Sunday, November 23, 2014

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM:

"I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.."

"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it," I said..

Six months later the doctor met me on the street.  "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.

"Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

Dog Goldberg Machine by Beneful®

Wives

Is this politically correct or humour? Make a comment!


"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her."
--David Bissonette

"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together."
--Sacha Guitry

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
--Socrates

"The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, What does a woman want?"
--Dumas

"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me."
--Sigmund Freud

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
--Anonymous

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
--Sam Kinison

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
--James Holt McGavra

"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming?
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up."
--Patrick Murra

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...."
--Nash

"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."
--Anonymous

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
--Henny Youngman

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine."
--Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel'!
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

NFL or NBA... Unreal (Truly is unreal as this is an urban legend according to snopes.com)

Don’t blame me for all the unfavorable statistics below ....on the other hand I am not surprised..
NFLNBA

Even if you aren't a sports fan this is very interesting!

36 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 currently are defendants in lawsuits, and

84 have been arrested for drunk driving

in the last year.

Can you guess which organization this is?


NFL Or NBA?


Give up yet?



Scroll down,







Neither, it's the United States Senate!

snopes.com

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Lemon Picker

Sally Mulligan of Comox, British Columbia decided to take one of the jobs that most Canadians are not willing to do.
Lemon Picker
The woman applying for a job in an Okanagan lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of British Columbia and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers and voted for Harper ."

Jeffery Straker, outstanding Canadia Artist, Winner of the Vina del Mar International Song Competition

A few of my favourite Jeffery Straker songs/videos. Jeffery is an amazing artist who write his own music, words, and plays the piano superbly! Be sure to visit his official page as well as his youtube channel. (Links are embedded in the page accessible below:

 Click here to watch them!
Click above to watch them. You won't be disappointed

Worst Website Design

Click on the link below each screenshot tp open the pages... 
Spend some time exploring some of them.
They look far worse when they're live!
The first one is designed that way on purpose.. 
Worst websites
http://www.theworldsworstwebsiteever.com/

Worst websites
http://heaven.internetarchaeology.org/heaven.html#bottom

Worst websites
http://www.lingscars.com/

Worst websites
http://www.arngren.net/

Worst websites
http://ronoslund.com/

Worst websites
http://www.constellation7.org/Constellation-Seven/Josiah/Index.htm

Worst websites
http://www.jamilin.com/

Worst websites
http://www.mrbottles.com/

Are you sure you don't like the new design of 'OZ'???

Religion VS. Science

Science vs religion - nativity or 2 t-rex's fighting over a watermelon?

Friday, November 21, 2014

It's Friday! It's Friday! Yay!

It's Friday! It's Friday! Yay!

Firecracker in sewer FAIL


Nuggets

SHORT ANIMATION DESCRIBES WHAT DRUG ADDICTION IS LIKE

From The Emerald City

Ok, so I've received a number of emails from my loyal 'OZ' readers who had some posers for me, The Wizard of 'OZ'. I will attempt to address them:

Q.:What is your real name?
A: Oz's real name is Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs. Because the initials spell out the word pinhead, my name has been shortened further to Oz.

Q: Where do you live
A: The Emerald City, of course!

Q: Are you a real wizard?
A: The Wizard appears in a different forms, usually as a giant head, once or twice as a beautiful fairy, once as a ball of fire, and once as a horrible monster. Eventually, ends up that I, Oz, is actually none of these things, but rather an ordinary blogger from Saskatoon Saskatchewan, who has been using a lot of elaborate magic tricks, HTML code and props to make myself seem "great and powerful".

Q: Can you grant things using magic?
A: Nope, I can only show people what they already have... just show them how wonderful they are.

Finally, if you have further questions, go ahead and click below if you are adventurous:

10 weird common food ingredients

From Examiner.com

Most of us put some thought into the origins stories of our food-- where it came from, who's handled it. But how do we know what's exactly in our foods?

We already know that nutritional labels don't tell us everything from recent experiences with Starbucks, McDonald's and Gatorade. And now that the FDA is reassessing the 'generally recognized as safe' foods, we may be hit with more and more surprising discoveries in the very near future.

But in the meantime, there's already quite the list of disturbing ingredients found in common items such as cheeses, breads and ice creams. Those trusty, fallback staples have been hiding some things from you and there's definitely a reason they've been hidden. We've compiled a list of things you should probably know about your food, but never wanted to.

Are you ready to see that what you don't know can be really, really gross?

1. Cellulose
You're munching on your low-fat, high-fiber cereal and you think, 'Man, this tastes like wood." You may be more right than you ever wanted to be.

Wood pulp is used to thicken and stabilize food as well as replace the most expensive fats and oils, which results in low fat and high fiber content.

While you may be ready to swear off all health food 'because you're not a beaver', Taco Bell, KFC and other popular fast food restaurants are guilty of using cellulose too.

2. Lanolin
At the end of this list, you're going to be wary of ever touching gum again.

That's because gum has something called lanolin, an oily secretion found in sheep's wool. The primary purpose of the gooey stuff is to soften gum as well as your resolve to hold back your lunch.

Lanolin is also found in lotions, sunblocks and cosmetics. Yummy.

3. Polydimethylsiloxane
PDMS is used in shampoos, silly putty, breast implants and head-lice treatments. But we're here for food ingredients, right?

Right. PSMS is also found in foods as an antifoaming agent. We can't think of too many foods that foam. But maybe chicken nuggets used to before the ingredient was added.



4. Lean finely textured beef aka pink slime
The gooey stuff has several names, including boneless lean beef trimmings as well as those featured in the title. We'll stick with pink slime.

Recently, fast food restaurants have banned the product, and wisely. It's made by taking leftover cuts of meat and washing them in ammonia.

5. Gelatin
Jelly beans, gummy bears and jello all look innocent, but they are far from it. They're all guilty of containing gelatin and gelatin is guilty of containing collagen from animal bones and connective tissue.

The collagen helps candies keep their shape. But it can also be added to some low-fat foods in place of fat. So instead of eating cream cheese made from milk fats, you get cream cheese featuring animal connective tissue.
Dieting really is the worst.

6. Cochineal beetles
By now, you've heard that mighty Starbucks got in trouble for using crushed beetles to color some of their high-priced drinks.

But they can't be the only ones right? Of course not. The crushed beetle juice is also used to color yogurts, candy, paint and make-up. Anywhere you see that red hue, consider that 'crushed bugs' might have been left off the nutritional label.

7. Human hair
What a world it would be if we ordered our foods knowing the grossest ingredients in them. "Why yes, I'll take the blonde hair bagel, please."

That's right. Human hair and duck feathers are the common source for the amino acid l-cysteine, which makes breads and baked goods soften and easier to handle in dough form. Chew on that thought for a bit.

8. Xanthan gum
Xanthan gum, found in ice cream, sauces and salad dressings, is primarily used to hold items together.

While all the products that feature xanthan gum sounds great, the xanthan gum itself has a dirty little secret. It has a bacteria in it that is similar to the bacteria of rotting vegetables.

9. Rennet
Cheese is delicious. There's nothing insidious about cheese, right?

Well, that really depends who you're asking. One of the primary ingredients in making cheese into what it is comes from the lining of a cow's intestine. Rennet enzymes separate the curds from the whey. You're welcome, Little Miss Muffet.

Rennet has been used in the cheese-making process for thousands of years but there are vegetarian versions for those concerned.

10. Brominated vegetable oil
Gatorade recently made the choice to rid their sports drinks of this vegetable oil.

But what is BVO and what is the big deal?

The purpose of BVO in Gatorade was to evenly distribute flavor throughout the beverage and it was first added back in 1969, when it was still considered a 'generally recognized as safe' food.

But it also contains bromine, which is a flame retardant. The European Union and Japan have already banned its use.

The ingredient is also found in other citrus-flavored drinks in the U.S.

Mr. Yuck Upchucks

Canadian banknotes can be truly fascinating!


Personally, I think Canadian banknotes are truly unique. Especially the latest series – so-called “polymer series”. Being basically plastic, they’re designed to be extra durable – and thus saving money on printing and replacing (God knows they’re printing enough money already). They also have a myriad of security features paper money didn’t have – holographic elements, transparent windows, raised characters, hidden numbers.

I especially like certain elements of Canadian pride shown on our money. Have you ever wondered who are the people pictured on our money? Even pictures on back sides are connected to Canadian history. Why are they shown there?

I had nothing to do this Sunday, so I’ve looked up some information on Canadian banknotes and imagery on them. So, next time you’re trying to make small talk with a good-looking cashier when grocery shopping, feel free to pass on this information.

Front Side – William Lyon Mackenzie King:

Canadian Polymer $50 bill

William Lyon Mackenzie King was a political figure in Canada from 1920’s and well into 1940’s. He served as a Prime Minster of Canada on multiple occasions, and some of his achievements can still be enjoyed today by everyday Canadians.

Notable achievements and interesting facts:

- William Lyon Mackenzie King was the longest serving Prime Minister of Canada – he ruled Canada for over 22 years .
- He wasn’t very popular with voters (despite being elected a number of times) and would probably never get elected if he was alive today, but he was a true diplomat and had a talent for striking alliances.
- Mackenzie King had five university degrees (his student loans must have been huge!)
- His government created Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) in 1936
- Trans-Canadian Airlines (now knows as Air Canada) was also created under his rule in 1937
- He transformed Bank of Canada into a crown corporation in 1938 (before that it used to be a private entity)
- William Lyon Mackenzie King is rated #1 (or the Greatest Prime Minister) by a survey of Canadian historians


Famous quote of William Lyon Mackenzie King (one of many):

“A true man does not only stand up for himself, he stands up for those that do not have the ability to”.

Back Side – CCGS Amundsen:

Canadian Polymer $50 bill

CCGS Amundsen is an Arctic icebreaker and research vessel operated by Canadian Coast Guard. Originally known as CCGS Sir John Franklin, this icebreaker was built in 1979 in North Vancouver. After serving for a number of years, it was decommissioned after it was deemed surplus (fancy term for “useless” or “not needed”).

In 2003, CCGS Sir John Franklin got a new lease on life after universities around Canada decided to pool the money together, and retrofit the icebreaker to use it as a research vessel. It was to be operated by Canadian Coast Guard half the time – so in reality the icebreaker is shared by scientists and Canadian Coast Guard – kind of like how roommates buy a flat screen TV together so everyone can enjoy it at scheduled times. This was the moment when the name was changed to CCGS Amundsen (in honor of Arctic explorer Roald Amundsen).

Interesting facts and information:

– CCGS stands for “Canadian Coast Guard Ship”.
– Roald Engelbregt Gravning Amundsen (after whom the icebreaker is named) discovered South Pole in 1911 and was the first one to reach North Pole in 1926. He disappeared during a rescue mission in 1928 and his body has never been found.
– CCGS Amundsen is powered by 6 diesel engines – 18,000 horse power combined! That is roughly equal to 130 Honda Civics.
– The ship has enough room for 80 people (40 being the crew) and a small helicopter
– She can crash 1 meter thick ice and travel up to 15,000 nautical miles

CCGS Amundsen

Thursday, November 20, 2014

The difference between stopping & slowing down !!

The difference between stopping & slowing down !!
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop.

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says, "Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please"

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law, Licence and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, my wife and I listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.."

He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently, and whispered,


'Robin Hood All-Purpose, isn't it?'

And thus began my life of celibacy..........

Eating Alone

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.."

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies,




(Wait for it...)





(It's coming...)




(The suspense is killing you, isn't it?)






She said...

"You just happened to catch my eye."

(Oh shut up, I know you laughed!)

Kirk Cameron. He was so cute once...

... and then this happened... (with Ray Comfort) as explained by MrRepzion



and now this... (seems to use pagans to disuade Christians from likening the pagan holidays, but saying they don't matter because 'we' aren't pagan anymore. I think that's double speak. (Just one Wizard's opinion)