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Saturday, August 23, 2014

Little Feet, Little Minds

by E. L. Davis
**
"Big Man - Little Man"

They come into our lives one small child at a time,
Always scared and lonely and wondering what they’ll find.
Their minds so full of questions and their eyes full of fear,
Always listening closely just to see what they can hear.

Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.

Once someone’s little angel sent from heaven up above
Now battered, bruised, and broken and only wanting love.
You offer them affection just to see them pull away,
But you keep on trying, every single day.


A child is like a garden—without love, it won’t grow.
But give it to them daily and soon it starts to show.
You see a little sparkle in eyes once filled with fear,
You hear a little laugh that sounds oh-so-dear.

Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.

Once someone’s little angel, now ours for awhile,
That gives us hugs and kisses and a big, warm smile.
Now all those deep dark secrets they’ve kept locked up inside,
They start to tell them to you, a little at a time.
As you sit and listen to the words they say,
You ask yourself, “How come life turns out this way?”

Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.

Now the days are passing by and all their fears are too.
You hope you’ve made a difference with all you say and do,
And you know you have when you hear “I love you.”
It makes it all worthwhile when bedtime comes at night,
And you get those hugs and kisses when you turn out the light.

Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.

Now as the love inside grows more and more each day,
The call you knew was coming finally comes your way.
They’re coming to get the angel that someone threw away,
Now your heart is breaking because you know that they can’t stay.


As you pack the memories that all of you have made,
You gently wipe away the tears streaming down your face.
And as you place each item a reflection you will see,
Of the child as they are today and how they used to be.

Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.

Once again the house falls silent of tiny little feet,
Gently, softly running, playing hide and seek.
Even though you’re leaving, in our hearts you’ll always stay
In a special place, safely locked away.
God bless all little angels sent from heaven up above.
May they all find families, filled with happiness and love.

Little feet, little minds. So many children, so little time.



E. L. Davis is a foster parent in Chatham County, North Carolina.


Copyright © 2002 Jordan Institute for Families
** Painting "Little Man Big Man" © Steve Walker

The Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was this man who walked into a bar one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks".

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first". The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?", asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler", replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things" said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye."

The bartender thought about it. "OK". So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it.

"Aw, you screwed me", said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye" said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet". So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again".

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the $50", said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar.

The guy, drunk as a skunk, said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop".

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "OK, you're on".

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me $500!".

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's OK. I just bet each of the guys in the card room $1000 each that I could piss all over you AND the bar and still make you laugh!".

No Google, that's not what I'm searching for...

More at TheCHIVE

Friday, August 22, 2014

In Honor of Stupid People . . .

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.


On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)


On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)


On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)


On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)


On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(..and you thought????...)


On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)


On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(..I'm taking this because???....)


On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)


On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)


On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)


On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)


On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)


On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send the 'Permanant Link' to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even chuckle)...

****Blessed are the cracked: For it is they who let in the light*****

use it!

Beware The ATM....

Click Here

Click above - This will open a window and you will have to allow the powerpoint to open (Or you can save it...) Then navigate either using your scroll wheel on your mouse or you can use your scrollbars if you do not have a wheel mouse...

Channing Tatum Comes out of the closet!


Click here to read all about the latest gay star


Thursday, August 21, 2014

What was that for?

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper and his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a shoe.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later he was watching TV again when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.


When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was that for?" The wife answered, "Your horse called."

i'm lovin' it!

i'm lovin' it!
i'm lovin' it!

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Boo, The cutest puppy ever!



Boo the Pomeranian
Boo the Pomeranian


Boo is a Pomeranian that became an Internet sensation. Known for his short haircut, he has a popular Facebook page and is the subject of four photo books. As of July 2014, Boo has over 14 million Likes on Facebook.

Boo the dog belongs to a San Francisco-based Facebook employee who created a Facebook page for the dog with a statement "My name is Boo. I am a dog. Life is good." He became popular in October 2010 after singer Ke$ha sent a tweet that she had a new boyfriend, linking to the page, and Khloé Kardashian called him the "cutest dog on the planet".

Chronicle Books, noticing that Boo had 5 million Facebook fans at the time, approached the owner to write a picture book. In August 2011, Boo: The Life of the World's Cutest Dog, written by his owner under pen name J.H. Lee, was published. The book was eventually published in ten languages. A second book followed, Boo: Little Dog in the Big City, as well as a calendar and plans for a cut-out book and additional children's books. His merchandise includes a Gund stuffed animal.

Boo was appointed a spokesdog for Virgin America airline, which featured photos of him in an airplane along with advice for people traveling with pets. In April 2012, Boo was the subject of a death hoax after #RIPBOO appeared on Facebook. Tweets followed as Gizmodo writer Sam Biddle tweeted Boo had died. It was later confirmed by The Chronicle Book staff that Boo was well and alive. In July 2012, Boo was named the Official Pet Liaison of Virgin America.

Mike Isaac of All Things Digital outed Boo's owner as a Facebook employee in August 2012.

Masculine Moments

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ..in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

This is why men don't vacuum.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Confession

politician

Fix the downspout!

Today my wife said. "Honey, fix that gutter downspout!"


Well, as you all know, I'm retired, so I invited some of my buddies over.


One brought his welder.


Took us about 4 hours, and 30 beers, but we got the downspout fixed and my welder buddy gave it an artistic flair.


Wife is speechless...


I can’t wait for it to rain again.

MORAL OF THE HEDGEHOG

I never knew Hedgehogs were so cute as babies.

Good story with a great message.

Have you Ever seen a baby Hedgehog?






Fable of the Hedgehog

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The Hedgehogs, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

The moral of the story is:


Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!

Five rules