Poor Dopey

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "The Seven Dwarfs," they get ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.

"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"

Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling.

Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back to face the Pope. "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."

This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry glare.

Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"

The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world. Why do you persist with this question?"

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting:

"Dopey screwed a penguin!"
"Dopey screwed a penguin!"

R.I.P. Leslie Jordan (1955 - 2022)

Comedian Leslie Jordan, most known for his roles in "Will & Grace" and "American Horror Story," died on Monday at age 67. Jordan's partner and a representative confirmed his death to CBS News.

Jordan appeared to be involved in a car crash in Los Angeles on Monday involving a BMW; photographs showed a vehicle having crashed into the side of a building. According to DMV records, the vehicle involved in the crash was leased to Jordan.

Law enforcement set up a white tent at the crash site and said the driver died at the scene.

The Wizard needs a Tylenol!

 

Camping

Two Old Newfies go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer.
 
After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener.
 
The first Newfie turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."
 
"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."
 
"I promise I won't," says the Newfie. "Just hurry!"
 
Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second Newfie. Exasperated and starving, the first Newfie digs into the sandwiches.
 
Suddenly, the second Newfie pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it! I'm not friggin' going!!!!"

Walk on water

All of his life Garge from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great- grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when Garge's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Garge stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Garge went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into Garge's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in July.

My Goldfish Died

Little Amber was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence, interested in what the cheeky faced youngster was doing.

He politely asked, "What are you up to there, Amber?"

"My goldfish died," replied Amber tearfully, without looking up, "And I've just buried him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?'

Amber patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your f..cking cat."

The Importance of using Blueprints for a Prison Break!

 

Never... Ever... Fart In A Wetsuit!

 

Angry Alien Shorts

 

  Click above

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT NEWFOUNDLAND CANADA & THE NEWFIES!!!

If you're a Newfie,you should be proud! Here are a few  tidbits of information that you may have never known before:

THEY WERE......


The first province to respond to the Titanic distress signal.
The first to vaccinate for smallpox
The first to host a transatlantic flight.
The first to have wireless communication in the world.
The first place to discover proof of the theory of continental drift.


THEY HAVE......


The oldest street in North America.
The oldest city in North America.
The oldest rock in the world.
The oldest continuous sporting event.(Regatta Day rules!)
The largest university in Atlantic Canada.
The most pubs per square foot in Canada.(George Street.. St. John's)
The longest running radio program in North America.
Caught the world's largest invertebrate. (giant squid)


THEY ARE......


The funniest people in Canada. (ask anybody)
The only province that has four identifiable flags.
The only province able to land the space shuttle. (Stephenville)
The most giving people in Canada (Stats Canada)


A NEWFOUNDLANDER......


Built the world's first artificial ice arena.
Invented the gas mask.
Was once governor of northern Rhodesia.
Was with Abraham Lincoln at Gettysburg.

WE ARE THE ONLY PROVINCE TO HAVE ITS OWN........


Encyclopedia.
Dictionary.
Pony.
Dogs.
Cultural publication.

By reading this,you now know more about Newfoundland than well, almost everyone!!

Send this post along to all your friends and let them know what a great place this "Rock" really is!!

BY God it'd be great to be a Newfoundlander!

Hand Puppets

 

Two Minute Management Course

 

Lesson One:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit on my ass like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:
To be sitting on your ass and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson Two:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my manure droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of manure, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Three:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

"A Very Prairie Christmas" - with Jeffery Straker

While The Wizard is disappointed that Jeffery's "A Very Prairie Christmas" won't be coming to Saskatoon this year, He is performing the concert in Regina and a couple of lucky Saskatchewan towns. His Christmas concert includes several Christmas classics as well as some his own music sprinkled throughout the evening (assuming he follows the same format as the last few years...)

From Jeffery's media page:

Jeffery Straker - Saskatchewan singer, songwriter and pianist

My "Very Prairie Christmas" show is coming back to stages this Christmas - only in Saskatchewan (though I still dream of taking it further across Canada in future years).  Songs include classic holiday favourites & some of my own Christmas tunes + a few originals to round it out.  Tickets are on sale for 4 shows & there might be a few more added next week.

Some of his shows. Click the link on the bottom of this post to see all dates and but tickets:

Dec 2 Biggar SK   TICKETS
Dec 3 Wynyard SK  TICKETS
Dec 10 Casino Regina*  TICKETS
Dec 11 Casino Regina*  TICKETS

* Casino Regina shows feature the full 10 piece band with special guests to be announced soon! 

The Wizard is thinking about making the trip to Regina to catch this concert. My partner and I have seen the concert the last 2 years. Really don't want to miss this.  I will update this post as Jeffery adds new locations for this wonderful Christmastime concert. Maybe, just maybe Jeffery will add Saskatoon as a whistle stop to his Christmas tour! Jeffery has added Saskatoon on Dec 15th! Click here to buy tickets.

Basic Driving Rules

  1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic.

9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

11 It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

12. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

13. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

14. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

15. Real women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 130 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

16. Real men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 130 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

18. There is a common held belief that highspeed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front. This is true.

19. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because they have brakes.

20. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street.

21. It's O.K when driving in suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one or two finger salute" while screaming out "fargen ass____e". But it is imperative you are driving a turbo charged V6 or a 5 litre V8, with a crow bar in your lap.

An Old Lady Joke...

There was a little old lady, who every morning stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!"

One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He  became irritated at the little old lady.  Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her  and yell: "THERE IS NO LORD!"

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way  every day.  One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old  lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: "PRAISE  THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am  starving, provide for me, oh Lord!

The next morning she stepped onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.  "PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!"

The atheist neighbour jumped out of the hedges and  shouted: "THERE IS NO LORD. I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and  shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM"

"Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline."

 

Mona after 2 weeks in USA

What happens if a frustrated Russia uses nukes to wipe Ukraine off the face of the Earth?

By Andy Kotlarz, Amateur Putinologist (1905–present) Something interesting happened after Putin was threatening to use nukes a couple of months back. Or, more to the point, what’s interesting is what didn’t happen - Putin stopped threatening to use his nukes. Now, why would that be?

You see, when a leader threatens to use nukes, the first thing that needs to take place, is that all the launch systems need to be checked. There are specific test protocols that need to be performed to ensure everything works as it should.

Now, what follows is pure conjecture - nothing more than a theory. You decide whether it’s plausible, or not.

When the Nuclear Strategic Arm of the Russian forces started the test protocols on their nuclear missiles what occurred scared all of them fucking shitless. The nuclear warheads armed themselves, and threatened to detonate in their silos. Only some brilliant action by technicians who managed to disarm the nukes before they went off. This left Russians afraid of their own weapons, and fearful of trying to launch them.

Remember Stuxnet? This is the computer worm, allegedly developed by Israel and the USA, that infected the Iranian uranium enrichment control systems and destroyed their uranium centrifuges.

Do you imagine that the USA could resist trying the same game with the Russian nuclear deterrent?

It wouldn’t have been that difficult.

Since the collapse of the Soviet Empire, the Russian military-industrial complex went into steep decline. Their R&D institutes were starved of funds, which were diverted into secret bank accounts, or used for the purchase of super-yachts. The answer - the alternative to home-grown technology - was to purchase western technology. It was cheap, and readily available.

And so the 1960’s and 1970’s vintage missile command and control systems were replaced with western digital technology. Most likely of Windows XP vintage. Where the hacks and back doors are well known. Easy meat for the CIA.

So, when the Russian Nuclear Strategic Arm technicians started their launch test protocols something truly horrible happened. OK - so they found the virus and fixed it.

But this left them with a frightening dilemma - was this the bug that they were supposed to find?

And Putin has been kind of quiet with his nuclear threats recently.

Did You Know?

 

From The Emerald City

   

My Dear 'OZ'ians,

As you know, The Wizard makes no money from 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow. I have strived to keep those annoying ads off my blog. I do qualify for Google Ads but they are too visible and mess up my blog design.  I do promote things from time to time, but those are my endorsements, and again, I am not being paid to post them.

I am seeking donations to help me offset the costs of hosting web pages, pictures and other costs associated with my blog. It costs me about $400/ year to support 'OZ'. If you feel that 'OZ' - The 'Other' Side of the Rainbow is worth it, I would appreciate if you could donate some money to help me offset the costs and continue to post on the blog. Every dollar helps!

You can send your donation via e-transfer to my email address:

The_Wizard@othersideoz.ca

I have also setup a GoFundMe page if you would like to donate there. Click here.

Thanks so much for considering a donation!

If you decide not to donate, let me know if you would like your web page link posted on 'OZ'. If I post a link for you, I would appreciate you linking to my blog. Beneficial for both of us!

The PayPal donation page is now closed. Thanks for the donations!

Send your questions to The Wizard of 'OZ' by clicking here.

The Wizard

From The Emerald City - The future of the monarchy

My Dear 'OZ'ians,

I have been thinking - and you KNOW what that means, LOL!  I have been wondering for some time of the relevancy of the monarchy in Canada and as well, even in Great Britain.

Previous queen aside, who was reigning queen for so long she grew on everyone. This, despite the fact that the monarchy has been involved in many horrific things and brought many an ill to a great many of people, slavery, ethnic cleansing and more in its quest to rule.

We can no longer see that the current Royal family, Her Late Majesty Queen Elizabeth ll, included, are/were guilty of this kind of acts of aggression on their fellow man -- I mean its hard to remember they were involved in such sadistic activities in the past when for the last 70 years they were run by a grand Mama, after all. Harry and Meghan leaving the Royal family and all it stands for as a sign of the times. Yet William and Kate are ready to step up and continue the Royal tradition. I doubt that William knows/remembers all the atrocities committed by the monarchy over the years -- that their ancestors committed these horrific acts. He needs to do some studying and when he ascends to the throne, to take what he has learned and atone for the sins of his family, no matter how far back that goes.

I believe that history will record that His Majesty King Charles lll will be a relatively short link between the late queen and the crowning of William as king. So he really won't accomplish much in modernizing the monarchy. And William, he owes us that much if he wants to remain king of the dwindling Commonwealth countries or the Monarchy may fade rapidly into non-existence.

Send your questions to The Wizard of 'OZ' by clicking here.

The Wizard