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Friday, April 19, 2019

Weird Sex Facts

Wizard's Note: Hey! I didn't write em (or measure them! =)

Actual amout of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200

Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000

Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons

sperm
Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons

Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour

Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour

These facts are brought to you by:

Eat A Dick Today!

Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7

Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150

Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches

Average length when erect: 5.1

Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch

Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches

Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)

Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet

sperm
Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall

Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start excercising, lose weight.

Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, and wheat germ

Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%

Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%

Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks

Average # of erections per day for a man: 11

Average # of erections during the night: 9

Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches

The human equalivent: 26 miles (a marathon distance)

Time it takes the sperm: 2.5 seconds

sperm
Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours

Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)

Shelf life of a hostess twinkie: 7 years

Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100

Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm

Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm

Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm

# of times condoms are thicker that plastic wrap: almost 6

In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet.

Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste.

Dairy products can create a foul taste.

The taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest.

ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE.

Examples: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown

Drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun.

Odors that increase blood flow to the penis:lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. (Happy Thanksgiving!)

Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower.

It is common for men to wake up with "morning wood," a name for an a.m. erection.

Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false.

Woof vs. Meow

Your dog's reaction when you get home.

Jumping dog

Your cat's reaction when you get home.


cat tail

How a dog reacts when you introduce a new friend


How a cat reacts when you introduce a new friend


How you know a dog is hungry.


How you know a cat is hungry


How a dog reacts to going for a walk



How a cat reacts to going for a walk


*Thanks, Gary

Personality Test

Personality Test - Click here

Click above

Good Friday

Good Friday - Jesus

CLASS PROJECT GONE WRONG

CLASS PROJECT GONE WRONG

Easter Bonnet Fantasy

Easter Bonnet Fantasy

Kids wearing Easter Bonnets

If I were to get a new Easter bonnet
There are just a few things I'd like to see upon it

One white bow and another of pink
A bunch of daisies, and I also think

It should have a rose, and a lovebird or two
Plus a wide floppy brim, to keep off the dew

An ostrich feather, and one from a peacock
To show that I'm hip and ready to rock

A pineapple will be the crowning touch
Though quibblers might say it's a bit too much

And they could have a point, for this hat's getting big
So maybe I'll settle for a new Easter wig.

Thursday, April 18, 2019

Got a clue? Check to see...

The average person only gets 7 right so use all lobes of your brain. This can be more difficult than it looks - it just shows how little most of us really see!

There are 25 questions about things we see every day or have known about all our lives. How many can you get right? These little simple questions are harder than you think. It just shows how little we pay attention to the commonplace things of life.


RULES: Put your thinking caps on. No cheating! No looking around! No getting out of your chair! No using anything on or in your desk or computer!

Can you beat 13? (The average is 7) Write down your answers and check answers (on the bottom) AFTER completing all the questions .

REMEMBER - NO CHEATING!!! It doesn't matter if you cheat, actually, because if you have to cheat, then you don't know the answer, so, you've already missed the question. BE HONEST!That means no looking at your phone or anything on your desk...

LET'S JUST SEE HOW OBSERVANT YOU REALLY ARE. - If not, just have fun!

Here we go!


1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?

2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people don't know.)

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?

6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg? (Don't you dare get up to see!)

7. How many matches are in a standard pack?

8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?

9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial? (Don't look at that dial)!

10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise? (Get out of the bathroom!)

11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

13. On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?

14. Which way do fans rotate?

15 How many sides does a stop sign have?

16. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?

17 How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

18. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

19. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey & Doc. Who's missing?

20. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

21. On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?

22. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

23. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?

24. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?

25. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?


I've got a raging clue right now


ANSWERS

1. Bottom

2. 50

3. Right

4. Blue, red, white, yellow, black &gold

5. 1, 0

6. Right

7. 20

8. Red

9. 87.7

10. Clockwise (north of the equator)

11. From lower right to upper left

12. 12 (there is no #1)

13. Left

14. Clockwise as you look at it from the front. (unless they have a reverse switch).

15. 8

16. Left

17. 5

18. 6

19. Bashful

20. 8

21. Ace of spades

22. Left

23. * and #

24. 3

25. Counter

Saskatchewan Quizzes!

Here are a fair number of Saskatchewan Quizzes. How well do you know the most easily drawn Province in Canada? Click on the picture to do the quiz.


Quiz 1


Quiz 2
Quiz 3
Quiz 4
Quiz 5
And THE MOST IMPORTANT QUIZ. The Saskatchewan Roughriders CFL Football Team:


Quiz 6

Speedo - The next generation...

Speedo - The next generation...
Click on the picture for the larger version you can use as wallpaper.

Test your knowledge of numbers




The Wizard of 'OZ'  knows that he have readers of superior intellect, so I feel obligated on occasion to offer items that perhaps only they can truly appreciate. So I herewith present this post on Archimedes' Laboratory, which offers some fun facts about numbers. Click here.

*Archimedes Laboratory

How To Sell A Toothbrush

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!" Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"Shit on a stick"

Churches in Las Vegas

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to process these offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.

Didn't see it comin' did ya?

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

One-Question IQ Test

Mute

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself? Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...

Arrow


Blind man

He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses"

If you got this wrong - please turn off your computer and call it a day.

I've got mine shutting down right now.

The Drunk, The Priest, and The Pope

A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of booze was sticking out of his coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked. "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

"OZ" Trivia - 2 parter

What was the name of Dorothy's dog?
What was the "real-life" name of this dog?

The Dog's names?

Click above for the answer

Stress Management

Just in case you're having a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended by one of the latest psychological texts. ...and it really works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world."

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. Even though your eyes are closed, you can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.

8. See, you're smiling already.

Evil Sesame Street

Evil Sesame Street

17 Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See...

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.

Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"

The proctologist called...they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have any film.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

If you can read this..I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up, Stop texting and drive!!

And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To See: 

Welcome to Canada...now speak English, or French, or Scottish, or Ukrainian, or Hebrew, or German, or Dutch, or.. well... You get the picture...

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Some Interesting Facts

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than "going blind!")

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world, that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the First time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for this stuff?)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue...(Hummm.... I won't touch THAT one!)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...? -- did the govt. pay for this research??)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez.)

Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that, too.)

And, the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts. (Do you think they have bad breath?)

T.F.T.D**

mosquito

"It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence."

**Thought For The Day

The single most proven way to get smarter and happier

It's not even complex...

By Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree, The Week


Say it with us: Exercise, exercise, exercise. (Sean Gallup/Getty Images)


Many of the fixes for our problems aren't complex — something that's clear in the things I recommend people do every day.

What's a scientifically validated way to get smarter, happier, healthier, and calmer? Stop reading this right now and go for a walk. It's that simple. Here's why.

1. Exercise powers the body — and the mind.

They used to say you don't grow new brain cells. They were wrong.

Click here to read the article.

*Thanks for the link, Gary