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Friday, March 24, 2017

Short Takes

Dozens Tossed Into Texas Lake As Party Boat Overturns

AUSTIN, Texas -- All the passengers of a party barge that overturned in a Texas lake have been accounted for.

The barge turned over and sank Sunday in Lake Travis, where the water is at least 50 feet deep.

There were 60 people on the boat -- two received minor injuries.

Witnesses told authorities all the people on the boat moved to one side as it approached a lakeside park called Hippie Hollow. It has the only public nude beach in Texas.

The Austin American-Statesman reports in its online edition that the barge flipped over during Splash Day, a semiannual event hosted by the gay and lesbian communities.

"At Arm's Length"

A Hastings man is appealing for the return of his prosthetic arm which was stolen during a scuffle in the city at the weekend.

Senior Sergeant Greg Bradshaw said a skirmish broke out in Market Street between two people on Friday. One of the combatants had a prosthetic arm which was torn loose in the scuffle. Instead of leaving it behind, the second man then ran off with it.

"He'd like it back," remarked cops.

How Much Are You Worth?

magician $ sign
I am currently worth exactly: $1,303,034.00 USD!! Look later this week for me on e-Bay =)

Click Here.

Rude/Dirty Tongue Twisters

These are tongue-twisters which are not themselves rude, but they are dangerous because if you try saying them fast then you might end up saying something naughty!

I am not the pheasant plucker,
I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
Because the pheasant plucker's late.

I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit;
and on the slitted sheet I sit.

One smart fellow; he felt smart.
Two smart fellows; they felt smart.
Three smart fellows; they all felt smart.

I'm not the fig plucker,
Nor the fig pluckers' son,
But I'll pluck figs
Till the fig plucker comes.

Fire truck tyres

Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front.
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.

Six stick shifts stuck shut.

Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers.

Rude Spoonerisms

It's easy to get tongue-tied and accidentally say something rude, as you'll know if you've ever watched one of those compilations of TV slip-ups. Often just switching two small sounds in a phrase will result in an embarrassing, or even obscene Spoonerism!

Try reading these out loud, ONCE, but not within earshot of your grandmother... just in case!

The acrobats displayed some cunning stunts.

Sir, you are certainly a shining wit.

He fills her soul with hope.

It's the Tale of Two Cities.

Have you brought your sleeping bag?

She is sure pretty.

Have you seen her sick duck?

Oh, the suffering of purgery on my soul!

He's not a pheasant plucker.

She showed me her tool kits.

He's a smart fella.

A hot pie would make me happy.

Fire truck.

Overhead door.

Chuck Barris, ‘Gong Show’ Host, Dies at 87

from YAHOO! News
Chuck Barris, ‘Gong Show’ Host, Dies at 87
Chuck Barris, who hosted “The Gong Show” and created “The Dating Game” and “The Newlywed Game,” died Tuesday of natural causes in Palisades, N.Y., his publicist confirmed. He was 87.

His autobiography, “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind,” was made into a film directed by George Clooney and starred Sam Rockwell as Barris. In the book (subtitled “An Unauthorized Autobiography”), he claimed to have worked for the CIA as an assassin during the 1960s and ’70s, a claim which the CIA denied. “He also fabricated his life because it might have been the best way of getting at the truth. The truth was that back when he was the Jerry Springer of his day, he couldn’t stomach being attacked for doing something he considered harmless,” wrote Joel Stein in Time magazine.

The multi-talented game show creator was also a songwriter, writing songs such as “Palisades Park” as well as music for his game shows.

Born Charles Hirsch Barris in Philadelphia, he started out working as a page at NBC in New York, then worked backstage at “American Bandstand.” “Palisades Park” was recorded by Freddy Cannon and hit No. 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

He formed Chuck Barris Productions in 1965 and created “The Dating Game,” hosted by Jim Lange, which introduced swinging 1960s double entendres to the formerly staid game show genre and ran for 11 out of the next 15 years. In 1966 he launched “The Newlywed Game,” hosted by Bob Eubanks, which ran for 19 years; Game Show Network still airs a version of the show.

Barris finally made it in front of the camera when he began hosting “The Gong Show” in 1976. Though it only ran two years on NBC and four years in syndication, the show is still remembered for its wacky spoof of the talent show format. He introduced the amateur contestants dressed in colorful clothing with odd props, with judges Jamie Farr, Jaye P. Morgan and Arte Johnson adding to the goofy atmosphere. Other offbeat characters on the show included “Gene Gene the Dancing Machine” and Murray Langston, the “Unknown Comic,” who wore a paper bag over his head.

Click here for more

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Smart as a Whip, Sharp as a Tack

Smart as a Whip, Sharp as a Tack

What matters isn't how a person's inner life finally puts together the alphabet and numbers of his outer life. What really matters is whether he uses the alphabet for the declaration of a war or the description of a sunrise—his numbers for the final count at Buchenwald or the specifics of a brand-new bridge.

--children's television host Fred Rogers

Learn to say, “No,” and it will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin.

--preacher Charles H. Spurgeon

While experiencing happiness, we have difficulty in being conscious of it. Only when the happiness is past and we look back on it we do suddenly realize—sometimes with astonishment—how happy we had been.

--writer Nikos Kazantzakis

Calvin: I'm a genius. But I'm a misunderstood genius.

Hobbes: What's misunderstood about you?

Calvin: Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

--cartoonist Bill Watterson from the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes

If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time—a tremendous whack.

--British prime minister Winston Churchill

We are not nouns, we are verbs. I am not a thing—an actor, a writer—I am a person who does things—I write, I act—and I never know what I'm going to do next. I think you can be imprisoned if you think of yourself as a noun.

--actor Stephen Fry

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

--writer/director Woody Allen


Turtle drawing
While reptiles don't need to be fed daily, walked, or even given much attention, here are some things you should consider before making a big reptilian purchase:

• Look into the diet of your future pet. If you get a leopard gecko, you're going to have to stock up on crickets and mealworms, while a pet snake might require a freezer full of frozen mice.

• Find out how big your reptile will get. African spurred tortoises can grow up to 231 lbs (105 kg), while Savannah monitors can grow to be 4 ft (1.2 m) long.

• Since they're cold-blooded, reptiles also need some sort of heating element in their cage and that could turn into a noticeable rise in your electric bill.

• Some people who own reptiles and sometimes the rooms where they keep the reptiles smell weird.


compiled by Michael Josephson, WhatWillMatter.com
  1. A teacher affects all eternity; you never know where his influence stops. – Henry Adams
  2. What a block of marble is to a sculptor a ready mind is to a teacher. Adapted from Joseph Addison
  3. Children don’t care what a teacher knows unless they know the teacher cares. – Unknown
  4. The best teachers teach from the heart, not from the book. -Unknown
  5. Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. -Benjamin Franklin
  6. Teaching is the one profession that creates all other professions. Unknown
  7. Remember that failure is an event, not a person. – Zig Ziglar
  8. The test of a good teacher is not how many questions he can ask his pupils that they will answer readily, but how many questions he inspires them to ask him which he finds it hard to answer. – -Alice Wellington Rollins
  9. Great teachers are passionate about what they teach and respectful of those they teach. – Michael Josephson
  10. One day with a great teacher is better than a thousand days of diligent study. -Japanese Proverb
click here to read many more!

Reunited in Heaven...

Reunited in Heaven...
Reunited in Heaven...

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

This should be us when dealing with President Trump and NAFTA

Canadian Light Source Synchrotron

The Canadian Light Source (CLS) synchrotron is the biggest science project in Canada in more than 30 years. (We don't 'need' a world's largest coffee pot, dirty hoe etc... when we have the CLS Synchrotron!)
How a Synchrotron Works

The Synchrotron began operations in spring 2004 with 12 beamlines. Located in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, the football field-sized, $173.5-million project is a unique national facility that will light the way to a new era of science and innovation for academic, industrial and governmental researchers.

This high-performance research tool will be used by scientists in a wide variety of disciplines for years to come. It will help Canada retain and attract top researchers. Take that, Dog River! (Spit!)

A synchrotron is a machine that guides charged particles, such as electrons, into an orbit. At the CLS, an electron gun sends electrons whirling around inside a hollow donut-shaped tube called an "electron storage ring. " Inside the storage ring is a vacuum. Almost all the air and moisture has been pumped out so that the electrons will not bump into molecules and lose energy. The CLS has two storage rings: an X-Ray Ring and a VUV (Vacuum Ultra-Violet) Ring. As the electrons round each bend in the ring, they are guided by powerful magnets and give off energy in the form of light. This is called "synchrotron light".

Commonly called a synchotron... incorrectly.

Click here for a picture.

*WP= Wizard of 'OZ' Press


Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?"

Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head "No".

"Well then", she replies, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?"

Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.

The end of your world...or time for lunch?

Scientists have come up with a computer program which lets you find out if an asteroid hurtling towards the Earth is heading in your direction.

The Earth Impact Effects Program will reveal whether you should jump in the car and drive for your life or relax and finish your lunch.

It will calculate the crater size, the energy released by the impact, and the effect on the surrounding area.

The program can be found at the Arizona State University website . Users are asked to type in their distance from the predicted target zone, size and composition of the object, and information such as impact velocity and angle.

Asteroids can be nearly a thousand kilometres in diameter and lie in a zone called the asteroid or the main belt, between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter.

For example: (Based on My Inputs):

Distance from Impact: 3000.00 km = 1863.00 miles
Projectile Diameter: 1000000.00 m = 3280000.00 ft = 621.00 miles
Projectile Density: 1500 kg/m3
Impact Velocity: 100.00 km/s = 62.10 miles/s
Impact Angle: 90 degrees
Target Density: 1500 kg/m3
Target Type: Competent Rock or saturated soil

  • Energy: 9.38 x 1014 MegaTons TNT - the interval between impacts of this size somewhere on Earth is 3.7 x 1013years.
  • Final Crater Diameter: 10162.11 miles
  • Time for maximum radiation: 315.54 seconds after impact.
  • Visible fireball radius: 30860.2 km. The fireball appears 2337.9 times larger than the sun
  • Effects of Thermal Radiation: Clothing ignites, Much of the body suffers third degree burns, Newspaper ignites,Plywood flames, Deciduous trees ignite, Grass ignites. The major seismic shaking will arrive at approximately 600.0 seconds. Richter Scale Magnitude: 14.6 (This is greater than any shaking in recorded history)
  • The ejecta will arrive approximately 1021.5 seconds after the impact. My position is beneath the continuous ejecta deposit. Average Ejecta Thickness: 1022997.07 ft. The air blast will arrive at approximately 10000.0 seconds. Max wind velocity: 29916.8 mph. Sound Intensity: 170 dB.
  • Damage Description: Multistory wall-bearing buildings will collapse. Wood frame buildings will almost completely collapse. Multistory steel-framed office-type buildings will suffer extreme frame distortion, incipient collapse. Highway truss bridges will collapse. Highway girder bridges will collapse. Glass windows will shatter. Cars and trucks will be largely displaced and grossly distorted and will require rebuilding before use. Up to 90 percent of trees blown down; remainder stripped of branches and leaves.

    Note from The Wizard: These results come with ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Can you see the difference?

Why U.S. Navy Seals are better than the ISIS Navy Seals...
but don't beat the Canadian Seals...

U.S. Seals
ISIS Seals.
Canadian Seals.

Click on each to see the best Navy Seals!

Jeffery Straker - The Wizard's Favourite Songs

Welcome to my Jeffery Straker video post!

Click here to go to youtube for more videos.

Click here to visit Jeffery's Official website.

How is your moral sense?

 Click here to take the test
Take the Moral Sense Test. Click above

The Wizard of 'OZ' - A.K.A. The ToonTown Clown

The Wizard of 'OZ' - A.K.A. The ToonTown Clown