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Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
The 23 Solutions To Your Most Pressing First World Problems
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| Click above to see the rest at Buzz Feed |
Get A Real Job
Too often do I get messages telling me that "YouTube isn't a real job" and that I "need to get a day job". As is the case with all of my other rants, I decided to try and put these comments to rest once and for all.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
"Duel" Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.
My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging.
Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood.!
Air bag's? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.
I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, or cough..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires...
--This essay was written by Linda S Amstutz in 2003, originally entitled "Trade In Wanted" and published by the Ozark Senior Living Newspaper in November 2003.
Monday, January 19, 2015
So, What Makes Us Happy?
by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON in COMMENTARIES, GRATITUDE, WhatWillMatter.com
There is an ever-growing body of knowledge about the nature and causes of happiness.
For one thing, it’s clear that happiness is a feeling, not a circumstance. Happiness is more than just fun or pleasure. It’s a more durable sense of well being.
Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, but what happens in us. In other words, it’s the way we choose to think about our lives. Abe Lincoln said, “People are generally about as happy as they’re willing to be.” A Buddhist proverb tells us that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
So, what are the most common attributes of happy people? Well, it’s not money, fame, or good looks. It’s not even intelligence or talent. No, the two most important factors are gratitude and rewarding personal relationships.
The formula is simple: count your blessings and enjoy your family and friends.
Sadly, simple is not always easy.
People whose natural instincts produce a gloomy outlook and pessimism need to re-train their minds. It’s one thing to say happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get; it’s quite another to really be satisfied with what we have.
For many people, it takes discipline and practice to think positively.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of changing one’s perspective, choosing to see and appreciate the silver lining, the half full glass. In other cases, what’s required is refusing to dwell on pain, disappointment, or envy, and instead force one’s mind toward good thoughts, including all the things we should be grateful for.
Interestingly, the ability to maintain a positive attitude is also important in forming and sustaining meaningful relationships – seeing and bringing out the best.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
There is an ever-growing body of knowledge about the nature and causes of happiness.
For one thing, it’s clear that happiness is a feeling, not a circumstance. Happiness is more than just fun or pleasure. It’s a more durable sense of well being.
Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, but what happens in us. In other words, it’s the way we choose to think about our lives. Abe Lincoln said, “People are generally about as happy as they’re willing to be.” A Buddhist proverb tells us that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
So, what are the most common attributes of happy people? Well, it’s not money, fame, or good looks. It’s not even intelligence or talent. No, the two most important factors are gratitude and rewarding personal relationships.
The formula is simple: count your blessings and enjoy your family and friends.
Sadly, simple is not always easy.
People whose natural instincts produce a gloomy outlook and pessimism need to re-train their minds. It’s one thing to say happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you get; it’s quite another to really be satisfied with what we have.
For many people, it takes discipline and practice to think positively.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of changing one’s perspective, choosing to see and appreciate the silver lining, the half full glass. In other cases, what’s required is refusing to dwell on pain, disappointment, or envy, and instead force one’s mind toward good thoughts, including all the things we should be grateful for.
Interestingly, the ability to maintain a positive attitude is also important in forming and sustaining meaningful relationships – seeing and bringing out the best.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
12 Crazy and Interesting Facts About Sperm
by Jessica Booth, gurl.com
Sperm Can Live In Your Body For Longer Than You Think
A common myth about sperm is that it dies the instant it hits the air, so you definitely can't get pregnant if a guy ejaculates on your leg or outside of your vagina. But this isn't exactly true. Sperm can actually live in your body for up to five days, depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. If you just had your period, sperm can probably only last for a day or two, but if you have "optimal mucus" down there, they can live for longer. Condoms, everybody. Condoms.
Source: Gurl.com
His Diet Affects How Semen Tastes
If you thought that all semen tastes the same, think again. A dude's diet can change how his semen tastes. If he eats a lot of red meat, dairy products, onions, garlic and coffee, chances are, the taste isn't going to be great. But if he eats a lot of fruit, vegetables, maintains a healthy weight, exercises regularly, doesn't smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol, his semen probably won't taste so bad. Another bonus for doing all of that stuff? His body will produce more sperm.
Source: Gurl.com
There Is Only A Little Sperm In Each Ejaculation
Not ALL of that semen your guy just ejaculated is made of sperm. In fact, sperm only makes up about 5 percent of that ejaculation. The rest of the stuff is a bunch of nutrients and protective substrate, which help these swimmers get to the egg.
Source: Gurl.com
When They Aren't Ejaculated, Where Do Sperm Go?
Have you ever wondered where sperm go when they're not ejaculated with the rest of a guy's semen? Yeah, me neither, but now that I asked you're probably wondering! Apparently, these rejected sperms get broken down and reabsorbed by his body. Eek!
Source: Gurl.com
You Can Be Allergic To Sperm
Sorry guys, but it's true - people can totally be allergic to sperm. It happens when your body reacts to a certain protein in the semen and a lot more women suffer from it than you think. The symptoms are often misdiagnosed and include pain, redness and swelling in the vaginal area during and after sex. The good news? It's treatable!
Source: Gurl.com
His Body Thinks Sperm Are Germs
A man's body sees his sperm as germs. This is because they don't become active until a boy hits puberty, which is also when he starts developing a tolerance to different diseases. The testicles protect the sperm from the immune system with a blood-testis barrier.
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Live In A Cold Environment
In order to produce healthy sperm, a guy's testicles have to stay about 7 degrees cooler than his ordinary body temperature. Another interesting facts? When dudes cross their legs, their testicles can get up to two degrees hotter.
Source: Gurl.com
There Are Male and Female Sperm
I personally never knew this, but sperm has a gender! There are both male and female sperm. The males might be faster than the females but guess what? The females are stronger. Boo-yah.
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Wear Hats!
Okay, not real hats, but they definitely look like they're wearing a hat. The coolest thing about their oval shaped heads are that they act as a drill to make a hole in the female egg. So useful!
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Are Not Great With Directions
While sperm may be super fast swimmers, that doesn't mean they're great with direction. They can only swim forwards, but that doesn't mean they know where they're going. A chemical substance from the egg sort of guides sperm to it, but they don't always listen. Actually, only 1 in 5 sperm will start swimming the right way after ejaculation. Oh, and most of them can't swim in a straight line - they'll go in circles instead sometimes. Silly sperm!
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Wasn't Discovered Until The 1600's
The world wasn't always informed about sperm. In fact, we didn't even know these little guys existed until 1677, when a Dutch microscope-maker Antony van Leeuwenhoek decided to put his own semen (most likely) under a microscope. He discovered little sperms swimming around.
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Can Be Really Weird Looking
Not all sperm are made exactly the same! Healthy sperm will - they should have a smooth oval head and a long tail - but not-so-healthy sperm will be a little, well, weird looking. Actually, most of a dude's sperm is weird looking. Some of them might have two heads, heads that are way too small or way too big, a bent tail or neck, multiple tails or broken tails. So much can go wrong!
Source: Gurl.com
Read more at gurl.com
Sperm Can Live In Your Body For Longer Than You Think
A common myth about sperm is that it dies the instant it hits the air, so you definitely can't get pregnant if a guy ejaculates on your leg or outside of your vagina. But this isn't exactly true. Sperm can actually live in your body for up to five days, depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. If you just had your period, sperm can probably only last for a day or two, but if you have "optimal mucus" down there, they can live for longer. Condoms, everybody. Condoms.
Source: Gurl.com
His Diet Affects How Semen Tastes
If you thought that all semen tastes the same, think again. A dude's diet can change how his semen tastes. If he eats a lot of red meat, dairy products, onions, garlic and coffee, chances are, the taste isn't going to be great. But if he eats a lot of fruit, vegetables, maintains a healthy weight, exercises regularly, doesn't smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol, his semen probably won't taste so bad. Another bonus for doing all of that stuff? His body will produce more sperm.
Source: Gurl.com
There Is Only A Little Sperm In Each Ejaculation
Not ALL of that semen your guy just ejaculated is made of sperm. In fact, sperm only makes up about 5 percent of that ejaculation. The rest of the stuff is a bunch of nutrients and protective substrate, which help these swimmers get to the egg.
Source: Gurl.com
When They Aren't Ejaculated, Where Do Sperm Go?
Have you ever wondered where sperm go when they're not ejaculated with the rest of a guy's semen? Yeah, me neither, but now that I asked you're probably wondering! Apparently, these rejected sperms get broken down and reabsorbed by his body. Eek!
Source: Gurl.com
You Can Be Allergic To Sperm
Sorry guys, but it's true - people can totally be allergic to sperm. It happens when your body reacts to a certain protein in the semen and a lot more women suffer from it than you think. The symptoms are often misdiagnosed and include pain, redness and swelling in the vaginal area during and after sex. The good news? It's treatable!
Source: Gurl.com
His Body Thinks Sperm Are Germs
A man's body sees his sperm as germs. This is because they don't become active until a boy hits puberty, which is also when he starts developing a tolerance to different diseases. The testicles protect the sperm from the immune system with a blood-testis barrier.
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Live In A Cold Environment
In order to produce healthy sperm, a guy's testicles have to stay about 7 degrees cooler than his ordinary body temperature. Another interesting facts? When dudes cross their legs, their testicles can get up to two degrees hotter.
Source: Gurl.com
There Are Male and Female Sperm
I personally never knew this, but sperm has a gender! There are both male and female sperm. The males might be faster than the females but guess what? The females are stronger. Boo-yah.
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Wear Hats!
Okay, not real hats, but they definitely look like they're wearing a hat. The coolest thing about their oval shaped heads are that they act as a drill to make a hole in the female egg. So useful!
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Are Not Great With Directions
While sperm may be super fast swimmers, that doesn't mean they're great with direction. They can only swim forwards, but that doesn't mean they know where they're going. A chemical substance from the egg sort of guides sperm to it, but they don't always listen. Actually, only 1 in 5 sperm will start swimming the right way after ejaculation. Oh, and most of them can't swim in a straight line - they'll go in circles instead sometimes. Silly sperm!
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Wasn't Discovered Until The 1600's
The world wasn't always informed about sperm. In fact, we didn't even know these little guys existed until 1677, when a Dutch microscope-maker Antony van Leeuwenhoek decided to put his own semen (most likely) under a microscope. He discovered little sperms swimming around.
Source: Gurl.com
Sperm Can Be Really Weird Looking
Not all sperm are made exactly the same! Healthy sperm will - they should have a smooth oval head and a long tail - but not-so-healthy sperm will be a little, well, weird looking. Actually, most of a dude's sperm is weird looking. Some of them might have two heads, heads that are way too small or way too big, a bent tail or neck, multiple tails or broken tails. So much can go wrong!
Source: Gurl.com
Read more at gurl.com
“Went Fishing... Caught 4 Deer”
A once in the history of mankind kind of thing… The Best Day of Fishing Ever! Some fishing stories are a little hard to believe but this guy has pictures to prove his story. I've heard of salmon jumping into boats, but never anything quite like this.
Tom Satre told the Sitka Gazette that he was out with a charter group on his 62-foot fishing vessel when four juvenile black-tailed deer swam directly toward his boat.
"Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat, looking directly at us. We could tell right away that the young bucks were distressed. I opened up my back gate and we helped the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals onto the boat. In all my years fishing, I've never seen anything quite like it! Once on board, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering."
"This is a picture I took of the rescued bucks on the back of my boat, the Alaska Quest. We headed for Taku Harbour . Once we reached the dock, the first buck that we had pulled from the water hopped onto the dock, looked back as if to say 'thank you' and disappeared into the forest. After a bit of prodding and assistance, two more followed, but the smallest deer needed a little more help.
This is me carrying the little guy.
My daughter, Anna, and son, Tim, helped the last buck to its feet. We didn't know how long they had been in the icy waters or if there had been others who did not survive. My daughter later told me that the experience was something that she would never forget, and I suspect the deer felt the same way as well!"
I told you! Awesome!
Our Lord works in mysterious ways...
The Centipede
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"
This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"
This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Calendar Ruling Yer Periods
by Charlie Farquharson
Aquahairyass Jan 21-Feb 20
Piskeys Feb 19-Mar 20
Airace Mar 21-Apr 20
Toarass Apr 21-May 21
Jiminy May 22-Jun 21
Cansir Jun 22-Jul 23
Leeyo Jul 24-Aug 23
Vertgo Aug 24-Sep 23
Libberer Sep 24-Oct 23
Scorepee-o Oct 24-Nov 22
Saggytairass Nov 23-Dec 21
Crappycorn Dec 22-Jan 20
Seasons
Winter Dec 22-Mar 20
Spring Mar 20-Jun 21
Summer Jun 21-Sep 22
Autumn Sep 22-Dec 22
PLANITS OF YER UNIVERSAL
YER SUN Senter of the hole rang-dang-doo and alwaze in heat. Also suffers from comiscal blackheads which gives us a lot of statick. Yer Sun is God of yer heart & spine as far as it goes.
YER MOON Goddess of brests and bawdy flooids. It travills round yer Earth in a lippstickle orbit, and is uninhibited except fer what yer assternuts lest after ther last nockturnally mission.
MURKRY, God of X Communications ...(Adults only)...Murkry is yer smallist & most hothouse of yer planits. They say it has no atmusfeer. But boy, kin it put peeple under the infloonce. Speshully Virgins & Twins.
VEENIS, Godass of bewdy & the lumber regions. As a planit, not so much in heet as you'd think. More like smog. She gets a rise out of a lot of us, speshully yer Libbers & Toarasses.
MARSE, He's the God of violents, and wirld whores. Controls yer Airaces.
JOOPTER: Yer biggest planit and a bit of a gas. Rools over Saggytairass like a king.
SLATTERN: Close-up looks like a preggrunt frizzbee. Hangs over Crappycorns
YERANUS: God of preeversion and sexual D.V.Asian
NEPCHEWN: Exerts big pull on Yeranus and makes water and gas at will
PLUTOE: God of big bizness, and a dog of a start, it leans toward other planeits if unleashd. In charge of vulcanoes, erthquakes and ScoreP.o.s.
LUCKY JIMSTONES
Garnit, sapfife, amafist, onicks and moon-stoned. Also dymond (because the carats are good for you), & Emmrild (Lucky fer yer Toarass. Not so lucky fer them as has to give it to them).
This is not too desecrative of joolery but can be a powerful maggot fer to attrack the opposit of yer sex. Ware around yer neck in a jockular vane, and suck prospecks in under that holley-then yer set fer a big nite of roamants.
WHAT's Yer Sign?
Crappycorn Erthy tipes, with clove hoofs & horny too if yer simbol-minded. They was born to git other people's goats, and tend to but in and paw the turf till their nanny comes.
PISKEYS Yer Piskeys sine is a pair of fishies on a leesh, the one swimmin' one way and the th'other swimmin' the t'other -yer upper & yer down-streemer, showin' that there's some Piskeys don't know wich end is up. YER NEGGATIVS:weak, vaig, impracticke, unpunkchill
POSTIVE ASSPEXX: Humility, come-passion & simpathee
AIRACES Yer ram is rules by Marse, yer Wore God, and they butt in where the feel like. Some AIraces never grow up and become seenile delinkwents.
GOOD POINTS: Fulla beans & curridge, & sexy in a fast way
NOTSOGOOD POINTS: Pushy, rood, selfish. They'd trample anyone to git to the top, and on the way sell ther grammother for cab fare.
TOARASS is yer sine of yer Bull, stable and fixed. Yer Toarass sure likes ther roots. They is pritty much sticky-at-homes, like to rap therselves in ther secure-titty blanket. They sure groan a good board: They likes to live good, have nice things around them (like fresh straw in ther stalls). They is slow to git mad, but look out if they see red. They have good rithm, wich helps if you are Cathlick. A Toarass on his ram-page is hell on weels.
GOOD POINTS: Steddy, truss-worthy, infectionit, relye-a-bull.
BAD POINTS: Jellus, hates to be counter-dicted, stubbern, boring & possesiv.
LOOKS: Toarasses is sposed to be the best lookin', as long as you don't mind the tipe that walks slow, looks down at yer erth and chews ther cud a lot.
Lucky Number: Sex
Cansir Yer BirthDay Fortchune & Guide
by Charlie Farquharson
Yer astrological sine is CANSIR, Yer ruling planit is THE MOON
Cansir is one of yer more watery sines, and states the case fer yer Crabs. That don't mean Cansirs is all that Crabby...jist with-drawers into ther shells...beneath that shell is often a sensativ sole and sumtimes a weak karacter. But not weak in ther morls, jist sorta soft in the head. Reel worry worts, they make frownin' into a work a'fart. This is the time of year, yer Summer Stallstiss, wich is big on fertility and contraception.
POSTIVS: Simpathetic, pertectiv, & deevoted to yer home & harth.
NEGTIVS: Moony & Moody. They sit on ther grudge & hold it frever. Sumtimes, after drikin, they waller in self-piddy, till you wud think yer Cansir was more'n haff Piskey.
Cansirs is grate cooks, loves to spread ther bords. Cansir kids is eesly hurt inside) & they never forget a slite thing. Yer old Cansir kin tell yuh wat he had fer breckfist 30 yeer ago. Fer yer Cansir, life is pure shell.
Luck Stones: Moon's Tone, Perls (yer perls harber in oisters are best found in months with arse in em.)
Kareers: Cansirs shud git a stable job, and they cud clean up. They are good workers with big long mammarys and shud mebbe contrack out to Eye Bee Em as compewters.
LEEYO - yer ruling planit is THE SUN
They is always fulla beans and will drop them anywheres. All they ask isfer to have ther own way in everything, been as how they are born to rool. Leeyos don't take nothin' lying down, even tho bein' fixed and on fire at the same time must make them feel like a weeny at a roast. Life is a jungle, and yer Leeyo want the run of it.
GOODBITS: Curridge, ambishin, self-rely-ants, dignity, all yer lyin trates. Good orgy-nizers.
BAD BITS: Powr-mad, pompous, conseated, downrite insufferbull.
They is pashanit devvils and no mistake. Over-sexed well into senile-titty, they play cat with yer mouse long past other people's bedtimes. At the end, don't fergit, they expeck applaws.
VERTGOS - Yer ruling planit is MURKRY
VERTGO is a dizzy, femnin, erthy sine; the sine of yer fussed-budget, the one makes everybuddy else on edge by emptying all the ashtrays and pickin' the lint offa yer coller wile they talk. Funny thing, as they sit ther pickin' ther nits, they offen can't see the trees fer the term-mites. Hard workers tho, even when they try to relacks. Vertgo takes great stratusfaction is grabbin falyure oua the jaws of sucksess.
POSTIV UPPERS: Tydy, honist,modess (Hell, they got lots to be modess about)
NEGTIV DOWNERS: Worry worts, hype-a-cricketall, fussy and finky.
Bein under the sine of Chastititty kin be a problem is yer simbolminded. Vertgos is yer orignal Inhibitants. You talk about compleetly aloof, some of them is the compleetest loofs you ever saw. Vertgos is yer happy worriers and make great hippy-con-dryacks. They swally vitemin pills like they was Smartys, and are always on a die-yet (nothin' but food and black cawfy). Also fond of outbrakes of disinterdry and dire-rear.
KAREERS: They are good in the anal bizness... anal-izing.. anal-alysis...anal reports
LUCKY DAY: When Day (Sum day yer blooprince will cum)
TENDENCY: Brown-nosing yer Grindstone
LIBBERANS - Yer ruling planit is VEENIS
Libberer is another of yer Carnal sines, rooled (and fooled) by Veenis. Some Libberers is well-ballantsed, on accounta the simble is yer Scales. Libberans is always saying to sumbuddy else: "It's not rite, it's not fare!!" It's easy to git them to change ther minds because they wanta git on the good side of everbuddy. They was born with the sine "On Approoval" and will do anything to git it, even if it meens changin ther pinions more offen than ther undywares.
POSSITIVS: Charmin, eezy goin, sweet & refind. An esthetick tipe
NEGGITIVS: Flirty, frivluss, resentfull and pritty umbalanced
A lotts Libs is lushus lookers, Libberers don't like to be aloan, and rarely gits the chants.
Karreers: Libbers don't like to do the dirty work. They shud be fashin moodles, bewtitians, or inferior desecrators. Libberers avoid discords and make better dipple-mattresses then peeano tooners. With all that balance, gud bankers or even a cirkus jugular.
Lucky Number: Six (six appeals)
Hobby: Bein' pritty
Tendency: To git even
Aquahairyass.
The simble fer this sine is making waves, so you can expeck a lotta rebbles and excentricks. Also inverters. Aquahairyass is yer mothe of inventers, so fergit the old saying about incessity being yer mother'sinvention.
FISCAL FEECHERS: Reglar, almost hansom in a store-dummy sorta way.
STRENGTHS: Progressively friendly, interested in yer Brothers Hood of Man, but semmy-detached, conserned for youmanity in the abstrack. Tend to foller conventions.
WEAKNESSES: Fibb a lot, and like to be manipple-aters
LUCKY FLOWR: Yer pansy or yer daffydill
LUCKY CULLERS: Labendoor, other past-tell shades
JIMINIES
Now listen, both of you ...jit yer heads outa the sand & use that good old-fashioned grit. You've had yer whoopee fer a wile. Help from unexpected sorcers in September. This 2 headed munster is seen in the sky every nite as Casterer and Pole-axe, a pair of kids (the kind which git yer goat) that make up two of yer brightest stars in the hevvily constipation.
Jimminy is what they call yer Mute-able sine, always goin' thru the changes, fulla speed and livin' on ther nerves (and on other people's too). Jiminies got this intelleckyule net. They is awful good ar crothword puzzles, form langridges and sarcasticks. Better at wordplay than sordplay, they kin still run a few peeple thru the vowels.
GOOS ASSPECKS: Widdy, yuthfull, fulla beens and grate at partys. (But count yer silverware after. They'll eat yer cake and have yer plate too).
BAD ASSPECKS: Restless, jumpy, gossipy, hippycrits and genially untrussworthy
LOVE: Jiminy is yer cool cat...flirty but not dirty and sot after on accounta ther verse-agility.
SPORTS: Jiminies are best at teo-part sports like yer ping and yer pong. Who's better than Jiminy wen it comes to playing with yerself?
LUCKY JOOLS: Ag-its (Jiminies never lose ther marbles)
TENDENCYS: Splits pursnality. Jiminies tend to fork off in all directions.
KAREER: Since they are experts at cunning and frod, they make good 'ners.
Aquahairyass Jan 21-Feb 20
Piskeys Feb 19-Mar 20
Airace Mar 21-Apr 20
Toarass Apr 21-May 21
Jiminy May 22-Jun 21
Cansir Jun 22-Jul 23
Leeyo Jul 24-Aug 23
Vertgo Aug 24-Sep 23
Libberer Sep 24-Oct 23
Scorepee-o Oct 24-Nov 22
Saggytairass Nov 23-Dec 21
Crappycorn Dec 22-Jan 20
Seasons
Winter Dec 22-Mar 20
Spring Mar 20-Jun 21
Summer Jun 21-Sep 22
Autumn Sep 22-Dec 22
PLANITS OF YER UNIVERSAL
YER SUN Senter of the hole rang-dang-doo and alwaze in heat. Also suffers from comiscal blackheads which gives us a lot of statick. Yer Sun is God of yer heart & spine as far as it goes.
YER MOON Goddess of brests and bawdy flooids. It travills round yer Earth in a lippstickle orbit, and is uninhibited except fer what yer assternuts lest after ther last nockturnally mission.
MURKRY, God of X Communications ...(Adults only)...Murkry is yer smallist & most hothouse of yer planits. They say it has no atmusfeer. But boy, kin it put peeple under the infloonce. Speshully Virgins & Twins.
VEENIS, Godass of bewdy & the lumber regions. As a planit, not so much in heet as you'd think. More like smog. She gets a rise out of a lot of us, speshully yer Libbers & Toarasses.
MARSE, He's the God of violents, and wirld whores. Controls yer Airaces.
JOOPTER: Yer biggest planit and a bit of a gas. Rools over Saggytairass like a king.
SLATTERN: Close-up looks like a preggrunt frizzbee. Hangs over Crappycorns
YERANUS: God of preeversion and sexual D.V.Asian
NEPCHEWN: Exerts big pull on Yeranus and makes water and gas at will
PLUTOE: God of big bizness, and a dog of a start, it leans toward other planeits if unleashd. In charge of vulcanoes, erthquakes and ScoreP.o.s.
LUCKY JIMSTONES
Garnit, sapfife, amafist, onicks and moon-stoned. Also dymond (because the carats are good for you), & Emmrild (Lucky fer yer Toarass. Not so lucky fer them as has to give it to them).
This is not too desecrative of joolery but can be a powerful maggot fer to attrack the opposit of yer sex. Ware around yer neck in a jockular vane, and suck prospecks in under that holley-then yer set fer a big nite of roamants.
WHAT's Yer Sign?
Crappycorn Erthy tipes, with clove hoofs & horny too if yer simbol-minded. They was born to git other people's goats, and tend to but in and paw the turf till their nanny comes.
PISKEYS Yer Piskeys sine is a pair of fishies on a leesh, the one swimmin' one way and the th'other swimmin' the t'other -yer upper & yer down-streemer, showin' that there's some Piskeys don't know wich end is up. YER NEGGATIVS:weak, vaig, impracticke, unpunkchill
POSTIVE ASSPEXX: Humility, come-passion & simpathee
AIRACES Yer ram is rules by Marse, yer Wore God, and they butt in where the feel like. Some AIraces never grow up and become seenile delinkwents.
GOOD POINTS: Fulla beans & curridge, & sexy in a fast way
NOTSOGOOD POINTS: Pushy, rood, selfish. They'd trample anyone to git to the top, and on the way sell ther grammother for cab fare.
TOARASS is yer sine of yer Bull, stable and fixed. Yer Toarass sure likes ther roots. They is pritty much sticky-at-homes, like to rap therselves in ther secure-titty blanket. They sure groan a good board: They likes to live good, have nice things around them (like fresh straw in ther stalls). They is slow to git mad, but look out if they see red. They have good rithm, wich helps if you are Cathlick. A Toarass on his ram-page is hell on weels.
GOOD POINTS: Steddy, truss-worthy, infectionit, relye-a-bull.
BAD POINTS: Jellus, hates to be counter-dicted, stubbern, boring & possesiv.
LOOKS: Toarasses is sposed to be the best lookin', as long as you don't mind the tipe that walks slow, looks down at yer erth and chews ther cud a lot.
Lucky Number: Sex
Cansir Yer BirthDay Fortchune & Guide
by Charlie Farquharson
Yer astrological sine is CANSIR, Yer ruling planit is THE MOON
Cansir is one of yer more watery sines, and states the case fer yer Crabs. That don't mean Cansirs is all that Crabby...jist with-drawers into ther shells...beneath that shell is often a sensativ sole and sumtimes a weak karacter. But not weak in ther morls, jist sorta soft in the head. Reel worry worts, they make frownin' into a work a'fart. This is the time of year, yer Summer Stallstiss, wich is big on fertility and contraception.
POSTIVS: Simpathetic, pertectiv, & deevoted to yer home & harth.
NEGTIVS: Moony & Moody. They sit on ther grudge & hold it frever. Sumtimes, after drikin, they waller in self-piddy, till you wud think yer Cansir was more'n haff Piskey.
Cansirs is grate cooks, loves to spread ther bords. Cansir kids is eesly hurt inside) & they never forget a slite thing. Yer old Cansir kin tell yuh wat he had fer breckfist 30 yeer ago. Fer yer Cansir, life is pure shell.
Luck Stones: Moon's Tone, Perls (yer perls harber in oisters are best found in months with arse in em.)
Kareers: Cansirs shud git a stable job, and they cud clean up. They are good workers with big long mammarys and shud mebbe contrack out to Eye Bee Em as compewters.
LEEYO - yer ruling planit is THE SUN
They is always fulla beans and will drop them anywheres. All they ask isfer to have ther own way in everything, been as how they are born to rool. Leeyos don't take nothin' lying down, even tho bein' fixed and on fire at the same time must make them feel like a weeny at a roast. Life is a jungle, and yer Leeyo want the run of it.
GOODBITS: Curridge, ambishin, self-rely-ants, dignity, all yer lyin trates. Good orgy-nizers.
BAD BITS: Powr-mad, pompous, conseated, downrite insufferbull.
They is pashanit devvils and no mistake. Over-sexed well into senile-titty, they play cat with yer mouse long past other people's bedtimes. At the end, don't fergit, they expeck applaws.
VERTGOS - Yer ruling planit is MURKRY
VERTGO is a dizzy, femnin, erthy sine; the sine of yer fussed-budget, the one makes everybuddy else on edge by emptying all the ashtrays and pickin' the lint offa yer coller wile they talk. Funny thing, as they sit ther pickin' ther nits, they offen can't see the trees fer the term-mites. Hard workers tho, even when they try to relacks. Vertgo takes great stratusfaction is grabbin falyure oua the jaws of sucksess.
POSTIV UPPERS: Tydy, honist,modess (Hell, they got lots to be modess about)
NEGTIV DOWNERS: Worry worts, hype-a-cricketall, fussy and finky.
Bein under the sine of Chastititty kin be a problem is yer simbolminded. Vertgos is yer orignal Inhibitants. You talk about compleetly aloof, some of them is the compleetest loofs you ever saw. Vertgos is yer happy worriers and make great hippy-con-dryacks. They swally vitemin pills like they was Smartys, and are always on a die-yet (nothin' but food and black cawfy). Also fond of outbrakes of disinterdry and dire-rear.
KAREERS: They are good in the anal bizness... anal-izing.. anal-alysis...anal reports
LUCKY DAY: When Day (Sum day yer blooprince will cum)
TENDENCY: Brown-nosing yer Grindstone
LIBBERANS - Yer ruling planit is VEENIS
Libberer is another of yer Carnal sines, rooled (and fooled) by Veenis. Some Libberers is well-ballantsed, on accounta the simble is yer Scales. Libberans is always saying to sumbuddy else: "It's not rite, it's not fare!!" It's easy to git them to change ther minds because they wanta git on the good side of everbuddy. They was born with the sine "On Approoval" and will do anything to git it, even if it meens changin ther pinions more offen than ther undywares.
POSSITIVS: Charmin, eezy goin, sweet & refind. An esthetick tipe
NEGGITIVS: Flirty, frivluss, resentfull and pritty umbalanced
A lotts Libs is lushus lookers, Libberers don't like to be aloan, and rarely gits the chants.
Karreers: Libbers don't like to do the dirty work. They shud be fashin moodles, bewtitians, or inferior desecrators. Libberers avoid discords and make better dipple-mattresses then peeano tooners. With all that balance, gud bankers or even a cirkus jugular.
Lucky Number: Six (six appeals)
Hobby: Bein' pritty
Tendency: To git even
Aquahairyass.
The simble fer this sine is making waves, so you can expeck a lotta rebbles and excentricks. Also inverters. Aquahairyass is yer mothe of inventers, so fergit the old saying about incessity being yer mother'sinvention.
FISCAL FEECHERS: Reglar, almost hansom in a store-dummy sorta way.
STRENGTHS: Progressively friendly, interested in yer Brothers Hood of Man, but semmy-detached, conserned for youmanity in the abstrack. Tend to foller conventions.
WEAKNESSES: Fibb a lot, and like to be manipple-aters
LUCKY FLOWR: Yer pansy or yer daffydill
LUCKY CULLERS: Labendoor, other past-tell shades
JIMINIES
Now listen, both of you ...jit yer heads outa the sand & use that good old-fashioned grit. You've had yer whoopee fer a wile. Help from unexpected sorcers in September. This 2 headed munster is seen in the sky every nite as Casterer and Pole-axe, a pair of kids (the kind which git yer goat) that make up two of yer brightest stars in the hevvily constipation.
Jimminy is what they call yer Mute-able sine, always goin' thru the changes, fulla speed and livin' on ther nerves (and on other people's too). Jiminies got this intelleckyule net. They is awful good ar crothword puzzles, form langridges and sarcasticks. Better at wordplay than sordplay, they kin still run a few peeple thru the vowels.
GOOS ASSPECKS: Widdy, yuthfull, fulla beens and grate at partys. (But count yer silverware after. They'll eat yer cake and have yer plate too).
BAD ASSPECKS: Restless, jumpy, gossipy, hippycrits and genially untrussworthy
LOVE: Jiminy is yer cool cat...flirty but not dirty and sot after on accounta ther verse-agility.
SPORTS: Jiminies are best at teo-part sports like yer ping and yer pong. Who's better than Jiminy wen it comes to playing with yerself?
LUCKY JOOLS: Ag-its (Jiminies never lose ther marbles)
TENDENCYS: Splits pursnality. Jiminies tend to fork off in all directions.
KAREER: Since they are experts at cunning and frod, they make good 'ners.
War Horses
These horses were originally bred as "war horses" in the days of knights and armor. As armor got heavier, bigger horses were needed and the Friesian almost became extinct. They are back and are one of the most beautiful horses in stature as well as gait. What gorgeous animals! Just watching them becomes an emotional experience. Can you imagine what it would be like to ride one? Their manes and tails are the longest that I have seen and I noticed that when performing on grass, their hoofs do not kick up a divot, as they land flat footed. Creatures such as these are what makes this world so special. These horses are native to the Netherlands.
Remember these?
50 things you can never forget... The Wizard must confess that he knew alot of these!
11. All the beautiful music made with this:
11. All the beautiful music made with this:
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| Click above to see all 50 at buzzfeed.com |
Swimming Hippo. Amazingly fast!
One of the reasons so many people get killed by hippopotamus each year...
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