyal friend, and a spoiling grandmother. And if you don't believe it, just ask me. Oh wait, I'm afraid it's too late for questions. Sorry.

So…I was born; I blinked; and it was over. No buildings named after me; no monuments erected in my honor.

But I DID have the chance to know and love each and every friend as well as all my family members. How much more blessed can a person be?

So in the end, remember…do your best, follow your arrow, and make something amazing out of your life. Oh, and never stop smiling.

If you want to, you can look for me in the evening sunset or with the earliest spring daffodils or amongst the flitting and fluttering butterflies. You know I'll be there in one form or another. Of course that will probably comfort some while antagonizing others, but you know me…it's what I do.

I'll leave you with this…please don't cry because I'm gone; instead be happy that I was here. (Or maybe you can cry a little bit. After all, I have passed away).

Today I am happy and I am dancing. Probably naked.

Love you forever.
Emily

Published in the Florida Times-Union on Mar. 31, 2015

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

My absolutely favourite commercial!

Snickers "The Brady Bunch"

Watch.....

The Wizard of OZ
Watch your thoughts; they lead to attitudes.

Watch your attitudes; they lead to words.

Watch your words; they lead to actions.

Watch your actions; they lead to habits.

Watch your habits; they form your character.

Watch your character; it determines your destiny.


--anon

Jeffery Straker - Singer, Composer, Pianist, and Entertainer

Jeffery Straker's Latest Album, North Star Falling, is without a doubt, another home run for him. I have been following Jeffery for about seven years now. I'm not sure what it is about his music that I like, at least not able to narrow reasons down to just one. I think, and I am positively in awe about the quality and quantity of music Jeff has. An awesome singer, with his very own unique style. Jeff is a composer (He writes 99.99% of his songs), He is a fantastic pianist, and has played with The Saskatoon Symphony on 2 occasions, that I remember. His music is that good. He plays the piano with finesse, which I believe is comparable with Elton John, whom I also really like.
Singer, composer, and pianist, Jeffery Straker
Singer, composer, and pianist, Jeffery Straker
I've mentioned on facebook several times that when I drive to Winnipeg, from Saskatoon, "Hey, just chillin' with Jeffery Straker", or Heading to Winnipeg, with Jeff.." referring to the mp3 player plugged in with all of Jeffery's music set to shuffle, repeat and repeat again. I've posted also on 'OZ' as well as facebook, that If all the music in the world disappeared except for Jeff's songs, I would be just fine with that. (No, by the way, I am not a "Straker Stalker"! Maybe just a bit of a groupie...)

This song, "Like It's The Last One" is from his latest album, North Star Falling

He has 7 albums and a single, all produced since 2003. One of them "Live" with CBC radio. Each album is a different kind of music, but all pulled together by Jeffery's vocals.  You can click here to go to Jeff's website, where you can read more about him, listen to some songs and purchase a cd or two,(or three!).

My partner and I attend every concert here in Saskatoon, and wish we could attend more. Jeffery Straker plays live with or without a full band. He has of late been touring with Brodie Mohninger, whom he refers to as "trusty guitar man side-kick". Brodie, himself has a unique style of playing that fits perfectly into every performance. Recently Brodie toured with Jeff in Peru, South America.

Jeffery Straker recently won the ViƱa del Mar International Song Festival in Chile on February 27, 2014.

From Saskatchewan Arts Board:
Held annually during February since 1960, the festival is considered by some to be the most important musical event in the Americas. It features a song competition in two categories: International and Folk. Straker won the International category with his song, "Hypnotized." He is the second Canadian to win in the history of the competition.

He has received a number of Saskatchewan Arts Board grants to support his songwriting and touring and served as the host of the 2013 Lieutenant Governor's Arts Awards.

Straker performs more than 100 shows of his piano-folk-pop music each year across Canada. He’s recorded for CBC radio’s Canada Live, had a music video in the top 10 on Much More Music, and in 2012 performed across Ghana Africa. His tour stops include a sold-out performance with the Regina Symphony Orchestra with the Regina Leader-Post writing, “simply spectacular…one of the province’s best cultural exports.”
So what else can I say? I strongly urge you to check out some of Jeff's music with the link at the bottom of this post. You will not be disappointed, and tell him "The Wizard" sent you!
Click here to go to Jeff's website and loisten to some tunes of his.
Click here to go to Jeff's website and listen to some tunes of his.
Click here to goto Jeffery Straker's Website
Click here to goto Jeffery Straker's facebook page
Click here to goto Jeffery Straker's YouTube channel

THE WORLD NEEDS MEN ...


…who cannot be bought;

…whose word is their bond;

…who put character above wealth;

…who possess opinions and a will;

…who are larger than their vocations;

…who do not hesitate to take chances;

…who will not lose their individuality in a crowd;

…who will be as honest in small things as in great things;

…who will make no compromise with wrong;

…who will not say they do it “because everybody else does it”;

…who are true to their friends in adversity as well as in prosperity;

…who do not believe that shrewdness, cunning and hardheadedness are the best qualities for winning success;

…who are not afraid or ashamed to stand for the truth when it is unpopular;

…who can say “no” with emphasis even if all the rest of the world says “yes”;

…whose ambitions are not confined to their own selfish desires.

Our country is in great need of such men as we lurch from one crisis to the next. The times call for men who are motivated by the highest and the most noble ideals.

Men who are eager to give a whole lot more than they receive. Great men who are quiet in their greatness and whose mission is to serve, not to be served.

Men of faith who are not gods unto themselves. Men who are humble in the greatness.

Men whose lives reflect the words they speak. Men who do not fear the wrath of God because of the righteous life they live. Men who are set in their determination to do what is right even if it costs them dearly.

And, finally, men who are comfortable with themselves and their manhood.

12-Step Internet Recovery Program


1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.

2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3. I will get dressed before noon.

4. I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.

5. I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.

6. I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.

7. I will read a book...if I still remember how.

8. I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.

9. I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10. I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11. I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.

12 Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime ...

and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!

Batman's Greatest Boner

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Medieval helpdesk with English subtitles

I choose...

I CHOOSE:
to make a difference when others won't
to live by choice not chance
to make changes not excuses
to be motivated not manipulated
to be useful not used
to excel not compete
I choose self-esteem not self-pity
I choose to listen to the inner voice, not the random opinion of others


I choose to be happy!