Greatest Sports Headline

Happy Dicks was a linebacker at Georgia in the mid 60's, which will make this article about the journalist from Georgia, the late, Lewis Grizzard, '68, that much funnier.

On the eve of the Georgia - South Carolina game 41 years ago, I was hanging out with three Sigma Pi brothers (the Hound, Tex, and Bake), drinking a few cold PBRs at the old Callaway Gardens Apartment on the Atlanta Highway . We were discussing the upcoming game against the Gamecocks and lamenting the fact that we were going in with several key players out with injuries, including our starting DE, Billy Payne
(who ran the Atlanta Olympics and is now Chairman of the Board at Augusta National) and his roommate, MLB, Happy Dicks.

About 10:00 that night, another fraternity brother, Lewis Grizzard, came in after he got off work. Our buddy was inactive at the time because he had gotten married over the summer to his high school sweetheart, Nancy ( the first of many--all with the same name--Plaintiff). In addition to taking a full load at the University, he was working two jobs to help pay for (as he called it) "this expensive habit." A talented young man, he was writing two columns daily - one in the morning for the Athens Banner Herald and one in the afternoon for the Athens Daily News.

Lewis walked in, went straight to the refrigerator, got a beer, plopped down in a chair, pushed his glasses back up his nose and announced, "Gentlemen, with any luck at all, tomorrow morning you'll witness journalistic history. I have submitted my column and if it gets by my editor - and there's a good chance of that happening, since he looked drunk earlier this evening - you'll enjoy the greatest headline in the history of sports journalism."

He refused to tell us what it was, and to be honest with you, we all forgot about it. As Lewis went home to his lovely, young bride, the four of us went back over to the Fraternity house to get a head start on the weekend.

The next morning, as usual, I went straight for the Sports Section. As I pulled it out, I could do nothing but smile, because our buddy had pulled it off. To this day, Vince Dooley calls it his most memorable column ever - all because of the headline, which read:

DOGS TO PLAY COCKS WITH DICKS OUT.

There's no doubt about it, it was "the greatest headline in the history of sports journalism."

He was certainly one of a kind. Grizzard, I mean.

*Thanks, Gary

Technology Marches On

*Thanks, Gary

Wise Words

Love

Love is the crocodile on the river of desire.

- Bhartrihari –

In my son's eyes

I would be everything in life that I ever wanted to be, if I could be half as what my little boy thinks I am.

- JWD

Doubts in Marriage

If you begin to have doubts about marriage, play the film/video of your wedding backwards and see yourself walk out a free man and see how it feels.

LISTENING ISN'T ENOUGH

When facts speak for themselves, you need to be sure that you know their language.


Be Careful What You Say

If you say what you think, don’t expect to hear only what you like.


Success in Future

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Don't fear the new family

Never believe in what people tell you about the core family. There are no natural constellations that are better than others. Instead always look to the best of yourself or your children. Remember, a non-traditional family living in harmony is always better than a traditional family where your children or you suffer. Two mothers, two fathers, new mother, new father - the only thing that matters is a safe, positive environment for you and your children.

Jest Jokes....

A monastery decided to start a fish and chips store. When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!



Policeman: "Did you get the license number of the car that knocked you down?"

Pedestrian: "No, but I know who it was. My mother-in-law!"

Policeman: "How can you be so certain?"

Pedestrian: "I’d recognize that laugh anywhere!"



A businessman finds that his neighbor in the first class cabin of his flight is a parrot. They take off and the stewardess asks what they would like to drink.

"Glenlivet on the rocks with a twist," says the parrot.

The businessman orders a coke.

After waiting two or three minutes, the bird starts yelling, "Where's my drink?! Stop fooling around and give me my drink!"

The stewardess runs to him with his glass, leaving the businessman still thirsty.

Half an hour later the stewardess makes a second round.

The bird orders another Glenlivet and a Wall Street Journal. The businessman asks for another coke.

Again, after a couple of minutes, the bird screams, squawking, "You lazy idiot! Where is my drink?!" The poor woman nearly trips over herself getting the parrot his drink and the newspaper.

The businessman still has nothing, and after ten more minutes decides to take his cue from the bird. "Hey! Where's my coke! The service here stinks!"

Out of nowhere the purser, the captain and two passengers grab the businessman and the bird, open the hatch and throw them out of the plane.

At 30,000 feet in the air the two fall side by side and the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings."



Doctor: What’s wrong with your brother?

Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.

Doctor: really? How long has this been going on?

Boy: Five years.

Doctor: Five years!

Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.



A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.

Man arrested as Meat Loaf should’ve claimed to be Divine

A drunk Cincinnati man Eric Brown (at left) was arrested on Sunday after trying to take the wheel of a taxi cab. Police say Brown, dressed in makeup as a vampire (you say vampire, I say drag queen), claimed to be singer Meat Loaf.

Meat Loaf? That was quick thinking on his part. I think he was really dressed as John Waters muse Divine AKA Harris Glenn Milstead!

Brown was booked into jail on a charge of disorderly conduct while intoxicated. He was released after paying a $50 fine and court costs.

*Thanks, Daryn

Apple Picking Game

Click above to play!
*Thanks for the link, Daryn

Tidy up with IKEA ®

*Thanks, Daryn

Quote of the Day :: Karen Walker

"Honey, when you were born, you were born in a gay tree. And then you fell out and hit every gay branch on the way down. And then you fell on top of a gay guy. And then you did him."

*WickedGayBlog.com

*Thanks for the link, Daryn!

Do you suffer from victimitis?

"People who consider themselves victims of their circumstances will always remain victims unless they develop a greater vision for their lives."
– Stedman Graham, educator, author

"If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however, if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that."
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German author, philosopher (1749-1832)

"All worthwhile men have good thoughts, good ideas, and good intentions – but precious few ever translate those into action."
– John Hancock Field

Whatever psychological comfort there is in feeling powerless and blameless when things aren’t going right, victims lead unsatisfied lives in the end.

Visit ChracterCounts to read how to cure victimitis.

WTF????

Seriously!



*Thanks, Bright Eyes

Be Safe

Be careful when using electronics—protect yourself and your family:

A couple of stories shared with me recently, emphasize this concern:

GPS

A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game.. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.

When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen.

The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.

Something to consider if you have a GPS - don't put your home address in it. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.

MOBILE PHONES

This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... Etc...was stolen.

20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.'

When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their
bank account.

Moral of the lesson:

Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.

Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc....

And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.

Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you.

* I never thought about the above! As of now, I no longer have 'home' listed on my cell phone.

*Thanks, Gary

A Prayer for Daddy

"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."
*Thanks, Pam

Do cats stutter?

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human Beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

'That must've been scary', said the teacher.

'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'

... And before he could say 'F*ck Off', the Rottweiler ate him!'

The teacher wet her pants laughing......

*Thanks, Michelle

Dodge Viper logo is Daffy Duck upside down

*Thanks, Calvin

A Bear, A Lion and a Pig

A bear, a lion and a pig meet.

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."

Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."

Pig says: "big deal.... I only have to cough, and the entire planet shits itself."

*Thanks, DW


posted on ubuntu Linux

IRONWORKS

*Thanks, DW


posted on ubuntu Linux

Something Else to Worry About...

I'm not really concerned about swine flu, but here's my concern.

• 3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow . . .
Mad Cow disease.

• 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird . . .
Avian flu.

• This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig . . .
Swine flu.

Next year is the year of the cock.

Is anybody else worried?

*Thanks, Gary


posted on ubuntu Linux

The KISS Kasket®

Dateline 2001-2008 - Fans have been eagerly waiting and now the KISS Kasket is available for purchase! The price is $4500.00 (unsigned) and $5000.00 (signed).

The "KISS® Kasket" celebrates the legendary band, who HAVE SOLD OVER 80 MILLION ALBUMS, BROKEN EVERY BOX OFFICE RECORD WORLDWIDE AND STAND BEHIND THE BEATLES IN THE NUMBER OF GOLD RECORDS BY ANY GROUP IN HISTORY.

The "KISS® Kasket" is completely covered with a specially laminated photomural that features the KISS® logo and the images of the band members. The words "KISS® Forever" are imprinted on the side of the casket. In addition, "KISS® Kasket" can also be used as a Giant KISS® Cooler, enabling fans and their friends to enjoy ice-cold sodas and beer served directly from the ice-filled, completely waterproof "KISS® Kasket."

The "KISS® Kasket" will be available exclusively on the official KISS® website www.kissonline.com, for more information call 877-278-2275. (Maybe you can get them to re-list it, in case you are 'dying' to get one!)

"This is the ultimate KISS® collectible, " said Gene Simmons. "I love livin', but this makes the alternative look pretty damn good."

Read More About it at http://www.hollywood.com/.
No longer offerred for sale - but really was offerred between 2001 and 2008. For more KISS - visit the official site: www.kissonline.com/kasket/

--Wizard's note: Umm, okaaayy...

posted on ubuntu Linux