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Friday, December 14, 2018

Persecute Homosexuals? It's in The Bible, Right?

Persecute Homosexuals? It's in The Bible, Right?
Here are some other verses that you might want to act on... so that we can make this a Christian country again by following every word in the Bible exactly! No exceptions! No mercy!

Deuteronomy 22:13-21

If a bride is found not to be a virgin, the Bible demands that she be executed on the spot by stoning.

Deuteronomy 22:22

If a married person has sex with someone else’s husband or wife, the Bible commands that both adulterers be stoned to death.

Mark 10:1-12

Divorce is strictly forbidden by the Bible in both testaments as is remarriage by divorcees.

Leviticus 18:19

The Bible forbids a married couple from having sexual intercourse during a woman’s period. If they disobey, both man and wife shall be executed.

Mark 12:18-27

When a man died childless, his widow is ordered by Biblical law to have intercourse with each of his brothers in turn until she bears her deceased husband a male heir.

Deuteronomy 25:
11f


If a man gets into a fight with another man and his wife intervenes to rescue her husband by grabbing the enemy’s genitals, her hand shall be cut off and no pity shall be shown her.

On a related note:

The Roman Catholic Church is facing a new crisis: it is estimated that up to half of its clergy are homosexual, a development which is causing problems in seminaries and colleges where young men train to be priests. This film takes the lid off the "gay crisis" in the Catholic Church. The revelations are presented by journalist and former Dominican friar, Mark Dowd, himself gay. The gay crisis has been smouldering for years inside the Church and until now, has been a safely guarded secret. It is an embarrassing development for the Roman Catholic Church which teaches that homosexuality is "an orientation towards an intrinsic moral evil," and that the condition is "objectively disordered."

Mark Dowd manages to access a special gay clergy website and chatroom to "meet" many gay priests who were agonising over how to reconcile their sexuality with the official teaching of the Church. As well as this two former students of the English College in Rome (where present Catholic leader, Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor, was previously in charge), blow the cover on what life in seminary was often like with so many gay men in residence. "There were a lot of students there who I would identify as gay men," says Denis Caulfield who trained there from 1996 to 1999. "There were a smaller proportion of students who were going to clubs, going to parks, where it was known that other gay men met at night."

His fellow student and lover, Chris Higgins, who was ordained two years ago before subsequently leaving the priesthood says: "I realised pretty soon on joining the seminary that I was not the only gay man." He reveals that many of his fellow students had some peculiar definitions of celibacy which allowed them to be sexually active and keep their vows intact. They simply redefined celibacy as "not falling in love with another human being". This effectively gave the green light to one-night-stands.

Vatican leaders are now so worried by the revelations of the fact of so many gay men entering the priesthood that they have broken their traditional silence. Archbishop Tarcisio Bertone, the Secretary to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, has recently said that "men with a homosexual orientation should not be admitted to seminary life." However, given the estimates of gay men in priesthood, it is questionable whether the Church would be viable at all without the large numbers of homosexuals who are in the priesthood.

Notre Dame nun, Sister Jeannine Gramick, who has refused to obey a silencing edict from the Vatican on the issue of homosexuality, tells the programme: "Homosexuality is a timebomb ticking in the Church. And it's going to go off and I fear it may go off very soon."

Follow The Instructions

don't click above

For clients who want it all...

For clients who want it all...

Optical Illusions!


Click here.

PENIS CLOSES ROAD

A large fake penis has caused a major terror alert in America.

A key highway though Florida was closed after a driver spotted what looked like a pipe bomb under an overpass.

Fearing terrorists were trying to blow up the structure, police closed Interstate 75 for an hour.

But on closer inspection police found that the 'device' was actually a foot-long plastic penis.

"Someone took construction-grade plastic, moulded it into a penis and wrapped it with duct tape," said Lee County Sheriff's Chief Deputy Charles Ferrante.

The bomb squad was brought in to handle the situation and a remote-controlled robot used to make the fake penis safe.

Through the eyes of a man...

A wife was curious when she found two old negatives in a drawer and had them made into prints. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on one of her first dates with her husband.

When she showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!", he said with appreciation, "That's my old Ford!".

Old Ford

Thursday, December 13, 2018

What to do when you have to many kids.

After having their 11th child, a Newfoundland couple decided that was enough, as they could not Afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his Doctor/veterinarian and told him that he and his Wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure Called a vasectomy that Could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, Said the doctor, was to go home, get a firecracker, Light it, put it in a beer can, Then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Newfie said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, But I don't see how putting a firecracker in a Beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, Lit a firecracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:

"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.This procedure also works in Quebec, some parts of Saskatchewan and most of the southern and Western United States.

Potentially vs. Realistically...

A young boy went up to his father and said, “Dad, the teacher gave us an assignment to determine the difference between potentially and realistically.

Can you help me?” The father thought for a moment, then answered. “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Come back and tell me what you learn from that.” So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” The mother replied, “Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!”

The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” The girl replied, “Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?!”

The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” “Of course,” the brother replied. “Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?”

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between potentially and
realistically?”

The boy replied, “Yes… Potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars... But Realistically... We’re living with two sluts and a gay guy.

Age progression - A Woman's Life

Time lapse sketching - amazing!

Wise Words

Be Wise


Be Wise!Getting Kids to Exercise

One of the culprits responsible for the increase in the number of overweight youngsters is a lack of exercise. Here are some tips from fitness expert Dr. Kenneth Cooper and the National Association for Sport and Physical Education on how to get your children moving.

- Offer rewards for exercising, such as tokens they can save to attend a sporting event or theme park.

- Have a “toy run” by hiding small, inexpensive toys along a neighborhood route. Walk or run with your child to pick up the prizes.

- Watch events on TV or movies with a sports theme, such as “The Karate Kid: or “The Rookie,” and then try to engage the kids in such an activity.

- Walk or ride a bike with your kids while doing errands.

- Plan birthday parties around a sports theme, such as bowling, miniature golf, or skating.


Be Wise!Know it all

"To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything or nothing about it."

-Olin Miller


Be Wise!People Skills

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, but that you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

Be Wise!The use of whole grain bread may be better than you think!

Using whole grain bread may be the way to go to stay lean.

A recent study revealed that hearty, whole-grain breads with high fiber content received the highest scores on test measuring the feeling of satisfaction with food. In the study, people tended to feel fuller longer, and also ate less later on, when they filled up on whole-grain breads instead of highly refined "white" breads.


Be Wise!Creative lives

"To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong."

--Joseph Chilton Pierce


Be Wise!Zapping Static Cling

If you have problems with static cling in the winter, try using lotion instead of traditional static cling sprays. Just rub lotion into hands and apply to legs or even directly onto stockings where the static is causing your skirt or pants to cling. It works better than sprays!

Be Wise!Break the cycle

A few techniques to break the cycle of anger in a relationship consist of doing something out of character. An example would be to intentionally slow down the process by going for a walk by yourself. Try moving your body or give yourself some space. If needed, take a weird or unreasonable action; laugh where you would usually cry or swear, and most important try to imagine a peaceful scenario. The most important is to try to do something out of character at the precise time that the anger breaks out. Do this routine every time the situation arises.

Be Wise!Heart Break

"Don't cry because it’s over, smile because it happened!"

Be Wise!Fool for Love

It doesn't interest me how old you are, I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

-Oriah Mountain Dreamer


Be Wise!The Only Diet That Really Works

Other than keeping your mouth shut, this diet really works; at least it has worked for me. Before I found out that I was possibly a diabetic, I went to the library to check out how a diabetic ate. One of the secrets is to eat every 2 hrs. whether you are hungry or not. Something small. You get in the habit of doing this and in no time your stomach shrinks and you can't eat as much. therefore you lose weight. Cut down on your carbs and sugar. Also, walk for exercise at a fast pace; eat asparagus, string beans and chicken breast seasoned with Mrs. Dash and Pam. I have lost 50 lbs. and feel great. Fruit is good for you but don’t eat a lot of it because it is high in natural sugar.

Be Wise!Coping with stress

"Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice.... Pull down your pants and slide on the ice."

-Major Sidney Theodore Freedman (M*A*S*H)

EGG-ZACTLY!



What's the top-selling pop? It's a Coke.
What's a rip-roaring quip? It's a joke.
What do ya do with cigarettes? Ya smoke.

So quickly, I beg:
What's the white of an egg called?



It's albumen. (I bet you said yolk. hehe)






Q: Who is Snow White's brother?

A: Egg White. Get the yolk?



Q: If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?

A: None. Roosters Don't Lay Eggs!



A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed one night. The chicken smoking a cigarette with a smug grin on its face, the egg looking thoroughly ticked off.

The egg looks at the chicken and says,
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"



So you think your life is bad.

Just think how bad the life of the egg is...

You only get laid once!

You only get eaten once!

It takes 4 minutes to get hard

2 minutes to get soft

You have to share a box with 11 other guys

And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.


(Now don't you feel better)



Q. How did the eggs leave the highway?

A. They went through the "Eggs-it".



Q. What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much?

A. He cracked up.



Q. Why couldn't the eggs go out on a hot summer day?

A. They were afraid they would fry!



Q. What did the egg say to the clown?

A. You crack me up!



Q. What part did the egg play in the movies?

A. He was an "Egg-stra".



Q. What do you call a sleeping egg?

A. Egg-zosted!



Q. What did the eggs do when the light turned green?

A. They egg-cellerated.



Q. Why couldn't the egg family watch T.V.?

A. Because their cable was scrambled.



Q. Why was the father egg so strict?

A. He was hard-boiled.




Q. What do you get if you cross an egg with a vacuum cleaner?

A. I have no idea, but I bet it's messy!


LEARN WOMEN'S ENGLISH

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure ... go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = ... and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

I'm not yelling = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

I can't hear ya...

Make a comment, The Wizard wants to know!

Ain't it the truth!

The Truth is...

Paul got an early start to his day, he had set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6:00am, while his coffeemaker (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).

He put on his sweater (MADE IN SRI LANKA), his stylish jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and his runners (MADE IN KOREA).

Then after making his breakfast in his little toaster oven (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down in front of his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN)by his radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got into his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and set off in his search for a good job.

At the end of a discouraging day, he decided to relax a little. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL)poured a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) into a lead crystal glass (MADE IN CHECKOSLOVAKIA), and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and asked himself:

Why it is so hard to find a good paying job in Canada?

Let me Google that for you.


1. Henry David Thoreau wrote about the Walden Pond wilderness. How many miles was it from the house where he was born? (Measure from his birthplace to the current Walden Pond Visitors Center.)


I don't know. Google it.

One way to find the answer:

Go to Google and search [Walden Pond Visitors Center] to find that it’s on Walden Street in the city of Concord, Massachusetts. Search for [Thoreau birthplace] and find that it’s also in Concord, on Virginia Street. Use the “Get Directions” tool on Google Maps to learn that the distance between the two places is about ___ _______.

2. If you started playing with a Rubik’s Cube® when most scientists estimate the Earth was formed, approximately how many changes per second would you need to make to finish all the permutations by today?


I don't know. Google it.

One way to find the answer:

Go to Google and search [Rubik’s Cube permutations] to learn there are 43.25 quintillion permutations. Searching [age Earth] reveals an approximate age of 4.54 billion years. Using Google Calculator to divide permutations by the age of Earth by seconds in a year yields ___ _______ ___ ______.


3. What is the Latin name of the carnivore with the largest teeth that was found trapped in the area once known as Los Volcanes de Brea?

I don't know. Google it.

Go to Google and search [Los Volcanes de Brea] to find that it was the original name of the La Brea Tar Pits. Then search [La Brea Tar Pit carnivores] to find that scimitar cats, jaguars, American cheetahs, and dire wolves all had large teeth—but none had incisors quite as impressive as the saber-toothed cat, or ________.


Kids talk to God...

Child Praying
1. Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
Amanda



2. Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Joyce



3. Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Janet



4. God, I read the bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love Alison



5. Dear God, how did you know you were God? Who told you?
Charlene



6. Dear God, is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house?
Anita



7. Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
Nancy



8. Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too.
Glenn



9. Dear God, my Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
Love, Dennis



10. Dear God, Do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does?
Nathan



11. Dear God, did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma



12. Dear God, in bible times, did they really talk that fancy?
Jennifer



13. Dear God, how come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now?
Billy



14. Dear God, please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year.
Peter



15. Dear God, maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms. It works out OK with me and my brother.
Larry



16. Dear God, I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet. What's up? Don't forget.
Mark



17. Dear God, my brother told me about how you are born but it just doesn't sound right. What do you say?
Marsha



18. Dear God, If you watch me in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes.
Barbara



19. Dear God, is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through the business?
Donny



20. Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God than you. Well, I just want you to know that. I am not just saying that because you are already God.
Charles



21. Dear God, it is great the way you always get the stars in the right place. Why can't you do that with the moon?
Jeff



22. Dear God, I am doing the best I can. Really !!!!
Frank



And, saving the best for last...

23. Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night. That was really cool.
Thomas

Bet ya didn't know...

Fisher Stevens - Short Circuit

Fisher Stevens

These are both the same person!
Fisher Stevens!

Dancing Jesus

Dancing Jesus

Click above

Parking Solution

Parkade in Germany...

German Parkade

German Parkade

Just make sure your schedule is not the same as the other 500 users!

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Some Interesting Facts


Did you know ..........

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.

A shrimp's heart is in their head.

People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heartstops for a mili-second.

In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones).

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit

Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pastaswastikas.

In average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

Rats and horses can't vomit.

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. if you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Cat's urine glows under a black-light.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

One-Question IQ Test

Mute

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself? Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...

Arrow


Blind man

He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses"

If you got this wrong - please turn off your computer and call it a day.

I've got mine shutting down right now.