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A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. So he asks the man his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me."
"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS."
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred."
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they needed to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving to purchase a bull, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word is big, so she'll read it very slowly, com-for-da-bul."
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." --Woody Allen "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." --Lynn Lavner "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." --Camille Paglia "Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." --George Burns "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." --Sharon Stone "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." --Tiger Woods "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." --Jack Nicholson " Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." --Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour) "Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." --Robin Williams "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy Crystal "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." --Robert De Niro "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" --Dustin Hoffman "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." --Jerry Seinfeld "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." --Robin Williams "It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." --Joan Rivers " Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." --Steve Martin " You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life." --Elmo Phillips " Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." --Oscar Wilde " It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." --George Burns
If only we could simply close our eyes and will gayness upon any person that suits our fancy... Better yet, we could make them gay and then force them to like no one but us. Well, this fantasy may not be too far off for those gay men that wonder if it's possible to turn a straight guy gay. I say there's an easier and more natural way to take charge of your gay love life than turning a straight guy gay... read more at gaylife.about.com
For how long do I have to aim a laser at the moon to see a dot?
By Robert Frost, engineer/instructor at NASA, Quora.com There are two possible questions here. The first is simply how long would it take for a laser to travel to the moon and back.
The moon is around 384,000 km away. The speed of light is 299,792,458 m/s. The journey is round trip, so:
However, if the question really is about seeing the dot - you won't. Ever. Beams of light diverge. Take a flashlight (torch) for example. Why is it that if you are 20 meters from a wall the light will illuminate it, but if you are 40 meters from that wall, the light won't illuminate it? What's happening here? Is something stopping the light from traveling that distance? No, the light is traveling unimpeded, 40 meters is nothing for a photon. But the beam of light gets larger and larger with distance. So, the extremely dense cross section of photons at the lens of the flashlight is very bright, but as the beam gets wider, those photons are distributed over greater area. The light density gets less and the beam gets dimmer.
Very expensive lasers are designed to minimize this beam spreading, called divergence - but they can't stop it. And we do reflect lasers off the moon. Well, more accurately, we reflect lasers off mirrors that the Apollo astronauts left on the moon.
Although the moon looks bright to us, that's just because the sun is radiating it with so much light. The moon is gray like charcoal. It only reflects about 7% of the visible light that hits it. So, even the best lasers combined with the best telescopes aren't going to be effective at reflecting visible light off of the surface. But those mirrors are highly reflective. Even so, very few of the photons from the lasers aimed at those mirrors actually make it back to the telescope. There is a project called APOLLO (Apache Point Observatory Lunar Laser-ranging Operation) that fires laser pulses at those mirrors and measures the returned signal to calculate extremely precisely the distance to the moon. They use a powerful laser and yet only 1.7 in 1E17 of the photons from their laser are sensed upon return. That's 1.7 in 100,000,000,000,000,000 photons. With their system, that means the returning signal consists of 5-10 photons. A giant 3.5 meter telescope can only detect 5-10 photons. Your eye isn't going to have such luck. Here's a picture of APOLLO shining its laser on the moon.
by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON, WhatWillMatter.com Here are three suggestions for the parents of young teens, all learned through my own mistakes: First, remember, with emerging demands for independence, worries about peer acceptance, pressures of school and extra-curricular activities and a continuous search for self-identity, adolescents are on a physical and emotional roller coaster. Like every generation before them (including yours), young teens are often arrogant and over-confident about their knowledge and your ignorance, and deeply insecure about most other things. They will make mistakes, behave badly and be thoroughly self-absorbed. Though they want you to be less involved in their lives, they actually need you more. And despite continuous battles, if you’re open, you will experience glorious moments both of you will cherish all your lives. Second, be firm but choose your battles carefully. Don’t back down when you are dealing with an important principle but don’t make every issue a hill you’re willing to die on. Be willing to lose occasionally and evean give in graciously. Third, don’t belittle or underestimate the importance of their feelings. It may seem like they are over-reacting, but teens feel emotions like embarrassment, loneliness, insecurity, frustration and love truly and intensely. It’s horribly disrespectful to minimize or discount these feelings with useless advice like, “you’ll get over it,” or “everyone feels that way.” Nor is it helpful to dismiss or invalidate an emotion by saying, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Teens can be hard to love, but be patient. Soon they will be the parents of your grandchildren. This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
No, Humphrey Bogart did not say "Play it again, Sam", Nor Clint Eastwood say "Do you feel lucky, punk?", anyone in Star Trek say "Beam me up, Scotty", Tarzan say "Me Tarzan, you Jane", Sherlock Holmes say "Elementary, my dear Watson", Julius Caesar say "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears" or Geoffrey Chaucer say: "Show me the colorectomy of your aunt Bob".
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Chat rooms monitored. Blogs deleted. Websites blocked. Search engines
restricted. People imprisoned for simply posting and sharing information. The Internet is a new frontier in the struggle for human rights.
Governments \96 with the help of some of the biggest IT companies in the world \96 are cracking down on freedom of expression.
Amnesty International, with the support of The Observer UK newspaper, is launching a campaign to show that online or offline
the human voice and human rights are impossible to repress. Click Above to find out more.
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'OZ' was inspired by 'Over The
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So, in a nutshell, here's what's going on: All Wiccans are witches, but not all witches are Wiccans. All Wiccans are Pagans, but not all Pagans are Wiccans.
Finally, some witches are Pagans, but some are not. Clear? Cool ;P
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