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Monday, May 28, 2018

15 Optical Illusion GIFs Designed To Make You Feel Like A Lunatic

Sometimes, your eyes can only help you so much. With these gifs, you'll have to rely more on your mind to understand them completely.

[WARNING: may waste excessive amounts of personal time]

Click below to visit the site
 Click here to see them all

Starbucks Anonymous

Starbucks Logo
Hello, my name is Betrayer of Independent Coffee Shops Everywhere and yes, I am a Starbucks-aholic.

My conversion to the dark side did not happen overnight. No, the evil force that is Starbucks snuck up on me gradually – almost innocently. Now, however, this dark pit of corporate pseudo-culture has wrapped itself firmly around my existence like the mind-numbingly horrible disease that it is.

To be fair, I don’t think Starbucks means to be evil. It just is. Or maybe Starbucks itself is not evil. Maybe it is Starbucks customers that are the actual dark force responsible for the death of independent coffeehouses (and coffee house culture) across the nation.

Maybe you agree, maybe you do not – but you are probably wandering what the hell all this has to do with a ‘gay’ post? Let me ‘splain, no, no, is too much, let me sum up.

Starbucks is shiny, glowing example of how complacency is warping our country into a moronic assembly of sheep. Not only sheep, but sheep who walk humbly forward to offer themselves as fuzzy coats and tasty lamb chops with mint sauce. Okay, so maybe the metaphor is a bit thick. Simply put, the people who line up to wait for skinny, half-caf, venti, one Splenda mochas at Starbucks are the same people who let Donald Trump win the presidency and think protesting the war in Syria is ‘un-American’ – or at least pretty pointless.

Those clueless toadies who let themselves be abused by baristas in aprons are the same folk who sneer at the poor, insult the less-educated and smile at gay people while declaring them comparable to pedophiles. Or, at the least, they don’t care enough about the poor, less-educated or minority populations to actually do anything about making their lives better.

Starbucks is the anti-Christ of coffee culture. The entire purpose of Starbucks is to move in, drive out any local competition and become the sole coffee god of whatever neighborhood they have taken over. Look at Vancouver. Sadly, they are very good at it. Primarily because Starbucks is an over-inflated corporation with tons of ready capital. However, the second largest reason they can take over, drive indie coffee shops out of business and destroy all vestige of local coffee culture is us – the customer.

Thank goodness when in downtown Saskatoon, We would rather than drive the half-mile down the road to the eclectic Broadway Roastery with eclectic pictures decorating the walls than walk to the nearest corner Starbucks . We would rather be served by the good, clean-cut ‘pretty’ Canadian employees of the Roastery and exchange words with the slightly crazed-looking punk boy with purple hair and a pierced lip.

Mostly, we would rather that our visits to coffee shops be different from everything else – interesting enough to warrant an appearance to pick up your daily caffeine, meet someone new, form an opinion or even step outside of our daily routine for a single second.

Indie coffee shops are places that you go to experience life – even if it is just to sit in a corner and read, write or people-watch. Starbucks shops are dead worlds where you go to work on a ‘business proposal,’ write your term paper or talk about shopping with a group of people who look so much like you that you’d think you’d walked into a cloning lab.

Unfortunately, that seems to be what people want. They want conformity, sameness – the boring old routine every day. People want a comfortable, non-threatening universe where nothing changes except the daily coffee choices (and those not often). They don’t want adventure; they don’t want challenge. Increasingly, our country is becoming more and more a reflection of this attitude.

We don’t challenge our government. Hell, a great majority don’t even know exactly what their government is doing that they should be challenging. Scary people want to ban gays from having equal rights because they don’t think a new flavor should be added to the menu. Things that are different are evil! How many people at Starbucks have ever tried a kiwi fizz cream soda? Not many I’d bet, but I remember an indie coffee shop where people just couldn’t get enough of them. How many conservative right-wingers have ever actually tried to educate themselves about gays? About as few as have tried a kiwi soda I’m betting.

Starbucks is not, in itself, evil – I think. Sadly, I think it is myself – and the many hundreds like me that are the real problem. If I had the cash, I'd go to Starbucks almost daily. Starbucks is about 10 blocks from my apartment. When I have a mocha craving, and I am downtown, it is the easiest thing in the world just to walk over and have a nice, perfectly pretty blond barista serve one up for me. To visit the nearest indie shop would require an extra set of steps, and getting fit in the process and paying more money for a probably pricier, culturally-responsible, small-business-supporting hot chocolate coffee drink. Not to mention, I live in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. The number of indie coffee shops in this city are more visible than the number of gay people you see holding hands downtown – and that part at least is good. That's why we have to try to ignore that Starbucks sign.

So, like all the people who vote for candidates who they’ve seen the most number of times in television commercials – I give the Starbucks my patronage over and over again. It is quick, it is easy and it requires no involvement of my brain whatsoever. It’s very American, but I'm Canadian, eh?

Sunday, May 27, 2018

What You Might expect On The Other Side Of A Black Hole...

Click Here To See The Other Side Of A Black Hole...
Click above to see what you may see...

Saving Face

Wrinkles are good!
If you see wrinkles when you stare into the mirror stop worrying. It may be a good sign after all.

British researchers say people with smooth faces run a higher risk than those with wrinkles of developing the most common form of skin cancer.

Researchers at the University of Manchester in England found that people with relatively heavy wrinkling were 90 percent less likely to develop basal cell carcinoma -- a slow-growing, easily treatable cancer that often appears on the face.

That confirms what many dermatologists have observed, but it might surprise many non-experts: Wrinkles are often associated with sun exposure, and sun exposure raises the risk of skin cancer.

The findings do not mean people should feel free to become sun-worshippers, said Dr. Christopher Griffiths, one of the authors of the study, which appears in the Archives of Dermatology.

Sun exposure is strongly linked to other forms of skin cancer, including the deadliest: melanoma.

''People photo-age and get sun damage in different ways,'' said Griffiths, a dermatology professor at the University of Manchester. ''What this tells us is that you can get lots of sun exposure and no wrinkles and still get cancer.''

The study involved 118 white people over age 50 who visited a dermatology center at a Manchester hospital.

Griffiths said it is not clear why those with more wrinkles are less likely to get basal cell cancer, but the explanation may lie in how the skin repairs itself.

A truly magnetic quality

Although I've worked in IT for about 5 years now, my most interesting experience actually came about as a result of being the 'technical friend' of a home computer user. A friend of mine, with 2 children, purchased a new computer some years back, at about the time that tower cases were replacing the flatter desktop style of case. As with any of the computers he owned, he relied on me to help him set it up, show him its new features, etc., etc. Although the system was under warranty, he always called me for a reliable friend's opinion before taking his system back to the dealer.

After about six weeks' time, he called me up and described very strange behavior from his desktop. Clicking on some items would do nothing. Clicking on others would open whole different programs, some displaying garbled documents. He was constantly getting General Protection Faults or Read-Access errors. He was losing files. I suspected the integrity of his hard-drive so suggested that he run a defrag. After waiting about 45 minutes for the defrag to analyze his hard-drive, he called me back and informed me that it was reporting his hard-drive to be about 75% fragmented. After confirming that he was not doing anything terribly abnormal as a user, I suggested that he take the system back to his dealer and have them replace the hard drive. This he did and everything was fine ... for about another four or five weeks...

He called me again, saying that the whole thing was starting again, that he had talked to the dealer, and that he was taking it in, but wanted me to come over and take a look at it first. Apparently, the hard-drive manufacturer had not found anything wrong with the original hard-drive returned to them, other than somewhat scrambled data! He wanted to show me how he was using the system, in case the dealer refused his claims. I obliged him and went over to see the strange phenomenon for myself. Indeed! His system was messed up royally! I have never seen such strange behavior and such haltingly appalling error messages in my life! So, he took his system back in, and the dealer begrudgingly replaced both the hard-drive and the controller, cables, and anything else that may affect the data stream to and from the drive. They returned the hard drive to the manufacturer, asking for a detailed analysis of what the problem might be.

Anyways, my friend took his computer home and it worked like a charm... for another month or so. Then, another call from a very frustrated friend! The report on the second hard drive had come back negative as well. The dealer had told him that was it for their assistance! So, I went over to see what I could determine. I walked into his office area, and immediately discovered the source of his problems! Having all of that real estate on the side of his new tower case that required decorating, he had allowed his kids to place fridge magnets all over the side of the case! Apparently not enough magnetism to wipe a hard drive... just enough to really mess it up over a few weeks' time! Who knows what the uninitiated might do?

Rumors - Something to Keep in Mind

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear, or are about to repeat a rumor. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
Socrates
Socrates
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is third filter -the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really."

Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True or Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife!!!
Plato
Plato

Gorilla Language

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at the zoo one day, when a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy up. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means, "screw you" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better -- and he vowed revenge.

The next day, he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and went right up to the gorilla's cage, where he opened up his bag of goodies. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, reached through the bars, grabbed a hat from the bag, and put it on.

Next, the guy picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla reached out, picked up his horn, and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

Something To Offend Everyone...

Best Smart-ass Answers!
Smart-ass Answer #1:

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smiley Face

Smart-ass Answer #2:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smiley Face

Smart-ass Answer #3:

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Smiley Face

Smart-ass Answer #4:

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, 'Low bridge ahead.' Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smiley Face

and finally:

Smart-ass Answer #5, THE TEACHER SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR:

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow, I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess I'd say you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Smiley Face


This One is very 'Punny!'

This piece of string walks into a bar. But he's hardly through the door when the bartender yells, "Hey, String! Get outta here!" Hours later, the piece of string is still trying to find a drink. So he ruffles his ends and contorts himself. As he goes into yet another bar, the bartender says, "Are you a piece of string?" The piece of string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Saturday, May 26, 2018

From The Emerald City

The Wizard of 'OZ' needs your help. That's right... YOU can help make 'OZ'- The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow better!!! You will receive credit for all post material you send my way. 'OZ' is almost at the 4,000,000 visitor mark! Your contributions can put it past that! Plus you get YOUR content published!!


Guidelines for material:


1. NO PORN

2. Watch the copyright. If copyrighted I need the source to be able to post it.

3. Weird or strange. No blocks there! Weird/strange is good!!


Contribute To 'OZ'!!
click above to email The Wizard! It's THAT easy!!

The Wizard is listening! Got some content? Jokes etc? Questions?

Click above to email me.
Yours,
The Wizard

Now Ya Know.....

If Camera Phones Existed...

Microsoft Contraceptive2018

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive2018, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex.

Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market.

The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive2018 suite consists of three products: Condom2015, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1. A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 11.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive2018 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector.

Contraceptive2018 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches. While Contraceptive2018 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.

OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs install the package. At installation, the Condom2018 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your partner.

DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. Node not responding was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.

CONCLUSION: Contraceptive2018 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $69 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.

This great new contraceptive product will help users do to each other what monopolies have been doing to their would-be competitors for years.

Ten reasons to go to work naked..actually 11...

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources.

4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

7. So that-with a little help from Muzak-you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your already exaggerated resume.

8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned.

10. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

11. No one steals your chair.

Weird Sex Facts

feet at end of bed
Wizard's Note: Hey! I didn't write em (or measure them! =)

Actual amout of semen per ejaculation: 1-2 teaspoons

Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200

Average # of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2,000

Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons

Average amount of water it takes to fill a bathtub: 35 gallons

Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour

Average speed of a city bus: 25 miles per hour

Average # of calories in a teaspoon of semen: 7

Average # of calories in a can of Dr. Pepper: 150

Average length of penis when not erect: 3.5 inches

Average length when erect: 5.1

Smallest natural penis recorded: 5/8 of an inch

Largest natural penis recorded: 11 inches

Largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet (blue whale)

Height from court floor to the rim of a basketball hoop: 10 feet

Most arousing time of day/season for a man: early morning/fall

Best ways to improve sexual function: quit smoking, start excercising, lose weight.

Foods that improve sex life: oysters, lean meat, seafood, whole grains, and wheat germ

Percent of men who say they masturbate: 60%

Percent of men who say they masturbate at least once a day: 54%

Percent of men who say they feel guilty masturbating that often: 41%

Amount of time needed for a man to regain erection: from 2 min to 2weeks

Average # of erections per day for a man: 11

Average # of erections during the night: 9

Distance sperm travels to fertilize an egg: 3-4 inches

The human equalivent: 26 miles (a marathon distance)

Time it takes the sperm: 2.5 seconds

Time it takes an average person to complete a marathon: 4 hours

Sperm life: 2 1/2 months (from development to ejaculation)

Shelf life of a hostess twinkie: 7 years

Cost of a year's supply of condoms: $100

Thickness of the average condom: .07 mm

Thickness of super-thin condoms: .05 mm

Thickness of plastic wrap: .0127 mm

# of times condoms are thicker that plastic wrap: almost 6

In general, the taste of a man's semen varies with his diet.

Some say that the alkaline-based foods (fish and some meats) produce a buttery or fishy taste.

Dairy products can create a foul taste.

The taste of semen after eating asparagus is said to be the foulest.

ACIDIC FRUITS AND ALCOHOL (EXCEPT PROCESSED LIQUORS) GIVE IT A PLEASANT AND SUGARY TASTE.

Examples: oranges, mangos, kiwi, lemons, grapefruit, limes, Labatt Blue, Honey Brown

Drinking a Corona with lime is double the fun.

Odors that increase blood flow to the penis:lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. (Happy Thanksgiving!)

Yes, the penis does shrink in the shower.

It is common for men to wake up with "morning wood," a name for an a.m. erection.

Blue balls, or the term a man uses when he says his balls will explode if he doesn't have sex, is totally false.

The Scorpions Taste Kinda Fishy


Eating a scorpion


NEW YORK -- Crickets do not taste like chicken.

But sauté them with a little olive oil and some spices and they are surprisingly edible, with a nice crunch and a subtle nut flavor. Their little legs do tend to get stuck between your teeth, though.

The nutty goodness of crispy crickets aside, few of the attendees at Adventures in the Global Kitchen, the first in a series of planned programs on global cuisine held at Manhattan's American Museum of Natural History, seemed fully converted to the joys of eating insects, despite the array of tempting tidbits featuring bugs that were set out for tasting Tuesday night.

"Eating bugs is disgusting," said 11-year-old Bill Eggers, who attended the event. "It's OK to do it on a dare, but otherwise I don't want to eat any bugs."

Happily, for the squeamish, the insects weren't the main course. For the most part they were used as garnishes, tastefully tucked into trail mix and tamales and plopped on top of pizzas.

Most didn't have much of a taste -- deep-fried grubs are all crunch and no flavor, though they do literally melt in your mouth. Ants have a lemony snap, though some are sour and vinegary. But tarantulas are surprisingly tasty, rather similar to crab meat. Then again, spiders aren't insects -- and neither are the bitter and vaguely fishy-tasting scorpions that topped the sushi rolls.

The Love Doctor

The Love Doctor Dear Love Doctor,

I am 20 years old. I have been dating this girl since I was 17, so 3 years under my belt or rather, under her thumb. I feel trapped in this relationship. I am getting nothing from it (sex is rare), and I want out so bad that sometimes I wish she were dead! Is that weird? I don’t think I really do, but it still crosses my mind. Every time I try to bring up ending the relationship she starts crying about how she can’t make it without me, until I tell her I won’t leave her. This isn’t working. What can I do, Doctor???

Signed,

Stuck in the middle with her


Dear Stuck,

You need to grow some nads, man! If you are unhappy with the relationship end it now! Why put you and your gal thru unnecessary pain and suffering. You need to man up, speak to her and end it. Sorry for being so harsh.


Hope this helps,

The Love Doctor


--Send your questions about love to "The Love Doctor" directly from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow! I have added an email link that goes direct to The Love Doctor - this will enable quicker responses from him. You can do this by clicking on his picture in the sidebar and put your question in the email. This will ensure that The Love Doctor gets your question. The Love Doctor forwards his replies to me for posting consideration. Note: Due to the high volume of letters that The Love Doctor receives, not all letters will be posted on 'OZ' - but the Love Doctor will reply to every email. (so he says)

Friday, May 25, 2018

On-Line Orgasm!


Give it a try!
Orgasm face

Click here.

Fabulous

fabulous

Snake vs. Blood

"Nothing"

absolutely nothing next 22 miles
I started with nothing. I still have most of it.
• When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
• All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
• The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.
• I tried to get a life once, but they told me they were out of stock.
• I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway though.
• It was so different before everything changed.
• It’s not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
• I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few.
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• It’s not the pace of life that concerns me, it’s the sudden stop at the end.
• It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
• Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a trip around the sun.
• The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
• Never knock on death’s door, ring the bell and run (he hates that).
• Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
• When you are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
• If you are living on the edge, make sure you’re wearing your seatbelt.
• There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead.
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Steven Wright

Steven Wright, is a famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do. Here are some of his gems:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend ... but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever ... so far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?