Friday, January 30, 2015

Kids and the Sea

Children Playing A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny. Here are some of them. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years.


This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)


Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)


If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent.
(Wayne age 7)

RelaxingI think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

On Beach A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of it's head. (Billy age 8)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.(William age 7)


I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

In Pool Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

On The Beach

Helga & Ole

Ole took Helga home with him and took off his shirt.

Helga says, "Ole, dat's some chest you have dare."

Ole says, "Helga, dat's a hunnert-seventy pounds of dynamite."

Next Ole took off his pants.

Helga says, "Ole, dat's nice calves you have dare."

Ole says, "Helga, dat's a hunnert-seventy pounds of dynamite."

Ole quickly reached down and pulled off his underpants.

Helga screamed and ran out the door. Ole put his clothes back on and ran after her.

Catching her, Ole said, "Helga, viy did you run out like dat?"

Helga says, "Vith all dat dynamite around, I taught it vas going to explode ven I saw how short da fuse vas!"

The Mother ‘Hood Official Video

There’s something going down on the playground. Don’t they know that everyone has their own way of parenting? But when it comes down to it, we’re all on the same side. Help us put an end to the judgment by sharing this video with every parent you know. Join the conversation on facebook #SisterhoodUnite

Something to discuss over your morning coffee...

Well, finally. Thank you targetmap.com, a website with customized data maps, for a long overdue look at penis sizes around the world.

But before you get all excited, let me just tell you that Asia does not fare exceedingly well.

According to this interactive map, all of the world's least well-endowed countries are located there, with South Korea bringing up the rear at 3.8 inches.

India and Thailand and Cambodia go head to head (to head), each coming in at a solid 4 inches.

China's little soldiers, ranking 4.3 inches on average, are a good match for the average Japanese Capt. Winkie (also 4.3).

But the real weenies seem to be in the Congo (7.1 inches), with Ecuador not far behind (6.9 inches). Canada fares awesome, and I can vouch for that!

Click on the map below:
 Click here to view teh map

Thursday, January 29, 2015

10 Most Extreme Body Parts (body parts, longest legs, longest nose ...

From the world's smallest waist --15 inches-- to the longest female beard, some of the most bizarre bodyparts world records. (body parts, longest legs, longest nose, Vivian Wheeler, female beard)

Cathie Jung: World's Smallest Waist --15 inches
Ccathie Jung: World's Smallest Waist -- 15 inches
Honestly, no Photoshop. Cathie Jung’s tiny waist measures just 15in (38cm), making her figure distinctly hourglass. The Queen of Corsets, as she has aptly named herself, has worn tight-fitting corsets for years to get there, and appears in the body parts section of the Guinness Book of World Records 2007. Whilst she currently holds the record for the smallest waist on a living person, the record for the smallest waist ever goes to Ethel Granger who had a wasit of just 13".

More sat oddee.com

20 strange foods to try before you die

from The Telegraph.co.uk

Snake wine, South-east Asia
snake wine
Next time you're complaining about the tepid chardonnay you've been served in a pub, just be grateful that you haven't been served a nice glass of snake wine. This popular beverage is believed to have important restorative properties in countries including China and Vietnam. It can either be made by steeping a snake in rice wine, or by mixing snake bodily fluids, such as blood, with the alcohol.

More at The Telegraph

Dover Police DashCam Confessional (Shake it Off)

AMAZING EXPANDABLE ‘FOLDING’ SHIPPING CONTAINER HOMES

from OffGrid.com

Shipping container homes are one of the most versatile modular steel building platforms available. When combined with modern technology they can make for some very cool home designs. Their use is not limited to shipping products. Shipping containers are modular and deployable. They are perfect shelter platforms for disaster scenarios, refugee housing, temporary shelters, homeless shelters, office space, strip malls, hotels, barracks, dorms, and apartments. Maximizing the use of space is a concern considering they are only 8 feet wide and 40 feet long. With a living area of only 320 square feet designing a building which uses space efficiently becomes a priority. But what if that was not a concern? What if you could create a large home in a small space by making the building expandable.

There are many different expandable homes on the market. The idea starting with RV’s and travel trailers which expand to produce more livable space inside. Taking this idea to an extreme was only the natural progression of architectural design and simply makes sense. Here are some great ideas for expandable shipping container home designs.

Watch this video to see a few cool folding homes.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

5 Biggest Feet in the World

From BiggestStuff.com

(Born) With feet bigger than an average newborn, these guys are bound to stand their ground very firmly.

If you think that someone you know has big feet, you might want to take a look at the list below.

We present you the Top 5 biggest feet in the world along with their their respective owners.


5. Carl Griffiths – 14.5 in (36.8 cm)

Carl Griffiths big feet

An astonishing UK size 21 feet (US size 21.5, Europe size 56) made Carl Griffiths from Trimsaram in South Wales the proud owner of biggest feet in the entire UK, and one of the biggest feet in the world.

Although Griffiths is 6’5” ins tall (195.58 cm), his feet are still very disproportional when compared to the rest of the body, which can clearly be seen in the picture below.

Carl Griffiths – 14.5 in (36.8 cm)

More at biggeststuff.com

6 Horrifying Modern Cannibals

Cannibalism, as repulsive as it is, can be understood in cases where consuming the deceased is an alternative to certain starvation. Those who eat human flesh by choice, however, tend to be the kind of people who will torture and murder to satisfy their curiosity. Be warned that some of the following links are disturbing.

1. DORANGEL VARGAS

Dorangel Vargas
Dorangel Vargas is known as "the Hannibal Lecter of the Andes". He was confined to a mental hospital in 1995 after the remains of a missing man were found in his home, but Vargas was released two years later. In 1999, police in San Cristobal, Venezuela again found human remains in Vargas' possession. This time, at least ten skulls and fresh entrails were found. Vargas admitted eating the bodies, but denied murder charges, saying the bodies were given to him. This statement led to conjecture that Vargas was being used to cover up an organ trafficking operation. Vargas was homeless and already known to be mentally unstable. During an interview, Vargas claimed that eating people was like eating pears. Vargas is confined to a mental institution.

View the rest at MentalFloss.com

The Carpet Doesn't Match The Drapes

***NSFW***
all I can say is "WOW!."

click here

Brian

Brian
Brian. The babe they called 'Brian',
He grew,... grew, grew, and grew--
Grew up to be-- grew up to be
A boy called 'Brian'--
A boy called 'Brian'.
He had arms... and legs... and hands... and feet,
This boy... whose name was 'Brian',
And he grew,... grew, grew, and grew--
Grew up to be--

Yes, he grew up to be
A teenager called 'Brian'--
A teenager called 'Brian',
And his face became spotty.
Yes, his face became spotty,
And his voice dropped down low
And things started to grow
On young Brian and show
He was certainly no--
No girl named 'Brian',
Not a girl named 'Brian'.

And he started to shave
And have one off the wrist
And want to see the boys
And go out and get pissed,
A man called 'Brian'--
This man called 'Brian'--
The man they called 'Brian'--
This man called 'Brian'!

;-)

Morning Coffee for Grandma...

Morning coffee for Grandma

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

SANDSTORM!

Click here

Click above to see the pictures! Awesome!

Stupid Pick-Up Lines

library card pick up line
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.

2. (Lick finger and wipe on his shirt)... Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

3. Nice ass... what time does it open?

4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

7. I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Cocked Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

9. Wanna play army? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me.

10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal-Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

13. You might not be the best-looking guy here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

14. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

15. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

16. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

17. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Easy Bottom?

19. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

20. My name is Mark... remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

21. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

22. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

23. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

24. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anywhere you want to.

25. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

26. If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

27. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?

28. Dude, I'm an American Express lover... you shouldn't go home without me.

29. Do you sleep on your stomach? No...? Can I ???

30. Do you wash your jeans in Windex? ...because I can see myself in them.

New Album - Jeffery Straker

 Click here to read more and find out more about this inspiring artist!
Click above to visit Jeffery's site and find out more
From Jeffery: "Happy new year to you! I hope it’s started with gusto. I’m excited to be releasing new music in 2015 and my album ‘North Star Falling” is set to launch March 10. In advance of that, the first single will be released January 27. I’m looking forward to getting this music out to your ears. Stay tuned for more details, a list of national tour dates, and info on how to pre-order the album. Excited!"
Jeffery Straker
Jeffery Straker
The Wizard couldn't wait to lend an ear to Jeffery's latest single, "Like it's the Last One", from his upcoming album, North Star Falling. I immediately pre-ordered it. I can tell you, as far as I am concerned, this guy can do no wrong musically. Singer, songwriter, pianist, The trifecta of entertaining with unparalleled originality. I have been following Jeff for many years now, this guy has so much energy and imparts excitement into each and every 'story' told thru his music.

Pre-Order North Star Falling

Check him out. It will totally be worth it!

Stupid Is As Stupid Says...

STUPID is as STUPID Says!

-- ON LIKE, YOU HAD TO, LIKE, MOVE, TOO?!? --

I think the whole thing, memorizing lines and trying to, like, say 'em and still, like, do movement, all that. That was hard.

Olympic swimmer/reality TV star Ryan Lochte on the difficulties of making his acting debut playing himself on the TV show 90210


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

-- ON IT MIGHT BE KIND OF TOUGH … --

Have you, like this case, been in hospital, denied a drink of water, and subsequently died? Let us know.

radio host Jeremy Vine


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

-- FROM THE TECHNICALLY TRUE BUT … DEPARTMENT --

Family Feud host: Something a woman on a date would hate to find on her face.

Contestant:A booger.


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

-- ON SORRY, NOT REALLY --

There were a few mistakes to the copy of the meditation article in as much as it read "By isn't I mean everything that you can see and hear, touch, or smell, isn't means everything that is," and it should have read "By isn't I mean everything that you can see and hear, touch, or smell, means everything that is." Hopefully this will now be clear.

correction, New Age magazine


STUPID is as STUPID Says!

-- ON RÉSUMÉS, PROUD BOASTS ON --

• Accomplishments: sister once won a strawberry eating contest.
• Work well nude.
• Personal accomplishments: getting back together with my boyfriend upon his release from prison.

items on actual résumés

Scary Stories That Will Keep You Awake at Night

click here, if you dare!
Click above. If you dare...