Welcome to 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow!! Posting is at 10AM, Noon and 2PM CST daily. Up to 12 days of posts on the main page. The archives have more. You can forward posts by clicking on the envelope at the bottom of the post. Enjoy your stay! *** If you need to contact me, or have a copyright issue, please use the "Contact The Wizard" form on the left side of 'OZ'. Original source and author is cited and credited in each post where possible. ***
Saturday, October 30, 2010
All About Farts
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent , but deadly.
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.
But not all farts are bad,
This is simply not true-
We must not forget.......
some old farts like you!
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Cemetary
When Ted was putting flowers on his Grandmother's grave he noticed a man, very distraught, in front of a tombstone several yards away. The man was on his knees, hands tightly clasped in front of him, rocking back and forth, head tilted upward to heaven, tears streaming down his cheeks, moaning softly, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" Over and over again.
Ted was overcome with emotion at this sight and went over to the poor man to try and console him. "Why did you die? Why did you die?" bellowed the man again and again. Ted gently put his arm around the man and half whispered to him, "My Grandmother is buried just over there. Is a loved one of yours buried here?"
"No," sniffled the man, "It's my wife's first husband."
SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2010
Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2010 - Police called, arrests Johnny and Mark.. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Both children go to anger management programs for 3 months. School board hold meeting to impliment bullying prevention programs.
Scenario:
Robbie won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Robbie sent to office and given 6 of the best by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2010 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and School gets extra funding from state because Robbie has a disability.
Scenario :
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2010 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.
Scenario :
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with.
2010 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario :
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from Guy Fawkes, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a bullant nest.
1957 - Ants die.
2010- State Police, Star Force, Federal Police & Anti-terrorism Squad called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, Feds investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated. Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario :
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary . Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2010 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.....
This post should be sent to everyone to show how stupid we have become!
Think about it!
*Thanks, Dwight
Thursday, October 28, 2010
How rare is your name?
Go to this web site:
http://www.howmanyofme.com
Put in your first and last name and see how many people in the USA have your name as well.
http://www.howmanyofme.com
Put in your first and last name and see how many people in the USA have your name as well.
Too bad it only shows the US. Good for my American friends!
*Thanks, Gary
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Is It Ever Okay to Make a Gay Joke?
America is having a gay moment.
From, "It Gets Better," Dan Savage's video campaign directed at gay teens in the wake of Tyler Clementi's suicide, to the ‘round-the-clock news about a California federal judge's decision to halt the enforcement of Don't Ask, Don't Tell in the military, to Justin Bieber's alleged gay taunting when playing laser tag, America is in the midst of a gay awakening of sorts.
(And that's gay, as in homosexual. Not gay, as in lame. Or gay, as in dorky.)
The flurry of gay-related news has extended to a trailer for a movie that's apparently bad enough that it's being released in the middle of January, when no one cares. The Dilemma, the Ron Howard flick starring everyone's favorite puffy-faced sex symbol Vince Vaughn, has spawned a debate about the word “gay,” and its usage in a joke.
The joke itself, since eliminated from the trailer, is pretty hapless: “Electric cars are gay. I mean not 'homosexual' gay, but 'my parents are chaperoning the dance' gay,” says Vaughn’s character. But spurred by Anderson Cooper’s appearance on Ellen a few weeks ago in which the news anchor criticized the joke, there has been a furious debate that still thrives—Sir Elton John weighed in this week to Us Weekly, siding with Cooper.
At the same time that Americans were asked to don purple to show solidarity with gay causes, and when President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton have released their own version of “It Gets Better” videos, the use of the word “gay” in a joke is getting even further scrutiny. It’s a good sign that Americans have moved beyond the simplistic fascination with sexuality. Is so-and-so coming out? has turned into, who cares? Instead, we’re having a more nuanced debate about language and its intent and power.
The question remains: When the public is talking about kids killing themselves because of their homosexuality, is it OK to make a gay joke? Was it ever OK to say, "that's so gay"?
It turns out that the Gay, Lesbian Straight Education Network was ahead of the curve when it released its ad campaign Think Before You Speak, in 2008, which featured a clip starring out-gay comic Wanda Sykes chiding a group of teenagers for using the term, “That’s so gay.”
The campaign received some notice; but in the wake of gay teen suicide awareness, the issue has touched an even more sensitive nerve.
Savage, the originator of “It Gets Better,” and the sex columnist behind Savage Love (a column that was originally called “Hey, Faggot!”) thinks that the joke is permissible, to a point.
--more--
Bert and Ernie Gay? Apparently Not
There's a sketch comedy show in Britain that sees lead actress Catherine Tate play the role of Derek Faye, a middle-aged man who lives with his mother and fumes with righteous indignation at the frequent assumptions by others that he is a homosexual.
His oft-repeated refrain: "Who dear? Me dear? Gay dear? No dear! How very dare you!" The line is delivered as he storms off with a leather clutch tucked under his arm, lips pursed, and in many cases carrying some form of subtly gay literature. (See an example on YouTube)
The insinuation is that Derek is, in fact, gay, but either won't or can't accept it publicly.
So must the producers of Sesame Street feel about Bert and Ernie, the iconic pair in matching striped outfits who have cohabitated on the children's program, sharing a bedroom, for three decades.
I watched Sesame Street every morning for years. It never occurred to me that the pair were gay. It's not a concept with which most three-year-olds are familiar.
So the current flap over a remark by "Bert" in June on Sesame Street's official Twitter page, in which he refers to his hairdo as more "mo" than "hawk," has taken me by surprise -- likely because the slang abbreviation for homosexual was new to me, and because I never spent much time assigning sexualities to characters whose heads move when they speak rather than their jaws.
One eagle-eyed blogger, however, held up the "mo" tweet as a loosely veiled official coming-out by the yellow-headed non-human, albeit in good humor.
It may have been that commentary on the AfterElton.com blog by Ed Kennedy that sparked the Los Angeles Times to research and write an in-depth look at the apparent homosexual subplot on Sesame Street.
Jarrett Barrios, head of GLAAD, the nation's biggest gay and lesbian rights group, commended Sesame Street in an interview with the LA Times.
"As more and more loving and committed gay and lesbian couples begin families, it's important that their children see representations of their families on their favorite shows," he told the paper, adding that the show, "has a long history of teaching children about diversity and acceptance, and I don't expect that our community will be left out of that education."
It was the show's official response which reminded me of Derek Faye.
"We've always reached out to a variety of actors and athletes and celebrities to appear on the show, and our programming has always appealed to adults as much as children," Sesame Workshop's VP of communications told the Times.
Ellen Lewis went on to tell the newspaper it "never crossed our minds" that Sesame Street's invitation to a number of gay celebrities to guest star this year, and an episode parodying a particular series of vampire movies popular among gay and lesbian audiences -- and then Bert's Tweet -- would be interpreted as "consciously trying to appeal to gay viewers."
Sesame Workshop insists they're not doing that... They failed to add, and "how very dare you!"
Given the backlash by powerful conservative groups against SpongeBob SquarePants' appearance in a pro-diversity video aimed at instilling a sense of tolerance in America's children, it would be difficult for Sesame Street's creators, whose show airs on publicly funded PBS, to say anything else.
Organizations like Focus on the Family and the Family Research Council (the latter of which, according to one account, has a "homosexuality detection expert" on staff), could petition their friends in Congress to cut the network's funding if Bert's Twitter innuendo were to be confirmed.
A spokesman for Focus on the Family dubbed SpongeBob's brief appearance in the 2002 "We Are Family" promotional video, "an insidious means by which the organization is manipulating and potentially brainwashing kids."
Back into the closet, Bert.
This commentary was filed by CBSNews.com's Tucker Reals in London.
*CBS NEWS
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
One Sunday Morning...
Waking Up for Church
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
"I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"
The Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. "This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."
The USHER
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please," she answered.
"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good," he answered.
Show and Tell
A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.
The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."
The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."
The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole."
0ver The Best Way To Pray
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."
The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.
"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."
"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"
"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church..."
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
Goat for Dinner
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.
"Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'"
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