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Thursday, July 24, 2014
IMHO... IF "GOD" EXISTS
"GOD" ALLOWS EVIL
"GOD" IS POWERLESS
"GOD" IS A SADIST
"GOD" IS BLIND
"GOD" IS UNFEELING HE/SHE IS NOT MY "GOD"
MY GODDESS AND GOD KNOW THE LIMITS OF THEIR POWER...
THEY CANNOT HELP, NOR DO I EXPECT THAT FROM THEM.
MY GODDESS/GOD HAVE NEVER PROMISED THAT WHICH THEY CANNOT DELIVER.
MY GODDESS/GOD HAVE NOT LIED TO ME. I WAS TAUGHT THE 'OTHER' "GOD" IS GOOD.
HE/SHE IS NOT...
Number 1: Three men walked into a bar the fourth one ducked, why? Number 2: the knight tried to kill the queen why didn’t the queen die? Number 3: what starts with “p” ends with “e” and has a million letters in it? Number 4: Spell blind pig in 2 letters
Number 1 answer: Because he didn't want to get hit by the bar Number 2 answer: It was a game of chess Number 3 answer : Post office! Number 4 answer: Pg a pig without an "I" get it know guys?
There was a young lady named Bright Whose speed was much faster than light. She went out one day In a relative way And came back on the previous night. There was a young fellow of Crete Who was so exceedingly neat, When he got out of bed He stood on his head To make sure of not soiling his feet. There was a young lady of Niger Who smiled as she rode on a tiger. They returned from the ride With the lady inside And the smile on the face of the tiger. The bottle of perfume that Willie sent Was highly displeasing to Millicent. Her thanks were so cold That they quarreled, I'm told, ‘Bout that silly scent Willie sent Millicent. A flea and a fly in a flue Were imprisoned so what could they do? Said the fly, “Let us flee,” Said the flea, “Let us fly,” So they flew through a flaw in the flue. A certain young man named Bill Beebee Was in love with a lady named Phoebe “But,” he said, “we must see What the clerical fee be Before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee.” There once was a maid from Japan Whose limericks never would scan. When they questioned her why, She replied, “Because I Like to squeeze as many syllables into the concluding line of the limerick as I possibly can.”
A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Ole Blue how to talk!" "That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son?" his father asks. "Awesome, dad, he's talking ! up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!" "READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class. " His father sends the money. The boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?' The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy"
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It's been twenty years since my last confession. Since then, I've been stuck in the borderlands between dreams and reality, fighting, hoping to forever lose my face. For the past five years, I've painted myself as a demon - a herald of heartbreak - so that this sinful I could continue to carry the crosses of every heart I left behind. Every train wreck of a soul I created, unintentionally, just by existing: My twisted insides kicking and screaming. I've transcended the purpose of safety-nets, wishing to reach catharsis by self-reflection. I built my holy land out of solitude, with my loneliness gaping wide, but there's no place far away enough away from everyone else for me to not to break what I try to cherish; It worked for a while though, being a demon, collecting fragments of every heart I broke But it's not who I am - It's who I needed to be to allow the victims of my cruel love some peace and closure, a letting go: In hindsight, no imagination could've devised an idea clever enough to prevent my shadows from consuming everything around them, unless it meant me carrying crosses heavy enough for them to usher me down into the soil. But it's not who I am - It's who I wanted to never become: being unclean is easier, it helps with the guilt after all, but at some point there'll always be a breaking point - and the sinful crosses my shoulders achingly continue to carry are too much to bear. I won't allow it any longer. It'd be a sin in and of itself to continue farther, because I've become a self-fulfilling prophecy - Instead, maybe it's time to just let go of the past: forgive myself, after these formative years? If so, then my final confession is not that, but rather a formal request: Bear witness to my rebirth. Because the real catharsis did arrive, a long time ago, even though I pretended otherwise. So witness the shape my butterfly will take after I leave this cocoon of rainbows, and pray that my wings will have colour, that I will know beauty this time - Pray that I won't have to become a demon this time. Pray that this is the last time I'll ever need a metamorphosis; a reincarnation - transformation. Pray that this time the rainbow cocoon will give my love some colour.
The 50 Least Likely Things You'll Hear at a Wal-Mart.
1) "Thank you."
2) "We can actually move in the Receiving bay."
3) "May I help you?"
4) "I love my job."
5) "Yes, the manager's here, hard at work."
6) "Wow. I got paid more than I thought I would."
7) "The customer is always right, so here's your refund."
8) "Take five."
9) "I'm worried about the store manager- I'm afraid that he's working himself to death."
10) "Try the snack bar. They have the best food you've ever had."
11) "Why would I want to leave here for a better paying job?"
12) "These valuable career skills will get me far in life."
13) "Well done."
14) "The manager will be in any minute. I can hardly wait."
15) "The bathroom is so clean, I think I'll eat my lunch there."
16) "There's no one named Bubba or Earline that works here."
17) "Hello, I'm the manager. How may I resolve your problem?"
18) "Let me get that for you."
19) "We're almost out of Bibles and Star Wars merchandise."
20) "Why are you so happy?"
21) "I'm bringing my little girl with me tomorrow for 'Bring Your Daughter to Work Day' and she's so excited!"
22) "My kid said yesterday that when he grows up, he wants to work here, too."
23) "Who was that nice young associate who'd helped me?"
24) "After I aced my aptitude tests, the counselor said that I'd be best suited for either rocket science, neurology, or working at a Wal-Mart. Obviously, I made the right choice."
25) "I've never been sexually harassed or have had sex with any member of store management."
26) "I'm going to Europe this summer for my vacation."
27) "Don't these little blue vests look adorable?"
28) "I talked my friend into leaving his six figure a year job to work here."
29) "…and when I told the loan officer that I worked for Wal-Mart, he immediately wrote out the check right there in the bank."
30) "This store has been here a year already and not one customer has brought a personal injury suit against us."
31) "We have too many cashiers on duty."
32) "Yes, I can fix that problem."
33) "I always thought that I had to work until I was 65, but thanks to Wal-Mart, I can put in for early retirement."
34) "…and the manager listened with rapt attention to every word I said."
35) "Thank God I rejected Microsoft's and IBM's offers to come in on the ground floor and went to work for Wal-Mart, instead."
36) "I can see myself here twenty years from now."
37) "I can see myself here a year from now."
38) "What I love about being a/an (insert any job title) is the variety and challenge."
39) "God, that last CBL was murder!"
40) "At our last high school reunion, my wife rubbed it everyone's faces that I work for Wal-Mart."
41) "So I stood up and said, 'I don't care how much money you offer me, Mr. Gates; Wal-Mart can beat your offer.'"
42) "…and after my surgery, the manager told me not to come in until I could walk."
43) "Everything they say in the Wal-Mart commercials is true."
44) "Where do you people come by this high quality help?"
45) "My kid never tells his friends that I work here; He hates to brag."
46) "Whenever I feel blue, I just remind myself that I work at Wal-Mart."
47) "Isn't Wal-Mart culture and haute culture kind of the same thing?"
48) "It's amazing, isn't it, how Wal-Mart can do so well and still co-exist with a thriving downtown?"
49) "…so, based on your excellent performance review, I'm raising your rate of pay so that it actually exceeds the cost of living."
50) "What do you know! They actually are as friendly, attractive and relatively sane as in the commercials!
by Michael Josephson, CharaterCounts (WhatWillMatter.com) (This is one of those commentaries that evokes passionate response and, sadly, a few people will disagree so strongly that they decide to cut me out of their lives by cancelling their newsletter subscription or putting me on the “block sender” list. I realize the issue of same-sex marriage is only one aspect of the much broader issue of how we look at and treat gay men and women, but I think it is a very important issue of morality as well as civil rights.) I have a strong personal opinion on the issue of gay rights and the legalization of same-sex marriage. If you’re a regular listener you may think you can predict my views based on your impression of me as either a conservative or liberal. Probably half of you will be wrong. As a missionary of ethics and virtue with the hope of inspiring and encouraging everyone’s moral ambitions and instincts, I covet every mind and conscience I can reach, so it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. Thus, I rarely comment on religious or politically controversial issues when it’s likely that my remarks will antagonize those who disagree with me. Still, some issues involving deeply held political or religious convictions have such profound implications on my ethical principles that calculated silence to maintain popularity would be a form of cowardice. After all, my own definition of character is the willingness to do what you think is right even when it costs more than you want to pay. With that preface, I boldly and unequivocally support the legal rights and full extension of not merely tolerance but true acceptance of and support for every son and daughter, brother and sister, friend and colleague, and complete stranger who loves and is committed to someone of the same gender. I understand and respect the sincerity of those whose religious views lead them to a different conclusion, but I have the privilege of knowing, admiring and loving a number of extraordinarily kind, talented and highly ethical gay men and lesbian women, and I am distressed that they must bear insults, prejudice, condemnation, and legal discrimination. It’s more than an issue of civil rights; it’s a matter of respect and caring; it’s a matter of human compassion. This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
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